What My Job Has Shown Me About Myself - Part 2: How I Live Words - Day 438

Artist: Andrew Gable 

In my work environment currently, I am asked and approached many times through out the day to direct situations, and the way I experience myself within this is where I am going to start to investigate myself and who I am within this. I will use some memories that have happened recently to start the process of seeing who I am and how I am standing within these points.

First memory that comes to mind is when I picked up the phone and was greeted by a disgruntled customer who was frustrated at another employee, and he insisted on yelling through the phone at me. When he started to raise his voice at me, I immediately within myself had a reaction of emotion rush up from my solar plexus into my chest and into my throat, I wanted to tell this guy to screw, but knew that I couldn’t due to business and being unprofessional. Though, I was holding myself back because the anger was here and I was very much reacting negatively to this man as I was blaming him for me now being uncomfortable and being angry. In my mind, I had thoughts go through my head such as, “man, I was fine before he called enjoying my morning and having cool conversations, and now look at me, I am angry and annoyed”.  Then through lingering in this anger and not clearing the point at that moment, I allowed it to direct me into my day by blaming another person for me having to pick up the phone and holding onto that anger towards her for most of the day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame another person for the state and condition I was in in a moment or a time frame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the point of myself having to do a task outside of what I normally do as justification for blame onto the person that was responsible for that task in usual circumstances to then be able to take out my anger energy even more and allow myself to get release through taking it out on other people and my external reality.

I forgive myself that I did not accept and allow myself to take responsibility in the moment of creating the reaction during the call and when I hung up the phone, but just accepted and allowed myself to exist within allowing the anger to direct me and release it on someone else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take it personal when someone raises his or her voice at me and then judge myself as doing something bad or wrong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge doing something bad or wrong means I am less then another person and they are seeing me in this way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define doing something in a miss take as something that I did that was bad or wrong and so see it in a negative polarity from dong something right or in a positive polarity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within what I do based on if I judge it as right or wrong.

I forgive that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see doing something right or wrong is defining who I am when in reality it is showing a point of how I am living in a moment and thus needs to be redefined within myself to see the direct definition to these words so I then can see myself clearly within doing something either in a right or correct way and in a wrong or incorrect way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to then blame the caller on the phone for me not taking responsibility within myself to redefine these words in a way in which I am clear and see within who I am clearly when living these words as when I doing something ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ and so understand myself within what I do and not be effected or directed by my external reality. As I realize in the moment that the caller’s anger had nothing to do with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame other employees for me not taking responsibility and clearing these words to mean directly who I am in relation to them and thus be clear of any attachments I may have created within existing as this word and so blaming others because I am not clear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist the definition process as I defined myself in relation to it as unclear and not knowing how to walk it effectively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see the redefinition of words as something outside of my frame of reference and judging it as too difficult to live.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the redefinition process of words too difficult and so not move forward on it.

When and as I see I am resisting a process within becoming more effective within my application such as re-defining words, I stop and breath, and realize that I am not living to my utmost potential in this moment and so I am diminishing my capabilities of expanding myself in my world and living and so becoming the person I see I am able to be through walking this process of creating myself into my utmost potential.

I commit myself to move beyond my resistances, by identifying them when I see they are coming up within me and I am not moving within a direction I see will benefit me.

I commit myself to identify what these resistances are and walk the process in writing of how to move forward.

I commit myself to when I see I am creating a polarity within a word or a situation in my world, re-define the words associated with these polarity experiences and live the direct definition of the word after it’s been established and created.

I commit myself to redefine the word right and wrong to be able to move through moments when I react to them within my external reality and so give myself a clear definition and direction to move forward.

I commit myself to take responsibility for who I am in my reality and walk the correction process that is necessary to be clear in moments where I currently react to be able to direct myself in what is best for all and stop being directed by external influences.

Will continue with the redefining word's process in my next blog, thanks for reading.

Interview Support on the topic of Work Politics and Not Being Enough:
Life Review - I'm not Good Enough
Behind the Scenes of Office Politics - Life Review
Nothing is Good Enough - Life Review
Always Feeling like 'I'm not doing Enough' - Life Review
Why Do I Feel Like I Can't Connect With My Partner?
Stop Your Thoughts, Change Yourself - Reptilians - Part 284
Self-Interest in Self-Honesty: How does that work? - Reptilians' Supp…


Check Out these Awesome sites:
Desteni I Process Lite - Free Course to Start your Journey to Life
Journey to Life Group - On Facebook
Desteni Wiki - For All Things Desteni Related
Desteni Forum - Share your Self with Other Destonians
Destonian Social Network
Eqafe - Self Perfection Support
Equal Life Foundation - Site

What My Job has Shown Me about Myself? – Part 1 – Day 436

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Going to a job everyday in the same location, seeing the same people, it get’s to be a place where you can really see who you are as the environment never changes and things repeat more often then not. The environment meaning in close proximity to many different people pretty much all day long. And everyday or every cycle shall I call it I see myself going into the same types of thoughts, the same types of ‘moods’, and acting in the same or very similar ways in my behavior and speech. It becomes very repetitive the day in and day out at the same location and again with the same faces as well as the same self that I walk around with everyday.

Obviously as can be seen with the title of my blog, I am on a journey to birth myself as life, so I am now more and more becoming aware of my behaviors, my thoughts in relation to others and myself, the nature of these thoughts, the energy involved within these thoughts, the personalities I go into in when different environmental changes or stimulus coming in to play or leave. There is a lot going on within me, though again it is very cyclical in it’s nature meaning I see the same types of thoughts, energies, reactions coming up, and overall it is not to the benefit of myself nor others. So having said this, I am finding that there is this urge that has started to emerge within me after I have been walking this process for more then 5 years now. Although, I indeed have proven to myself I am able to change and that I have the capacity to change, I am finding at this stage I am now within walking the mind layers I am at, I am becoming more and more reactive at myself and my environment around me (which is mirroring me, so still seeing self) that I am not moving fast enough, I am not showing enough progress, I am not changing quick enough, my environment is not moving in the direction that I see it should, I am not who I think I am as a person that is leading my own process, self directed, and able to do any and all things.

Of course this is a idea of myself I have created and projected onto my reality and myself, and the frustration I am sensing and starting to more and more react within is due to this idea I have created about myself and my reality in moving a specific way and within that creating the experience within myself as lacking something, where I am not quick enough, I am not doing enough, and my environment is not stable enough. This causing blame and anger within me which I am pushing onto my outer world, this is causing more and more consequences as it continues to be done without direction or a solution.

I have realized that within walking this process there is no right or wrong way to do it as well as there is no specific idea or belief of how it should be or how I should be moving within it, I also see that what is stemming from this frustration and anger is the fear of not making it in this process, not changing myself in such a way that I will be satisfied with myself as well as stable in reality, I am afraid that I will waste my opportunity I have been given and miss out on the life that is to come. So within my self now, I am in this constant state of anxiety and imaginations that I need to be doing this and that, I need to have progressed in this sort of way, I need to prove this about who I am, ect. This showing that I was not really progressing or excelling in the way in which I created about myself otherwise I would not be reacting, I would be stable. I realize I have been in self interest, out to make myself look like I am excelling, look like I am progressing, but was I being self honest within this? I would have to say within this aspect, no, I was doing it for others, I was doing it for attention, I was doing it for self acceptance, I was doing it to experience myself as worthy, and so I have created this experience within me now that I am in a survival situation and this is not what walking this process is about.

So here further, I will walk the tools of self forgiveness and self correction on these points I have brought up here of how I have experienced myself lately in my process and how I will walk the correction process to find solutions for myself, and so help others who may see support in this sharing as well.

Thanks for reading.   

Interview Support on the topic of Work Politics and Not Being Enough:
Life Review - I'm not Good Enough
Behind the Scenes of Office Politics - Life Review
Nothing is Good Enough - Life Review
Always Feeling like 'I'm not doing Enough' - Life Review
Why Do I Feel Like I Can't Connect With My Partner?
Stop Your Thoughts, Change Yourself - Reptilians - Part 284
Self-Interest in Self-Honesty: How does that work? - Reptilians' Supp…

Check Out these Awesome sites:
Desteni I Process Lite - Free Course to Start your Journey to Life
Journey to Life Group - On Facebook
Desteni Wiki - For All Things Desteni Related
Desteni Forum - Share your Self with Other Destonians
Destonian Social Network
Eqafe - Self Perfection Support
Equal Life Foundation - Site

Confidence in the Mind when Alone – Part 7.3 – Day 369

Featured Artist: Marlen Vargas Del Razo

Visit more cool art here: Desteni Artists

This is a Series, here are the others for reference:

My Experience Before and After Beginning Process with Animals and Nature – Part 1- Day 361

Horses and People– Before/After Starting Process with Animals and Nature Part 2 – Day 362

Horses and People – Before/After Starting Process with Animals and Nature – Part 3 - Day 363

Opening Up Confidence In the Mind – Before/After Starting to Walk Process – Part 4 – Day 364

My Experience with Confidence In Appearance - Part 5 - Day 365 

Opening Up Confidence within the Mind – Money – Part 6 – Day 366

Confidence in the Mind – In a Group/Alone – Part 7.1 – Day 367
Confidence in Group Dynamics – Part 7.2 – Day 368

Just a point to put into the physical as words and that is that I will be writing everyday for the next year as I realize that it just takes a decision and actually living it, so I have it here, and will live it into life so I can trust my wordswithin myself as I have in fact lived them, build my self discipline, and push self movement to a point of naturalexpression for myself, building a solid foundation within who I am to live from. Thanks for reading and the support.

Today I will write on the point of having the experience of confidence within a situation where I am not in a group, but alone within my own doing. This comes up at times when I have done something where I have received some recognition, and this something was done within my own will and action. Through receiving praise for the actions I preformed well, I gain a point of confidence and arrogance over others in a form of seeing that I am more valued and so more worthy in the eyes of those who praised me based on ‘my’ work and those who have received no praise they then are below me. I see that I do not create a point of equality within the environment I am in, where each have there own skills and expressions, but I move often within competition and seeing where it is that I can gain over others and get ahead.

I forgive myself that have accepted and allowed myself to when I do a project or work on my own, within my mind I have backchat desires to be recognized as the best and the most accomplished based on my desire to make the most money and gain the most prestige.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define who I am based on how much I make rather then ensuring that who I am is based on principles I can live with into eternity and so within this walk the practical common sense steps to ensure my physical living conditions are functioning.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire prestige with others and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself based on others view of me rather then defining myself in each moment that I am here based on the living of myself in reality, how I contribute to life in the greater as well as within self, and am I worthy of life in the way that I exist in each moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry and annoyed at others around me when I see that they are not working in the same pace as myself, and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become reactive and harsh toward these people when I have allowed the energy to accumulate to such an extent that eventually I go into conflict with them and say things that are harmful and abusive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in my mind in backchat of how others are not doing a good job, and they are slacking, and they are making more money then me, and I should be getting the mostmoney because I am the best here, and so create an illusion of entitlement within myself based on thoughts that are not physical based but only catering to my self interest to be seen and gain feelings of excitement and happinesswhen I am recognized and also competing to become the highest paid due to a belief that I deserve it over others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself within my own mind believe myself to be the best and deserve the highest pay due to the belief that alone I am excelling over others, but in reality, I don’t know how others work in terms of their capabilities and their production, I am not in there shoes and so I should not and can not judge others for this as I would not want to be judge.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within my mind in a desire to be the top paid and be the best in my existence alone in my thoughts, when in reality, I am not alone, I am with groups of people interacting on many different levels and many different connections, and so I am not anymore or any less then others, but have to walk a functional way in reality to ensure all are equally consider and so all are equally able to live in the expression they are in self honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in my own world within myself and so build this experience of confidence based on the beliefs that I am so much better then others when in reality I am scared to face myself, face others, and be shown that in fact I am not the best, and so I realize that this is showing that I am in fact only existing as a point of ego desiring my own satisfaction in my mind where it gives me stimulation as energy and disregard the reality of the physical where I am effecting and influencing others in a harmful way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a way of ego where I only consider myself and only desire my own satisfaction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to stay in my own world so I am not challenged and can continue to pretend I am the best when in reality this is not in fact the case as I abuse others in self interest.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that being best within this physical world is living within a point of self direction where I move myself in a point of support and assistance of doing what is best for all as I realize that will equally always do what is best for me, anything else is self interest and so abuse will in fact be created.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse others due to my desire to be the best and so within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to gain a false sense of confidence within the belief that I am the best when in fact none of this was real because it did not stand in the physical based on the conflict and abuse I have given others within reaction rather then self movement in support in what is best in self trust.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing myself in reality and so I stay stimulated within my own mind world in beliefs and ideas and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to separate myself from reality and abuse others due to my desires of self interest where I can hide and escape alone in my own mind world.

When and as I see I am going into a point of existing in my mind world and walking alone in my world creating beliefs and ideas about myself in relation to reality, I stop and breath, and realize that this in fact is not real because I am not walking in the physical with how I am existing within my mind and so it will in the end cause abuse and harm as I have already seen happens within my world in many instances because I am not taking physical reality into consideration and all others into consideration as how I would in fact want to be consider as an equal.

I commit myself to stop the mind reality of beliefs that I am better then others and deserve more then others.

I commit myself to walk the physical steps that are here to be walked to ensure I create the outcomes I have as my goals and not debate it in my mind as this is where I will manipulate myself to gain stimulation as good feelings and so abuse will occur.

I commit myself to move in physical reality by breathing and moving myself when I see I am going into reaction and do what it takes to stop the reactions through the tools shared at desteni.

I commit myself to support others as myself as equals when I have proven I am here and can direct myself into a physical stability and common sense solution, and so have stopped the abuse within a polarity of being more or less.

I commit to build self confidence through actually living the actions to the outcome I have set for myself and stop thinking and reacting to it in my mind through escaping into a mind reality of energy stimulation which is not real and cause abuse to occur due to self interest only being considered.

I commit myself to let go of self interest desire and walk as others in there shoes, and support life as how I would like to be supported in moments where I see I want to react and go into self interest, I stop, breath, and move into support as an equal.

Eqafe Interview Support that I Recommend:

Insecurity: Introduction - Atlanteans - Part 148
Insecurity: Self Forgiveness - Atlanteans - Part 149
Insecurity: Insecurity-Confidence Polarity - Atlanteans - Part 150
Confidence: Self Forgiveness - Atlanteans - Part 151
Confidence: Practical Support - Atlanteans - Part 152
Confidence: The End - Atlanteans - Part 153

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Desteni I Process Lite - Free Course to Start your Journey to Life
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Desteni Wiki - For All Things Desteni Related
Desteni Forum - Share your Self with Other Destonians
Destonian Social Network
Eqafe - Self Perfection Support
Equal Life Foundation - Site
Living Income Guaranteed Proposal - Site

Equal Money System - Site