A Lady's Journey to Life: 2014

Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Update: How I Have Been Letting Go of Self Judgment - Day 442

Updating on my process of letting go of self judgment, this I have walked in many blogs and vlogs. Thanks.

"Here I speak on some points on how I have started to walk the self judgment of myself to a point of letting it go. What tools and support have I used to help identify and let go of these triggers that send me in the downward spiral of the consequences of judging myself? And how I am continuing to walk this transcendence of living with self compromise to become a self directed human being?"

Some Blogs I have written on self judgment:
Day 281 – Self Judgment – The Point I don’t Want to Face
Day 282 – Self Judgment – Fueling the Imprisonment of Self as the Mind
Day 283 – Self Judgment – Judging My Physical – The ‘Flawed’ Eye
Day 284 – Self Judgment – Judging My Physical – The ‘Flawed’ Eye – Self Commitments to Live – Part 1

Check Out these Awesome and Life Supporting sites:
Desteni I Process Lite - Free Course to Start your Journey to Life
Journey to Life Group - On Facebook
Desteni Wiki - For All Things Desteni Related
Desteni Forum - Share your Self with Other Destonians
Destonian Social Network

Self and Living Store
Eqafe - Self Perfection Support
Equal Life Foundation - Site

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Stubbornness: What am I making more difficult then it has to be? Day 441

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So tonight I listened to the second recording of the very supportive series from eqafe about stubbornness, and in this discussion they spoke about some key points that I found helpful, one being that when taking on the mind within the process being walked in these journey to life blogs as well as the desteni group in general, is we have to take on all parts of our mind that are coming up equally ensuring all parts are considered and taken on with equal capacity. I found this important to look into for myself because I to have seen myself go into a form of ‘favoring’ some parts of my mind I would like to change, where other parts of myself I chose to look the other way or push it to the future because facing them seems way to difficult and other excuses are used like I am not ready yet.

This has now come to the point where I have walked quite a bit within my mind and have made some progress on myself, though I see other parts of my world where I am still tending to make my life more difficult by resisting the points that are intense and serving the mind through following it rather then serving myself as life and directing my life in a way that is best for all. I have had enough with a specific point that I have been now walking over a few years and it still has had power over me, this point being the judgment of my physical body. I have made this process more difficult then it needs to be because I have allowed my thoughts to take over and the energy that goes with these thoughts overwhelm me rather than living here in my physical body and stopping myself through breath. I have proven to myself that I am able to do this in other points I have stopped, showing that I am able to do in all points of my mind as the tools and the principles as well as the living application remains the same.

Another point that I have also found which had contributed to making my process more difficult is that I had started to write less and less and within doing this my application and effectiveness was becoming less and less. I realized what I was doing on some level was just living out the resistances I had already participated in my mind and now was manifesting into my reality as feeling lethargic and depressed, and so had no energy or desire to move myself. All a consequence of continuing to exist in the self defeatist thoughts and the energies of despair and resentment. I made excuses and justification overpower my actual will to stop, and because I was not supporting myself with the tools that have always been available, I was not making progress on these points and so empowering the mind more then my living self.

And of course this had consequence in my world and reality, where I became more reclusive then open and comfortable with others, where I would become more reactive and take things personal rather than stable and understanding, and where I would go into deep emotional highs and lows and not stand effective in my application of change that I had set out for myself to do. So I realized that if I do not support myself with the tools that are available, the writing of self forgiveness and self correction and then living the change, I would fall more and more into the mind. The tools being the key for the walking of this process as doing it alone or going about it in resistance and giving into the resistance makes this process much more difficult then it needs to be and so the living of my life much more difficult then it needs to be.

Pushing through resistances in all forms and keeping consistent in the application of the basics as they are called and as I wrote above, is the support structure in place to support life to birth ourselves into the physical, back to what is real, back to who we really are, and allowing the stubbornness experience to continue in this way of making my process and my life more difficult is just plain stupid. So I will continue on with this point in my next blog and implement self forgiveness and self commitments to ensure my application of consistency and stability remains steadfast as I remain here walking breath by breath. Thanks for reading.

Monday, December 22, 2014

Stubbornness: How am I creating this within myself? – Day 440

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I listened to the first interview in the Atlantean’s series on the construct of stubbornness that I have placed on the bottom of this blog, it was on the understanding of how stubbornness is created within us, and how it effects our lives within ourselves and with other people. Some insightful take aways that I realized is that to go into stubbornness is a form of serving the mind because I am allowing the experience of ‘I can do things alone’ for instance hinder my opportunity to gain assistance and support from other people in my world. I often go into this experience where I don’t want to be helped or supported by another and use stubbornness to not have to engage with others so I can protect my mind, my fears, and my self belief that I have things under control.

