A Lady's Journey to Life: 2013

Monday, December 30, 2013

Confidence in the Mind – In a Group/Alone – Part 7.1 – Day 367

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This is a Series, here are the others for reference:

My Experience Before and After Beginning Process with Animals and Nature – Part 1- Day 361

Horses and People– Before/After Starting Process with Animals and Nature Part 2 – Day 362

Horses and People – Before/After Starting Process with Animals and Nature – Part 3 - Day 363

Opening Up Confidence In the Mind – Before/After Starting to Walk Process – Part 4 – Day 364

My Experience with Confidence In Appearance - Part 5 - Day 365

Opening Up Confidence within the Mind – Money – Part 6 – Day 366

I see that within a group setting, I have experienced myself to gain confidence if within the group I am someone that is strong within the skill set that is common within what we are doing, what is usual in my life was on sports teams, the sports I excelled at I had a certain confidence within myself because I had a measure of value that I attributed to my worth within the group and that was that I was good at the sport. So I gained a sense of hierarchal power within the group in my own mind making me feel more special then others, more at ease with others, more accepted by others all based on the fact that within me I saw myself as one of the better one’s on the team, so I had the right to ‘strut my stuff’ and it made me feel more comfortable and privileged. This leading to arrogance towards others, not considering my actions and words to others as an equal point of consideration to myself, and treating others in a lesser way then I would those that I saw as more skilled. So walking the inner of what the outer of this world is showing, as within so without as the saying goes, elitism through living in an imbalance as positive/negative polarity play-outs lived out through competition and survival.

This obviously balancing itself out within other parts of my life where I would become inferior within my world because I was not as highly skilled and so saw myself now on the opposite spectrum of this competition game of survival of feeling inferior. So this constant polarity is playing out within everything I/we do which is what the mind does to keep us separate as beings from the physical body. The physical body being what is real, what is life, and who we really are. The mind for reference is generated and powering itself separate from our beingness and the physical body through consciousness as energy, so it uses these energies we produce such as confidence or inferiority and creates itself, but at the detriment of our beingness and our physical body as the mind uses physical substance/our physical bodies to create the energy that we participate in such as feeling confident or inferior in a group setting.

Also, alone I have found confidence within myself when I find solutions or move myself within a direction that creates a point of betterment in the environment I am in, within me there is a form of confidence that I see that I enjoy as my ego, where I feel that I have power over others and have a point of prestige because I am seen as someone who is able to create solutions or make a point better. Within making environments in communities better is excellent, but to do it to satisfy my ego in self interest and seek recognition obviously needs a realignment and correction in my living otherwise it creates abuse and inequality. I will be redefining this word as well as it’s opposite in the later part of this series.

So in my next blog I will walk self forgiveness and self correction to these two points of confidence. Thanks for reading.

Eqafe Interview Support that I Recommend:

Insecurity: Introduction - Atlanteans - Part 148
Insecurity: Self Forgiveness - Atlanteans - Part 149
Insecurity: Insecurity-Confidence Polarity - Atlanteans - Part 150
Confidence: Self Forgiveness - Atlanteans - Part 151
Confidence: Practical Support - Atlanteans - Part 152
Confidence: The End - Atlanteans - Part 153

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Saturday, December 28, 2013

Opening Up Confidence within the Mind – Money – Part 6 – Day 366

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My Experience with Confidence In Appearance - Part 5 - Day 365

Money has been a steady point within my life where I have gained confidence within myself from, if I have money then I am more able to do what I want and so get what I want. I also find I have gained a sort of arrogance that I disguise as confidence within my ability to make money and get money in my pockets if need be. I have been fortunate in this life to have connections where I am able to get a job and work, and I have found by using principles within my work environment such as loyalty, hard work, giving my best effort, considering others has helped me ensure an income and ensure I keep a job because I perform at a level that people like. So some cool points as well as points I have to work on because I use my ego to gain respect from others and demanding it as well through pushing my abilities and my know-how of the job to get myself heard or seen and so create rifts within areas in my life that are unacceptable and are not a way I would like to continue living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to gain confidence through working and demanding others recognize my skill through the confidence I present in a way that is arrogant at times.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become arrogant with others and within myself towards others because within myself I have judged them as less then me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am better then others in the work place because I am able to move projects ahead and so believe that others are not working hard enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have the right to be confident in the justification as a belief that I work harder then others and so see others as a point of not doing enough where I believe I am doing more then them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others as not working hard enough and so become confident and so arrogant within myself towards them instead of ensuring I am doing my best and so be able to support others to do this as well.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge others for there work ethic and make myself more in my own mind to gain this experience of confidence I desire within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others as a problem in the work environment without pushing myself to stand equal to them and see where it is that I myself am not working at my best and so turn around to face myself and ensure my work is optimal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe because I have the ability to make money and have money that I am more worthy then others who are not able to do this, and so gain confidence within the fact that I can make money where I see others can’t.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am more then others because of my ability to make money where this is not the true worthiness or measure of a man. I realize it is what one do with what one has and how they live and care for the life with what they have that is one and equal to how self would want to be treated.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the belief that money measures a persons worth and created an idea that this makes them more if they are able to make more money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to create an idea that if one makes more money then they are worth more and so create an energetic response within myself as being more then others and so feeling more important, inflating my ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed an energetic response as feeling more then another based on money worth to satisfy my desire to be important in life and so create a separation with others based on this desire of being more worthy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be more then others because within myself I feel less then many people I meet.

