A Lady's Journey to Life: What was my backchat about tonight? Day 424

About Being controlled through the implications of the words being used.

Creating anger towards him based on believing this statement is true that I am being controlled.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the back chat I created of assuming the words being used was based and implied to show control over me and form me into someone that I am not in awareness directing as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can be controlled.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to control others and desire to control others to get what I want out of the situation and have my will be dominate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to control others for my own self interest and exist within the point of not wanting to form agreements and find solutions because I want to win as I am being driven by ego and competition.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within competition and so exist within self compromise because I realize I am only competing with myself and so fighting against myself as life here is all me. I must will solutions for them to be for real for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that who I am is someone who exist within an absolute knowledge of who I am and that I don’t need to or want to listen to anyone else telling me either in reaction or in real introspection who I am within what I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the information based on the one giving the information as I have judged them within it and so skewed the whole point being presented instead of a learning process and an opportunity to expand myself to then go into my mind and reacting and feed energy as anger and frustration towards others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take it personal that I being told what to do and given directions within being informed within it of what is happening and what is being done and so within this go into an energy of ‘f that’ and not wanting to cooperate or find solutions with others in my reality, and stop separating myself and causing abuse, and breath, look again, see what all the options are, and create a path as a solution that will support all involved as I realize, see, and understand that this option is here and I can decide to live it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into ego and self interest where I want to win and be right and compete with this being and not become humble and let go of these desires to fight and compete, and so miss the opportunity to create the path for peaceful resolutions that are available if I but walk it into reality and stop my mind from reacting and going into alternate realities as imagination, backchat, and projected play outs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk self forgiveness on the point and not implement the forgiveness realization within the next breaths I took and so create a passive aggression within the forgiveness I am speaking which is only diminishing myself and so creating the diminishment of my reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage my reality within who I have become as my living action and so create abuse rather then slowing down and finding the solutions that will support growth and intimacy with others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not desire to get close to others and develop intimacy because I am afraid of being hurt and so will fight and disagree within this desire to not have to face this fear with others of being hurt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept fear as my reality instead of standing up within and determining myself within my own self will to stand as integrity lived and stop the emotions though embracing them and moving them through me as I see they no longer serve me, and walk the stability of being here, and the solutions that will open up as I see more of what here is as the distractions of energy as emotions has been released.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to stop energy and let go of my ego because I have become safe within it and determined who I am as it, and this comfort I do not want to give up, but I realize, and see, and understand that this comfort is not real comfort as it’s only based on stagnation and abuse as separation with others as I become isolated and shut myself off from others to not have to face this discomfort that is happening when I move beyond my fear and face my reality I have created and so this comfort is actually not real because it never leads to lasting comfort as stability within self.

When and as I see I am going into my backchat and starting to critic and think about others in blame, I stop and breath, and realize that this is only going to cause the self diminishment of me and stop the process of self expansion within my reality and intimacy with others that I can create as solution process that will be opening up if I just stop energy and walk with others in humbleness.

I commit myself to stop going into backchat through breath and embracing myself as it and releasing it as I realize it is not who I am, I do not define myself as this any more, and let it go.

I commit myself to breath until I am stable and then walk self forgiveness on the points I see I wanted to blame others or compromise myself with in separation to my world.

I commit myself to let go of judgments of others as I realize this is only judging and condemning myself.

I commit myself to in all it’s forms breath and find solutions that will support life and what is best for all through humbleness process of releasing my ego through self forgiveness and breathing and self correction, and walking this correction as solutions with others in my world and reality to create a better world.