Realizing that within this fear and belief of myself I am compromising my self development as well as potentially harming my physical body by not considering if I really do need help or not, but just become driven by fear and the desire to have things my way. The fear being that I will come to a point with another where I will be challenged, and through that challenge I could potentially fall or fail and so be vulnerable by others to judge me or attack me. I fear this based on the fact that within myself I have judged and attacked others for falling or failing in some way or another. So because I do that within my backchat towards others, I will hold back and shy away from allowing other people into my world to support me and thus expand myself into situations where I will be challenged and tested on who I am, thus stunting and compromising myself.

Stubbornness is the experience within myself I use to continue to exist within this pattern, I have seen it many times come up in my current relationship with my partner, where I do not want to face the fact that I am in fear and so rather then taking responsibility, will attack and go into a form of stubbornness in not having to face myself in the request of my partner to do something I am uncomfortable with.

So this is a cool point to understand for myself and show that when I start to see this point of wanting to be alone, resisting getting support from others, and not walking the tools that are here on a consistent basis to move myself through points that are consequential, I then can move and implement the changes I construct to stop this pattern from taking over and serve myself as life and walk the process to align with life here in the physical as I move myself here in the self correction process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see that who I am within and as stubbornness is creating a form of servancy to the mind as the enslavement of life by compromising my potential to expand and grow with other’s support through resisting it and wanting to do things on my own.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see that who I am being within myself in these moments where I go into the stubbornness of not wanting to hear or receive support from other’s is someone who is pushing against the grain, pushing and resisting other people and their words, and creating consequence that is harmful and destructive to the opportunity that is here to build relationships with others as a point of living and implementing oneness and equality in who I am here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within this experience of stubbornness go into hiding the fact from myself that I am in fear of facing challenges that I will surely face with others where I don’t know what will come and so what I will need to do or have in place to get through it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into sturbbornness and essentially dilude my abilities here to change who I am to become more skilled, learn more, engage more, and so expand more with others because of this fear of failing or being judged by others for messing up.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to let go of the fear of being judged or failing at something as I realize, see, and understand within falling or failing in something you are given a gift of seeing who you are and how you can change through the miss-take to perfect that point in the trys ahead and so slowly become more specified in my application and push myself beyond my limits and expand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to engage in judgment and making fun and rejecting others who have fallen or messed up or failed in something to then make myself feel more important, though realizing this just creates the entrapment within the cycle of fear of movement as I myself will then fear what I have created with others, continuing the cycle of harm and abuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse others when they have taken a miss-take and used there hardship for my gain in self interest to feel good or positive about myself cause I wasn’t the one who failed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use another being for my personal gain instead of standing equal to another and realizing they are me in another pair of shoes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the form of stubbornness to not have to face myself in real time with challenges and can escape into myself and the comfort of my own habits by myself only answering to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear taking responsibility for myself and so for others when I have to face challenges in my life and so use stubbornness to not have to move myself beyond my fears and limitations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing me here in reality and so I forgive myself that I have not yet accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand I have created the now manifesting consequences in the physical, and so I have to walk through and face these consequences once and for all and so stop postponing my process of change and so the process of changing life into a world that is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the experience of stubbornness to postpone the inevitable of facing myself here in reality and changing to be a being of correction of self integrity and creating solutions that is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue waiting and postponing for myself and so use stubbornness to hide within and escape for a time period that will end.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste time and not move beyond my limitations as stubbornness and expand myself in the potential that I see is possible.

When and as I see I am going into a form of postponement or stubbornness within the act of avoiding facing myself, I stop and breath, and realize this will only prolong the inevitable of having to change myself here or in the hereafter, I will face myself, I realize I have all the tools and the will and the ability to walk it here on earth where it counts.

I commit myself to breath when I see the experience of stubbornness comes up to not move myself and physically move myself to go into the physical opportunity that is here to face myself and change.

I commit myself to face my fears and move myself in physical reality beyond my limitations and boundaries through breath.

I commit myself to use the tools as much as I am able to to ensure I walk all the points necessary and continue to move forward in my process of self creation.

I commit myself to stop allowing abdication of my responsibility through hiding in stubbornness by taking on more projects with others and becoming more social.

I commit myself to push my communication with others and push through the experience to do things on my own and go into my comfort zone.