-I will continue with the insecurity points later in this series.

When and as I see I go into a point of confidence based on an idea that money makes me more worthy or more important then another, I stop and breath, and realize that this only separates me from physical reality with others and the solutions we can come up with to ensure all are equally cared for and supported, and end the point in my mind of the polarity that an experience needs to take place, I am here like all others and that is who we are, here in this physical reality all of us together and so we must ensure all are consider as this is what demands of this physical reality to function in balance which is what makes sense always.

I commit myself to let go of the idea that money makes another more worthy then someone who doesn’t have it or can’t make enough.

I commit myself to let go of the belief that I am important because I can make money and become confident within myself towards others based on this belief.

I commit to let go of the experience of confidence based on an idea and desire to be more.

I commit to walk as myself in facing who I am within myself when I go and judge another and see within my life I am doing the same thing and change myself.

I commit to change my living from the mind to the physical and support solution that will support everyone to have money and a life of decency in the best way possible.

Thursday, December 26, 2013

My Experience with Confidence In Appearance - Part 5 - Day 365

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Featured Artist: Matti Freeman

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to define myself within the experience of myself as confident when I see when looking in the mirror I get a positive energy kick as I see that within my idea of the picture in my mind has been satisfied and I am feeling confident to go out in public and face others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to base my feeling of who I am through an experience of positive feelings when I see myself in the mirror and am satisfied with what I see and that have the thought that ‘now I can go and feel confident in myself’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a picture in my mind that I have to fufill and satisfy before I will go out with others and if I don’t satisfy this picture the feeling of confidence ends and I become insecure proving that this confidence is not in fact real because it depends on other factors rather then a living of it within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my confidence level based on the picture I see in the mirror and feel anxiety and fear when in public if I don’t have a picture that I am satisfied with when I look in the mirror.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself worth and confidence within myself based on my picture in the mirror rather then the who I am as a person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow the mind when I have the thought ‘now I can go and feel confident in myself’ and so go into public and feel better about myself due to this conclusion that I look my best.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow the energy of positive feelings as excitement and a comfortableness if I am satisfied with the picture I see in the mirror and then become more comfortable in public situations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when looking in the mirror and I am not satisfied with the way I look and accept the thought of ‘man, I look ugly right now’ and so go into public feeling less comfortable and more anxious around other people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to backchat and judge others based on what they look like and compare there look with mine, and so feel confident or not based on the way I compare to others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to feel better about myself through accepting the positive energy as excitement or comfortableness when I see myself as more then others and so get a sense of confidence within myself and become more comfortable with being in public with people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel better about myself within myself if I am more then others within my mind through judgment of others around me and base my experience of myself on this judgment I have made in feeling more or less then others.

When and as I see I am going into my mind and comparing myself to a mirror image of myself or with another and judging it as good/bad, I stop and breath, and realize this is being enslaved within a polarity of positive and negative that will continue as I separate myself from others and my own living through judgment. I realize I will only be able to live in equality and so true self confidence if I build it through my actions and words based on the actual reality of what is here including and accepting all as myself.

I commit to stop judging and sizing myself up and others in my mind.

I commit to let go of the energy of feeling good or bad about myself and accepting myself in that moment absolutely.

I commit to stop the backchat thoughts of polarity of ugly/beautiful.

I commit myself to build confidence in myself through the way I build myself over time through self responsibility and living in a principled way and following through.

I commit myself to stop judging others.

I commit myself to stop judging myself.

I commit myself to accept myself and push with all people by become comfortable with myself.

