My Journey to Life: husband

Showing posts with label husband. Show all posts

Saturday, March 19, 2016

Blame – The End is Near – Day 502

Moving from my previous post, I opened up how I have been living the word blame and how within my current application I am using it as a way to become superior in moments, though what I realized is that it is only causing a self diminishment. This diminishment is based on the fact that within the blame there is a desire to be right, and within this desire there is a competition outflow that I participate toward others in my world causing there to be a war like environment rather then an environment that is supportive and inclusive of all in understanding and a respect within equality and oneness of all life.

I discussed this play out with my DIP buddy and she gave me the helpful insight and redefinition of the word ‘winning’, showing me that within the desire to win such as in competition with another where I start blaming and making it about being right and winning, that in fact I am not winning but losing as I am losing myself to my emotions, giving my power away, and diminishing the value exchange that could occur if I was living in a way that is best for all and standing in the shoes of the other in a wholesome way. Wholesome meaning standing in the others shoes, where I see them from there birth and understand what they have walked in there shoes to be/get to a point where they are in their life’s in that moment. And within this redefinition of this word ‘winning’ is that it’s not to win in competition and blame as in trying to be right, but win in the way where I am standing through the desire to compete, blame and be right, and stand within my principle of understanding, unconditional listening, and supporting the other as an equal to find solutions that is best for all. And here this word is redefined to live in a way where I am ‘winning’ in the sense that I am building my self trust, self integrity, and self stability within myself in my world where I am standing more and more as an example of solutions in what’s best and so standing as a plus one for a world that is best for all.

So how I am seeing blame is more of a ‘lazy’ way of living in self interest, where it’s a living in resistance of not wanting to face self, introspect, and walk the correction process necessary to take responsibility for oneself, but move into a point of isolation more and more and fear as I go further from my self trust and self integrity by harming others in my world with my words and not taking responsibility for myself to change.

So forgiveness on myself for continuing to live out this pattern for such a long time:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a pattern of perpetual blame onto others in my world because I believe that I am not at fault as I listen to my backchat speak to me about how it’s all others faults, looking what they do and say, look it how they treat and disrespect me, look at how rude they are, not at all self introspecting and seeing the actual facts and reality of this thoughts that are coming up through writing and self corrective writing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a form of self victimization based on the level of attack and abuse my mind was giving me about how others are treating me, not asserting myself within my directive will, to stop my mind with breath, self introspection in writing, and changing myself in what ever has to be done so I am here and clear to why patterns are playing out within me and so have the corrective process and living words understood to be able to change in real time moments.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to drag out more time then is necessary on process points I have to face and transcend through the writing process and self introspection by allowing distractions to occupy my time and within these distractions suppress my real behaviors, thoughts, and actions that I see I am participating in and not changing longer then is necessary to face.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take self responsibility for myself within the actions and behaviors I have created in my world where I give myself a naive look of myself as a young person at heart that is in need of soft touches and within that focus only on my external reality and how I am being effected by it, reacting, and so blaming these reactions on others, when I see, realize, and understand that within myself I am creating the reactions, I am not asserting and moving myself in a way I realize and have proven to myself in real time I am capable of, and so prolonging my process of self realization longer then it has to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be convoluted within myself by blame and distractions not seeing, realizing, and understanding the overall and specific outflows this is causing in my life where my life circumstances are getting more intense and more compromising as I continue to live in ignorance to the responsibility I hold to move myself and stand as I am not new at this process and tools of change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become emotional about this process of change and so go into more reactions then necessary about who and how I am living within myself and my world, and change and transform myself each and every moment I am here to be my best and live my best through making my moments count and supporting myself in my highest potential in each moment.

I commit myself to let go of the desire to blame others for my life circumstances and so take responsibility for myself to understand my reactions, understand the programs that are playing out within, and write out the script of self change that’ll be necessary to walk to live change in this reality that is best for all.

I commit myself to stop blaming my world by living the word self response – ability.

I commit myself to live the words unconditional listening where I here and understand the other fully to their satisfaction and take responsibility for any reaction that comes up, where I immediately take the point on in self forgiveness aloud, or note it to be written out later to be faced and corrected.

I commit myself to use the word blame as a cross-reference for me in my world of where I am falling into self victimization and immediately apply the change necessary to take responsibility for myself and do what has to be done to walk the correction into a way that is best for all.

I commit myself to live the redefined word as winning where I stop my mind in falling in energy and move into self trust, self stability, and self directiveness in what is best for all.

Thursday, March 17, 2016

The Blame Game - Day 501

Photo Source

Blame for me is something that is like a thorn on my side, I know I do it often and it consistently comes up in my world, though I am seeing that I can convolute myself within it to such an extent where I believe I can’t see it. So I am not self honest within this, I am not standing within a point of self responsibility to stand for myself and so eventually another to be able to see this system for what it is and transform it into a direction that is supportive and best for all.

Blame as a mind construct or creation from thoughts is something that I can see is not supportive, it creates me into a constant cycle of energy, where I am being directed like a carrot on a stick to this desire to win or be right and so within that believe that others are not right and others have to lose, which creates the experience of becoming lost making it more and more difficult to act in a self responsible way directing myself within what is best for all.

Winning or being right within my view point where I start to rise in energy and within that my physical tones start to rise, show that I am not stable any longer within my communication, but that I am starting to access the blame system. Because within the blame system, you don’t have to look at yourself in the moment, you can create all sorts of whys and why nots that you are not at fault and the other is. Though over time I have realized that that is actually the trap, blaming another person no matter in what context or what degree, is going to trap oneself in the perpetual cycle of up and downs of winning and lose. And in blame you never win, but always lose as you give your power away to your emotions and create an abusive destructive environment as your wake.

