Day 5- Resentful Based on Blaming Life

I find I am resentful when I do not accept myself fully here and take responsibility for all the points that need to be looked after and kept up, when I fall behind and allow tasks to pile up, I will go into blame towards any point within my world, and then be resentful to those that are on the ball or rather smoothly walking through their day. Missing myself within this point of equality  with others, and thus going into a tantrum because I am not having an easy time and want my life to be easy and enjoyable all the time, and when I don't get this I blame and resent that I see have this and thus justify the abuse of myself like a little kid throwing a tantrum when I dont get what I want and kicking and screaming because I wanted to have it my way.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to react to the responsibilities I have within my life as a choir and as something that is a drag everyday where I would be rather having an enjoyable time and not have so much stuff to do. I see and realize that within myself I am walking at a reasonable pace, I allow myself to fall behind due to laziness and procrastination so I see and realize that this is not due to any fault of being over loading me, but that I am not managing my time well and stalling when I could be walking effectively through pushing through all resistances.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing to go into blame towards others in my world due to the belief that they are the cause to whatever it is that I am reacting to at the moment, and thus going into ego as mind to relieve energy that has been built up of frustration and irritation by myself for not being able to be relaxed and have an easy time during my day. I see and realize that within this I am in complete abdication within my responsibility to myself and all life to walk diligence and specificity to thus be able to get all my tasks done and use the tools available to me like budging time and others to help with the work load so that I can get all done and all is well.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to go into thoughts of blame towards others because I do not want to face myself and the obviousness that I am being lazy and procrastinating because I do not want to push myself thru the resistances which is not an easy thing but well worth it and get the work done that has to be done to keep myself going and life flowing. I realize and see that within this point of blame towards another it gives me a momentary way out of facing myself but this will always come back around where I will go into the same behaviors that created this outflow in the first place and lose the opportunity to change by stopping these patterns of laziness and procrastination and directing myself effectively to be effective and get my tasks done as I know I am capable to get done.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting laziness and procrastination to direct me within and as my world when I face resistances to get the manual labor done or get projects done that take effort, and thus go into these mind energies that sabotage my opportunity to change and expand within my living here. I see and realize that allowing these mind energies of procrastinating and laziness only limits me and diminishes me as this is what I am existing as limitation and self diminishment as I am not expanding myself be retracting into myself. I understand and see that I am more then my mind resistances and limitations and thus I push myself to walk through all resistances and mind reactions to thus walk in stability and do whatever it is that needs to be done to get life here one and equal as myself. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to react in resentfulness towards other I am blaming due to my desire to take out my anger, irritation, and anxious energies on to others so I don't have to face them and deal with the responsibilities that I have abdicated to know because its has accumulated to such an extent I can't blame any longer as it's obvious the issue is me. I realize and see that resentfulness is a form of spitefulness due to my own lack of self movement and consideration for others and just abusing others because I will not control myself and face myself within what I have created and change to correct this.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to abdicate myself responsibility to life here and abuse it to gain my own self high through energy build up and release and accepting myself to be spiteful and abusive towards others that are innocent within these situations because I do not want to face myself and push myself, sabotaging myself to live among others in peace and create myself as life here. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to spite life and really I see spiting myself within blaming and resentfulness as I am abdicating my chance to really live as I will not give this to another, but abuse and hurt others because I accept and allow energy to direct me as I have accepted my ego as polarity to play out in my world. I realize and see that allowing energies as mind to direct me through existing within polarity play outs of happy times/hard times, I am creating myself into a vacuum of cycles that only cause abuse to others as I act on this without any self direction and I then diminis myself as I separate myself from life.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My Self Correction:

When and as I go into points of laziness and procrastination, I breath and push through the task I am doing to thus show to myself I don't limit myself nor bound to the energies of the mind. I stop these energies as resistances from directing me and thus I realize I will stop the blame and resentfulness towards others in my world as an outflow of this procrastination and laziness behavior. When and as I stop accepting myself to live into resistances I will build my self will and self trust and thus be able to walk through all my responsibilities and manage my time effective to be the most effective being I can be. Here I breath and allow these energies to pass as I stop myself from reacting and direct myself in oneness and equality with all life as me in what ever comes my way, I stand and walk in common sense for what is best for all.

I commit myself to stop blame and resentfulness towards others in my life as I will take responsibility for myself, and push myself to become effective in my living and do what I can do to help bring equality here.

I commit myself to push through all resistances as they arise always within the direction and discipline of my own self equality and oneness with life as I see and realize what is real is who I am as a living being walking and breathing with and as the equality and oneness of all life.

