Motherly Care – Becoming Unconditional – Day 406

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a relationship in my mind with henri within a desire to fulfill my role as a mother taking care of her child.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a relationship with henri where I desire to take care of him within the anticipation that he will give me admiration and affection for the care I give him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create conditions within our expression in reality based on my self interest and not considering henri as an equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a judgment towards the way in which I see my relationship with my dog as too attached.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for my behavior towards henri instead of realizing that it does not define me as I can see, understand, and realize the change that is necessary to align the relationship with henri as equals is within my will to direct myself in self honesty and common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when I care for henri he will give me an energetic high of appreciation and affection within his expression of unconditional giving.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use herni’s unconditional giving of himself in his expression as a means for me to gain an energetic high through the creation of the idea I have superimposed onto him that he loves me and see’s me as his favorite.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to superimpose my mind onto reality as my expression towards henri and so create a limited verion of who I am with him based on a need/dependency on him to fulfill this need.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a possessive relationship towards henri based on this desire for the energetic high of affection and so create a  dependency within our living in reality together where I am living from a mind reality of the past as an expectation instead of being here with him in self expression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an expectation of how reality should be with henri and so limit our expressions within who we can be in each moment to an energetic experience I am desiring and trying to reach and so not being here within what can be created.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become jealous when henri gives his unconditional expression to others and I do not achieve the desired expectation of his affection and admiration.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a relationship of dependency to henri based on accepting and allowing my mind to create expectations of how henri should be towards me and desire a certain outcome limiting the moment of creation that is indeed here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my mind to direct me into possession and dependency towards henri based on my addiction to the energetic high of admiration and affection and so limit the creation process of expression that exist in each here moment as we live together.

When and as I see I am living in a way with henri that is based on an expectation and desire and so become possessive based with how henri should behave towards me, I stop and breath, and realize that this will compromise my expression in physical reality with henri and compromise our relationship together as equals and so realize that the creation process will open up through being truly unconditional in our expressions in breath.

I commit myself to let go of the desire and need how how henri should behave and act towards me.

I commit to see henri within a stand as an equal being in my reality with equal respect and honor as I would want for myself.

I commit myself to unconditional express myself with henri within a common sense assessment of reality and what is needed for our practical living and well being as well as enjoyment.

I commit to put myself in the shoes of others in my physical reality and assess in breath who I would like to be as an equal and so express this an unconditional living.

Eqafe interview support I recommend:
Parenting - Perfecting the Human Race
How to Give Unconditionally in Your Relationship - The Metaphysical Secrets of Imagination - Part 25
Give and Receive - The Soul of Money

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Is My Love for Real? - Day 405

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I am going to start some writing and self investigation within relationships in my world and who I am within it. Now, I have gotten some cool support with regards to how to go about finding what it is that I am looking for or desiring within the relationships that I am in because as I have realized I am not able to yet direct myself within each one in a point of self stability and self trust where I am moved only within a self decision and direction of common sense assessment of reality, but am more moved within energy polarities that are quite limiting through thought patterns created in my mind.

I am going to open up my relationship with my dog, Henri. I can see already that I am quite attached to him where I think about him often when I am not with him and I gain an energetic high of excitement when I then again see him. One cool point that I was given was to hold the relationship within myself and find one word that describes it and what the energetic experiences are within it. I did do this with the relationship with Henri, and what came up was the word ‘childcare’.

First, the word child, where I see that the relationships of mother and child is being fulfilled within me where I do desire to be a mother and care for a child. The child that Henri portrays is more my idea of him as my child because he is child-like within his expression, so I see that as he needs my care and support like a child would need from his/her parents. Where within herni, he is an animal who to a certain extent is stable and able to care for himself to maintain this stability he ihas. He does need my care for things he can’t do on his own, but in terms of a need, Henri is not in need of a ‘mothers’ care and love. This motherly way is what I would like to investigate further within the desire to care for another such as a mother cares for her children. 

With Henri, I see how he fulfills this desire within me to care for another, I enjoy doing this for him and for others, but within and behind this care it is generated and driven within an energy experience I am gaining of fulfillment and need that I see of wanting to give care to then receive the appreciation of the care in the form of ‘love’ or ‘affection’. Henri is quite affectionate and gentle in his expression, where he responds to my care giving in a manner of showing certain gestures and ways where I get an energy reaction within me of ‘oh he really loves me’ or ‘he knows I will always be there for him’. Where otherwise, I believe if I don’t give this care then I am not worthy of the affection from him or that he will not in fact act the same way, where these energetic experience of ‘feeling loved’ and ‘admired’ will not be fulfilled, which I fear.

So it’s interesting that within the seemingly innocent and quite natural way of care giving I give to Henri, I am within this desiring to be loved and admired, and so this being a conditional relationships within a need starting point, rather then an unconditional giving of myself where we are both free to express as is here and not be moved by energy experiences within to define the relationships and who I will be within it.

So will start with self forgiveness and self correction within the next blog, thanks for reading.

Eqafe interview support I recommend:
Parenting - Perfecting the Human Race


Join Us:
Desteni I Process Lite - Free Course to Start your Journey to Life
Journey to Life Group - On Facebook
Desteni Wiki - For All Things Desteni Related
Desteni Forum - Share your Self with Other Destonians
Destonian Social Network
Eqafe - Self Perfection Support
Equal Life Foundation - Site