21 Day Self Forgiveness Challenge – The Bully – Day 514

Day 1 -

I have had this pain in my head in the back, I looked at it within myself and I saw that it was based on fear, I asked another for some more specific support who is skilled in muscle communication, and she shared that it was in relation to fear of being laughed at or mocked. I have had experience with this in my past and so I know of what this feels like and within me I understand why this fear exists cause I have not as of yet forgiven myself for these moments and forgiven others.

So here I walk the necessary forgiveness to release myself from this fear and thus be able to walk with all walks of life equal and one to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being mocked or laughed at because within myself I have related that to have a fatal flaw and thus my survival is at stack in this life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself based on my external reality and thus be moved by either a positive drive or negative one such as fear if and when someone acts in a specific way toward me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the external world such as people because I have accepted and allowed myself to make them more powerful then me and thus allow and accept myself to live and be defined by how I am spoken to, what gestures and movements are made, and how I am treated in any given moment to understand who I am in these moments and thus move myself depending on what is done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place value judgments on others in my reality as positive such as that person is ‘nice’ ‘good’ ‘I like’ ‘I love’ ‘they are awesome’ ‘they are so sweet’ if the person sends my way words filled with a message that gives me feelings that are warm and comforting within my body, and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be moved and defined by energy movements within me based on what happens around me instead of me directing myself within and as myself and thus within my world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place value judgments on negative actions happening in my reality such as I am called names or told within what I do is not good or belittling me and thus become reactive and defensively in blame toward the other for making me feel less then when I see, realize, and understand that this is what I have done to myself by accepting and allowing others to define me within my own self living and my own physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put my trust of who I am out there onto my reality instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding that this is not how I have to live, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take responsibility for my own thoughts, words, and deeds within myself and move myself into my own awareness of what is here within what I have lived, what I have understood, what I have proven to myself, and how I live in principles in support and assistance to a world that is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed trigger words and energy as fear attached to these trigger words make me fall and react when faced with them instead of realizing and understanding that these words do not define me and thus I do not have to accept them as so.

When and as I see I am reacting to another’s words based on fear of being mocked or laughed at, I stop and breath, and realize I am the one who directs and defines myself, I realize I am here, I have changed and lived change for myself, I have transcended myself into a person I am proud of at this moment, and I am continuing to move myself into my highest potential.

I commit myself to trust that I am able to stand and move into responsibility in the moment the energy comes by a decision and breath.

I commit myself to stand through the storm until the calm and support always with solutions forward.

I commit myself to understand the other throwing words of abuse and realize I am not what is being said as I define myself.

I commit myself to stop abusing myself in my own mind by walking and living the words self acceptance as I stand in stability in my physical body in the principles of what is best for all.

I commit myself to live examples of support and stop all abuse and fighting til here no further.

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Why Am I Continuing to Fall – Day 498

Recently a point came up about an addiction that I have been transcending and within it I fell. What I realized within this fall was how I up until the point of actually doing the action that caused me to fall I was in a point of ignorance, like ‘I know I shouldn’t be doing this, I know there will be consequences for doing this action, I know I will be harming others if I do this”, though I still did it, even though I realized that it is not best for all. So after this event happened I listened to the new kryon interview – Rest and the Physical - Kryon: My Existential History, where he spoke about sleep and how the body does not need rest. How we within our physical bodies could live significantly longer then we are currently living. How we are in fact devolving each decade, each year, each day, each breath, and when he finished discussing this point I reflected on myself, and saw that very day I decided to go into ignorance and fulfill my mind desire, my need, my instant gratification, rather then stopping myself in principles that I have committed to live in what is best for all.

So my blog today is about what is it within my decision to fall even though I know it’ll be self compromising, why I did it anyway. What I found initally was a spitefulness, that because of my life circumstances I am afraid to take on inevitably the horror that I as a being have particpated within. The act of not living my highest potential is a measure in reality that is created, now because of spite and ignorance, I am accepting and allowing myself to give up and give in to challanges that arise and so compromise my self standing. I have committed myself to stand always despite falls, set backs, miss-takes, and abdication of my responsibility, I will stand up again and move myself to the inevitable correction to align myself with what is best for all.

So within this fall, there are two basic options I can walk and we all can walk for that matter, in a day, in our lives, is to stay in the fall experience of self pity, self anger, resentment, and blame or we can take self responsibility, learn from the fall, and use what I learned to change myself to be better equipped for the next time to stand, to stop the self compromise, to stop the projection and blame onto the outer reality, and to realize that everything that is in fact happening in MY life is MY creation.

This is one of the realization that came up for me within this point, is that I am the creator of my life, I decide whether I fall on a point or whether I stand within it and move into the correction to live what is best for all. There is no one outside of myself that is able to walk this decision and action, there is support yes, though in this journey of birthing life from the physical I am alone in this decision. I decided for myself who I will be and so within this I am the creator of my eventual desteni that’ll play out. What I walk in this life, each and every moment will accumulate to the final point of either death or birthing into life. This is the reality of each one in this life and the more that is given the more responsibility one takes on.

