Survival and Isolation Self Forgiveness - Day 598

#selfforgiveness

Survival and isolation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have my needs met, my life comfortable, my family safe, my friends cared for and welcomed, and not move beyond that into my family as the human race and everything that is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into an idea that I only have certain capacity to take care of myself and my reality in terms of my ‘world’ instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding that the world as a whole and all and everything within it is my world and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in my capacity with what I can do on a day to day basis abdicate responsibility to do more, push more, and ensure I am self honest within my assessments of myself and my reality I am living in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to over extend myself to others to ensure I am doing something to help, not seeing, realizing, and understanding that I am deluding myself by believing that I am helping others when underneath that I am feeling lack inside myself because I have not done my utmost potential in my day to day living and know it, I am aware.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a point of self isolation so I have the least amount of stimulation from real life like interacting with people, where I face the truth of me, and thus isolate and distract myself with useless bullshit to waste time and in a way get a mcquick fix of energy as feeling good, while the world burn around me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the thought that It’s just all too much, I can’t do it, it’s too tough, instead of getting real with myself in realizing that I am actually just not wanting to exert myself, not wanting to physically do it, and so I allow all sorts of excuses and justifications and time loops to play out, when in that time of complaint and wasting time, I could have just done something to support life as supporting myself in what is best for all life in a balanced and wholesome way for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a hero feeling when I do stand up within myself and do something that is best for all, allow the ego feelings of getting off on the point that I am proud of instead of recognizing the point of accomplishment in real time as an assessment of where I am at in my process to birthing life, and use the balance of myself in relaxation be the moments where I let go and enjoy for a moment or express in a more free flow way that cause no harm.

I commit myself to ensure I act when the moments are here to move myself in a way that supports life in what is best for all.

I commit myself to never judge myself or harm myself if i fall, make a miss-take, or miscalculate, but get up and keep moving into the principles of living what is best for all as best for self until it is done.

I commit myself to stand in the living words of equality and oneness where I see all life from within myself as myself as an equal and one part of myself, and thus stand in there shoes as I do it for myself, understand the point as myself, prove it in my reality as a solution, and then share to stand and be able to give real value as life and true peace and life as living in what is best can be manifest as me.

I commit to life here in what is best for all, making the seemingly impossible the I am possible.

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Balancing the Yin and the Yang of Self - My Process - Day 593

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For me the expression of the yin and yang is the 'masculine' and 'feminine' expression of ourselves, this most would have a picture pop up of a male human being, maybe in a uniform or a business suit representing the 'masculine' word and for the 'feminine' word represented by a beautiful women in a sultry dress and ready for the town. And for me for many many years, this also was how I saw the words yin/yang, male/female, basic static pictures in my head.

Though once one start the process with self-forgiveness and living change that is best for all in self-honesty, which is the desten-i-process, one eventually will come to realize and see more within and as these natures, expressions, and living words of the masculine and feminine. So for me, I have realized these words are not just words but can be moved into expressions of oneself in a way of living in a new or refreshed way for instance. Like for me, I never much categorized myself as a feminine woman, yes I am a woman, but I did not see me as this picture in my mind of this beautiful, sultry woman and thus I believed then I am not a feminine woman. So it was an idea created in my mind of what I had to do to be a feminine women instead of understanding and realizing that it is not a picture i have to become to be feminine, but a way of existing, being that can incorporate the strengths and expression of the feminine design within this world and existence.

I found the masculine expression is similar to a blueprint or infrastructure, holding the placement for the feminine expression to merge and join in as the movement and flow of the creative expression that colors the blueprint infrastructure with creative ability. Through this with the support of each one holding the balance of who they are within and without, one get a balance of the expressions in a cohesive and ever-expanding way to give life and receive it equal and one.

I found within my own process, I as a female within my reality had to step up within myself in confidence, creative skill, stability, reason, logic, and truth and meet the male counterpart within me and within my reality on a balance equal level, where the male within this equation has to become humble to meet the female on an equal balance level, where he is able to interact and receive the creative expression of the female in her movements and flow.

So there is a meeting in the middle so to speak I have found within my own self as the masculine and feminine within me, the 'ego' of the mind/masculine within and the 'suppressed' expression of my own self worth and self-respect, and redefining and living my own self-expression within these two expressions, I have found I was able to come to a balanced medium within my living reality. Where now I am able to move from one to the other with ease and express or become stable in moments where I see fit to walk as such, so stepping up as the feminine expression within me as my passions, my expressions in living words, my flow as a river of life into the extended lands of the masculine structure and support networks to be creative and see and live with and as my creation in wonder and awe. And be a plus one as the building and leader of the future to come for all in what is best, standing more in the masculine expression as blueprint, planning, and building the 'new' world we would like to live in and have our children live in. The balance of the inner dance of the yin and yang, silenced in-breath and lived in what is best for all through one's self-responsible expression. 

Thanks for reading and please feel free to leave any comment or questions if you see fit.

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The Child – Expression of Self as This - Series - Part 2

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For Reference and context, the first part to this series:
The Child – Expression of Self as This - Series - Part 1

Continuing with the process of opening up and redefining the word child and adult for myself, and how I see it best to be lived in what would be best for all. I am reflecting on my own process of how I have come to understand this word and living of these words child and adult for myself based on who and how I have walked within the desteni I process that I have been diligently walking for the last 10 plus years. The desteni process I have found is important with supporting me with a foundation point to be able to indeed redefine this word child and adult to be child and wise child, because it’s the process I have found of the adult being birthed again as the child of existence and from there one walk into the ability to respond to reality directly and so learn the way of this physical world and reality, the laws, how it’s designed, engineered, and structured, and within this how to be able to stand in the stead of another and raise this other to be a wise child, holding onto the wondrous nature of the child in this world as well as harnessing and using to all’s benefit the understanding through experience to live in a way of harmony and symbiosis to support oneself as all as best possible, thus the adult birthing as the child of existence through the desteni of the universe which is the desteni i process becomes the child of existence and through time and space becomes and creates the wise child, which will be what self create as there legacy.

This all will be cyclical of course, so one will indeed individually walk the process of becoming the adult, which is the a dull in one’s location point as the adult’s in this world currently are living disconnected and void of the understanding and so example of giving the child they create into a being that honors life and so stands for solutions that are best for all. Now a days and in the past, we see that this world was not created in symbiosis, support for all, understanding of natural order, and doing what is best, we have lived mostly in survival, fear, brutality, and death, and thus our children are not becoming the solution as we have hoped, they are becoming the a dull, meaning arousing little interest, lacking liveliness, boring, they are not operating in the means in which we as life are meant to and have the potential to live, which is like a child, innocent, engaging, alive, here, present, curious, adventurous, wild, carefree, freedom, independent, and much more, this point of child in our reality is a gift that has been given to ourselves from life itself to once again see self in a pure form and through that learn how to live in a way that supports all, as this will support oneself and so one’s child as well cause you can take care of it and know when it goes it indeed will expand in all ways possible as self has given that gift of self.

Without though understanding the how to take care of a child properly in this world, one will have difficulty transcending this dullness that occurs to ourselves when we come to adult hood, not everyone in this world does this, but the majority of us do, meaning we settle, we go into the system, survive, don’t question ourselves, don’t question the status quo of this world, don’t question why we accept and allow the annihilation of billions of people, animals, plant species, our clean environment/natural cycles in our eco-living system, and much more. We go into the idea that we are not enough, we can’t do it, we are not smart enough, good enough, there is not enough resources, money, knowledge, but when push comes to shove for myself, what always comes up within me in these moments were I have to face what I am doing to my own inner child and any and all children I meet in this life that I can potential support in a way of what is best for all life, what I do when I don’t stand and essentially let that spark of life that we all see in children’s eyes get snuffed out within me when I settle for a mediocre life, a settled life in the system, a life that is not what is best, this in essence is what the adults in this world have done, we have snuffed out the life within the children to come cause we have essentially done this to ourselves over generations of time and programming. But things have changed, life has emerged in the most unlikely of places and spaces, and is here, standing, with and aligned with all children to come to be able to stand as guardians of not only the children's lives to be best for all, but equally so the home and land in which we were birthed from is lively, enjoying, expressing, and aligned in symbiotic relationships that are supportive and life giving always in all ways.

So it’s a switch of perception I have found into a single focus of what is best for all life in oneness and equality as what would be best for self, and through the tools at desteni and eqafe explained in unbelievable detail over hours of material resources (this source a few of many, but here I see desteni i process my tree of life, my root system from which who i am as a being from this point of starting my process is growing from, so it's a foundational platform to support one to stand as life and essential i have found if one walk this journey with what is here, which I highly recommend) you too can become the steward of the children to come, making them grow from child to wise child as the adult in essence births themselves equally so as the child of existence from a dull location point one was walking into the wonderment of living as a child of existence and through this process of self forgiveness and living the change, one become and so can stand as a support for the children that are here to become wise in the sense that they know and have examples of how to live to be there highest potential, along with and aligned and integrated as best possible with all life around them as oneself, as one's example, as one has done it for themselves, and so now can stand and give the gift to another of self creation. 

