Motherly Care – Becoming Unconditional – Day 406

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a relationship in my mind with henri within a desire to fulfill my role as a mother taking care of her child.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a relationship with henri where I desire to take care of him within the anticipation that he will give me admiration and affection for the care I give him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create conditions within our expression in reality based on my self interest and not considering henri as an equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a judgment towards the way in which I see my relationship with my dog as too attached.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for my behavior towards henri instead of realizing that it does not define me as I can see, understand, and realize the change that is necessary to align the relationship with henri as equals is within my will to direct myself in self honesty and common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when I care for henri he will give me an energetic high of appreciation and affection within his expression of unconditional giving.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use herni’s unconditional giving of himself in his expression as a means for me to gain an energetic high through the creation of the idea I have superimposed onto him that he loves me and see’s me as his favorite.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to superimpose my mind onto reality as my expression towards henri and so create a limited verion of who I am with him based on a need/dependency on him to fulfill this need.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a possessive relationship towards henri based on this desire for the energetic high of affection and so create a  dependency within our living in reality together where I am living from a mind reality of the past as an expectation instead of being here with him in self expression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an expectation of how reality should be with henri and so limit our expressions within who we can be in each moment to an energetic experience I am desiring and trying to reach and so not being here within what can be created.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become jealous when henri gives his unconditional expression to others and I do not achieve the desired expectation of his affection and admiration.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a relationship of dependency to henri based on accepting and allowing my mind to create expectations of how henri should be towards me and desire a certain outcome limiting the moment of creation that is indeed here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my mind to direct me into possession and dependency towards henri based on my addiction to the energetic high of admiration and affection and so limit the creation process of expression that exist in each here moment as we live together.

When and as I see I am living in a way with henri that is based on an expectation and desire and so become possessive based with how henri should behave towards me, I stop and breath, and realize that this will compromise my expression in physical reality with henri and compromise our relationship together as equals and so realize that the creation process will open up through being truly unconditional in our expressions in breath.

I commit myself to let go of the desire and need how how henri should behave and act towards me.

I commit to see henri within a stand as an equal being in my reality with equal respect and honor as I would want for myself.

I commit myself to unconditional express myself with henri within a common sense assessment of reality and what is needed for our practical living and well being as well as enjoyment.

I commit to put myself in the shoes of others in my physical reality and assess in breath who I would like to be as an equal and so express this an unconditional living.

Eqafe interview support I recommend:
Parenting - Perfecting the Human Race
How to Give Unconditionally in Your Relationship - The Metaphysical Secrets of Imagination - Part 25
Give and Receive - The Soul of Money

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Is My Love for Real? - Day 405

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I am going to start some writing and self investigation within relationships in my world and who I am within it. Now, I have gotten some cool support with regards to how to go about finding what it is that I am looking for or desiring within the relationships that I am in because as I have realized I am not able to yet direct myself within each one in a point of self stability and self trust where I am moved only within a self decision and direction of common sense assessment of reality, but am more moved within energy polarities that are quite limiting through thought patterns created in my mind.

I am going to open up my relationship with my dog, Henri. I can see already that I am quite attached to him where I think about him often when I am not with him and I gain an energetic high of excitement when I then again see him. One cool point that I was given was to hold the relationship within myself and find one word that describes it and what the energetic experiences are within it. I did do this with the relationship with Henri, and what came up was the word ‘childcare’.

First, the word child, where I see that the relationships of mother and child is being fulfilled within me where I do desire to be a mother and care for a child. The child that Henri portrays is more my idea of him as my child because he is child-like within his expression, so I see that as he needs my care and support like a child would need from his/her parents. Where within herni, he is an animal who to a certain extent is stable and able to care for himself to maintain this stability he ihas. He does need my care for things he can’t do on his own, but in terms of a need, Henri is not in need of a ‘mothers’ care and love. This motherly way is what I would like to investigate further within the desire to care for another such as a mother cares for her children. 

With Henri, I see how he fulfills this desire within me to care for another, I enjoy doing this for him and for others, but within and behind this care it is generated and driven within an energy experience I am gaining of fulfillment and need that I see of wanting to give care to then receive the appreciation of the care in the form of ‘love’ or ‘affection’. Henri is quite affectionate and gentle in his expression, where he responds to my care giving in a manner of showing certain gestures and ways where I get an energy reaction within me of ‘oh he really loves me’ or ‘he knows I will always be there for him’. Where otherwise, I believe if I don’t give this care then I am not worthy of the affection from him or that he will not in fact act the same way, where these energetic experience of ‘feeling loved’ and ‘admired’ will not be fulfilled, which I fear.

So it’s interesting that within the seemingly innocent and quite natural way of care giving I give to Henri, I am within this desiring to be loved and admired, and so this being a conditional relationships within a need starting point, rather then an unconditional giving of myself where we are both free to express as is here and not be moved by energy experiences within to define the relationships and who I will be within it.

So will start with self forgiveness and self correction within the next blog, thanks for reading.

Eqafe interview support I recommend:
Parenting - Perfecting the Human Race


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My Experience Before and After Beginning Process with Animals and Nature – Part 1- Day 361

I want to walk a few blogs on the support I have been given through living and working with animals and nature since I started process. Before walking process, I did live with animals, but did not see animals in the way I see them in this moment, and that is I see all animals and all that live on this planet equal in all ways as myself here as a human being from the great to the small. In my past, I thought animals were less intelligent then humans, they were subordinate, and did not have much going on cause they couldn’t communicate with each other and with me (this so I thought, please hear this series on eqafe as I have gained a whole new insight and understanding to animals and nature and who they are as physical beings on this earth.). As a kid they had there place in the home, they were our pets, I saw them as a toy, a point of play and fun, and when occasionally pushed them or hitting them or was rough with them, I did not ever consider at all that they are aware and are feeling physically everything I am doing same as how I would feel it.

I always had a deep love for animals though in the sense that I loved being around my dogs, I felt comfort and enthralled by their expressions of play and looks of beauty in the seemingly normal moments of there every day life. I really was moved when my dog would come over to me and put his head on me when I was crying after a fight with my sister or a fight with my parents, and he would just give me comfort unconditionally even with all the rough and crazy things we would do with him, like dress him up in clothes or spread peanut butter all over his coat (this as a kid). I am extremely grateful for this process at desteni being opened up to me as it was where I was introduced to the actual reality of the real sameness and equality that exist not only between my dog and myself, but all the life that is on this planet, the animals, the insects, the plants, the sky, the ocean, the trees, the humans, the planet itself, it all is part of what is here and we all exist here together, that was empowering because I had never conceived of such an intimate way of how in fact we are all in this together, we all are brothers and sisters here in the family that is life on earth and our survival depends on the living of this simple truth if we only live it into reality.

Once I started walking process, man, I really had an appreciation for everything, I would talk to trees on walks, I would interact with insects when I had a moment in my day and they had settled somewhere where to interact with, I took care of my plants and expressed within myself towards them the appreciation that I had for it as it grew new leaves each and every few months or so as I gave it water to live. I felt at ease and at home within the paths in the woods I would run and it was summer and everything was in full bloom like running through the jungle, I would take deep breaths and run fast and jump on rocks and jump over big fallen trees, and was in awe at the diversity of life that exist in just a simple scan of my eyes. It was so beautiful, I could not think or imagine anything better then this, living in the heart of what is real as nature, so I enjoyed all of what nature had to offer. This because of the understanding that we are all one and we are supporting each other to exist, nature has taught me so much and we can learn so much of how to live for real and co exist with all the beings on this planet, if we but let go of our egos, our desires, our needs and wants, our excess for more and new, and live simply so all can simply live. We are able to co-exist and create balance in this world and existence, but I have realized it starts within the relationship within myself and my own living, and nature as the animals especially can mirror self quite starkly.

Nature is not all beautiful and serene as they also have to survive and the habitats in which they live have been extremely compromised by humans desire for resources and there extreme need for survival through the creation of excessive consumption we have lived and made ‘normal’, but it is certainly not normal if you see nature as the testament of what life on earth is suppose to exist as. The black rhino for instance, I just read in south Africa is just about extinct and that is due to the fact that a few countries in Asia see it as a miracle cure for hangovers and the believe it can cure cancer, when the rhino horn is in fact made of the same organic material as the human fingernail and has no medicinal value whatsoever. So the solution for this is for one to get out of these beliefs that are not realistic and do not hold any benefit to doing what is best for all on earth, and so stop the death of innocent beings on this planet that have the same right to life as anyone else, and come to a change where our education system and money system is changed to support the expansion and growth of life into a value that is equal within all.

There is ways you can learn more and support a solution that embodies these set of principles of life being equally valued within all and it has been proposed within the living income guarantee proposal, where life will be invested within the value of each one’s right to exist and so given the support that is necessary to exist within a decent and dignified way. Why? Because it’s possible and we can by changing our way of living to support life rather then destroy it. This proposal is also introducing change for the start of the reform of our current destructive systems to be of life support systems like I mentioned above from education to grow to all our necessary systems that make life on this planet possible, but the most important value I have learned is this value that life is equal within all no matter what it looks like, it has an awareness unto itself and exist unto itself, and so by birth and virtue of it’s existence should have the right to exist in freedom.

I was going to write about my experience with the horses to start when I lived on a farm in south africa and also with my dog and some other cool animals I have and am living with cause I read a cool series by GianRobberts on the Death of His Horse Titan and found some really cool insights and support he shared with walking with a horse for many years as he did until he died late last year. He explained his experience of finding the physical as breath through walking with a another physical being such as a horse demonstrates quite distinctly, and the gifts and the struggles he faced while doing this. I also wanted to share some feedback as well about working with a horse specifically because I also gained much insight and realizations about myself in relation to my daily interaction with the horses those five months I stayed there, but I will leave that for tomorrow night. Thanks for reading and please support the best for life through the links below.  

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Day 202 - Im your Master Dog Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have this point of superiority over other lifeforms such as animals as being more entitled, more intelligent, more aware and thus use my will over them to make them do what I want and what I intend rather then working with the animal, seeing it within equality, and thus walking with the animal in stability into livable solutions or steps of compromise to work towards an equal understanding of mutual respect and benefit and thus stop my abuse of dominance over another who is me equal and one no matter the form.

I commit myself to when and as I go into a point of superiority towards another life form as animals, bugs, even inanimate objects believe myself to be more, I stop and breath, and do not accept myself to go into this point of ego through not moving myself or speaking until I have regained stability within myself and will speak in ways that supports life in all it’s forms in an equal way to how I would like to be treated.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become dominant over other life forms such as animals, insects, even small children, where in based on this belief of my intelligence and awareness being more advanced, I will go into a point of ego based on being this feeling of power and control and becoming intoxicated by this ‘imagined benefit’ I am gaining by being able to take advantage of others ‘lacks’ when really I realize this is showing me who I am as a self interested abuser of life, if I can not consider the ‘smallest’ or the supposed ‘least aware’ as equal to myself then I become equal within this living of ignorance and lose my opportunity to be life as living equality in full awareness of what life is. Real living is treating all life equal as I realize that I am here as and within all life as life is all there is in fact.

I commit myself to when and as I go into a point of belief of superiority and go into a dominant stand towards others in my world who I perceive as ‘less’, I stop and breath, and do not participate in this belief of superiority as I realize I am equal, and do not accept the thoughts of judgment towards others, by pushingbreathing and speaking self forgiveness in my head through moving my body, and not allowing the thoughts to accumulate into consequence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get angry at animals, kids, and insects for instance when they do not accept and allow themselves to be dominate and thus react towards me as I then go into a point of inferior and fear losing my power position.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to base myself in what standings I can create myself within towards others based on perceived beliefs of myself that I am more then other life forms and thus have gained in my own ‘right’ the power position. I realize and see that this is purely self ignorance in the face of the reality that is here and I am missing within the life of others of abusing other thorugh trying to impose my own desires onto them and not allowing them to be free. I realize I create this power position due to fear of my own lack of integrity and willingness to really live equal in fact and fear of giving up my disires to have more then others.

I commit myself to when and as I go into a point of perception on a situation I walk into and thus startthinking thoughts of judgment and were I can be most strong within capitalizing on my superiorities and thus forcing others to do my will without considering who they are and what they would want equally, I stop and breath, and do not accept myself to go into this perception of thought of judgments and images about my own superiority compared to others. I stop thoughts from directing me using breath and continuing to push my self will to dismantle these thought patterns of desires to have/be more and fear of lose, but walking reality in equality with others and realize if all don’t benefit, then I will never benefit as well.

For Further Support, Please check out Links:

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Day 201 - I'm your Master Dog

I often find myself going into this point of believing I know more then others, I am more gifted then others, I am smarter, more intelligent then others, and this within me gives me a sense of power and control over who I am and what I perceive myself as. As within the starting point of having to have power and control over myself and thus others in my world, is showing that I am living and existing in fear, fear of not being seen within a point of acceptance by myself or others thus I have to take it and fear of losing what I believe I can gain if I harness this power position and control the correct people to have the greatest advantage of getting what I want, but this all of course is self interest and not serving life thus not serving myself.

I find this desire for control is quite strong within me, for instance, with my dog, he will often push my authority and boundaries by continously jumping on me and try and fight with me, this is when we are out in the field and we are playing. It’s more a point of dominance as he is just showing me equal and one what I am doing to him as I have this idea within myself that I am the master and he is mine to direct. But we are equals, and thus this point of dominance is not necessary as we can co-exist within this respect. I see I go into this selfrighteous point of, please you are a dog and I am a human, you are the one who has to listen to me, I am your master and thus this is who I am to you, and this is not something that I consciously see of myself as I believe myself to be a great dog owner and friend, but within this event I see that there is more brewing under the surface.

This sense of power comes in with control as power is something that makes me feel special and superior then others and I only receive this sense of power when I have dominated and controlled another, like a form of winning. This making me feel good like I am better then others because I came to the point of control and now they have to give their power to me, this is within the example of my dog I am using here. Like gettingsatisfaction of having the dog submit to me and sit and stay when I tell him to, and within myself havethoughts of, ‘look at me, I am so good that I have this dog just do exactly what I say.” Believing this is all me and getting good feelings as a reward from this within my mind as I believe I have power and control over of him, thus "I must be pretty special then, like I must be like an animal communicator", which has come up in my mind which I have desired to be, thus desiring fame/recognition for such a talent. This all being self interest. But who is the one in this situation with the real power is Henri as he is showing me how to be disciplined and have self control, and this point of aggression and dominance I am creating within our relationship by being this way with him at times is being directed back at myslef through Henri as he is showing me what I am doing. He doesn't force me to be or do anything, he is just here and lives.

Animals are a unconditional support for humans to show us who we are and who we can be, I am amazed at how henri can go up to any human and be friendly and enjoy their company within their expression, they don’t think about anything, they just go and be expressive with the different humans no matter who it is, where I would be in judgment and be thinking of the past, and not be expressive, but be in my mind.

I find this point of power and control is based within me living and designing myself within competition in a point of fear and inferiority, like I will have to be strong and take over others or I will be the one to be taken advantage of. As well as compensating within this point of seeing were I am weak in, use what I can within the other to exploit and take advantage of, so I have a better chance of survival and I am more secure. All to be someone in my mind that I can believe is me, this strong, powerful person, but within myself I feel really crappy, not strong, but weak as I realize the abuse I am causing and the abuse this type of mind frame causes within this world, nothing but self compromise and abuse to life.

For Further Support, Please check out Links:

Free Desteni I Process Lite Course for All Ages
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to Life
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Desteni Site
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