I commit myself to always consider the other within any point that comes up as blame or resentfulness as I stop these points of self abdication onto another, and I walk the re-alignment with myself with all life to thus be able to solve issues in stability and self responsibility rather then go into the mind and create separation unnecessarily as I realize and see all here is me. 

blaming, resentful, tantrum, life's a drag, lazy people, blame game, labor, mind, energies, reactions, desteni, journey to life, 2012

Day 4- Me as the Manipulator and the Haste that this Creates

Within others I have found that I have desires to get what I want out of them and whatever the situation may be and thus I create a polarity play-out of fear where I am always in fear of losing whatever the point is that I desire, so thus I create an impatience and a haste within myself to always be moving quick and manipulating what is going on so thus I can gain the best opportunity to get what I want. When I hast and rush tho I mess up and make mistakes because I am missing myself here in breath living, but always I am within my head in desires and future projections to plan and create the pathway for me to get the best outcome possible for me so I can be satisfied, this within the mind as energy.

There is thus a point of manipulation occuring as I go into self compromise to make sure that my desires are met, and so I manipulate the situation or the people to go the way I want, so I can get a certain outcome. As I have lived this play-out I have missed the opportunity to really live here within equality in self honesty with the other as this physical reality as I realize the sense of more and fulfilling desire through manipulation as an ego personality is not who I am and is not real as it cause abuse to the other and to myself. Til here no further I stop all manipulation, impatiences, and desire for more, and with this the play-out of fearing losing what it is I desire, I forgive myself and let go of these mind energies as I am here and I live equal and one to all.


I forgive allowing and accepting fear of lose to direct me into this constant state of rush where I allow and accept myself to go quick and to haste as I believe and see myself missing something if I don't get through tasks as quick as possible. Within this I realize that I am compromising myself within living perfection within what I am doing because when I rush I miss the specificity of perfection within living as living in specificity require patience, diligence, and focus, and when I am in a rush to get something done I am none of these things, but only in future projection to get to the next thing, whatever that thing is, just get whats in front of me done so I can move on.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to have a fear that I will miss something as I have the desire within self interest to gain specific things in my agenda when say I am with another chatting or with another at work, I move quickly through task to thus be able to get what I need out so there is no chance that I will miss my opportunity to get what I want that I desire form the other. I realize and see that through this desire and need to get something from the other I am compromising myself by separating myself and manipulating the situation from the starting point of being with them for more then just being here, and I see and realize that I must stop these desires for an ulterior motive as I am missing myself here as life and thus abusing life within self interest ego to get my desires met.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to be in separation with others I am with within this ulterior motive of a desire to get what I want out of the situation be it information, advice, a possession, sympathy, praise, in an attempt to exalt my ego and satisfy the desire for more over what the person is willing to give and is aware of within communication.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to be deceptive and manipulative with others when I desire to get something from them by not making them aware that I am shaping and shifting my words and actions to thus get what I want out of the situation. I realize and see that separating myself within desire and manipulation in my own self interest is deceptive and compromise my trust as a being of life. I see and stop this point of deception as I see what is valued and what is real is when trust within physical expression as equals here is built and maintained through time. I live self honesty, I live transparency, I live as equal to all life here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to then become embarrassed when I mess up within my living due to this rush and haste I am living as, because I am not here but in my head as figuring out ways to get what I want and thus missing myself here within living. I realize and see that this embarrassment is an indication that I am not in fact real but in my head within judgments of myself and others. Also, missing myself here as the life around me and causing unnecessary accidents or mishaps based on my impatiences and rushing through things, when I realize and see that I could slow down and be patience within myself here focusing and being specific within what I am doing to thus not miss steps and be aware of all that needs to be taken into consideration.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to have ulterior motives when with others and thus be focused on my own self interest desires instead the other as me. I realize and see that I would not want this for myself so I stop this within myself and stop abusing life within manipulation and ego.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to exist within impatiences and thus cause myself to be out of focus and miss points within my world that if I slowed down would see and realize. Also, I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to use impatiences as a backdoor to not have to face myself and thus compromise my process due to the irresponsibility that I accept when I allow myself to rush and loss focus as I allow the impatiences to direct me into a form of chaos within myself and losing the awareness and responsibility to the specificity within detail I am to consider and be aware of in regards to who I am as my mind so I can take responsibility for me and change me which require patiences and diligences.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to compromise my process to life within desiring to get things form others without there knowledge and based on this fear of losing my opportunity to get something from others, I rush and am impatient because I believe that there is not enough time to get all that I want done. I realize and see that to compromise process is to compromise my life and all the life that exist here, so thus I stop manipulation and desires for something more and live here within breath, in specificity, and stop all fears of lose as I have nothing to lose as I realize all that is here is me and thus I can never be lost  or lose anything or anyone because I am always here.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My Self Correction:

When and as this point of urgency and fear of loss arise within myself, I stop and breath, and stop all the thoughts, desires, and backchat motives of trying to get something out of someone that is manipulated and only for my own self interests. I realize and see that I am here as life and thus by definition of who I am I exist within all that is here, there is no limitation so thus no need to rush nor be in fear of lose. I realize and see that these desires are from the mind as ego so I stop my ego from directing me by stopping impatience, fears, and desires and live here for what is best for all which will always be what is best for me. Also, I stop myself as I go into manipulation within abusing life as I am separating myself to have more then myself here, and thus spiting myself within compromise by living in the mind as desire while the reality of the situation I am existing as is abusing life and really diminishing myself as I separate myself from who I am one and equal with all as the physical.

I commit myself to live within and as patience's in the specificity and focus to understand myself as creator and thus take full responsibility for my creation, to thus forgive myself for my faulty living, and recreate myself as life anew to a world were I/we are perfected within living as a system that support life equal and one to what is here as the physical as ourselves.

I commit to stop this point of fear of loss and thus create the polarity of desire for more. I within myself take responsibility for both these creations and thus live within breath here in equilibrium with all and creating solutions for all that all can embrace and be supported with.

I commit myself to live without limitations and thus without motives for any point of desire for more and thus embrace myself as life here as the physical and thus give as I would like to receive and love my neighbor as I would like to be loved until life is here and is in full expression.


manipulator, manipulation, haste, rush, impatience, irresponsible, abusing others, self compromise, equal money, desteni, 7 year journey to life, garbrielle,

Day 3 - Judgement of Self

When I watched back the video I made tonight I immediately went into reaction of seeing myself as ugly. Judging and comparing my physical face to memories of what I have looked like and approved of in the past, and thus seeing myself less then those pictures. Throughout my life, I have based people, my first impression of them, based on their look. Defining the being in whether I was going to like them or not due to if they where attractive or not, and this definition and initial judgment of another would create a separation which compromised my ability to be with them as equals and thus taint the meeting  to be only as ego within self interest to be on top, be the winner, and thus gain system approval and acceptance for myself.