Blame is heavily influenced within competition and competition is created within insecurity and judgment I have found. When one cycles in the polarity of judging self thus making one feel insecure and then going out in the world and attempting to become superior and win, you become reactive and point fingers not wanting to see the actual behavior and consequences one is creating for oneself to realize eventually that this way of living is futile and will only end in frustration and limitation.

So when the blame system comes up, my buddy and myself have come up with some cool and supportive ways to move through this with a definition of the word winning, where I was been triggered into a blame spiral when I saw that I was feeling like I needed to compete and win. And so creating the blame game flow of making it about the other person being weak/bad and self being strong/good, not for real of course only in my mind do I beLIEve this and so it get's validated through experiences as positive and negative energy. This of course being unacceptable behavior as I am causing deliberately abuse to another where I could stop and change in this moment, but don't.

I will continue with Self forgiveness and self correction in my next blog, and also redefine the word blame and winning to support with more structure to stop this playout from occurring and change real time to a support being who stands for what is best for all life. Thanks for reading.

Blame Interview Recording Support:

Tuesday, March 1, 2016

Intimacy - The Foundation for An Empowered Being Part 1 - Day 500

Intimacy is a form of self depth where there is more substantial understanding and investigating of self done, letting go of fears and judgments in a way of deeper understanding and so deeper satisfaction through connecting to the real self, the one who is yearning for substance that will be best within what I am living and how I am treating others as well as myself.

Intimacy also I am seeing it as brutal self honesty were I am not hiding or ignoring any part of myself, but looking at me in a reality sense, direct, and for the purposes of learning and growing to become better. There is a gentleness factor like a mothers touch with a child that I am also seeing is needed based on the nature of what I may find within the depths of self, that it is not to judge self or become emotional in any way, but to realize these were miss takes or actions that were done in ignorance or denying self's participation of the full outflows that may potentially play out. What one can commit to within living the word intimacy is a realization to become open and vulnerable with oneself and so with say a partner whom you are in a relationship with. This can bear rewarding fruit that will birth a more intimate connection with who one is and the other and so a more fulfilling existence with oneself and together. This is because it becomes more then surface knowledge of who each one is which is much more mind based, meaning interpretations, assumptions, perceptions of the other. Through a more intimate connection it becomes more real and direct because you are letting yourself into see you as well as letting another in to see the real you as well, so real life is being lived not a facade we are so use to playing into.

So the way I am seeing it is that becoming intimate is scary in a sense because it feels like you are open to attack, though through becoming caring with yourself and with another, you will support the relationship to become something extra ordinary as the beingness of the beings start to connect, the life within, which starts to supersede the fear and competition layers which is based on survival, and the real selves come through, that which wants to create, grow, and expand into one's world and reality.

Being truthful with yourself and so another is a gift that is able to be given because once you see the truth of self, take hold of it and ownership of it, then you can start the process of change and correction. This builds self trust and trust in relationship with another, like a partner, which creates the platform for lasting honor and respect. This is something for me that I can see I would like for myself and another, living the word intimate and connecting on a more deep level then the usual connections of human beings is something I am committed to live and give to others in my world.

Intimacy –

In to me I see

Enter my sea

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear becoming intimate with myself for fear that I will be embarrassed with what I find.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become embarrassed based on what I find in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take my mind personally instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding that the information coming up is programs and systems that I have created unconsciously and subconsciously and that they are able to be transformed and changed into something that supports me in the best way possible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a fear of becoming intimate with myself and then not being able to handle what I find.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that becoming intimate with myself I will not know how to create that which I desire within this point of intimacy which is a connection to myself in a deep and meaningful way and so to others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire a certain feeling of closeness and peacefulness when I connect with myself or another in living the word intimate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have expectations in what living the word intimate will be like where it’s based on a feeling I will get that makes me feel warm and comfortable inside instead of living this word in my reality where I create intimacy with myself and my partner by what I do and what I say/share rather then getting it through a feeling by someone else’s words/actions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be given intimacy by others rather than give it to myself because I believe I am not feminine enough and not gentle enough to have this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not feminine enough to be intimate with myself or another and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate feminine with intimacy when I see, realize, and understand that it’s not a matter of being a specific way but living and acting in specific ways through my self expressing and living words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear seeing all of me and so fear being intimate with myself in all levels.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as harsh and not gentle, and so from here believe that I can’t be intimate with myself or another.

I commit myself to let go of all judgments of what intimacy should be or look like within me and live this word in my world where I remain in self honesty and stop the fear of being open with who I am on all levels.

I commit myself to live the word care, understanding, unconditional listening, and self trust within exploring and becoming intimate with myself.

I commit myself to share myself with out condition to myself and so my partner to build the depth and trust of myself and another to become connected as beings on a level of real value which is our real selves and be open to give as I would like to receive.

So to live the word intimacy is to with a soft touch see me and another for real in a direct and self honest way.

So living the word intimacy practically would look like:

-take care of my physical body through slowing down, having fun/play time, and being outdoors.

-setting a comfortable space where I am relaxed, the room is dim and there is soothing lighting like a candle or soft lights to write.

-in the writing use a topic that I am busy investigating about myself and open it up in detail and within that create ways to live it in my world.

-share the information I found about this investigating with my partner so he is also understanding where I am at and how he can support me to live the words I am practicing to live.

-in my mental realm, stopping and doing forgiveness on any self abusive back chat thoughts that cause me to go into a inferior stand in my reality.

-speak within me words that are supportive for my self development as a life being and practice day by day living these words to empower myself and so those around me.

-express myself with my partner in deep and meaningful ways where I share myself in a stable/calm way that is deep and opening up myself to him.

-express care and appreciation for myself through giving me time to enjoy the pleasures of life such as a bath, a nature walk, a tea and book, a massage, or time to breathe and become self aware.