21 Day Self Forgiveness Challenge – Wanting Depth with my Partner – Day 515

Day 2-

Within myself I have always been a deep person, looking for and finding the truth of myself and this existence, I have been fascinated by this quest, pushing it and pushing myself to more and more depths, I thrive on this I would say. This is more a personal journey with myself, though with others, I have been seeing that there has been a desire to have such depth, to push for the meanings, the understandings, the realizations, and more of who we are together, though not all people are like me. Some are yes, though many that I have met aren’t and within this I have been struggling to feel satisfied with others and so only seek out those who support with this depth that I thrive off of. This has been especially coming up lately with my partner because we see things quite differently, it’s almost as though we see things in opposite ways, he tends to be more practical, scientific, and mathematical, where I am again looking for self introspection and realizations that will spring humanity into a new era of evolution and prosperity through this evolution of ourselves back to life here.

And it’s not to even say this is how it is, but this is more how I am seeing it at the moment, so within this relationship I am desiring this depth though it hasn’t manifested as of yet. I have been seeing that I am going into a frustration because of the two different ways we interpret and look at reality, so what I realized with a help of a friend is that every single relationship that we are in is unique unto themselves, there is no two that are the same and within this one can explore and create and express oneself in the uniqueness that is each one that we meet and interact with. This could be human, animal, or anything for that matter. I thought that was a very cool way of looking at it and supports with being here, living more real time and within this creating and expressing oneself based on the uniqueness of the moment rather then in the mind in comparison, wants, and backchat.

So I will do some self forgiveness on the desire to have depth in relationships and redefine the word unique to live.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire a depth within relationships where I go into comparison of my relationship with myself and others, and create a negative or positive feeling based on the result of this comparison that effects the relationship within many aspects of the interaction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want the depth of a relationship that I feel with some, but not see, realize, and understand that it took time and patience to get to a point where the relationship could be lived in such a way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that within my life I need to have all my relationships have depth and introspection of life’s biggest questions to have a meaningful and substantial development with another, when I see, realize, and understand how limiting this is within my life and my relationships with others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow the energy of feeling good and excited when I meet someone who is deep and interesting and so go into a belief that ‘I like this person a lot’, when I see, realize, and understand that this is just based on a desire fulfilled and keeps me complacent in my life to not change and experience that which is outside my comfort zone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into an emotion of anger and resentment when I am with another who is more interested in other subjects or things to do that don’t hold my interest and want to retreat and retract myself from the situation as fast as possible so I can go back to my comfort zone which is discovering depth and truth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow emotions such as anger and resentment toward another for being them, and not see, realize, and understand that this is actually limiting and diminishing my capacity of growth and expansion outside my comfort zones to new topics and doings that I would have never had access to otherwise.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to like a person or not based on the feeling of excitement and goodness I go into when another peeks my interest of depth, as I see, realize, and understand that I am not directing myself within these relationships, but being moved by energy and dismissing beings equal to myself with equally something to share that is substantial and meaningful in whatever unique way is created.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss the uniqueness of each and every relationship I am in based on the very nature of life itself, it is always changing, ever expanding, and ever creating and within this one can expand and grow with and as life as one walks with others in their life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others based on this belief that I need depth and not see, realize, and understand everyone has meaning and everyone has a unique expression to share and learn from.

I commit myself to move into a uniqueness of each moment I am in, exploring the moment with another, expressing myself within depth and/or expression whenever it is here to express.

I commit myself to move myself into new opportunities and within my relationships to expand and grow in learning about others no matter who or how they live and seeing what we can walk together in what is best for all.

I commit myself to live unique which is walking without comparison with others and finding the individual expression that everyone I meet has to share and exploring and enjoying myself within these moments.

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Assertive - Redefining this Word to Live - Day 497

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Assertive is not something I would describe myself as within how I operate in social settings, I am quite shy usually and it'll take a push for me to become more outgoing and assertive in my words and actions. Though, personally I am assertive within myself based on a relative understanding of being truthful and honoring this within myself, and what fruits this brings when it is applied in an honest application. I enjoyed in the past and still do the consequences this brings in my life and self understanding, and usually I regret if I do something that was not supporting a truthful outcome. So I always had a personal understanding of doing the ‘right’ thing or allowing this truth within me be a focus throughout my life. The part that I couldn’t quite align with is the social world where I became limited by past memories of being bullied and events that caused hardship on my mind. I did have many fun/enjoyable times, though what always seemed to stand out the most is the negative and bad times.

So the way I identify with this word is that I personally am assertive within myself in my path to living my truth, but in the external world I am imbalanced within this point as I suppress my expression a lot and feel insecure in front of people mostly. Though through walking the desteni i process and living words redefinition process I am becoming more and more strong in my stand of who I am and find more stability within myself to live this word assertive.

Defintion:
Assertive - 1560s, "declaratory, positive, full of assertion," from assert + -ive. Meaning "insisting on one's rights" is short for self-assertive(1865).

Assertive word play:
Assist – directive
Assert – directive

So within looking at the word definition and the word play, I see that there is an active assertion or declaration of self’s direction within the moment or within what self is living. So within this assertiveness is self movement in one’s self truth. Here I can see it as a point of moving from being laid back or not moving self to in the moment moving self to walk one’s truth where in a moment before I would hold myself back due to fear. So it’s in a way recognizing one’s self truth and expressing that through the layers of the mind as limitations that is pushing the resistence in self to remain quiet, remain limited, remain enslaved so I am controlled and can’t change myself. This action of moving through the mind into self expression is asserting oneself in the physical in the moment. I can walk this in moments where I see I want to hold back, I look within myself and see if I am clear and if I have something to share/express I assert myself to do so moving through any mind resistances and living/expressing my truth as who I am in that moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold myself back in self expression due to the fear of being judged/ridiculed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach expressing myself with ridicule and humiliation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold back in moments due to fear within my words being wrong or not agreeable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit my expression due to my mind saying no instead of moving into the physical and seeing what is real.

I commit myself to move through the mind layers of energy/fear and move into an assertive looking of myself in the moment to express if it is there.

I commit myself to assert myself if I am aligned with truth within myself and walking self honest and what is best.

I commit myself to stop fear with moving into assertiveness and correcting myself as I find I am not aligned with what is best and always stand.

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Redefining the Word Precision to Live – Day 478

Please Reference my last blogs for more context to this blog:
Precision of Self – Day 474
Looking at the Word Precision – Day 475

Precision is within past blogs as how I looked at it, the movement of creating perfection. To exist in precision means you are existing within the action of moving into a perfection within your living. Though I would say this is not tangible enough to create a platform of living it in my world and so I will continue to look at this word and redefine it so I can live it in my day to day life. First I will allocate where I stand within the word.

Precision for me is something that I believed I could not reach or attain due to the effort that it would take to do this. I also believed that you have to be highly intelligent to live in such a way as precise because of the factors and calculations that you have to make to live in such a way. Though I realize precision does not have to be so out there, but I can in fact make it my own. I will first do some self forgiveness on this word to clear it and redefine it to live it in a way that is real for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the word precision has to be lived in a way that is done with full attention, and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not focused enough nor disciplined enough to live in a way of precision.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into resistances within living the word of precision and/or perfection due to the physical effort it requires and attention and specificity it’ll require to maintain.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the idea that I have to be perfect in all moments of my living within walking precision and that I can not make a mistake.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that precision is something that has to be done perfectly all of the time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the idea that I am too clumsy and distracted to be able to hold my attention for long periods of time to live the word precision and exist within a detailed specificity within who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to be highly intelligent to be able to live precise and specific.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that precision is a function of movement and so within my expression of this I will expand and grow as my expression expands and grows within my living of this word.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear giving up and giving into resistances.

I commit myself to walk the process of living the word precision by standing within a movement of self discipline and self movement in the face of resistance and distraction.

I commit myself to push myself beyond my perceived limits of doing in moments where I see I want to give up.

I commit myself to push my limits of specificity through investigating what I am doing in writing and researching and live knowledge that supports my growth and expansion in moving into self perfection through applying the living of precision in all that I do.

I commit myself to walk precision in each moment through daily movements of my physical body and what I move in my world through breath awareness and body awareness.

Precision through word play –

Pre – decision

Precise – incision

Pre - see – dawn

Pre – see – shun

So interesting word play here, I see some of the main points within this word is the specific nature that is lived within it due to the words of ‘precise – incision’ this showing that like within a doctors incision for surgery, how precise they have to cut due to the fragile nature of the human organs and skin they a are cutting through that could cause serious injury or even death. So to live precision one have to be as specific and detailed as one would be within making an incision into the flesh of the body, the care and unwavering understanding of the moment of decision to cut has to be true and stable within self. One has to be specific on how exactly one will move from one point to the next, one has to take care where the actions will lead as a cause and effect one’s movement will have on self as well as the environment one will be creating within, and one also has to use self awareness and calculations of the physical environment to create an accurate and efficient movement forward to give the least amount of harm to all and so in turn will be living what is best for all. This goes along with most of the other word play words I wrote out, where one has to live within a way of pre-deciding in each moment who one is going to be before the incision is made, you have to decide in the moment who one is and within the act of precision one has to be certain and stable in this decision or risk harm to the environment and one’s own creation as such.

My mentor Bernard Poolman once told me that the simplest way to live and also the best way is to live what is best for all, this way one is always consider and so everyone and everything else is consider equally as well. This aligns perfectly with the walking of precision as if I pre decide each time to walk what is best then the perfection in the moment is the outflow. I realize that this will take a process to walk, but the mathematical calculation of this starting point living the word precision to do what is best for all will support in fulfilling the living of this word that I discussed in an earlier blog is creating movement into perfection, and this is what I decide in my live, living what is best for all in this world and life.

So to redefine the word precision to live, I see it within living it in a starting point of what is best for all so the outcome of perfection is certain. And also living it within a care of self movement as well as self awareness to ensure one is moving in a calculated way that is planned out and specific so to ensure the highest potential of the moment is reached. I see this from a personal stand point walking the word precision is to push myself beyond my resistances in moments where I want to give up or give in, but don’t. This I find will be lived within breath awareness as living in breath is living in the moment here, and only here in the moment can one consider what is best with the information that is here and so live it in the precise action it’ll take to fulfill. This is an ongoing process and will through time show the results as I continue to specify myself, learn, grow, and expand within my application of precision leading to perfection by always ensuring my starting point is what is best for all as this mathematical equation always equals perfection. This is what is being walked in this journey to life, self perfection in living, precision is a word to live that’ll supports with this so I am grateful.

Interviews to support on Real Time Application:
Neediness: Living Words & Fulfilment - Atlanteans - Part 313
Why is it so Hard to Change? - Life Review
The Consciousness of the Turtle - Part 1

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What will it take to Co-Exist in this World? – Day 353

I just read an article about the point of party division within America, basically saying that there are two Americas within the America we all know, and they cannot co-exist together. This being expressed through the identification of the ‘red’ states and ‘blue’ states, the republicans and the democrats we so easily conform too especially come election season. But is this actually so? Are we as a country of human beings and for that matter a world of human beings really not able to co-exist? I realize that this saying is said half-heartedly so to speak, but if you have a look at our words specifically here this is indeed what is happening, we are divided and not able to functionally co-exist as many are struggling to survive.

And so here it’s an important point to consider and realize that the words we speak creates our lives, our society, our cultures, our politics, our relationships, and so our reality as the words we speak will eventually become who we are cause our life is created by our words, no? If you observe yourself in this context over time you will see how true this really is. So it is important I have found to be very specific and direct within the words I speak because I want to be the most effective person I can be to help solve problems and so I realize I have to be specific and equally as effective within the words I speak as this will be who I will be and live as. As we can see with this saying, ‘we have two Americas and they cannot co-exist’, we are actually saying, ‘we have this land and we are currently living on it together not effectively, where our system of living creates division and thus suffering for the many rather then an existence of enjoyment for all’, so we can see within this we are not living one of the fundamental truth's and principles of life as to ‘love thy neighbor as ourselves’ as our current words we are speaking is not living this fundamental principle in fact, and so I am asking the question here, why not and so how to change this?

This is not lived based on a key acceptance and that is currently the media is controlled by money and power, and so has an agenda where they only focus on these issues being publicized, which is fueling this division we are seeing in our system as indicated above in the article. What many have not realized is that we are actually being energized through the mind on these issues and fighting for 'our' right, but not realizing that in the end 'our' right will always create a winner and thus many losers in this case. Focusing on issues such as the pro-life or pro-choice debate, big government vs. small government, gay rights, pro-guns vs. against guns, these issues being impossible to create unity within because they are based on what people THINK (mind based) about it rather then actually looking at what it will take to create unity in physical reality (real life conditions based), the practical steps to create this solution of the co-existence of all direct and within physical considerations.

What I want to point out is that what will create an environment for co-existing within this world is grounding ourselves to create the conditions necessary to live in decency through practical and common sense solutions that will be best for all. Putting aside beliefs and how you think people should live, and only solely basing our co-existing on the physical conditions necessary to live in this world. Because yes, there are going to be some things in this world that you may not agree with, but this will have to eventually within yourself as well as the whole be investigated and researched to consider is this a point that will support everyone physically and if not why am I holding on to it and what do I want to gain from this? Also, an important factor that must be taken into consideration is the origin point and core points to why we as humans do certain things that cause a division within life, what is it that makes one look only at self rather then considering the whole, which will in turn support oneself always anyway, and are you willing to give up your beliefs for instance to create a place where all can co-exist in this physical world and thus where we create a world of peace. These will be trying times within this development and growth of us as humanity individually speaking and as a whole because we can't keep existing this way as we are destroying the earth. So we have to literally move ourselves to take responsibility, to change ourselves to unity in the principles that will be best for all or we will end as our time here on earth is not infinite within this physical reality without consideration of this fact of 'we are all physically here' in all its outflows and consequences. It is this critical.

So basically my point here is that if we create our communities and the support for the people within these communities from a foundation of what is physically necessary to live, what physical matters in life, then we can start to build ourselves through our words, communication, and relationship to be a foundation of support, assistance, care, and decency to create a life for all that is indeed best and fulfills the principle of life of 'love thy neighbor as thyself' seeing self and all as equals essentially. So we can really examine and correct these points that create divisions in our lives to re-evaluate what it will take to create an effective human being and so an effective living system in this world. All these considerations of what physically matters in creating a world that is best for all through our living system is overdue, it’s definitely about time as we see the world around us through the human beings living is crumbling slowly, but surely.

Greed and self interest will have to be transcended as well because there is enough in this world and we are in fact equal as life, we just have to learn to live this, share and care for and with each other, the same as what I tell my three year old niece, 'share and care with everyone'.  We have to learn to become like children, back to innocences as they don’t see lines, division, beliefs, or ideas, but the physical world they are aligned within through their physical bodies, like they are one with it and expressing purely as it. Quite magnificent indeed to observe and our living example and truth of who we can be and are in fact if we just live it. These solutions and more of how to live in the physical and co-exist are being developed and proposed within the Living Income Guarantee through the Equal Life Foundation.

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