This was fueled by seeing movies and tv shows were the people on there were always very attractive, I was very much into beauty, I enjoyed people who were very attractive looking, and this initially was not in a sexual way, but in a way to establish myself among 'friends' and basically size myself up to thus compete for the most attractive male in my later years. I did not accept myself because I desired to be perfect within my look this never being able to be satisfied within myself because I was always seeing myself in comparison with others which created a hell for myself and me with others as I constantly was in competition. Til here no further I stop the judgment of myself as well as others within pictures, we are more then pictures, we are here as life. Life is not limited to look, pictures, or definitions and I am not limited to competition and the mind as ego, I can transcend and walk as equals with all that exist as I realize all that is here is me, I must stop my mind and thus walk within and as the physical as what is real to live this in fact to align myself one and equal with all as this physical reality as the physical reality is what is life, what is real, what is 'god', what is self.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to judge myself based on images I am holding onto of what the perfect face should look like, what the perfect eyes should look like, what the perfect hair should look like, what the perfect style should look like and thus be constantly and continuously comparing myself to everyone I see, and thus define myself only by the outside looking in as I realize and see that who is on the outside is not who I have to be, I do not have to continue to define myself by the pictures that I hold onto as perfect and thus I can let go of this desire to be some image that is not real and not tangible to even consider never mind take up so much of my time in worry, thoughts, and attention as I simply made it up in my mind and made it real by allowing perfection as an idea to possess me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to judge another being based on this picture image I have in my head of the perfect look and thus within this perfect picture idea in my mind, size the being up and thus go into a conclusion that the being is then defined and figured out so to speak and thus I direct myself from this conclusion I made of him/her within ego as seeing myself in comparison to what I concluded as more or less within the other. I realize that within this type of separation of defining and judging a being within the idea of more/less and constantly and continually participating within this comparison as I meet new people and with all the people in my world I am creating my own hell as their is no fulfillment and joy in trying to attain a stance of superiority through other beings by diminishing them in my mind and really I realize only diminishing me as eventually I will sabotage the the other as my ego always looks to be on top and thus will abuse another to attain this goal of superiority.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to go into my ego and diminish others in an attempt to be superior to others as I am compensating for the inadequacy I see of myself through not accepting myself and judging myself within the polarity play out of better/worse as my image and what I believe is important as being perfect to be accepted. I realize and see that being perfect within the mind as ideas, images, and polarities is not real but only sabotaging myself to really live and walk self perfection through become self perfected in taking consideration of everyone that is here as myself and living equal and one to all that is here as I would want for myself. I see and understand real perfection is within and as life here in this physical reality through creating systems and solutions to better life for all and thus enjoy life as ourselves with each other in total acceptance and embracement of the joy of ourselves as life living.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to base my whole beingness on the image of who all of us are within an idea that beauty is valuable and those who are more beautiful are somehow more worthy then those who are not. I see and realize the cycle of torment I have created for myself by existing within this absolute abdication to who and what life is as one and equal with all that is here in this physical reality and defining life by pictures that the being has no control over and makes absolutely no difference to the relationship we hold here as one and equal with each other as we are all the other as all that remain here is self, nothing exist outside of self as life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to play into the depression of myself when and as I came to points in my life where I would see myself as not as pretty as the other and really within myself define myself as less then that I somehow was not as worthy, privileged, and special as I saw those with the great beauty. I see and realize that this idea of beauty as something that is able to be valued and thus defined and categorized among beings is in complete separation by accepting my mind as ideas and pictures to have power over me and thus abuse the life around me as well as myself due to following these thoughts that to be someone here you had to be good looking based on following  my thoughts and ideas that I am the mind and I have to win to live.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to allow jealousy within and as myself when I see those who are in picture presentation that are the ideal image I would like to be of perfection in beauty and allow myself to go into spite towards the being as I see myself less then them but desire to have what they have as I believe there life is great as they have everything that I would want and that they have the perfect life because they look the part. I realize and see that what is here is not to be defined and placed in a box perfection as an idea placed into beauty, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and thus not relevant to what I am walking here as life in oneness and equality. Life is life and thus added value judgments of beauty is only limiting our expression and determining ourselves within images of the mind as ideas that need to be lived up to which is not necessary and cause division among beings if one accept and allow the ego to control self, so thus I realize best to stop limiting myself to ideas of beauty and perfection and live beauty as perfection of self here within all that exist in absolute specificity to the consideration of all parts of myself as the whole is unified and supported within the support system I am as life living with no ego as mind to hinder one's expression.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to be spiteful within my backchat towards another being I see as more then me as I am jealous that they have the perfect picture that I desire and believe I need to succeed here in this world, so to make myself feel better, I will be quick and try to manipulate them to get them to be on my level through finding flaws in them and making them see it.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to be spiteful towards others beings and be nasty within my backchat as trying to diminish them based on seeing them more then me. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting a depression state to ensue when I value myself less then other based on looks and thus I forgive myself for allowing and accepting depression to exist within and as me as I see myself unworthy and useless if I don't stand at the top among the group I am with and be seen as the best among them.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to thus compensate within my athletics to make up for the lack I felt within my look so thus I could have some value among my peers and be seen as cool in a way that I saw others as cool, those who were good at sports.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to define myself and others as cool based on if we played sports or not and placing a value judgment on physical activity and motion instead of realizing and existing as me here comfortable and stable within myself as I discover and express myself within the enjoyment of physical movement with others and with myself as my human physical body.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to allow abuse onto others based on my jealousy towards them of being prettier or better in sports then me and thus find ways to manipulate and diminish them to make myself be more and be seen by those at the top of the group so I thus can impress and get myself closer to being at the top.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to diminish myself within the idea and living out this idea that i have to manipulate life and abuse life to get to the top in compete self abdication as myself as equal with all and go into ego to be seen by others within my acting in an abusive and self interested way to impress those I see as more then me so I can be accepted and seen as cool among the group as see as better then me. I realize and see that this is not who I am and thus I stop all forms of desiring to impress others to gain their approval to thus be seen by others as being in a certain group and thus go into self interest to try and be seen as more to thus boost my ego and be disillusioned that I am somebody because I am 'popular' but only living by the system of abuse through diminishing myself by abusing others for my own self interest desires and gains to be accepted by those I see as superior to me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to separate me from the life that is here within ego as jealousy and judgment as I realize and see that I am only diminishing me and creating a cycle of self abuse as I go from peak to lows in a never ending cycle of searching for who I am and trying to fit in with others all the while creating conflict and abuse in my world due to anger and jealousy because I don't see myself live up to my idea of perfection within my mind that i desired very much.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to define life by pictures and from the mind as ego within polarities of inferiority/superiority based on an idea that I need to be perfect to be accepted and thus I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to believe to make it in this life and succeed I have to be accepted and thus I had to be perfect within what I did and look like as I was in competition with all the others in my group which created allot of depression as I just could not live up to this expectation of myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to create an expectation of myself that I had to be perfect to succeed and be accepted instead of realizing and seeing that true success is when one live in peace and freedom with one self by accepting oneself for who one is and embracing all that is here as self in thus forgiving oneself for seeing themselves in a faulty way to thus change self to live here among all life equal and one.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My Self Correction:

