Day 22- A Sore Throat as Physical Support

Today my throat is very soar, I woke up with it soar, and throughout the day it didn't bother me much, but when I got home from work it kicked in with a vengeance. Interesting, I use the word vengeance because it's not the illness itself that is avenging against me, but me to myself as I have created such a sore in my throat. I looked at the pain and see that obviously it's in my throat, and thus throat is related to speaking. Within having a look at this point with speaking, I see that I am not living my words. I have written allot of self forgiveness and thus have not been following up within my living and living these statements in constancy and consistency, and thus the physical will show me through the pain that I am missing something and thus re-look at and re-consider my self application in self honesty, which is really awesome to have here.

I see this sore throat is showing me that I am not speaking in clarity and stability, thus sabotaging my voice as equals with all through going into ego to gain from what I speak or do, thus where the pain manifests when I speak and swallow. The physical showing me to stop talking, walk my correction in my living, and thus then speak as I have indeed lived what I speak and I can come from a perspective of support within the consideration of all because I actually lived it out. It's really awesome the physical because you can't hide, cheat, sidestep, escape, lie from the physical, it is you, and thus is in unconditional support and assistance to show within this point of pain that we are here and thus something is off with me as the physical is our point of stability and equality here. So thus I am walking faulty and thus need correction, so pain equaling wake up call from the physical as you.  So walking the whole point through, and transcending all points of energy movement, and then I can go into directing others and sharing. Live the point to completion and then I can live words as myself because it will be true thus I am in self honesty as me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to speak when I have not completely lived out the point I am speaking about and thus compromise myself and potentially another within the words that are not in clarity and are energy driven.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to commit to living statements, and then revert back to patterns of desire or blame, and thus come from a point of ego within who I am being here, thus sabotaging my opportunity to really support another one and equal with myself through and as me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to commit to statements that are too big in scope and I realize within myself I will not be able to live them out fully thus compromising my self trust.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to speak self forgiveness statements through ego within a desire to sound superior and in control.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to compromise myself through speaking self forgiveness through ego in trying and attempting to exalt my ego and have others see me as superior.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to desire to gain good feelings from others through what I write as self forgiveness.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to desire to be seen more then who I am from others who read my writings.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to speak self forgiveness just to speak it and get it over with.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to speak self forgiveness just to have something down on paper.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to speak self forgiveness at times as a chore as I realize this is me as my mind as ego trying to diminish myself so I will stop my process and live within and as the mind so it can stay alive and control me for it's own means as energy generation, I realize the mind is me within control as I allow energy movement to direct me instead me in stability directing myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to compare myself to others and see my self forgiveness as inferior, thus living within the polarity of better/worse. I realize I must stop this and live within stability as support as I realize and see within my own living, the gift self forgiveness is to myself as I see that I have changed by walking it and practicing it which I am so grateful for.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have this expectation of myself to have statements of self forgiveness that have purpose and meaning within my idea of what others want to here, thus coming from a perspective of separation within trying to live up to my ideas instead walking within and as stability here and walking what is here within my statements that I write.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to thus then go into self compromise in my living as I am not completely here and stable within my self forgiveness, thus missing myself here within the point of change and transcendence when I walk in my daily life by being dishonest within my self forgiveness sabotaging my opportunity to really be here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to miss myself here within and as this walk into self transcendence into life one and equal and so thus I realize I must push myself to remain here, keep it simple and to the point, and walk slowly within the correction in space time as I walk in humbleness and self acceptance to live here one and equal with myself as all life.

When and as this point of ego as trying to be more then I am here within anything that I act on or speak, I stop, breath and walk within stability. I realize and see that when I speak more then who I am here in each moment, I am separating myself and thus sabotaging myself into living in compromise with myself as others by living in dishonesty with only myself, I am only compromising my self to walk as life thus I stop this self sabotage and walk the correction in self honesty.

I commit to slow myself down within the self forgiveness statements as well as the living of these statements within my day to day as a correction of the statements realizations.

I commit to not speak nor act on points that I have not stood stable in, and thus stop all direction until I have walked the point through in my living and so realize the point that is to be walked and lived to honor and respect the oneness and equality of all so thus I walk step by step into myself here within a world that is best for all through my living of my words for real.

I commit to slow myself down as the living breath and focus on this gift of life within the breath of life and stop my desires and urges for more, be humble, and walk in gracefulness as me as I enjoy and walk the acceptance of life as myself.




self forgiveness, living words, life, words, sore throat, strep, self correction, equality, equal money, desteni, eqafe, 2012

Day 21- Fuck you!

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to take others actions towards me personally, like it is a personal attack onto me where they are seeking to abuse me and bring me down.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to feel offended and hurt when others yell at me or tell me to do something in a demanding and forceful way.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to go into immediate resistance towards the other in a stand off to battle with them as egos as I am taking it personally and seeing that I have to defend myself.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed and accepted myself here as the other in realizing that I am only reflecting myself to myself where in I am not accepting that part of the other as myself and seeing that it is being done onto me when in reality I am doing it to myself as I am not stopping it within myself and thus enforcing the reaction as forceful words and anger within myself and thus resisting it as an attack brought on by the other when I am not doing anything to correct it here, I am causing it to continue.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to not live the correction as myself to stop separating myself from what is here as I realize what is here is me, and thus to stop the battles within myself and me as this world, I must stop it within myself and become a solution for myself so I will have a set of principles as guidelines to walk the correction until I am here as life one and equal as the physical world.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go to war with myself as life within the starting point that the other has done me harm, where within this acceptance of others doing harm onto me and thus retaliating in the same way as separation with the other in bringing battle to them, I am perpetuating the abuse as this world as it is the same abuse that is going on within myself. I am the cause of the abuse of this world as I abuse myself as another living into the separation that 'we are enemies'.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting within myself the belief that 'we are enemies' here as this world as this has brought the atrocities and suffering within and as this world as within this belief it is stating that I am not here, I am in conflict, I don't know who I am, I don't accept myself as life, and I don't accept the life within another, and thus this is what I create a world of hell, suffering, conflict, war, bombs, and kids being killed as well as many adults, animals, nature, this world as me. I realize and see who and what I am within this, I realize I am life, so thus I must walk this in absolute fact as myself to turn the tides and create a world where all children, adult, animal, nature, and this world alike are safe, and all life is respected and honored as I would want for myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to go into self interest as desires to gain more then another and thus when I do not get this more, I go into a disappointment and a point of revenge where I seek out this point of fulfilling my desire where I will do what it takes to fulfill this desire so thus I don't have to feel the disappointment again, but within this I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to live into this polarity play out of desire/disappointment, when I realize and see this will always be the case, as I am chasing emotions and feelings which are not real nor able to be sustained eternally, thus its a constant search for more with no real fulfillment possible as I am addicted to the high, but always with the high will come down to the low, what goes up must come down.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to be addicted to the highs of desire and fulfilling the desire as good feelings for a moment, and thus accept the enslavement of myself to this point as living within the limitations as polarities, never being here and living stable in all that is here as this world as myself as the unlimitedness potential of the equality and oneness of all life in truth. I realize I am one and equal with all thus I don't need to desire nor go into disappointment, but be here, share, and stop the energies as emotions and feelings from directing me, stop limiting myself by chasing energy as mind projections and movements.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the mind as emotions and feelings direct me as desire and disappointment and thus separate me into attaining this desire even while I abuse and bring suffering onto others, and thus go into ego points of staying on top to keep these feelings and emotions and have them come more and more where I attack others as I believe that I am separate and thus continue the abusing life so I can feel good.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate myself from life and not stand up for myself as all as one as equal and walk the correction. I realize and see this is who I am and the path to real lasting eternal peace for all life as well as myself, thus I stop my mind as ego and walk to life here as the physical equal and one to all.

When and as this point comes up where I take things personally and desire to go to battle with the other, I stop take a breather and leave the room to stop the energy build up. I communicate only when I am stable. I realize that I am life here and thus I walk the path to life through self honesty, self forgiveness, and self correction.

I commit to stop separating myself from others and see that I am reflecting me, I take the points shown back to myself, walk them out in self forgiveness, and live the corrections so I stop abusing life and thus become as life one and equal to all as how I would want it for myself.


ego, war, battles, abuse, demon, bombs, kids dying, nature annihilation murder, attack, anger, personal, equality, eqafe, equal money, desteni, 2012

Day 20- Deceptive Nature as Who I am

I was at a training class with my dog today, and I found I became embarrassed during the class. He is 2 and it's a beginners class, so theirs all sorts of puppies in the class, much younger then Henri. I never took him when he was a puppy, but now it is time, and he has to start at this level due to not having any formal training. He was looking at me during the class, and barking, when he is bored or wants to move around, he gets frustrated and barks at me. Here is where I felt embarrassed, and judged myself as a bad mother to him like the people around me where judging me due to him being out of control braking at me. Being embarrassed for having Henri bark at me, and blaming Henri for my reaction of feeling embarrassed as I accepted the thought that they are judging me is the self forgiveness I will walk.                

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to go into the emotion of embarrassment when I see that Henri is barking at me and others are looking at me within the class I was in.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to go into blame towards Henri to escape the fact that I am within myself feeling insecure and embarrassed based on what I am accepting within myself as thoughts that others are judging me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting thoughts that others are judging me and seeing me as a bad mother to Henri because Henri was barking and he was not being perfect in all ways.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to have an expectation of Henri as well as myself to show the perfect picture presentation for others so I can be seen as perfect and others can get the impression of me that I am perfect and have everything in order, this is for my ego so I can boost it to be seen as better then others and have others compare themselves to me and see me as better.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to desire to be seen as perfect within and as my world by others so I can impress or imprint on them that I am really well put together and thus have them compare themselves to me and see me as the best and better then them because this is what I want to be the best and seen as better.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to go into desires as ego personalities to want to be seen as better then others to thus make myself feel superior and more then others and have them see this within who I am being and what I am doing so they can reflect back on themselves and see that they are not as cool as me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into the ego as competition and superiority to make myself feel better about myself because within myself I see myself as a loser, and not worth much within what I look like and who I am, as within myself I feel weak so I prey on those who I see I can beat and give myself a little boost so I can feel better about myself when I have succeed and won within getting my ego boosted and having conformation somewhere in my world that I am seen more then another in some way.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to prey and leech off of others through abuse within thoughts and underlying ulterior motives to get my energy and make another feel weak making me feel strong within how I present myself and how it is received and thus gain my feeling good through the abuse of another when I see that I have won.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to thus go into the polarity opposite and live within this point of embarrassment and diminishment when Henri was barking and my picture presentation wasn't perfect where I had the evidence that I couldn't hide that my dog was not in control and thus I was not perfect and others could see this outright.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist within and as this play out of weak/strong where in I go into polarity play outs with others of trying to make myself look better when in reality I am not and am just being an abuser and thus compromise others and diminish myself by abusing others within my mind so I can glorify myself and make myself feel good about myself because I feel like shit within.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to feel weak within myself and less then others and thus then go and prey as a mind system personality based in trying to survive in this world and abuse others to make myself feel better so I can compete and be on top as within myself as my ego I am always driving to be on top because that is where the most opportunity for good feelings is.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to compete with others so I can be on top and gain good feelings for myself so I can show myself that I can make it and survive in this world of dog eat dog which I participate right into.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to not accept myself here within and as who I am as a physical being with all and thus go into trying to diminish others to make myself feel more and be seen by others as more when really I am showing life who I am as an abuser and can not be trusted with others as I am always looking in self interest to survive and abuse others in separation to make myself look better.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to create such a world were we have to survive and feed off others as competition to see ourselves as worthy as we have created such a polarity as egos that we compete with each other to live and breath and believe that this is the only way to live, by diminishing myself to feel on top for a moment and then have to cycle through again to get this feeling for a moment and it continues as a cycle never being satisfied and go and abuse others in the process.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to diminish myself as life as an ego personality to gain over others in hopes that I will be seen as the best and special by others and thus go into competition whenever I feel threatened and believe I may lose.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting competition within myself with life instead of living the realization that all here is life and I am here one with all, I am competing with me alone and thus causing my own self destruction.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am weak and unworthy and thus I have to compete to show my worthiness at all cost even abusing and becoming deceptive with others so I can get good feelings and be seen as the best over others to feel worthy and accepted.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to define myself by others and thus go into competition polarity play outs as win/lose.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define myself by others and try to be more then them so I can win.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting embarrassment within me towards others when I accept the idea that I am being judged as bad and weak.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to judge myself as life and thus judge life in polarities when I realize all here is life and I am one with all.

When and as this point of embarrassment and self judgment come up, I stop, breath, focus on my breathing and what I am doing physically. I say that I am here one and equal and am not defined by anything. I realize and see that this is my mind trying to separate me from life and go into self sabotage so it can gain the energy as good/bad feelings play out while I destroy myself. I see this play out and where it will lead so I stop going into the judgment of myself and others, and stop the competition to be more.

I commit to walk one and equal with others stopping all thoughts of judgment of myself, interacting and committing to live as physical beings and accept myself as such with all life.

I commit to stop abusing life in my mind and actions and stop competing to be better and have others see me as better, I stand equal and one with all and commit to not accept this form of abuse as competition in ego to direct me.

I commit to live with life in enjoyment as what we are doing in physical reality and stop the blame and projection onto others and face myself as I take responsibility for who I am and walk the correction to stop separating myself as life.


dog training, puppy class, dog story, barking dog, out of control pet, competing human, equality, equal money, desteni, 2012, eqafe

Day 19- I Don't Make Sense

I have noticed lately that I am making a lot of spelling mistakes and am missing words that I am putting in sentence that don't make sense or leaving out words to miss the point of what I am trying to say. This showing that I am not here in breath, and dimensionally shifting by being in my mind in trying to rush and get it done instead of living here with each and every word so it is clear and makes sense.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to move quicker within a mind rush within and as my world and words instead of remaining here, breathing, and walking within physical reality, which is step by step, breath by breath.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to miss myself here within the words I write and speak and thus allow mistakes and missing words because I want to rush and get it over with rather then remaining here and walking what needs to be done so it is complete and done to the best of my ability.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to rush within and as what I do and what I write in a haste to get things done so I can move on and do things that I enjoy doing.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist within and as a reward system to get to the points that I enjoy and savor that as it makes me feel good, and thus rush points that I don't enjoy and allow myself to compromise what I am doing by not being specific and rushing it so I can just get it done. I realize that I must walk the solution of being stable and doing it to the best of my ability to be the most effective I can be within whatever it is I am doing so it makes sense and the point of the project is not lost by me being in a rush to just get it done.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself through rushing the words make mistakes that compromise what I am saying due to the fact that the point could potentially be lost with me not making sure all the words are in place and the spelling is correct so thus it is legible and able to be understood.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into laziness so I don't have to take the time and effort to make sure all is in place and makes sense within what I am writing and saying and thus going into hope that 'it'll be ok and people will get it', when and as this is a point of self diminishment as hope is not fact and thus potential for mess ups is high. Here I see and realize that I lose validity in what I am saying as it can easily be misunderstood if it does not make sense and thus lose the opportunity to help another possibly in understanding or learning.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to go into a polarity play out of wanting to feel good and not wanting to put in effort, so thus compromising my self through compromising my work by not taking responsibility of myself to make sure all is clear and all is making sense and thus accepting desire to rush and get it over with so I can have a good feeling again by being relaxed.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting desire as feelings direct me and thus lose my stability by compromising my self application in making sure all is clear and I am making sense to laziness and getting a good feeling which is not real as it is in the mind, reality takes effort and consistency as it is moved through living and thus is able to remain as stability when perfected, this I walk perfection in living as self here in the physical in what is real and stopping the mind as good feelings in what is not real through thinking about something but not for real actually living it.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to miss me here as breath and walking within and as diligence and stability to have the best opportunity to walk as self clarity and self direction to be able make sense so I can expand myself and expand the message of equality. I stop missing me here within breath, and slow myself down to thus be clear and be here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into emotion as anger towards reading words back that I wrote that don't make sense and go into self judgement that I am stupid for missing this.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge myself as stupid based on what I am doing based on my fear of what others are thinking of me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to judge myself as stupid for missing spellings mistakes and bad word placement based on the fear of what others are thinking of me instead of breathing here, stopping judgment and separation, and walking the correction so thus I am able to catch the words I miss or make a mistake and thus live as correction in reality here as I walk and breath.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow emotions and feelings direct me instead of directing myself and walking the correction as breath within physical application to self perfected living.

When and as this point comes up to rush and just get things done to have a good feeling again, I stop, breath, and slow myself down within the breathing of my human physical body, bring myself back here, and walk with each and every word as I type or read back so I am clear on what I am saying and thus am able to direct myself in full responsibility breath by breath. I remain as breath and thus correct what I have missed or done faulty to thus have the opportunity for change as I slow myself down and walk it here. I realize for clarity I must be here and be stable and thus this is only possible by walking breath by breath, step by step.

I commit to slow myself down and practicing living here, breath by breath within correcting my living in all facets of self as I walk.

I commit to walk the correction within stability and thus stop shifting into the mind but remain here and read each word so it is clear and make sense for all as me.



mind shift, spelling, spellcheck, spelling mistakes, cant read, cant write, don't make sense, writing a journal, journey to life, proofreading, equality, equal money, desteni, 2012, eqafe,

Day 18- Are we Eternally Fucked?

I watched this video today about how america is turning into a police state with prisons being set up to round up people to set them up in prison camps to get full control, so 'they' can do what they want. 'They' as the elite have the military to back them up, so within myself I went into a hopelessness feeling, like we are never going to get out of this mess and that humans are eternally fucked. Thus I realized within looking at this depression I was living into that, where I am just prolonging my own self change and self direction to stop these points of irrelevance by wasting time on what if scenarios and seeing as the only way to stop what is going on here is to stop it within myself, and be the change, be able to live the solution so it is real and can be lived by all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to separate myself from the government and the elite in this world as if they are the problem and somehow more responsible for what is here then me as I realize I am equally responsible for what is here as I have not done anything to stop the atrocities of this world, and thus within taking responsibility I realize I can change myself to correct this within myself, and stand equal as all to live solutions that is best for all as I see would be best for me as I realize the only way to change what is here is if I as humanity change.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate myself from others as life based on my judgments of who they are based on separating myself through and as ideas of class warfare.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to separate myself from all here based on believing that we are at war with those in power and thus lose my self empowerment by seeing the other as the enemy. I realize and see this is not so as I am the other and thus I have created equal and one to what is here within this world as all others as I see we are one here, thus I see I must take responsibility of myself as everything and stop all points of separation within me so I can stand equal to all in fact and from this point the solution of life as equality and oneness will be walked as this will be our will as it is within myself and I live it as me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to see this world as a fuck up and thus going into a state of depression based on seeing myself as powerless and that there is nothing to be done to get out of this mess. Within this I realize and see that this is only giving into my mind as fear within the thoughts that I can't change, thus I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into fear as a thought that I can't change and it's hopeless for me as is for humanity.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to live within and as the point of hopelessness within the thought that 'humanity is fucked and is going to shit as this world because we can't change there is no way for us, we are too far gone.'

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to accept this thought 'that humanity is fucked and is going to shit as this world because we can't change there is no way for us, we are too far gone' to direct me into stagnation and diminishment as depression and self sabotage based on me accepting and allowing myself to exist as fear by fearing the government and the people in power.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear the government and the people in power not realizing that the people in power and government are existing within the same starting point as me as fear, fear to either lose what they have or fear of what is to come, so thus I see and understand to stop this world as fear I must stop it within myself as we are manifesting who we are here and that is fear.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear future projections as what is or could happen and waste my time within what if scenarios that don't exist and are not relevant in terms of my process of self change to live equal and one. I realize and see that if I must take into consideration the fact that I have limited time here, and so use this time effectively where I will direct myself with purpose and dedication to walk my process from self sabotage to self stability within and as the process of aligning myself with the physical one and equal to myself as life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear people will hurt me and physically abuse me as I see that within this I again am fearing future projection and others in separation, I can not predict nor is it useful to go into fear of something that may or may not happen, and also separating myself from myself as I see I am one with all, so thus I stop, breath, and focus on living within and as breath and doing what I have to do to align with what is best for all so I can walk this as a solution for the faulty living I see that is here as I realize what is here is me in all forms and facets, I must walk myself as one with life to change it to walk in equality.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to miss life here as me and thus miss the opportunity for self enjoyment and self expansion with others as I am in fear and thus go into restriction around others based on what I am projecting about what might happen instead of living here and directing myself to what is here and walking it.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to exist within future projection and thus fear as this is not real as what is real is here within and as breath, so thus I stop fear and future projection and remain here and change myself in what I am able to do and live it.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting depression to exist within me as I went into hopelessness and thus allowed these thoughts of what if scenarios direct me to feel low based on myself believing that these were real.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow what if scenarios to direct me and effect me as if they are real, and thus i forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that what if scenarios are real and have influence over what is here, I realize I am my only influence and thus can direct myself in doing what is best for all so thus solutions can be created, I direct me here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist within hope as I realize this is a false sense of escapism to not have to face self here, and thus wallow in hope, where one stay stagnate and not direct self to live the solution, but thus use hope as a point to not have to move.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to use hope as a means to not have to move because I am afraid of what is to come.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to fear the future as I know fear is not real nor is the future real. I stop this fear and future projection and direct myself to align within the physical to thus walk the solution as equal and one with what is real and what will indeed support what is best for all life.

When and as this point of hope and future projection come up in my world, I don't allow it to direct me as I see that it is not real but my mind wanting to direct me into separation and escapism, I breath and remain here, walking as and with the physical. Focusing on my process or what I am doing in terms of physical movement to thus focus on what is real and stop the mind thoughts as points that do not exist. I stop existing in hope as an escape and remain here facing myself, so thus I have the opportunity to see what I have done in a faulty way and change it so it includes all as I see all is me, and live best for all.

I commit to stop future projections and fear of life, and live here within and as pushing myself to align with the physical as breath.

I commit to stop hope as an escape and thus face myself here, and walk my points of correction as I walk my process out of my mind into what is real here as me as life.



police state, prison camps, american prison camps, elite, illuminati, federal reserve, slaves, are we slaves, class warfare, war, 2012, equality, solutions, desteni, eqafe, journey to life,

Day 17- Shut it Up

I have noticed I get very irritated at repetitive noises, such as a cellphone going off with all the alerts that now is Incorporated within it, the texts, the fb updates, emails, phone calls, ect. and each and every time the phone buzzes, now this is not just with my phone, but all the phones in the vicinity of offices I am near. One of the rings is like a song and it plays for at least 5 seconds, and it goes off quite allot. The person enjoys the song so she keeps it as is as I've asked her to change it because it is so annoying to me, but within myself I see that I am only being impatient and creating anger within myself because I want things to be quiet and serene as I desire to have all points quiet and undisturbed when I work. Obviously this is unrealistic and impractical as their is going to be noise, disturbances, and movement within life, and this desire is just based on my ego to have it my way and not want to adapt to what is here as noise.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to become irritated at the sound of any point within this world separating me from the sound as the being within what is being created and thus go into separation as anger within irritation and desire to shut it down because it disturbs me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to react in anger and irritation to the being who has the phone in their possession and thus go into back chat thoughts of how inconsiderate they are and selfish having the phone go off with that noise while I am walking the same point not considering the other and that they enjoy the sound that the phone makes. I realize and see that I am reacting as resistance and separation based on my desire to have it my way while not giving the other equal opportunity to enjoy themselves as they like and thus go into irritation and anger as back chat thoughts to try and justify my inconsideration of the other to get my own way.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate myself from what is here as sound within this world and thus go into separation as polarity within a positive and negative based on the sound of the ring and thus go into a negative polarity charge towards the being who own the phone because I have made a judgment of dislike because of their ring.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into a negative reaction towards the being that own the phone as a backchat thought of this person is so annoying based on the sound of their phone makes.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to react in dislike towards another life form based on sound.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate myself from the sound as life and thus create preferences within and as mind as separation within like and dislike and thus create a relationship of like/dislike towards the being based on my experience I have created toward the sound of the phone as dislike so thus I conclude that I don't like the being.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to separate myself from life here based on ideas and experiences of polarity formed by reactions of self interest to have my environment be perfect to my liking and thus create a personality as ego within who I will interact with and who I will not based on how I experience the other within the relationship I have formed as ego toward the other in separation as a polarity play out of like/dislike according to how they act and what they have.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to create ideals based on only my own personal considerations as like/dislikes and thus go into polarity judgments of liking them or disliking them based on how I am experiencing myself with them as who they are and what they have as I realize this 'how I am experiencing myself' is based on my ego as emotions and feelings which is not real as they are only within the consideration of my own self interest and they are based on the mind as feelings and emotions which is not real as they are not physically here, emotions and feelings are made up within myself as mind energy and thus are not fact and not physically here as physical is what is real.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not direct myself within the moment of stopping the thoughts as irritation and anger towards the other based on the ring tone and either direct them to put it on vibrate or breathed through the irritation and stopped it until the sound of the phone do not move me anymore. I realize that I have to move myself within becoming the corrective principle within myself to direct the situation in consideration of the other as myself, and thus create a situation where their is compromise with the other equal and one to how I would want to be treated and thus a balance is reached.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting anger and irritation within me to exist and direct me to react to life instead of existing here as is and creating from a point of directness as the other in equality and oneness to create the best outcome for all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to react to life in emotions instead of standing stable and directing the point to walk a solution that is best for all such as asking to shut phone off or walking with the noise as me, and finding enjoyment within what is here as it is me.

When and as this point come up of irritation and anger towards noise or others stuff and thus go into judgment based on my likes and dislikes to the life that is here, I stop, breath, and become the directive principle to bring about a solution to what is here as the noise that is in consideration of all involved not just my own self interest. Either walk with it and live with it as I realize it is me and thus see the enjoyment with it or find a solution to have the noise reduced that suits all. I also will walk the point of walking as the noise to stop the reaction of myself as irritation and breath so thus become one with the noise until no movement is here and thus I then am able to walk in stability to direct with and as the other to a solution that is best for all instead of in reaction based on my ego.

I commit to stop irritation and anger and become stable here within and as my world to thus be able to walk here one and equal with all parts of myself no matter who or what it is, I remain here and I walk with.

I commit to stand stable within walking as the pattern stopping the polarity play out as I stop my self interest desires as ego, and stand stable within and as the point as me. Once stable I commit to stand as the solution with another in what ways we see will be best for the situation and thus best for all.


fucking noises, loud noise, annoying ringtones, phones, loud rings, ringtones, ignorant people, equality, solutions, equal money, desteni, eqafe,

Day 16- Depending on a Man

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist within and as a need to have a relationship with another to feel secure and taken care of.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to depend on another to have my needs met instead of directing myself to stand equal with the other as I direct myself in what needs to be done for myself so thus stopping the dependency on someone outside of me to take care of me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to see myself less then others and thus believe I need them in my world to feel safe and taken care of.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see within that need of wanting another to keep me safe and secure I am giving my power away to another within polarity of me feeling weak while another is strong instead of realizing the fact that I am my own security and care as I am the one who is here to walk this as myself no one can give me security and care if I don't give this to myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to attach care and security onto another as male as I have seen and come to believe that women need men to be secure and raise families as this world is tough and will be much harder with only one at the head of a household.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe within and as society's 'norms' that say that women need men to have nice lives and thus have money come in to be secure and taken care of.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to follow suite within and as society norms of man need to be their in women's lives to be able to run a household comfortably and be safe as I have always believed that what is normal is a man and women married with kids, the man works and the women take care of the kid, within this I realize and see that this is an assumption and done through tradition and is not necessarily so as it does not depend on if a man is with me or not to have security and care in my world, but who I am within whatever I live.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to play into this role with a man and thus become dependent on him to keep me safe and secure as I saw this within the man based on the physical size of the man and the idea that men have to be the bread winner for the relationship because they are big and strong and women are small and weak. Within this I realize that this is not an equal agreement and thus is me separating myself from the man in the attempt to gain security instead of walking this as myself and remaining equal with care and giving between us in an agreement that we are not in dependence of each other but indeed walking as equals in physical agreement to walk what is best for both  here within the principles of equality and oneness as who we are.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to define a being based on the physical stature and presentation instead of realizing and seeing we are here as equals no matter what the picture present as, we are all life and thus all capable and responsible to direct ourselves as equals as one as life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to desire a man to take care of me as I have come to define myself as inferior to men and see it as an easy way out as I don't have to put that much effort in, but just stay in a relationship and do all the point such as sex, cleaning, taking care of him, and just playing the motherly/girlfriend role.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define myself into a role as motherly and girlfriend as I realize these limit me within who I am as an equal with another and thus limiting me to be free to express myself as equal as I have put barriers on me as being a girlfriend and motherly instead of standing here as equal in physical reality and walking this in an agreement with another to live this to the best of our abilities with all life equal and one to us as we walk.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into desire within self compromise to have life be easy by giving into the relationship play out of need and desire and thus enslaving myself to another as a co-dependent in energy exchange to continue these feelings of goodness and liking towards the other as these feelings are based on need from the other and desire to get something from them. I realize within this that this is a entrapment as I have submitted myself and my equality within becoming attached and addicted to the other in separation as what I can gain from them and thus use this through giving what they need to get what I want, and thus becoming in a energy play out of give and take until it runs out and the relationship dies.

When and as this point within my world with another as in a relationship comes up to gain security and be with them for them to take care of me, I stop, breath, and focus on the physical as who I am. I realize that this point of dependency on another is separating me from me as self empowerment by standing equal and one with all as who we are. I will walk this point of becoming equal with all and become self sufficient within who I am and what I do to be able to stand equal with all and not become dependent on the other in a polarity play out. Thus I walk to become in an agreement with another as equals in all ways and thus walk this into physical application within all points of living together til we have become this with all our words as ourselves equal and one within physical living in creating the best life we can create for all here as we do for ourselves.

I commit to stop my addiction to others in needs and desires and stand within equality and oneness to become my own self empowerment through my own self direction to thus be able to stand equal in fact with another in physical living here.

I commit to walk an agreement with another out of the mind as need and desire and all the facets within what this entail in separation, and become self intimate with another as myself in self correction to become truly here and truly present with another as myself as we walk from mind dependency to self empowerment by living as equals, and live this for and as each other in to the best beings we can be as we stand and direct ourselves as equals walking together here.