So from this fall, I take it as an opportunity to learn and understand where I stand within myself. How within this learning opportunity I need to change and move into a position where I can stand through the programs of the mind that played out for me to eventually fall on my commitments. Walking moment to moment I found, this journey is more manageable, to in each moment walk what is best for all this through breath awareness, this is also a process to get to this point, though in breath, here in our physical bodies, is where this life is able to be lived/walked in what is best. So a goal set forth to focus on or live is instead of having too much to consider in many moments as I decide to act on something, bring those many moments down to the small, walking and living moment to moment walking what is best in each moment that is here. (I will also write blogs on redefining the word here, moment to moment, breath, so it’s more clear on how to live this in physical reality)

This is what I found most important is to realize that I am responsible for not only myself, but for all here, I am walking for those who are not able to, for those who are starving, for those who are hurt and abused, for those who are silenced due to oppression, for those who have no voice, and also for those who are so lost in there minds that they can not see what is best for all. We, each and everyone of us, are walking a process of living what is best for all, this process though I have realized is determined and defined by self, and as was mentioned in Kryon’s interview today, there is a time stamp, life itself is showing within the aging process that we are devolving, we are not living and aligning with life, and so we are in essence dying which is obviously life extinguished. Life never dies to be clear, though the mind does, the mind is energy and this energy is based from the physical substance of the physical body, it’s parasitic in nature and so it eats the physical body until we die and the physical substance as our body repels the mind, the mind ceases to exist and physical substance goes back to it’s source, the earth, dust to dust. There have been hundreds of interviews on the life processes of human beings and what happens at death, here is a series specifically on this, the life reviews of those who die and processes that happen at death.

What I have realized within this fall for myself is that within my every day life, I have to live the words assertive, self trust, self honesty, and self creation to be able to in the moments I want to give into the justification, excuses, breaks, and really bullshit to live these words and push through my resistances and that I have to in real time move myself physically in these moments. These little moments of thoughts such as ‘it’s ok if I just indulge for one day’, ‘it’s ok if I take a break for one hour’, ‘it’s ok if I judge and ridicule in my mind for this one time cause it’s not that big of a deal, they can’t see, no one can see but me’, though these little moments eventually accumulate into physical action where I go into a decision in the physical to compromise myself, my commitments that I have made, and so compromise the whole process of birthing life from the physical. If I did act in a way that is best for all in that moment, I would not have wasted this time now of two days where I could be walking in ways that is best.

So there is purpose to falls they are neither good nor bad, but a opportunity to show you to you and how you have created yourself, what within this fall I have just lived, where I need to stand more, where I need to assert my directive will more, what I need to change and push within my skill set to be able to counteract my desire to resist, it is a learning experience if I walk it into a completion. Falls in process require self honesty, this is an act of self will and who one is within this process of a fall. This is all up to me, though the seriousness of what I am walking I am realizing more and more, we are not just walking this for ourselves, we are walking the process of birthing life from the physical for all beings that are here living, this is the desteni of this earth, I decide who I am and this effects the all cause we are all interconnected, everything is one and equal here in this physical reality.

I will continue with self forgiveness and self commitments in my next blog to further move into the correction process that is needed to stand within moments of self compromise.

Thank you for reading. 

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Assertive - Redefining this Word to Live - Day 497

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Assertive is not something I would describe myself as within how I operate in social settings, I am quite shy usually and it'll take a push for me to become more outgoing and assertive in my words and actions. Though, personally I am assertive within myself based on a relative understanding of being truthful and honoring this within myself, and what fruits this brings when it is applied in an honest application. I enjoyed in the past and still do the consequences this brings in my life and self understanding, and usually I regret if I do something that was not supporting a truthful outcome. So I always had a personal understanding of doing the ‘right’ thing or allowing this truth within me be a focus throughout my life. The part that I couldn’t quite align with is the social world where I became limited by past memories of being bullied and events that caused hardship on my mind. I did have many fun/enjoyable times, though what always seemed to stand out the most is the negative and bad times.

So the way I identify with this word is that I personally am assertive within myself in my path to living my truth, but in the external world I am imbalanced within this point as I suppress my expression a lot and feel insecure in front of people mostly. Though through walking the desteni i process and living words redefinition process I am becoming more and more strong in my stand of who I am and find more stability within myself to live this word assertive.

Defintion:
Assertive - 1560s, "declaratory, positive, full of assertion," from assert + -ive. Meaning "insisting on one's rights" is short for self-assertive(1865).

Assertive word play:
Assist – directive
Assert – directive

So within looking at the word definition and the word play, I see that there is an active assertion or declaration of self’s direction within the moment or within what self is living. So within this assertiveness is self movement in one’s self truth. Here I can see it as a point of moving from being laid back or not moving self to in the moment moving self to walk one’s truth where in a moment before I would hold myself back due to fear. So it’s in a way recognizing one’s self truth and expressing that through the layers of the mind as limitations that is pushing the resistence in self to remain quiet, remain limited, remain enslaved so I am controlled and can’t change myself. This action of moving through the mind into self expression is asserting oneself in the physical in the moment. I can walk this in moments where I see I want to hold back, I look within myself and see if I am clear and if I have something to share/express I assert myself to do so moving through any mind resistances and living/expressing my truth as who I am in that moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold myself back in self expression due to the fear of being judged/ridiculed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach expressing myself with ridicule and humiliation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold back in moments due to fear within my words being wrong or not agreeable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit my expression due to my mind saying no instead of moving into the physical and seeing what is real.

I commit myself to move through the mind layers of energy/fear and move into an assertive looking of myself in the moment to express if it is there.

I commit myself to assert myself if I am aligned with truth within myself and walking self honest and what is best.

I commit myself to stop fear with moving into assertiveness and correcting myself as I find I am not aligned with what is best and always stand.

Check out more support at:
Desteni I Process Lite - Free Course to Start your Journey to Life
Journey to Life Group - On Facebook
Desteni Wiki - For All Things Desteni Related
Desteni Forum - Share your Self with Others Walking This Process
Destonian Social Network
Self and Living Store
Eqafe - Self Perfection Support
Equal Life Foundation - Site