When and as I go into this point of beauty and trying to fulfill this perfect picture within my mind, I stop and speak 'no, til hear no further', where I realize and see that life is I as a life being am not defined nor limited to any point of deinition, thought, belief, idea that the mind makes up within the polarities that will play out through accepting the ego to direct. Thus I commit to stop my ego as these thoughts, beliefs, ideas, and definitions to thus let go of the ties of limitation and allow myself to breath and live as myself in all that exist here as I create myself within all that is here as we as life walk as equals together in oneness and live in this way as well.

I commit to stopping all thoughts, ideas, beliefs, and jealousy based on placing value on judgments within polarities in separation to what is here.

I commit to walk with all life as myself and accept all life without any point but here as breath as I align with the physical in my words and deeds to thus embrace the world as myself and all living beings within it so peace can be lived and I can live in peace within myself as I walk and align myself with the perfection of this physical reality within the principles of oneness and equality through living in self honesty and self forgiveness.

 I commit to accept myself as all as one as equal and stopping all ego to be more and thus stopping all points of self sabotage as I go into the polarities of separating me from mysel fas all life. I stop separation in all forms and bring all forms here as me in living with life one and equal with me.

I commit to stand equal to life and thus stop at nothing to see this world live in this way through and as my self living and birthing myself with perfection my every breath to align to what is best for all life.



self judgment, beauty, ugly, ego, self perfection, solution, equality, one life, judging another, spiteful jealous girl mean abuse process journey to life desteni

Day 2- Survival is not Life

Points that came up within a recent post on the Desteni forum was based on the fear of catastrophe in this world, this based on the reality that oil will dry up one day, and within considering this point for myself, a fear arose within me fearing for my very survival if it comes to the point and we have not stopped where the resources finally run out.

Within writing this I realize that this scenario is but one scenario out of an infinite range of possible outcome that could occur, and thus within my mind I can come up with many fears to coincide with the probability of this world going to shit, but within this fear I realize it is not real nor beneficial and only cause me to be stuck, like frozen in time, where I can not move as all the muscles within my body constrict and I go inwards to braise myself for what is to come as the mind perpetuates with thoughts and images of impending doom.

With fear I realize it leaves me stagnate and is not beneficial for myself or life, and thus I let it go. I stop existing in fear as I see it is not real as it is created and generated within my mind, in dimensions in the chambers of illusion that I can make up like make believe, but what is real among this fear, I within how I am living is not as I am existing in fear of my life when in fact I am alive here as I breath, the scenarios I am creating are not as we still have time to stop ourselves and become the solution through equality. The only point we have to live and consider is oneness and equality, respecting and allowing life to be free and live. Creating this scenario for all life, we will not have to fear as all will be supported, we will create ways to not depend on oil, ways best for all life where the resources are respected and renewed to life one and equal to self.

I see and understand that life in breath in the physical is what matters as it is the real organic matter of this reality we live and what we are sourced and consist of. So I see instead of wasting my time in fear, it's best and makes sense to live in the physical, find solutions to what is here as this current world and system, and create the best outcomes for all as we face the consequence within the world we created. There is no avoiding consequence, but being here instead of fear is much more productive and gives me a chance to transform myself into the solution I see and realize is here, equality of all life is the only way for life to be balanced and in equilibrium. I am here to walk solutions and take responsibility as this world to thus be able to then create solutions instead of existing in fear and constriction as the mind goes on a field day. I walk in self honesty and self forgiveness as who I have become to thus have the opportunity to create myself fresh, here, and in oneness and equality in what is best for all life to live the solution as myself one and equal with what is here as the physical outflow of this world, which is me. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to fear losing the resources I have grown accustomed to based on my advantage to have a job and an income to thus be able to sustain myself and my resources in this world to survive another day.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to fear being on the streets with no resources and thus no protection from the elements.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to thus go into survival mode and thus harm another through taking more then my fair share to get what I want within my own self interest to thus be able to survive over another.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to allow fear within self to come to a point where I as life have to survive here to live as I have accepted and allowed a system to be put in place where I need money to survive and to get money I have to be able to compete to thus live another day.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to create fear within myself that I will not get enough and thus desire to hoard more then my fair share as I desire to be able to survive even though I realize within this point that I will allow another being as myself to go without.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to create a fear of myself that I will lose my life and my survival if I share and give to others as I would want to receive allowing and accepting myself to fully exist and engage in this system of separation as competition and survival which was created by me in greed and desire for more.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to create a system in which I govern my life in a way where I have to compete against myself to live here and thus accept and allow myself to go without and suffer in physical pain because I allow and accept greed to govern who I am as I exist within the ignorance of myself as the belief that I am not my neighbor fueling the mind as ego which desire to be on top in the survival game we play, but this is not a game many suffer.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting greed within material possessions possess me into believing that I can not exist without my precious stuff and so thus I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to value goods and money over the very life that keeps me alive and breathing here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to kill myself based on allowing fear to direct me into separation and the justifications of thoughts, beliefs, and ideas that we are not in fact one and equal which I realize and understand this is only a self abdication into and as my ego to exist in the pursuit of my own happiness in spite of the suffering of billions over ages of time passed and continues in this very breath so I as the mind survive and attain more.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting thoughts that I am separate from my neighbor in an attempt to gain over them as I fear to lose what is mine and thus have less then what my neighbor has.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to fear having less then my neighbor because I have created a belief that there is not enough here based on my appetite for material wealth that I am seeking to fulfill this void within me of emptiness and non-fulfillment which is an infinite pit as this thirst for more will never be satisfied as desire is a mind illusion that exist infinite in cycles of more/less.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to thus go ahead and steal from my neighbor, her husband, her goods, her land, her life in the attempt to gain my happiness through my desire for more to fill this void within myself as a continuous fear of not having enough and losing what I have which drives me for seeking more and more which can never be satisfied as it is not real but made up and fueled continuously through the mind as ego which seeks to survive no matter what.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the fear of losing what I have based on the fact that I have defined myself separate to who I am here as life and thus value what is 'out there' more then myself and seek fulfillment within the ego where I can do anything as the mind is made in illusions through multi-dimensions that I as the ego easily am able to get lost in and forget who I am thus able to then abdicate the responsibility I hold to myself and all life as equals.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to believe to fulfill myself I need more then my physical breath and the equality of life as if material goods and money value has more worth then the very air that allow me to exist in this very moment and that the earth is not plentiful within its given out herself to allow her equals to live in abundance and joy within balance and equilibrium as life as ourselves.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to take life for granted based on belief that I am not enough.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my ego to direct me into beliefs, thoughts and fears of desire and need because I am in self interest in my personal bubble mind reality while real physical reality is not considered and thus extensively abused as I only consider my life, my needs, and my fears not considering the innumerable life beings that exist right here in this same physical existence as me and thus as me deserve the respect and honor to live and breath and enjoy their expressions as living beings as I am able to.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting ego as mind to direct me into temptation through giving into desire for more and fear of not having enough.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting ego as my mind to only consider myself within this physical world as I abdicate my responsibility to life as life has given to me unconditionally within every breath I take.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting thoughts, beliefs, and ideas to distract me from the equality and oneness of myself as all life in what is here to walk and live as myself to a new world that is best for all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to take my very breath for granted and thus go out and abuse the life that is keeping me alive through allowing and accept fear to direct me and desire that I don't have enough where I take more then my fair share.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to use ego as a compensation for the fear I have instead of standing up and stopping all the points of polarity as mind and walk the solution as myself to life one and equal with all stopping all abuse forevermore to all life that is being missed as I diminish myself until the point of death as the physical as me.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My Self Correction:

When and as this point of fear comes up where I believe I will not survive or I will lose what I have, I stop and breath, as I realize and see within and as what is here as this physical existence as I align myself with oneness and equality with all others that are here, we as life are able to create any means necessary to have a life of support and fulfillment through giving all equally their fair share as the earth provides unconditionally for us and we as creators are able to create whatever it is we live into being. I am the creative principle here and I am able to direct myself within and as any point that render a solution through only honoring the principles of myself as life one and equal with the physical that exist that allow life to live. I am one with the physical as the physical is one with I.

