Friday, April 20, 2012

Day 6 - I am an Anger De-Man

I exert my anger where I find that I am believing that I am more then another or where I blame and see myself as a victim, both I see are not real as they are abdicating my self responsibility to life as I am the creator of who I am and how I experience myself, thus I stop this through self forgiveness, and walking the change to stand equal with life in a way that is best for all.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to exist within anger in my world towards any point that comes up in the statement that I see another at fault and thus am reacting in blame and creating unnecessary abuse as I exert my anger onto another. I see and realize that anger is but a manifestation outflow of not taking responsibility for myself and seeing self as a victim, I am here though and see that I am the cause of all that is here as me, and thus I walk the correction of stopping this anger from directing me through slowing myself down and seeing that I am the source, core, origin of why I am behaving in such a way as anger towards another.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to go into a point of victimization towards my world and what has occurred with others and thus go into blame and energize my back chat of thoughts that I am the victim, I am the one who gets the short end of the stick, and I should not be treated this way it's not fair. Within this backchat I allow it to accumulate to such a degree where eventually I will go into an energy outburst towards others as anger and ruin any trust or equality built by accepting myself to demonize and diminish others thru exerting my force over them through shouting and calling them names. I realize and see within this that I am the cause, source, and origin of this deliberate abuse towards another by not controlling my emotions and existing in spite and blame towards another.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to exist within spite and blame towards another being because I don't want to give up this energy as anger based on the sensation I get when I exert it and it releases the built up of frustration and irritation I have within myself, this feeling of release I have become addicted to and exhilarated by as it gives me a form of a high when I unleash it on others, allowing me for that moment to gain a release and feel 'good'. But I realize and see within this feeling of 'good' it will always come down to the reality of what I have done and created within my mania of anger towards others, which is regret and the living out of 'what have I done'. I see and understand that I am the cause of this and that I need to stop the accumulation of emotions and blame to not get to a point where I unleash and exert anger onto undeserving beings, I am the source thus I must stop this within myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to be addicted to the energy accumulation and release of anger and in moments enjoy releasing it onto others as I feel within this moment more powerful and in control as a sense of dominance over another, and within this I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to separate myself into the belief that power and control is through dominating another and causing them to 'pay' for what I see is their fault. Within this point of 'payback' I see and realize this is a complete abdication to my own self creation of allowing this pattern to continue as I continue to participate in thoughts of 'I hate this person' 'this person is such an asshole, look how they just cut me off' 'aw will she just get the fuck into reality, and stop taking shit' and accepting these thoughts to direct me to separate me from the being where I have the false pretense that I am more deserving or more then this being because I have created these thoughts within myself as justification for the abuse and anger I exert on to them as accepting these thoughts as valid and true.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the thoughts 'I hate this person' to direct me in moments where I have the ability to stand up within myself stop the separation within  self interest, and walk one and equal within the persons shoes to get to know who they are, where they come from, and why they have created themselves in such a way to thus give myself understanding and assistance to stand with in finding solutions rather then going into ego and creating abuse within personality play outs of I am better then her/him.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the thought 'this person is such an asshole, look at them just cut me off' as I see I am only going into ego to see myself exalted as the righteous one to thus see myself more then another to gain acceptance for myself within myself as myself within the polarity of inferior/superior as competition in my world. Within this I see and realize that this justification of being better towards another due to the fact that I am existing in competition so I can be the winner is unacceptable as it causes separation and harm, this is unacceptable due to it be a self indulgence to go the easy way out and not have to face myself as the creator of this experience, I am the one reacting and allowing anger and competition with another when I see I can simply let them go, stop, and direct in a way of self responsibility to a solution best for all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the thought 'aw will she just get the fuck into reality, and stop talking shit' this again I see and realize is a point of exalting my ego so I can be seen as more then another being, and thus going into self righteousness where I believe I can call her out or inflict some sort of harshness onto her as I believe that she is just 'talking shit'. Where instead I realize I could stand one and equal with the other in an attempt to come to some common ground and see where she is coming from based on her whole perpective on things, where there is more understanding who she is as a being, and then from there direct myself within given perspective of my own, within common sense and working towards solutions rather then causing conflict.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to exalt my ego in attempts of trying to be more then others and thus within this exhalation of my ego from and sourced within the thoughts i have created of being self righteous, instead of fully understanding and standing equal to that being, I am only creating conflict within my world and diminishing myself as I am being an abuser and causing harm to the life here that where I see I am harming me. I will always get what I create, thus I am the creator of  myself, I am responsible for my creation. I see and realize that the ego as self righteousness is just me not accepting myself and the anger is me accepting and allowing dishonesty to grow as I go into abuse rather then in self honest introspection to stand equal and find solutions to what is showing within my world as resistances.

My Self Correction:

When and as I go into this point of thinking about others in ways that are self righteous and diminishing them, I stop and say 'No' breath through the thoughts as I stop giving them energy, and thus I see that the accumulation of anger will diminish as I am no longer fueling with thoughts and emotions. When I see and realize that anger is accumulated, I stop and breath, and apply self forgiveness for this accumulation point, seeing and realizing that the being I am taking out my anger on or am directing it towards is me, and thus I stop abusing me as life.

I commit to stand within thoughts of accumulation and energy build up by disengaging them through stopping the participation with this back chat of blame and victimization, and remain here thru letting the energy go through breathing.

I commit myself to walk with beings as we walk our processes to become stable here, sharing myself in humbleness of what I have walked to give assistance if I see the need, and create the best way for all to stop conflict and stop anger by pushing and walking this stopping within myself.

anger, demonize, anger demon, human hell, i am a victim, self righteous, abuse, self abuse, hate, responsibility, stop anger, living solutions, peace, journey to life, 2012, process, desteni

No comments:

Post a Comment