Eqafe Interview Support that I Recommend:

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Opening Up Confidence In the Mind – Before/After Starting to Walk Process – Part 4 – Day 364

Visit more cool art here: Desteni Artists

Featured Artist: Andrew Gable

This is a Series, here are the others for reference:
My Experience Before and After Beginning Process with Animals and Nature – Part 1- Day 361
Horses and People– Before/After Starting Process with Animals and Nature Part 2 – Day 362
Horses and People – Before/After Starting Process with Animals and Nature – Part 3 - Day 363

So here I will be starting to open up the confidence/insecurity construct I exist within, it was opened up within the previous post when the horse I was working with on the farm looked into my eyes and I felt exposed due to the depth of how that look touched me. See reference above if you would like to follow along with this series. In general my experience of myself is generally negative, I feel less capable and less fulfilled then the potential that I realize I can be. The main focus of this and why I allow myself to exist in this way is due to the desires and energy movements within me that I have not controlled and not directed, a more main personality I exist in is the belief that I am better then some folks and that some folks are better then me. This ranges in all areas of my life, work, socially, in athletics, I mean, competition is within all that I do. When I compete this is the outcome, there will be a loser and there will be a winner. What I do is I define myself based on this outcome instead of enjoying what is here in each moment, this is what in fact is actually real, things happening and me within it in each breath here.

So I would like to do some self forgiveness to get through and clear this relationship I have with being confident in myself and then creating the polarity opposite of being insecure, first starting with the confidence point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel confident within the way I direct myself even when I see, realize, and understand that I was not speaking within a point of self confidence where I have seen all the outcomes and walked them to a point of living experience, but speak more in reaction and have an idea that I am in the right and believe that I have the more viable story/playout.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ensure within my mind that I know what I am talking about and I am in the right point of view and story line even though I am reacting within myself in an energy of anxiety or anger or frustration towards an external outlet and based on this reaction I accept thoughts of winning, being right, and not budging from my position.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to gain confidence within the false beliefs in my mind that I have created through an idea that I am smarter then others, I have the right to do what I do, and that I am better at what I do then others when in the face of others I see in areas I am more skilled or more know more I then use that to my advantage to get what I desire in the end which is to win.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to misrepresent myself within this false confidence as genuine when in reality I am not, I am in my mind finding ways and methods to beat out the others and gain the desired outcome I want and use this belief that I am more then others to give me the confidence to push through in the face of opposition.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself the to believe that I have to compete and face the opposition in the outside world not realizing that I am only facing myself, and that I can’t blame anyone or anything outside myself for the way I am experiencing myself within.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use confidence in a point of getting the upper hand within situations were I have judge others as less then me and so become more confident because I have seen that I am more at an advantage.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in windows of time assess a person and size them up with me and base my living off of survival as competition rather then stepping beyond my mind reality as judgment and survival and seeing the greater picture of who I am and who I am in relation to others as equals.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my responsibility to the way in which I am living and so effect my environment and life around me in a way that cause imbalance and abuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become enthralled with energy as self interest through believed confidence and not realize that I am hurting others and creating consequences that will create rifts in my world and others that are not supportive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use confidence to push through my world and use ignorance because I use my mind as a shield of beliefs that I am this and that, but in reality I am separating myself from others because I am not here with them as am in competition and fighting for my survival.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am more then others based on my skills or capabilities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have a right to do what I do to others because I have more of the way I operate at work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as better then others due to the way I conduct business affairs and myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use confidence in my abilities and myself against others in competition to win.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compete and try and win in what I do in each moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that we have to survive to live here when in fact this is not true I am already here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my environment in reality based on beliefs in my mind I am living as real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow my mind as thoughts as beliefs rather then be here and live within what is really going on in physical reality moment by moment through breath awareness and self honesty.

When and as I see I am going into a point of competition and survival with my environment, I stop and breath, and realize this creates a separation with my environment and everyone in it within a false reality I am living in that I need to be more or am more which I realize is not in fact true inherently.

I commit myself to let go of the beliefs that I am anything that comes from a thought.

I commit myself to let go of thoughts and live from the physical reality, which will build my self trust and self honesty.

I commit myself to stand in the shoes of others and let go of the desire to win.

I commit to walk with others in equality and let go of the idea that I have to be confident to make it.

I commit myself to let go of the survival of competition in this world and I commit to walk solutions with others that create a point of enhancement and betterment of all involve.

Eqafe Interview Support that I Recommend: