My Journey to Life: judgement

Showing posts with label judgement. Show all posts

Saturday, June 13, 2015

Impatiences: Enough is Enough, Steps to Change - Day 464

When I first wake up in the morning, this is a exceptional time to direct myself within the day I will live moving forward, I tend to go into my mind in these times and judge myself, especially when I am in the mirror getting ready. I find this will then lead into my day where I will go into my mind and create scenarios about others and how they are treating me, distracting myself from how I am in fact creating what I am experiencing and so then not taking responsibility for myself to change, which causes this scenario to continue to occur over and over again.

One of the outflow consequences of this I am experiencing within myself and within my world is impatience’s. I am quite astonished at how repetitive my world is and how much I go into blame and distraction toward others, when I have not once until recently looked within myself, taken responsibility for myself, and so change and correct that which does not work. I also find that this impatience towards others creates a lot of strain within the relationships I am involved in which causes stress and anxiety, so allowing this to continue and perpetuate is causing unnecessary strain within myself and so within those I am causing consequence with.

I am going to write out the self forgiveness and self correction here to let go of the scenario I wrote out about, and correct this point to be best for myself and so best for those whom I interact with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in the mornings when I wake up go into my mind and criticize the way I look and compare myself to pictures in my mind of what I should look like.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself in a way that separates me from the existence that is here where we all exist in a form of individuality through our physical though exist as life one and equal within all as the physical that exists within all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow my mind within the belief that I am not attractive and that I have no purpose if I am not perfect within the way I look toward others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as unattractive because I have judged my eyes and my face based on memories of boys judging my eyes and face specifically as less then.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself based on memories in my mind through a time within my life where it is not certain what were the specific events and what the boys where going through within themselves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself by external factors where I see myself in a specific way according to what is being done onto me or said onto me, when in reality I am not clear in what is behind what is being said and why as well as can’t really know directly why it is being done to me, and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself by others and who they are at that time as I see, realize, and understand that others are also walking their process as a mind and don’t consider me as an equal and so can harm me or speak to me in ways that are not best for all and I realize this is not who they are nor myself, and with this awareness I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall into the energy of emotions and not stand as a support for others to show as an example what it means to stand through emotion and stand as a life support through not accepting what others say or do and so direct self within how one see is best for all and will create a solution for what is happening.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into emotion rather then stand within the principle of what is best and walking what is here as self support and self honesty, correcting that which is not best, and standing within the resistance to continue as it is comfortable to stay in and as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall into emotion and not breath and move through this find solutions for these moments where I stand in the face of challenges and find solutions as I see, realize, and understand I am capable as I am able to walk common sense through stopping the mind from moving fast and falling into the energy that will create distractions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for when I see, realize, and understand I am not standing within my utmost potential and push myself beyond my perceived limitations to walk what is necessary to be walked in the time to come.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take full responsibility for what I have created here and so blame others and become emotional with others to distract from the fact that I am not standing and moving myself in the way I realize I am able to.

When and as I see I am moving in the morning within a suppression and an energy of self abuse, I stop and breath, and let go of these thoughts by doing self forgiveness and self commitments as I realize these will only create a heaviness within me and a point of self compromise as I accept these thoughts as real and so direct myself from my mind rather then my self living here in self acceptance and self direction in self honesty and common sense.

When and as I see I am going into a point where I am blaming another for something that I am experiencing within myself, I stop and breath, and realize that I am not taking responsibility in that moment to stop what I am creating as separation and abuse, and find the correction process to move into a point of self stability as well as self change that brings about solutions that is best for all.

I commit myself to in the mornings when I wake up, breath and breath until I am here and walk self forgiveness for any points that are cycling.

I commit myself to accept myself in the mirror and do any self forgiveness to any memories or pictures that come up to distract me and take me away from here.

I commit myself to move into self acceptance as well as accepting others for how they are and find solutions that are best in the moment to solve issues rather then reacting and creating emotional issues with others.

I commit myself to apply myself in real time self change to become stable in moments that I see I have a choice to go into the mind or be stable, I commit and move into stability in these moments through pushing myself to be stable and using the tools of self change to remain here, present, and creating solutions for what is here to do what is best for all.

Interview to check out on the topic of impatience:
Impatience - Reptilians - Part 225

Check Out these Awesome supportive sites:
Desteni I Process Lite - Free Course to Start your Journey to Life
Journey to Life Group - On Facebook
Desteni Wiki - For All Things Desteni Related
Desteni Forum - Share your Self with Other Destonians
Destonian Social Network
Self and Living Store
Eqafe - Self Perfection Support
Equal Life Foundation - Site

Monday, June 1, 2015

Impatience: How does Self Abuse Relate? Day 463

Impatience for me has been something that has been with me for a long time, I have always been frustrated with this point within myself and with my life because it seems that there is something off about why I am experiencing myself in such a way and why my reality is also experiencing themselves in this way. Obviously now, I realize it is based on the mind generating energy, though when I was young, I expressed the frustration usually in yelling or violence. I did not realize that stopping my thoughts about something willingly also support with stopping the emotions like impatience, and so makes me more stable and able to solve problems productively rather then creating more and more conflict. This understanding certainly supports with the process of changing this point from controlling me to directing me within it.

I listened to Anu tonight in regards to this point, so I do have some greater perspective on what impatience means within the mind/physical/beingness relationship inside self, so that is a cool foundation point, which I will continue to utilize as I continue to walk this point with more depth and specificity. This a side note : )

So in terms of this interview, what was discussed is how impatience is a form of automation within us that was preprogrammed into the mind to create a separation from self and the physical. So within myself what am I doing in my day to day living that is causing this separation between what I am living here and when I go into impatient? One point I was looking at was the trigger points of some of this impatient reactions I go into with my partner or with people at work, and I see initially there is a thought that comes up that I judge myself, such as I look ugly today or I am not feeling pretty, because in the morning I had a thought that I was looking tired. From here, I came into work with this thought and so when someone would create a movement that I perceived that they were judging me I would go into my mind and react, and then create an impatience with that person not because of anything they did, but because I wanted to distract myself from the fact that I am feeling uncomfortable around them based on my perception of feeling like I am being judged.

When in reality, I judged myself initially in the beginning of the day and created the experience that others are judging me, and then go into a reaction of impatience and create abuse as my outflow with people, when what really happened is that I reacted to my own judgment in the morning, which trigger my experience for the day that I followed of ‘feeling tired, and so ugly’. I am creating this whole scenario myself and blaming/projecting on others something that they are not doing and further, I have no reference to where they are at within themselves. And so creating this scernerio of becoming impatient, annoyed, and the outflow usually quick, frustrated, or rude to others is deliberate and unacceptable as I creating it this way when it doesn’t have to be.

So I am noticing that my outflows of impatience in one dimension is based on self judgments I hold of myself such as ‘I am ugly today’ as a backchat thought, and then any sign of being dismissed or any negative perception I accept within myself of what others are doing/insinuating/saying to me, I use impatience as a defense and protection mechanism to push people away and become the authority of the situation. Here I have power and I squash others before they have the chance to judge me as how I have judge myself, I am afraid of being judged as how I have judged myself. It’s a self perpetuating cycle of self abuse I am creating and so abusing others around me because I am judging myself initially, blaming others for the way I am experiencing myself around them, and then abusing them because I am afraid to face the fact that I am doing this to myself, and so ultimately resisting the change process this will take to stop and live as an equal with others, let go of my self judgments, and stop allowing this cycle of energy addiction to continue.

Well not any longer will I accept and allow this playout to continue, I am going to next write the self forgiveness and correction process to be lived in my next blog and then further open up more dimensions to this point of impatience in later blogs, thanks for reading.

Interview to check out on the topic of impatience:

Impatience - Reptilians - Part 225

Check Out these Awesome supportive sites:
Desteni I Process Lite - Free Course to Start your Journey to Life
Journey to Life Group - On Facebook
Desteni Wiki - For All Things Desteni Related
Desteni Forum - Share your Self with Other Destonians
Destonian Social Network
Self and Living Store
Eqafe - Self Perfection Support
Equal Life Foundation - Site

Sunday, October 26, 2014

Moving Beyond Limitations – Talking to Strangers - Day 432

Photo Source

So this past week I was in a situation where I was forced to push through my limitations, this for all intense and purposes is a very cool experience and one I welcome as it births growth of self. This experience I was having to directly speak to people I had never seen or spoken to before about a business venture that I am currently pursuing. For me speaking to people face to face has always been something I avoided especially people I did not know. I experience within myself anxiety, fears, and also memories of being embarrassed in the past of moments where it didn’t go as expected. So as I approached this event, my mind started to bring up these very familiar emotions along with the thoughts and memories of failure and dread and what ifs, so this all comes up as the event draws closer. In the past, I would always find distractions or simply would not put myself out there because at that time I had no tools to support me to move beyond these very intense and uncomfortable emotional experiences going on inside of me, I just allowed these thoughts and emotions to overwhelm me. When I did face these situations of having to speak and direct conversations into a specific way, I would get overwhelmed and allow the experience to overwhelm me and perform less then ideally, where I would never go beyond my limitations, but inevitably compromise my true potential.

Here I will start with self forgiveness and self correction statements on some points that came up through the two day event that I say was part of this ‘self-compromise’ character I go into, so I can find the ways where I can support myself in those moments, and change to be the best potential I can be. Because why not? I realize that there is no one stopping me, but myself, and I have the drive to succeed and become the true potential that I am capable of.

There was one moment where a person compared me to my partner and not in words, but in my interpretation of what he was saying. I interpreted it as him saying that I was not worth being teamed up with because I was not doing well within my sales pitch. Now, this is the way in which I interpreted his words, his gestures, his physical presence, and many other subtle factors, but this is not in fact what actually was going on as I don’t know what he meant by his words. I never asked directly to know and I also never introspected the moment to see where I compromised myself or sabotaged myself. As it’s important to remember and focus on for myself when pushing through limitations is that no one outside of you can define you and/or has power over you, you are the direct principle within yourself, and so any point that doesn’t go well or you preform less then ideal, you can remediate this through writing for instance, and find the correction to walk in future moments with. This for me is key to understand and implement into my living, as I would have used this moment of interpretation to sabotage myself and not approach others due to fear of the same experience happening again. This I did not do, but before I go there I will walk the self forgiveness and self correction to this point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a belief about myself through another persons gestures, communication style, eye movements, and judgments I have made that I am being seen as not as important or good as another person I am working with and so judge myself as less then others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through external factors direct my living into self compromise by myself creating a judgment that I am less then others, when I realize, see, and understand that the external does not define me nor does it create who I am, I do this within my own living and what I do in these moments.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe my mind when I see it within me saying that I am being judged as inferior and being seen as not worth being within in terms of being part of a team.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my own fears and judgments against myself onto the external world in where I can abdicate responsibility to change and blame it on this man who I interpreted as judging me in this way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate responsibility to my own judgments and my own thoughts and blame it on external factors based on the idea that I am not strong enough to change and that I will fail.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a belief of myself that I am not strong enough to face my mind within my judgments of myself and that I will fail at attempts to change myself in my living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and inferiorize myself with others and make my living be in accordance with what my mind is doing within each moment instead of stopping my mind in the moment, and directing myself within common sense and self honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to others within the event and see myself as doing not as well as others, and believing this is showing that I am not as good as others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create these thoughts within myself that I am not as good as others based on a in the moment judgment of myself not taking into consideration the context of the situation and that each one is in their own process walking themselves into stability, and this walk is different for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise the rest of that day’s event where I was in my mind judging myself and projecting anger and blame to this man, when within myself I could have taken responsibility, changed myself in the moment, and walked the tools that were necessary in self honesty to be change my living to be best for me and best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in the mind in that day’s event and miss opportunities to move myself here in the moment into real time self change.

When and as I see I am going into my backchat and judging myself about who I am in that moment in a specific situation, I stop and breath, and realize that these judgments and backchat thoughts will come out as projections and blame in my physical reality, and so compromise my living and who I can be with others to be less then my utmost potential.

So I commit myself to in the moment I see I am going into backchat thoughts of judgment towards myself or others, I stop and change in the moment to be physical and write on the point as soon as I am able to to direct the point and ground it into change for myself.

I commit myself to stop the judgments of myself in my mind before a big event and correct myself into grounding myself through breathing and self forgiveness and self correction.

I commit myself to stop comparing myself with others in the moment and find where I can learn from others.

I commit myself to breath and move myself in the moment in a way that pushes my self expression here as I breath with no thoughts.

I commit to stop my thoughts and judgments, and accept all as myself and walk what is best for all.

I will continue on with my realizations and writing on this work event in my next blog, thanks for reading.