I commit myself to stop all points of fear when and as they arise and always focus and push self to walk the solution within the principles I live as and for the best outcome of all life and to birth a new world that is supportive and free to life here forevermore. I stop all points of desire for more and separations of myself as ego as I realize this is not real as who I am is here within what I touch, see, hear, breath, and live. I am here.

Day 1 - Considering Others

Day 1

When I arrived at work tonight, I was 4 minutes late, and the girl who I was relieving said 'you need to come on time, I have to be somewhere', immediately my reaction went to blame her, and diminish her within my mind because she dare call me out as doing something 'bad' or 'wrong'. I blamed and condemned another for the simple fact that I did not want to face myself as someone who is late and caused another to call me out on it. This point of being called out is the point where I go into reaction, as this point of calling me out, brings up memories of being yelled at by adults as a kid, and I really feared being yelled at by adults because I didn't enjoy the loudness of their voices and me being caught doing something 'bad.

So when this event occurred of being called out by my co-worker and I see myself react, I realize that this is just my ego trying to protect itself to be the one who is right and the other is at fault, thoughts go through such as 'I don't deserve this scolding as I am just a few minutes late', but not considering the others world/responsibilities/schedules and thus separating my responsibility to the agreement of the job to be there at a certain time, which I require others to uphold and should always require myself to uphold as well.

Within this this is not taking responsibility for who I am within my job and the agreements set forth when going into a job to be in at a certain hour and leave at a certain hour, where others plan their events according to this agreed upon schedule, and obviously if one is late, it creates a chain reaction that effect others unnecessarily. Now within this being late, I realized I was going to be late, but still I went into ego here and decided I could be a few minutes late because 'it's just a few minutes, who cares?' Allowing and accepting myself to disregard the other being at the job and being inconsiderate to the other in whatever was going on in their world based how they set up their night according to the time's scheduled, and was late on purpose cause I didn't want to be there at all. This lax attitude, that it's 'no big deal' towards others I have allowed for a lot of my life and I've allowed it to direct me due to this superiority and ego that I am more then others due to my perception of what I do and who I am as a 'good' and 'easy-going' person.

Interesting dynamics that really go on within myself in terms of my secret mind where I accept and allow myself to disregard the other beings within my world due to the belief that I deserve a break and to be catered to because I believe myself to be good, thus seeing myself essentially more deserving then others and able to have privileges over others. This of course completely made up within my mind due to my desire to not want to work and not want to push myself to get my ass in gear and be on time for work. So using excuses and justifications such as I am just a few minutes late or I deserve to be late because I allow others to be late, is a complete abdication of the responsibility to the other and the respect of the other to say yes, I see you and realize that you are as important and deserving as I am, so thus I as you will equalize myself to what is here as work and respect the fact that the schedule here is in place and that that is what life is moving from.

Working with the physical, working with reality, and stopping my mind as delusions, justifications, ego grandeur to direct me in abusing the privilege of others kindness and not considering the other as I would want to be consider. I am not special nor more then any other being here, we are all equal, we all deserve the respect and consideration of how one would want for oneself, and thus all points of blame, irritation, and justification is in fact my own dishonesty's showing me where I am still allowing ego, and thus I stop, breath, self forgive, and direct myself to consider all here as myself and correct my living to stand equal and one with all life here as me.

Being Late-

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to be late for work based on the thoughts that 'its cool if I am a few minutes late, it's just a few minutes, no big deal'.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to within this thought of 'it's cool if I am a few minutes late, no big deal' only seeing and considering my own self interest of not wanting to go to work and thus using excuses as 'it's no big deal' as an escape to give myself a tiny bit more timee to dunce around and avoid working while I understood and realized that their indeed is another being who is being effected and will create a consequence for them.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to not take into consideration the other worker within my job who is depending on me to be on time due to the scheduled agreement we have to be in at certain time and thus create consequence and unnecessary aggravation for another when I was deliberately late and not giving equal consideration to the other as I realized they would be late for the next event if they had one planned.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my ego to direct me with an idea that because I am relaxed with others when they are late, I deserve to be late once and a while, although this is not reality as the other worker did not agree to this and this is only within the idea that I am somehow more important then the other being at work and thus deserve special privileges.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to thus go into ego within superiority and believe that I am more important then another because I am a 'good' person allowing others to not stress when their late so thus I should also get this consideration based on being helpful and getting a nice feeling about myself as a 'good person'.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the mind as emotions to direct me into belief of myself that based on my idea of myself as 'good' where based on this idea of me being 'good' within my mind, I deserve special privileges and thus justified my tardiness to the job when I had agreed in taking this job that I would be there at a specific time, which I deliberately missed based on laziness and escapism.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my idea of myself as 'good' to create the belief that I should have special privileges and thus within my back chat I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to deliberately spite the worker at work and be late on purpose as I wanted to be lazy and not go into work at all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to be spiteful towards the worker based on me not wanting to live out my responsibilities and thus accept and allow myself to give in to resistance of being late cause I wanted to have a little bit more time off.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to not consider the other within and as the physical reality that is my world and thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing to live only in my own self interest and justify the abuse and abdication of my responsibility to another at work.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My Self Correction:

When and as this point comes up of wanting to escape and be lazy not wanting to take care of my responsibilities, I stop breath, and speak 'i am here in the physical equal and one, I walk as life' and walk the correction of moving through any and all resistance that arise to abdicate my responsibilities and also consider all within my world and how my decisions will effect others. I walk and commit myself to always consider the others within my world and my responsibility to live as equals in whatever scenario comes up. I commit myself to live my agreements and walk the best I am able to within this physical reality and stop the ego within thoughts and self interest.


Blaming Co-worker


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to blame my co worker based on my reaction of fear and embarrassment for being called out when I showed up late for work.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to within the blame that I created towards her based on the fear I had of being yelled at immediately go into my secret mind and diminish my co-worker as a 'bitch' and 'horrible'.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting back chat of diminishment towards another based on me accepting and allowing my ego to want to be greater then her and better so within my mind I use my own spitefulness to get back at her and be the winner because I have determined that she is a bitch and thus I am not so I am more then her.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to be spiteful within my backchat towards my co worker based on the fear that came up due to me not liking to be yelled at as a kid and still holding onto this fear and dislike as an adult and thus based on this energy that I created and held onto as fear and dislike I go straight for revenge and thus diminish her for calling me out about being late.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to use my mind as a form of attack on another as revenge and thus create an idea of myself in my mind that I am more when I am just diminishing myself as I am the one creating this abuse and unnecessary conflict within myself towards another or my world based on me not wanting to face the reality of that moment of me being late and not considering my co-workers equal to how I would want to be considered.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to use abuse as back chat thoughts of she is a 'bitch' and 'horrible' so I can be more and look better within my mind to thus gain superiority over my co-worker as I felt diminished when called out on being late based on holding onto the memory of fear and dislike when I was yelled at as a kid.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the polarity playout within my mind of superior and inferior ideas based on me defining myself by my world and seeing it within these two polarities = good/bad, when I realize and see it was just a point of consideration by my co-worker to let me know that she expects me here on time and not late.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to hold onto a memory of me within fear of being yelled at by an adult based on me being shocked by the noise of the yell and not desiring to experience that way of being talked to again.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to hold onto the past as memories and blame my co-worker for this feeling as the memory has brought up as fear and dislike when she called me out to be on time.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to blame my co-worker for who I was in that moment as not wanting to face myself as being late and not taking responsibility and allowed thus I allowed fear and emotions to direct me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting fear and emotions to direct me in my reality as I see and realize what is here is me and thus I accept what is here as me, and walk the correction without taking myself/world/others personally as what is here is a gift for me to walk and self correct to thus walk as equal with all life as me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to take my co-workers words towards me as a personal attack and thus I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to react in fear and anger and go into my ego to gain superiority back.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to use my ego as a point of gaining power as I realize this power is in the diminishment of others thus not who i am and not real as I realize and see all are equal here and all is life as myself, thus I see and understand real power is here within breath as I walk and equalize myself with this physical reality equal and one to all as I stop my ego and accept all that is here as me.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My Self Correction:

When and as this point of ego arise where I go into my back chat and diminish another based on taking what is done/said/lived towards me personally, I stop, breath, and I realize that this is not a personal point towards me, I can direct myself in common sense and thus walk equality as all here. I am not defined nor determined by others so thus instead of reacting, I commit myself to use what is here as life as others and correct myself to stand one and equal with all as I see and realize the ego as mind is not real and only causes diminishment in myself as I go and abuse others in my back chat and thus eventually in the physical which is unacceptable and not necessary as I can stop myself and change.

I commit myself to change this point of blame and going into ego, to thus walk with others in understanding and seeing what it is that is actually being said and lived and thus change myself to align with oneness and equality in the best way I am able to for the best outcome I can walk for all life. I stop polarity playouts and stop my fears from directing me.




self forgiveness, walking to life, equal and one, equality, oneness, writing, journal, diary, life journey, garbrielle, equal money, desteni,