This is a journey and a process, though this particular structure I have seen as a pattern for myself of the journey I have walked and now can say am able to stand for the children in my care and to come to be able to give them wisdom to live there best self and truly be able to live life here in joy and peace and prosperity for all life as we know it. And for all life children to come as our future selves, long live ourselves in the best life has to offer. 

Thanks for reading and please feel free to leave any comment or questions if you see fit.

www.lite.desteniiprocess.com - Beginner Course in Desteni I Process
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www.destonians.com - Desteni Group Support Network
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Focused Living - Day 558

How to Practically Live a Word - Focus

My current definition and how I see this word Focus:

Focus for me as how I have been seeing it and living it in the past is I am seeing as an undesired force put upon me in things that I did not want to focus on, mainly i am seeing my mom making me focus on things i had no real interest in like church or playing with dolls, this when i was little and thus being forced to focus on these things based on her needs and not my own. Also I am seeing school where teachers would make us focus on our school work in classrooms where i couldn’t get up and move around, and so I was forced to focus on subjects and topics in boxed rooms closed off to the outside world where i couldn’t move about in freedom, which i highly resisted. This would more be the negative attachments to the word focus i have placed in me. 

On the positive side, I am seeing the word focus as a means to an end where i get something, like money or accolades for focusing in on something, doing it well, and then being reward with some sort of praise or gift. Focusing then was done to inflate my ego or my experience of myself as superior through gaining something externally to make me feel more important or better about myself. So needing something externally like money or praise from others as a reward for me to feel something about myself in a positive way, and if i was focused in what i did I realized I had a better chance of getting these things that made me feel good about myself and my life.

My Redefinition: 

Focus - how i am seeing living the word focus is an actual physical movement within myself in moments where i become distracted in thinking and/or in things I am doing. So to live focus would be to move toward the center of myself in my awareness into the center of my body. It’s a supportive word that realigns my self awareness back to my center point and i am noticing that this center point focus is right in the middle of my chest, just above my breast bone and below my neck. This is specific this spot as it feels in a way like a source of strength, this strength is here within me as me and living this word focus when i move my awareness into my physical presence of myself as this center point in my chest and then i live it into the task i am doing I find my ability to live what it fact I set myself out to do becomes much more streamlined and specific, and I have less strain to in fact get it done. A support word I have found also is the words slowing down, which supports with moving from the busyness of the distraction such as thinking or getting entertained by something outside myself, slowing back to down to my physical breath and thus moving into the word focus which I again support myself with to move into this center point in my chest. From here, I move into the task I set out for myself to live. 

Contexts in how i will live this word Focus:

Work - In work i plan to write out a list when i first sit down at my desk and start my day, living the word focus, i am going to use this word as the redefined living of it to move my focus back to my physical body, working with centering my self awareness in that center point in my chest when i see i start to lose focus in my day and become distracted with desires such as checking facebook or getting up and speaking to people around the office unnecessarily just to not face what it is I must get done. Using the word focus and the action of become centered inside myself focusing on breathing and my physical body, I can move myself out of the desire to distract myself and stick to the task list i had made out in the beginning of my work day to stay on task and move through the day with more effective efficency. 

Yoga - Yoga is an activity i have been wanting to integrate in my day to day, though I have resisted it due to the uncomfortability in my body i feel in doing it because it is slow and hurts me as i am not that flexible. Here i plan to use the word focus to again focus my awareness on the physical, bringing me out of the distractions of my mind and into my physical body movements as i work with yoga positions and breathing techniques. 

Desire to give up at task during my day - I notice often how easily i tend to go into giving up when things become uncomfortable in my body or I have to put a bit more effort or even sometimes a lot more effort into something that I am doing. For example, I was bringing laundry up a flight of stairs and it was extra full and thus extra heavy. I wanted to give up and just drop it to get a break. I remembered this word focus with the movement of slowing down meaning moving out of my head in thoughts and back into my chest center point as my physical presence awareness, and from here i moved my awareness into my whole body. I found this supported with balancing myself in my body where i was using a lot more muscles and focus on these muscles rather then going into my head and wasting my energy in thinking and thus eventually giving into the desire to stop. So here i am going to use this word focus to support me in these moments where i want to give up and instead of giving up, center myself in my physical body, move into my self awareness as this chest center point, and from here as my self awareness is present live the word focus as i focus in on the task at hand and live that to get it done. 

Thanks all for reading and will report later in the week of how this is going.