The Experience of Being Hurt - My Realizations and Forgiveness - Day 563

Who I am as being hurt by others?

When I am not considered within the point of conversation or interaction, and I take it personal that others are brush with me, quick, overlook what I say or don’t listen at all and go into a reaction, I see the experience of hurt come up within me. Like I have been disregarded, I am not respected, and thus I am alone in my reality. I feel rejected in these times which brings up the experience that I am not able to thrive in the way of my reality that I’d like to, wherein I am able to interact with others, take in what is expressed, and within that be at peace and calm within myself, and express back in a manner that shows a point of maturity that supports and creates life rather then disturbs and destroys.

So I am looking at this experience of acceptance from my reality where if I am not received in a way of getting some sort of positive feedback, I take it personal and become emotional within the experience of hurt. Hurt being the energy experience that feels like a pit opens in my stomach area and my being drops in there feeling lost, my body goes into a slouch and sinking experience, and I become quiet and reserved with others in these states. Tending to go within and shut down not allowing any communication or people to come in until I have recovered and in some area have been uplifted through a positive experience. Leaping from one area to another within myself of being hurt and being happy again through an external stimulus that I have used as addiction to distract me from what I am facing with this hurt experience.

So what I am facing within being hurt by others is the fact that I am seeking acceptance and comfort from them, which is where I get positive feedback and when I don’t receive it I become hurt and end up becoming reactive back. I will go into more detail with the words I live out because there are more. Though focusing on the hurt experience I am having, this will be for example when someone comes at me in a bad mood because something happens in there life and they are not super pleasant, I say something to them and they snap at me. I will experience this hurt experience at this moment and believe that they are being mean, and through this take it personal where my mood will change into being moodier, angered, and resentful. This causing many consequences that are not best for all.

So here I will walk self-forgiveness on this experience of being hurt, and let go of the belief that I need people to give me positive feedback to feel accepted in my environment.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience the people in my environment as hurtful when they express their own emotions in a time of weakness, and I take it personal believing that I am to blame or I am being rejected.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as feeling rejected and left out if I am not received within the people in my environment in a positive way where they express themselves in a way that shows that they like me and I am good in there presence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the experience of feeling hurt because I have taken it personal in the sense that I have defined myself within the output of others and if someone does not show me pleasantly I believe it’s because they don’t like me and there is something wrong with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not accept myself fully with the flaws and the points I have changed into the best, where I realize I am in a process of growth and rebirth changing myself daily to the best of my ability and pushing my will to give it my all this life, and thus this is something that I have created within me and so within this I have proven that I am for real and that I can be proud of that fact.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek acceptance outside myself instead of living this word within me as I create a home as my temple within and as myself as my physical body, giving myself care, positive feedback, and acceptance for who I am and releasing the idea that I am not enough, I am not good, and I need to do something to be accepted by others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need words of encouragement by others to feel fulfilled.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the thought that I am not enough, when I see, realize, and understand that everything is here, I am enough as I am life fully, and I am able to walk the process as I see is here to become aligned to life one and equal.

I commit myself to create the moments in my day where I give myself care, self-care within myself of words of encouragement, gratefulness for who I have become, and recognizing the perseverance I have consistently shown to myself through difficult times and challenges to pull through and find solutions that support not only myself but others as well.

I commit myself to redefine the word home where I create a space within of comfort, safety, and relaxation as harmony in the understanding that this is a place of warmth to be at ease and know it’ll always be here as I am always here, it is within me thus home is here as me always I just have to breathe and create the space for myself.

I commit myself to give this care and warmth I will commit to live to myself to others unconditionally where I don’t seek anything in return, but practice my self fulfillment through living different ways and words that support me to take care and be self supported.

Support and educate yourself on the links shared:

http://www.desteni.org
http://www.eqafe.com
http://www.earthhaven.org

Opening Up Confidence In the Mind – Before/After Starting to Walk Process – Part 4 – Day 364

Visit more cool art here: Desteni Artists

Featured Artist: Andrew Gable

This is a Series, here are the others for reference:
My Experience Before and After Beginning Process with Animals and Nature – Part 1- Day 361
Horses and People– Before/After Starting Process with Animals and Nature Part 2 – Day 362
Horses and People – Before/After Starting Process with Animals and Nature – Part 3 - Day 363

So here I will be starting to open up the confidence/insecurity construct I exist within, it was opened up within the previous post when the horse I was working with on the farm looked into my eyes and I felt exposed due to the depth of how that look touched me. See reference above if you would like to follow along with this series. In general my experience of myself is generally negative, I feel less capable and less fulfilled then the potential that I realize I can be. The main focus of this and why I allow myself to exist in this way is due to the desires and energy movements within me that I have not controlled and not directed, a more main personality I exist in is the belief that I am better then some folks and that some folks are better then me. This ranges in all areas of my life, work, socially, in athletics, I mean, competition is within all that I do. When I compete this is the outcome, there will be a loser and there will be a winner. What I do is I define myself based on this outcome instead of enjoying what is here in each moment, this is what in fact is actually real, things happening and me within it in each breath here.

So I would like to do some self forgiveness to get through and clear this relationship I have with being confident in myself and then creating the polarity opposite of being insecure, first starting with the confidence point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel confident within the way I direct myself even when I see, realize, and understand that I was not speaking within a point of self confidence where I have seen all the outcomes and walked them to a point of living experience, but speak more in reaction and have an idea that I am in the right and believe that I have the more viable story/playout.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ensure within my mind that I know what I am talking about and I am in the right point of view and story line even though I am reacting within myself in an energy of anxiety or anger or frustration towards an external outlet and based on this reaction I accept thoughts of winning, being right, and not budging from my position.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to gain confidence within the false beliefs in my mind that I have created through an idea that I am smarter then others, I have the right to do what I do, and that I am better at what I do then others when in the face of others I see in areas I am more skilled or more know more I then use that to my advantage to get what I desire in the end which is to win.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to misrepresent myself within this false confidence as genuine when in reality I am not, I am in my mind finding ways and methods to beat out the others and gain the desired outcome I want and use this belief that I am more then others to give me the confidence to push through in the face of opposition.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself the to believe that I have to compete and face the opposition in the outside world not realizing that I am only facing myself, and that I can’t blame anyone or anything outside myself for the way I am experiencing myself within.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use confidence in a point of getting the upper hand within situations were I have judge others as less then me and so become more confident because I have seen that I am more at an advantage.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in windows of time assess a person and size them up with me  and base my living off of survival as competition rather then stepping beyond my mind reality as judgment and survival and seeing the greater picture of who I am and who I am in relation to others as equals.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my responsibility to the way in which I am living and so effect my environment and life around me in a way that cause imbalance and abuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become enthralled with energy as self interest through believed confidence and not realize that I am hurting others and creating consequences that will create rifts in my world and others that are not supportive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use confidence to push through my world and use ignorance because I use my mind as a shield of beliefs that I am this and that, but in reality I am separating myself from others because I am not here with them as am in competition and fighting for my survival.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am more then others based on my skills or capabilities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have a right to do what I do to others because I have more of the way I operate at work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as better then others due to the way I conduct business affairs and myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use confidence in my abilities and myself against others in competition to win.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compete and try and win in what I do in each moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that we have to survive to live here when in fact this is not true I am already here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my environment in reality based on beliefs in my mind I am living as real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow my mind as thoughts as beliefs rather then be here and live within what is really going on in physical reality moment by moment through breath awareness and self honesty.

When and as I see I am going into a point of competition and survival with my environment, I stop and breath, and realize this creates a separation with my environment and everyone in it within a false reality I am living in that I need to be more or am more which I realize is not in fact true inherently.

I commit myself to let go of the beliefs that I am anything that comes from a thought.

I commit myself to let go of thoughts and live from the physical reality, which will build my self trust and self honesty.

I commit myself to stand in the shoes of others and let go of the desire to win.

I commit to walk with others in equality and let go of the idea that I have to be confident to make it.

I commit myself to let go of the survival of competition in this world and I commit to walk solutions with others that create a point of enhancement and betterment of all involve.

Eqafe Interview Support that I Recommend:

Insecurity: Introduction - Atlanteans - Part 148
Insecurity: Self Forgiveness - Atlanteans - Part 149
Insecurity: Insecurity-Confidence Polarity - Atlanteans - Part 150
Confidence: Self Forgiveness - Atlanteans - Part 151
Confidence: Practical Support - Atlanteans - Part 152
Confidence: The End - Atlanteans - Part 153

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There is Always a Price to Pay, Basic Income Guarantee is a Step Forward– Day 322

When we say there will be a price to pay, what we are saying is that there will be a consequence for our actions, individually and globally. Unfortunately, we are not taught this in a direct and common sensical way within our youth, yes it is spoken, but it is hardly ever lived. We see the forest being cut down, the people starving in pictures, the women being stoned, the animals with there tusks cut off, over and over and over again we see the horror of this world, but we don’t have any real recognition that this is our consequence, this is real, and this is what we have to face sooner now more then ever. So we follow suit like everyone else in this world, no action, no plan, feeling powerless, and the consequence of these inactions currently is a decaying environment, destructive people, disregard for animal and plant life, and a ruthless existence. We have made the very life that is here, that we need to survive on this planet a commodity, to be harnessed, used, and sold for a piece of paper, no matter the consequential effects it will have on life as we know it and this not in a positive way.

Today, I have read some disturbing stories of consequence, the death of 37 million bees in Canada, “Shortly after 50,000 bees were found dead in an Oregon parking lot (read more here), a staggering 37 million bees have been found dead in Elmwood, Ontario, Canada. Dave Schuit, who runs a honey operation in Elmwood has lost 600 hives. He is pointing the finger at the insecticides known as neonicotinoids, which are manufactured by Bayer CropScience Inc. This also comes after a recent report released by the British Beekeepers Association (BBKA) that recorded its largest loss of honeybees ever.” (Source: http://www.collective-evolution.com/2013/07/01/over-30-million-bees-found-dead-in-elmwood-canada/)

Also, there was a story of a famous clothes brand in America, contaminating and destroying an Indonesia waterway due to their chemical dyes for clothes, “Gap’s latest advertising campaign declares that we should ‘Be Bright,’ but by collaborating with toxic suppliers Gap’s clothes are turning the Citarum into a multicoloured mess," says Ashov Birry, a toxic-free water campaigner for Greenpeace Southeast Asia, in a statement. "Gap and other big brands need to work with their suppliers in Indonesia and elsewhere to urgently eliminate all uses of hazardous chemicals from their supply chains and products before it is too late." (Source: http://www.ecouterre.com/gap-banana-republic-old-navy-linked-to-toxic-river-pollution-in-indonesia/greenpeace-river-pollution-west-java-2/?extend=1)

These two examples are just a few of the millions of stories we can gather of this simple principle of ‘do onto others as you would do to yourself’ not being followed, and yes, we currently live in this world and need to survive, buy stuff, and eat for instance, but the exponential abuse is due to exponential consumerism, we don’t need in anyway all the waste stuff we are creating and increasingly we are using more and more of the earths resources destructively to get them. We as the consumer are creating these very consequential outflows, that eventually will come to bite us in our asses. I mean it already has, if the bees dying off in the millions is not a huge red flag then I don’t know what is.

There are solutions here, please investigate the Equal LifeFoundation’s Bill of Rights and the Basic Income Guarantee, which will create the starting point platform for the change that is so desperately needed. This change is the change of our intent in this world from greed and profit to caring for others and supporting others equal to yourself, always considering the other equal to you. The point we have to get to is to understand and live an equality with life, with our environment, with the animals, with nature, with each other, and within this world system.  We are living in a closed system meaning if one suffer we all suffer, and  it will be a slow but certain point of death for us all if we don’t get a handle on what we are doing, what we are consuming, what we are taking, and who we are effecting. It’s a self process of realizing a stability within self and a will to direct self in what is best for all, this is based on and lived within equality and oneness. We have to change the within of ourselves to change the without of this world, it always start with who we are to determine what we will live. Study the links and comment with any questions or feedback, it’s time for a change and The basic income guarantee is a practical step forward. 

Recommended Interview Support:

The Consciousness of the Bees - Part 1
The Consciousness of the Bees - Part 2

For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Basic Income Guaranteed by Equal Life Foundation
Free Desteni I Process Lite Course for All Ages
Equal Money System Website
Equal Life Foundation
Creation's Journey to LIfe- Recommended Read

Eqafe - Interview Support for Self Realization