Day 217- Feeling of Dread Series – Accepting Limitation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become limited within myself and who I will be within my life due to believing this feeling of dread and uncomfortability within myself around others means that I am not as worthy and that I am not as acceptable as those I see that are creating this point of uncomfortablitiy within me. I realize that within this point of uncomfortability around others and believing that this feeling is who I am, I can take responsibility and stop limiting myself to become inferior and not able to express myself when I see this feeling come up of dread by seeing this as something that I am creating myself because i am allowing these beliefs to define who I am.

I commit myself to when and as this feeling comes up, I stop and breath, and thus do not accept myself to go into the thoughts of inferiority and belief that I am inferior to others, and focus on who I am as a physical being and thus focus on everyone and everything else who are equal in this regard, that we are all physical and thus we are all equal. I commit to stop these thoughts from directing me and limiting me in who I can be as a physical being perfecting my living in reality in the life that we all are.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself at times to believe myself to be more then others and base myself based on the mind in thoughts saying I am more prettier then them and I have better clothes or I am smarter then, so I am more valued, and thus within me create this polarity separation with everyone in my world/reality based on allowing these thoughts and beliefs direct me into believing I am superior when in reality I am not, I realize we are equal, all life is equal.

I commit myself to walk the correction in seeing all life in equality and stopping my mind as these thoughts of superiority within what I have or what I look like direct me into seeing myself better then another, by not allowing myself to entertain such thoughts and breathing through them until I no longer have any reactions within these thoughts of superiority towards others as well as inferiority.

I commit myself to when and as I go into a point of judgment towards another and thus go into a comparison, I can red flag this and thus I can use this point to stop myself before it goes into consequence. I use my breath to stop the outflow of consequence within going into judgment and comparison  and walk the equality in the physical to a system that will be best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make material possessions have more value then the value of life equal within all, and thus accept and allow myself to cause abuse towards another in treating them less then me and making them feel like they are less then me because I feel more powerful this way. I realize that this is not real power but abuse and manipulation of my own gifts I have and thus this desire to have more I must stop as this is perpetuating this desire to be more to get more and thus live and accept separation as polarity within me.

I commit myself to when and as I go into seeing my things as having more value then life where in I will think I am more then others for having this possession, I stop and breath, and do not allow myself to define myself by what i have and thus only define who I am by how I live and treat others.  

I commit myself to walk the path of self perfection within my living in the laws of my beingness as life as the physical in what is real in treating every living being equally to myself and living this in my physical reality as an expression of who I am and the gift I understand is here as life in all and the opportunity we have here to live this for real and create a world that truly is heaven on earth.

For Further Support, Please check out Links:

Free Desteni I Process Lite Course for All Ages
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to Life
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki

Day 216 – Feeling of Absolute Dread Series – Being Weaker then a Feeling?

“This feeling comes up and its very strong, a forceful energy that makes me feel not able to match it’s intensity, weak really within myself, and it is followed by thoughts and pictures of myself as being very unattractive. “

For reference on quote above, please see:

Day 215 – Exploring Self Acceptance – The Feeling of Absolute Dread Series –Part 1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see a feeling which within me I realize is not real as it is not of life, but it is generated from the mind system through the conflict relationship from substance to the system in our bodies that we accept and allow (see more on what the Mind is here on the Desteni Wiki) and that within this realization, I can start to walk the process of stopping taking this feeling personally and seeing it as more then me. I realize and understand within the relationship of energy and feelings, that they are being created based on my participation in the mind and in these beliefs that I am not able to stand equal to these feelings, which are not real as these are not physical their made in the mind which is illusion, not real.

I commit myself to when and as I go into a point of taking this feeling of dread personally and believing that I cant stand equal to it and stop my participation within it, I stop and breath, and speak ‘garb, I am not defined by this feeling, I am creating it thus I can stop it.’ And I physically stop my participation in the thoughts or beliefs that say I can’t, and push my physical to walk through the resistance and continue to participate and do what I am doing without allowing the thoughts to influence me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a feeling have power over me where in I submit to it in the living out of seeing myself inferior within who I am based on believing what the mind is telling me, that I am ugly, unlikable, and fucked up. I realize that the energizing of these thoughts and thus the continuation of this line of thought stream of self sabotage is because I am participating and believing these thoughts to be who I am. I realize though within this that this is not who I am, I am not what the mind is saying as the mind is working and living within a system of separation, needing us as the life being suppressed for it to exist, with me as life in oneness and equality the mind ends, and thus this struggle within myself is due to my own participation, my own actions, my own beliefs, and thus my own creation as I believe I am my mind, but I realize I am not only my mind but life here, and thus I commit to walk myself back to life here in the physical in what is really real.

I commit myself to when and as I go into a point of belief and thus self sabotage in believing the mind in what thoughts are coming up within me, I stop and breath, and move myself to a point of self stability, go get air and do not allow myself to follow the thought stream. I commit myself to stop artipcating in beliefs that I am what my mind is telling me, and thus see myself within my actual living. Meaning I walk in awareness of each breath, each step, practicing slowing down in my breath, and living within each moment in what I am doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe what the mind is telling me about myself is real, that I am ugly and unlikeable and fucked up, I realize that within this belief of myself I hold my self in a point of limitation because I don’t realize my potential of what I could be based on going into a depression based on seeing myself in such a self sabotaged way. I realize and understand that the mind is not real in the sense of what is coming up within it and thus I need to walk the practical steps of stopping these beliefs each and every time, investigate them through writing if they continue, and walk the correction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take my mind and the thoughts that come up personally, and thus go into a reaction of inferiority and depression based on seeing myself as this person who is not good enough. I realize that within these reactions of taking what my mind personally, I am making my mind more powerful then me, and thus allowing it to control me. I realize that I have directive principle and can walk the correction of stopping the reactions, and realign to corrective living in using what is here as my mind as a point of understanding where I am at within my process, and what is necessary to walk to correct that which is not aligned with what is best for all.

I commit myself to push myself to stop the beliefs that are coming within me as that I am ugly and unlikable, and start walking self acceptance, accepting who I am in each moment, and thus I commit to push myself to stop looking from acceptance from others as I realize I am not defined by others, but I direct and thus define myself.

I commit myself to stop taking the mind personal, seeing it for what it is as a tool to walk my process to equality and oneness with life, and use breath to realign myself to what is real in the physical and push myself to become aware of who I am as the physical, stopping each time I see I am going into reaction, and use breath and my will to walk back to life here in Reality.

For Further Support, Please check out Links:

Free Desteni I Process Lite Course for All Ages
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to Life
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki

Day 215 – Exploring Self Acceptance – The Feeling of Absolute Dread Series –Part 1

Here looking at a feeling that I have recently became aware meaning I have looked at it in awareness without fear or submission, which is actually a pretty cool breakthrough for me because for many, many years I have allowed this feeling to overpower me and take control of my whole physical and mental faculties. This feeling is the feeling of absolute dread.

This feeling comes up and its very strong, a forceful energy that makes me feel not able to match it’s intensity, weak really within myself, and it is followed by thoughts and pictures of myself as being very unattractive. I get this feeling especially when I am in groups of people my own age, and I will be fine for quite a while, but during the event or evening, I can expect this feeling to come on. It is usually activated by an external force such as if I go in the mirror and judge myself as ugly or by someone else doing something that I interpret as a point of rejection towards me.

Here, I will first look at the mirror activation, this is a point were if I look and am not satisfied with my picture within the first glance, I will go into self judgment and thus self suppression. This thought stream will accentuate and accumulate to where I am in complete suppression and can hardly communicate with others based on these beliefs that they will think I am beyond degusting looking and they would never want to speak or look at me because of how gross I look, so I will live into this and not communicate and interact with others in comfortability, but be completely in fear of rejection/vulnerability.

Then I will go into this whole uncomfortable state within myself in and around these groups of people because of this thought activation that was created within the moment I judged myself in the mirror as ugly and not good enough, and then the feeling of absolute dread comes on. This feeling within me that there is no way out of this belief of myself, that I am what my mind is telling me to everyone else in this room, this disgusting, ugly person, stupid, no good, and that there is no reason to even communicate because I will not be accepted, I am really just not even worthy to speak to or at times even live really (this was in it's peak, will go into this more later in this series).

But within this logic within myself it is really distorted and warped, because obviously this is how I see myself, this is what I believe of myself, and so I can't even really see other people or who/how they think or see things because of the fear and turmoil going on within me. I can't see what is really here as others or myself because I am not here, I am not in reality but completely trapped in my mind, in an illusion of my own making, being fueled and threatened within myself of what feels like self annihilation as this feeling of dread grows and desperation as this feeling over comes me to it's submission until I am alone again and can find some peace. This cycle though created a deep depression within me because I obviously don't want to be alone, but this feeling of dread always results in me being alone because this is when I feel safe, when this feeling of dread goes away. So it's a catch 22, I can't be with others cause this feeling is unbearable, but I don't just want to be with myself because this is no fun. And for many years, I was very alone, hardly interacted with others, and was in a complete depression of sorrow and really it felt like hell, the hell of myself that I accepted and allowed my mind to direct me into and as. As I believed completely what my mind was saying to me about my own physical body and reality within my life, I never considered otherwise, that is until I found Desteni.

And this is what this feeling of dread makes me feel, absolutely alone and there is no one and nothing that can help me, that can save me from this feeling that drowns me within myself of what feels like the deepest pits of helplessness that I really can’t describe, its a really bad and a horrible feeling. I realize here that I am correct within this assessment that there is no one that will come and help me or save me from this feeling of dread and this illusion I have created for myself, until I stand up and help and save myself, within stopping accepting the mind in what it tells me about myself as the physical, and so accept who I am as myself here in my physical. Walking the path to stop these feelings from directing me into being able to walk here and accept all that is here to direct to outcomes of peace and harmony in what is best for all as the physical being that I am, that is what is really here, what is really real, the physical and me as the physical body.

Next – What is these memories and fears that is driving this feeling of dread that is now completely possess me in life and living. Thanks for reading.


For Further Support, Please check out Links:

Free Desteni I Process Lite Course for All Ages
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to Life
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki

Day 214 – Exploring Self Acceptance – Why am I Inherently Flawed?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that based on me playing sports and being good at sports that I was cooler and more important then those kids who did not play sports and were not as good as me in this. I realize and understand within this point that this desire to be better then other kids was based on an inherent belief of myself that I am flawed and that I need things within the external world to tell me that I am a good person.

I commit myself to when and as I go into this pattern of thought of seeing myself better then others due to what I am apparently better at within my mind over them, I stop and breath, and do not accept and allow myself to act within this thought pattern of weak/strong polarity play outs.

I commit myself to breath through these thought patterns until the energy dissipate and I am stable not reacting to others within a superiority/inferiority, but pushing my living into equality with others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the desire within me to be better then others and thus when I find I am better in skill then another, I rub it in everyone’s face by showing off and wanting others to notice this skill, be it passively or aggressively, I within myself make the effort to make others see me as better and more equipped then others. I realize and see that within this act of making others see me as better it shows within me that I am more unstable then I can be as the desire to prove I am better is an attempt in self interest as this belief that this will make me more advantageous to get what I want such as attention and rewards from this point of popularity and thus needing others to confirm who I am which is separating me from my own self empowerment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a point of self interest within myself and actually desire for the other to be weak and lose within what it is that we are doing together for me to shine and be able to get the most attention from others and that chance of getting the rewards of acceptance as popularity and respect within the group of people I am trying to impress. I realize and understand that this self interested way of living within the desire to make others weak and me strong is actually a trap of enslavement I am doing to myself for a moment of feeling good and popular, when I will in time be the one back at the bottom as the weak looking for ways to get back on top, never stable but always in flux and search for myself, which will cause abuse because of the principle of if one win another must lose, and so in this cause abuse as it is manifested because I am not giving in equality, but taking more then my fair share. And so I realize that within this I will be the weak and not get a fair share as I have not given to another due to greed and self-interest. I realize that I live in equality with all all can be given to each a fair share to create a harmonious environment.

I commit myself to when and as I go into the point of desiring another to be weak were I can show off and become the strong one to others to gain attention and reap the momentary rewards of being popular, I breath and stop these actions of self compromise and abuse to life, I will walk the correction by not allowing thesethoughts of desires to continue, stopping the thoughts of desiring attention and being the strong one, and push to walk the equality and balance of all moments so all are treated equal to myself and life will thus be inharmony or on the path to harmony within and as me and eventually within this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself this belief within me of an inherent flaw and within this belief from as long back as I can remember, I saw myself as not good enough and thus did not accept myself. I realize and see now that it was not that I was inherently flawed or that something was wrong with me, as I see and realize I am fully functioning and capable within my physical, but that this lack was based on the thought construct pattern I was existing in due to the desire for more, in this case more attention from others, and so I lived out the pattern of polarity of weak/strong, where in I was the one that was strong for a moment, and then went into the point of weak, not taking responsibility for my actions and beliefs within these moments, but in blame of others because I didn’t want to face the fact that I was weak within myself.

I commit myself to when and as I go into a point of believing myself as inherently flawed, I stop and breath, and thus go into the point of identifying what it is that I am seeing myself weak in, and thus push myself to stop the polarity of the weak/strong construct that is playing out within my living and correct it by walking the physical point of correction in perfecting the skill and sharing it with others equally, helping others get to the perfection to thus make self here within all living in perfection which is the highest point of order in a harmonious environment of life.

Thus I commit myself to stop and breath walking this point of equality in my physical living, focusing on my own self living and perfecting in what it is that I am doing, seeing others as self, and thus I commit myself to stop blaming others for the way I am behaving within myself and take responsibility, correct my living into equality in each moment, and accept myself as life here as all and as the life force within myself to thus be this for real in life here in the physical body and world.

For Further Support, Please check out Links:

Free Desteni I Process Lite Course for All Ages
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to Life
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki

Art work by fellow Destonian: Gian Robberts

Check him out on:
Gian's Facebook
Gian's Blog
Gian's Youtube Page

Day 213 – Exploring Self Acceptance – Life and Death – Self Correction to Live for Real

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live within this impending doom of fear and angst in relation to seeing death or having thoughts of death where I will go into them and accumulate a whole pictured scenario with emotions that cause me to go into a petrification and non action within what it is that I am doing and living. I realize and see within this fear that it is irrational and cause me to be suppressed and in a constant state of negative energy charge as depression or sorrow based on believing that death is the end and is will be painful.

I commit myself to when and as I go into this fear and emotion of sorrow and depression when I see a picture or a moment in time related to death, I breath and stop myself from going into the emotions, by saying ‘no garb, I realize that this is not productive and serve no purpose, I will not participate in these emotions.

I commit myself to when and as these thoughts that come up about how horrible death will be and how painful, I stop and breath, and speak the words, ‘no, I don’t require to think about this, it is not necessary, I am here alive’ and thus walk myself into the physical in becoming aware of my physical and not energizing the thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear death where it immobilizes me and I can not move within my day in a practical and functioning manner, but go into a emotional coaster where I am unstable within myself and getting lost within thoughts and scenarios in my head of all the different points of death and when it will come for me and the people I know rather then living. I realize and see that living within this fear and instability within this thinking about and become lost within my head to where I am immobile, I am wasting my time to make a difference in this world and bring a solution to all the ills that cause most of the unnecessary suffering and death to my fellow life beings, and thus I realize the fear must stop and the thoughts and participation in the mind about death must end.

I commit myself to when and as I go into a point of self defeatism and immobilization based on thought patterns of fear of death of myself and others, I stop and breath, and let go of this fear, do not participate in it, and move my physical awareness from the mind to the physical in what I am doing.

I commit to push my self-discipline and not accept myself to waste time in my mind about the what ifs of death, and live here in life and find solutions to what is not working on this planet.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not accept myself within this idea of death and that death is a part of life for now in this time to be walked, I realize that I am the creator of death and thus I can walk the solution within myself and thus eventually within this world to transcend death or live death in absolute physical practicality as the rebirthing process of life to create what is new and thus live out our unlimited potential as expansion. I realize that within this fear and non acceptance of myself here as and within all, I am limiting my potential for growth and expansion, and thus limit myself within the best I can be without fear.

I commit myself to accept and allow this living of death as a part of life and stop the fear towards it, by accepting myself within and as the realization that death is here.

I commit myself to see the life within all and myself, and thus see the potential that death creates for life as rebirth and growth. I stop my mind in fears and suppressions, and accept myself here as all life as well as death, and walk what is here and face what is here with whatever may come, I breath and push myself to always considered all life and what will be best for all.

I commit myself to when these pictures and streams of ideas that are not practical and realistic about death emerge in my mind, I stop and breath and focus on what I am doing, stopping my participation in the mind and perfecting what it is I am doing in life, in my living.


For Further Support, Please check out Links:

Free Desteni I Process Lite Course for All Ages
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to Life
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki

Day 212- Exploring Self Acceptance – Life and Death

I find myself often within my day thinking, this thinking is something I have often judged based on theknowledge I have now accumulated about what the mind and thinking do to the physical body, but I have realized that it’s not to blame or see the thinking as something bad, it’s just a point that needs to be aligned into correction so it no more cause abuse. Thinking causes abuse to the physical body directly because the way the thinking occurs is through the conflict within energy and the physical substance, the physical substance being used within the conflict relationship between the energy and the substance of the physical, that goes to the mind to generate the thought, it was designed this way by those that (see reptilian series on eqafe for more info regarding this) created the mind system. So the thinking within our minds in these alternate realities we so often go into during our days and weeks, have a consequence, a consequence of death eventually, as all the mind thinking takes away from our physical bodies directly little by little, our physical substance, and eventually cause our death as it’s been used up and not replaced, as you can see in evidence with death coming to us all.

Death is something that I have been thinking about today because I have been watching the series six feet under and as you can see within the title, the main focus of this is death. But really what is death and why am I affected like I am when I think about it? I have found I am afraid of death because I am afraid of thethoughts of something happening to my family, the death of my family members or people close to me. I am afraid of my dad or mom dying, and having to go through that pain and anguish when someone that I have known my whole life and been close to will die and suffer. But this is a point that within looking at it practically is the result of our living and not following the physical principles of life, I will face this same point, it is now part of physical life because we have created it this way, we essentially have done this to ourselves creating the death of life within and as ourselves as we have created the mind within and as ourselves (More on what the mind is, check the link).

Life is within the physical, as when we live we live here on earth, in the physical reality on the physical substance around, among, and within us allowing us to be here. The physical has laws that govern it, these laws are supportive and create life to continue and live on, it adapts and changes to create what will be best for all as we see within nature how it adapts and creates itself to live among all physical elements and conditions to eventual equilibrium and harmony. So life require a certain set of cooperation and understanding within following these laws of the physical as these are guides to live in the physical and continue to function as such as been proving in the physical in keeping life going and adapting to be best for all. Those who see aren’t going to make it in life in the physical, go into the death process to be rebirthed into another form of life where they will be again part of the change, there is no fear of this death, but a point of acceptance of self as change and the fruits are within the change that is accepted, which is new life, new creation, and growth and expansion.

So I have realized within myself that this point of change within myself in this acceptance of who I am as I am in this moment, will give way to the fruits of myself as the result of this acceptance of who I am and thus will allow me to rebirth within this acceptance to become new, and the new is life as life is creation, and thus self acceptance is accepting me as the creator of myself, the creator of my life. Within the common place of human society of non acceptance and competition, there is no room for change, there is no acceptance of self as the focus is more in the mind as desires and wants, which isn’t physical so isn’t real, which cause stagnation and a stunt within the growth of life because it is no more following the physical laws, but in a domain of the illusion were anything goes as is evidence within even a few moments in awareness of our daily thinking processes.

This not being right or wrong, but simply not productive within creating myself as and within life, who I am as life, I mean I realize the joys of this within myself, when I accept who I am in a point I see and understand of myself, and so understand myself from this point of acceptance, and thus create myself in new ways and means based on the acceptance of myself within this point. Acceptance of self leads to creativity and growth because there is no holding back, there is no mind, there is understanding and a sense of joy as in acceptance there is the joy of me, of who I am, and also the realizing of the change that will come with this acceptance and growth. This create new dimensions, new expansions of myself into new areas of life that I have not known before, but as I know of life it is everywhere, so there is much to explore. Much to explore of myself because I am life as life is one, life and me are one and all are life, so that means we are all one, thus self acceptance is accepting this fact and living this within and without of ourselves, so much possibility and much growth to still be discovered as the life we are and accept ourselves to be and become.

For Further Support, Please check out Links:

Free Desteni I Process Lite Course for All Ages
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to Life
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki

Day 211 - Exploring Self Acceptance - Being Cool - Part 1.2 - I’m Better then You

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto memories of my childhood in this idea of myself as a cool and tough kid based on holding onto to this desire of myself to be cool and have others see me cool and in these memories holding on to them and replaying because within them I am seen as cool within the group of friends I am with. I realize and see that holding onto these memories of me as a child playing sports and being good at it making me seem cool in my mind is something that is holding me into this idea that I have to be a certain way within this world to be accepted by others, someone who is cool to make myself feel good about myself.

I commit myself to when and as I go into this memory of thinking about me playing sports and that I was a cool kid among my friends because I could play sports well, I stop and breath, and do not accept myself to continue in this pattern of thoughts of seeing myself playing and doing well and getting a nice feeling because of this perception that this makes me cool by moving myself within the physical and breathing through the thoughts and feelings when they arise not participating in them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a feeling of elation when I think about these memories among my friends in the neighborhood where I was seen as cool and had respect from the others based on my skill, and thus got a high as I saw myself in my mind in these pictures as the coolest by being praised by the other kids and being a winner among them, feeling good about myself because I saw myself as more skilled and able to win. I realize and see that within this point of feeling good and elated based on these memories I am holding of being among my friends in the neighborhood and being seen as good and a winner, I thus defined myself by this feeling of feeling good when my friends praised me and seeing myself as better then others based on this feeling I get within myself that I am a winner and thus I am better then those who lose.

I commit myself to when and as I go into a point of feelings of goodness about myself based on looking at myself as more then another because being a winner in these memories I am holding of myself, I stop and breath, and do not accept myself to continue in this feeling as it’s not real and it’s causing self compromise and separation. I commit to breath through the desire to see myself as more then others by not participating in the thoughts and becoming focused on my breathing , my movement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself based on the skills i have within seeing myself as more or better then others and then generating a feeling of goodness within me because I am better then another at something. I realize and see that this is complete self interest based on the belief that I am not good enough or not as capable then others in things, and thus when i have to compensate when I am more skilled and so this in my mind will make me feel better. I realize and see that existing in this comparison of seeing myself less worthy and then going into comparison and separation in seeing myself as more then others when I appear to be more skilled is complete self interest and inferiority as am not seeing myself as equals to others and not considering all the points within the life that is being lived by the others, but only where I can shine as being seen as better then them.

I commit myself to when and as I go into a point of defining myself as more then another and getting a good feeling from this, I stop and breath, and do not accept myself to go through within the thoughts patterns of this competition as I realize this is separation and I am only doing it based on self interest and inferiority. I commit myself to walk and breath and accept myself as equals to others in the value of life and so push my living into the physical, focusing on what can be done to help all life be equal within our living and support solutions that will support all in this world to be the best we can be in whatever it is we enjoy and are passionate in doing.

More to Follow, thanks for reading.

Day 210 - Exploring Self Acceptance - Being Cool - Childhood Memories - Part 1.1

Here looking at this point of how I developed my external perception of who I wanted to be and what influences within my childhood helped mold and foster this way of seeing myself that in it's conception and accumulation was not real nor physical, but completely within thoughts, beliefs, and ideas. I will bring it back to childhood memories that I am holding onto where I was young and around others my age, my friends and neighborhood kids I played with often, I thought of myself as cool, and so within this idea of myself as being cool, I expected others to think this way of me as well.

At that time, I was very much a tomboy and into sports playing everyday, we were a group of neighborhood kids and we played outside from dusk til dawn almost everyday in the summers and as much as possible in the school year, all different types of activities, but our main love was athletics, soccer, football, street hockey, baseball, basketball, we really did it all, and within this point of athletics, I excelled. Most of the kids I played with were boys, and so I defined myself according to this male perspective, seeing females as less then the males based on myself having really no interest within what they were into, and thus saw what they did was weak and not fun. So with the males in my group that were my 'competitors' throughout my childhood, I developed this idea that I am a special kind of girl as I am strong and able to compete with these boys, which gave me confidence within myself and respect among the others in the group I was in as a kid. Using the strnegth I developed and saw I possessed within being able to compete with the all the boys I was friends with as a gauge for who I am, a strong female, and thus superior to the other female whom I saw as weak because they were not able to compete with me at that stage in my small group among my neighborhood friends. So this is interesting as it developed my understanding among the dynamic within society of males being 'stronger' and more 'powerful' then the females as I easily saw it within what I was participating in, and fully lived into this seeing myself more superior and dominant to females especially because I was more like the boys, I was strong, I was a strong competitor.

Within this time, I did not have a real judgment towards myself within my physical look, because within myself I was thinking that I am very cool as I was respected and seen within all my friends as a girl who you couldn't mess with because I could compete with all the top boys in the area, and I often could beat them. I saw this point of winning as a defining point of who I was, I was able to win and thus was strong, and thus within my mind those who played sports were better and cooler people then those who didn't because sports was the best thing one could do and be good at because this is what I was the best at and the most good at, so it was a point of self interest to survive among my peers and have the best chance to be popular, get attention, and gain power among them. I had to find something I could compete with them to show I am worthy, I am strong, and this I got within my excelling in athletics for the moment.

This position I held within my group of friends and neighbors, created a point of ego within me, a point were I saw myself better then others and superior because I had gained this respect and thus had all the attention on me based on the skills I possessed that was not usual for girls, especially with the girls in my neighborhood. Allot of the other girls around my neighborhood were just not into sports like I was, but this I didn't consider because of the fact that I thought that sports was the 'top' point in this world to be good at and within being good, you were cool. Being girly and doing girly things like play with dolls and dress up was boring and seen by myself as weak, like there was no point of proving yourself within it and showing who you are, and so these activities with no competition, I saw as useless.

This point of being cool is something I desired, I saw that being cool is something that makes you get these points I desired within my group of friends, power, respect, leadership, and attention, and I saw how this played out within my older sisters, how they developed themselves and molded themselves within their social circles to be 'cool', what clothes they wore, what music they listened to, what kind of people they hung out with, what they did, what words they used, and so I used my sisters, most were older, as a point of reference for myself to know what is cool and what is not cool within the life I was living. So I was in a sense like a sponge soaking up my surroundings around me, specifying and defining myself on my definition of what cool was based on what I was seeing and interpreting in my everyday life.

And thus being a dork or someone who was not skilled or popular was the complete opposite of anything I wanted to be associated with, it's like being a complete 'loser' within everything I had ever known and grown up with, so it's like a loss in life, and not being able to get my 'wants' met within the desire I had within me to live out and fulfill which were many. And so seeing myself as a complete inferior being to those that were the 'cool' ones was absolutely unacceptable and out of the question, as I know compared myself to my sisters and had to hold my position not only within my social group as friends, but in my family unit as being part of a 'cool' 'well known' family in my town. I had the reputation to live up to now in my mind within my family, as I saw us as cool, so I had created myself into a person that had to become this, in my mind this is who I am, where I come from, everyone around me is 'cool' and so I must and have to be this as well. I lived for this and I expected it at a very young age to be seen as someone who is cool and liked. Obviously life is not what one expects, and so I will write more on this too come of the next stage in entering the years leading up to and going into being a teenager.


For Further Support, Please check out Links:

Free Desteni I Process Lite Course for All Ages
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to Life
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki

Day 209 – Exploring Self-Acceptance – I Can’t Stand Alone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into this fear of  ‘I can’t stand alone’ within the starting point of fearing looking bad/stupid in front of other people in where I will not have a point of acceptance towards them based on my belief that if I have to stand alone within who I am and go against others, I will be able to be rejected. I realize and see within this point of self compromise due to fear in where I will not push myself to do things that is outside of my comfort zone and stand alone within who I am as an individual, I am limiting my self expression exponentially due to this belief that I need others to accept me to feel normal and ok within myself and thus I will be free of being rejected if I just act like the group even though they don’t stand up for life in equality and oneness, which I realize is really what life is and what is important in this life here.

I commit myself to when and as I go into this belief that I have to act and be a certain way to be accepted and thus go into a suppression of my expression based on fear, I stop and breath, and do not accept myself to limit my expression based on this belief and fear. I stop all the thoughts attached to these beliefs and fear of rejection by breathing through them not accumulating them within me. I commit myself to push my own self expression of being ok with who I am and walking with what I would like to express in and be within myself in enjoyment, and stop this belief that I have to be a certain way for others to like me so I don’t have to stand alone by not accepting it as valid and real through standing alone if this is the correct point to walk to show what is best for all in my own directiveness of life in common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself this belief that I am not able to stand alone within who I am and thus have to at times go against the norm of society, of my friends, of my family, and thus stand up for the principles that I realize are here among all life and how I want life to be in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear this point of standing alone and thus created this belief that I am not worthy if I am alone, I am not ‘cool’ or ‘good enough’ compared to those who are accepted within society, and thus create this suppression within myself that I am not cool and not good enough because I have been defining myself by how many friends I have and defining standing alone or being alone as someone who is not worthy, is not good enough, thus I have created this definition of myself within relation to when in my life I am standing alone through my definition of someone who is a loser and is not as worthy to those in a group and have a lot of friends are thus cool and worthy. This I realize is my reaction in fear within myself of not being cool or seen as cool by others, and thus defining myself as a loser and unworthy because I am now the one alone.

I forgive myself that I have accept and allowed myself to define those that stand alone as losers and not worthy because of this fear within me of being defined this way by others as a loser and unworthy. I realize that those that don’t accept me or don’t agree with me is their own self willed decision, and it doesn’t mean that it has anything to do with me or what I am doing, but is the decision they made within themselves. I realize I must stop defining myself and defining being alone as a negative point, and thus I realize I must stop this judgment of those that stand alone as those who are not cool and not worthy, and walk reality for real, what is actually physically happening and stand within the point of principle in what is best for all in all ways that this will have to be stood within by myself till it is here within life absolute.

I commit myself to when and as I go into this point of definition of defining those who are alone as negative in comparison to those in a group based on a fear of being rejected I have created about standing alone, I stop and breath, and when this rejection fear come up, breath through the reaction of fear and continue to walk the physical points I am walking within myself of committing myself to stand up for life in all ways, and that is either in a group or alone, as it doesn’t matter where I am doing it, what matters is what I am doing and what I am standing for, and how I am living within a way that supports these principles to be lived and manifested within all that is here as me.

So I commit myself to stand alone when I see that it is necessary in standing up for life in what is best for all as well as stand with others who stand up for life and do what is best for all, and thus breath through any and all fear of being rejected and not accepted because I realize I do not need acceptance, I am here and thus those who are here will be here with me, I never am alone so to speak as everyone is here.

I commit myself to walk the path alone or with others in establishing myself into a being who aligns with the physical one and equal and all life in this regard so all are equal in fact in the end of this process I/We are walking to align with the physical, what is real here in breath awareness as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within fear of others rejecting me based on holding onto memories of being rejected and fearing the humiliation of being singled out in front of others and seen as weak. I realize and understand I am only defining myself as weak and rejected based on this memory I am holding, and thus I push my self to live stable within me no matter what the outer present letting go of the memory and living from this moment here, stopping going into the mind of what could be or what will be, but live here in what is and walk practical solutions to what is here to live best for all, no fear or memory is needed, but just me here as breath living in common sense.

Thus I commit myself to walk these principles within and as me, and walk self acceptance with myself as well as all life in being committed to principled living, and supporting life to again walk what is best and thus I commit to walk the correction within myself of stopping all points of separation by stopping the fear and the beliefs of who I am in relation to others, and thus I commit to live who I am as life, here in full acceptance through the self understanding that I am all that is here, living in support of all and stopping the separation by stopping being directed by fear by stopping the fear when it comes up as I realize it is not real, it’s the energy from the mind.

I commit myself to when and as this fear come up of being humiliated and seen as weak if I am standing alone within a group, I stop and breath, and remain in breath focusing on who I am as life and realizing the process of all life that is currently here having to walk the process to align to the physical. I commit myself to walk my process of self purification in being able to stand alone, being my own self strength through proving in my living that I stand absolute in times of ‘toughness’ and in times of calmness, where who I am is always what is best for all, and thus I will become stable here within self as who I am is my own stability because I live this within my world by letting go of all attachments to the external world and creating this fulfillment within myself within how I live and how I treat life within and as the self relationship I have established within my own physical as myself fin who I am as life.

Recommended Interviews for further Support on Self Acceptance:

Life Review - Acceptance and Allowance vs. The Decision

Atlanteans - When Energy has more Value than Life - Part 40


For Further Support, Please check out Links:

Free Desteni I Process Lite Course for All Ages
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to Life
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki


Picture Taken By:

Leila Zamora Moreno
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