I commit myself to stop escaping reality into my mind as comfort zones and always push myself into the uncomfortableness of reality as myself as I realize this is where change is for the best.

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Stubbornness Dissected - Who am I within this? Day 439

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I have come to realize that I am quite a stubborn person, I have a hard time not getting my way and having to adhere to another’s way of doing things. I have for a while wanted to deny this aspect of myself or simply run away from it because to look at this means I have to face it and change it. I find that within this fear of facing myself within stubbornness, I fear losing my stand I have believed myself to have with others in my world of getting my needs met and making sure that I survive or get taken care of, because in essence if I don’t take care of myself, who will? Though, I have taken this belief of myself to an extreme point where I have believed myself to be able to handle everything, I don’t need anyone in my life, I don’t need help, I can take care of myself, and within standing within this stubborn belief of myself, I have in ways stood alone.

There is benefit’s to having this stand within self as this allows for self sufficiency and self empowerment, but also it can lead to an unbalanced relationship with other people in my world where I push them away and not embrace the ‘gifts’ they have to share with me, be it the treasures of companionship or the harsh reality of facing who I really am in the eyes of another. This truth of self especially coming from an outside source is where I go into a wall of stone cold, where I have an extremely difficult time allowing someone to show me where I am doing something wrong or where I can improve on something. This is specific to the person as each person I meet I find there is a different relationship that develops, but with specific people I have created myself in relation to them in ways where I find myself comfortable and my nature or who I have created as my personalities catered to based on the personality of the other, these relationships I desire as there is an easement to them and I am usually able to get my way eventually.

Now with endeavoring on the desteni I process and standing as a point of living example for those who come after me, I am here and have committed myself to see myself for who I really am, change my nature, and report openly and self honestly to those who will read this. I am finding that I have to correct and change myself to fit into all walks of life, the easy and the difficult, the comfortable and the uncomfortable, I can no longer escape into my comfort zone of just seeking the easy and comfortable path, I have put myself in a position where I stand until I in fact do or stand to lose much in the way of not standing. As within reality there is always consequence to the decisions we make, I no more can pretend that all will be good and the universe will take care of me, as I realize I am a universe unto myself and I am the creator of myself so no one is going to take care of me, I have to take care of myself meaning I have to correct my living to align with life and what is best for all. There is simply no other logical or harmonious way to go about living my life realizing these facts that what is best for all is the law of the universe and treating and considering others as equal and one to self is life.

So I have come to start writing and correcting myself within this current realization of seeing myself within the understanding that I am stubborn and am determined to get my own way without considering all the dimensions of this desire push. I have currently been facing this in my agreement so will walk some self forgiveness in relation to this as well as walking the correction process.

Thanks for reading.

Interview Support on the topic of Stubbornness:

Stubbornness: Introduction - Atlanteans - Part 154
Stubbornness: Overcoming - Atlanteans - Part 155
Stubbornness: Practical Application - Atlanteans - Part 156
Stubbornness: Self Forgiveness - Atlanteans - Part 157
Stubbornness: Redesigning - Atlanteans - Part 158
Physical Sound - Atlanteans - Part 159
The Consequences of Speaking - Atlanteans - Part 160
Stubbornness: Independence, Dependence, Interdependence - Atlanteans - Part 161

Sunday, November 30, 2014

What My Job Has Shown Me About Myself - Part 2: How I Live Words - Day 438

Artist: Andrew Gable

In my work environment currently, I am asked and approached many times through out the day to direct situations, and the way I experience myself within this is where I am going to start to investigate myself and who I am within this. I will use some memories that have happened recently to start the process of seeing who I am and how I am standing within these points.

First memory that comes to mind is when I picked up the phone and was greeted by a disgruntled customer who was frustrated at another employee, and he insisted on yelling through the phone at me. When he started to raise his voice at me, I immediately within myself had a reaction of emotion rush up from my solar plexus into my chest and into my throat, I wanted to tell this guy to screw, but knew that I couldn’t due to business and being unprofessional. Though, I was holding myself back because the anger was here and I was very much reacting negatively to this man as I was blaming him for me now being uncomfortable and being angry. In my mind, I had thoughts go through my head such as, “man, I was fine before he called enjoying my morning and having cool conversations, and now look at me, I am angry and annoyed”. Then through lingering in this anger and not clearing the point at that moment, I allowed it to direct me into my day by blaming another person for me having to pick up the phone and holding onto that anger towards her for most of the day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame another person for the state and condition I was in in a moment or a time frame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the point of myself having to do a task outside of what I normally do as justification for blame onto the person that was responsible for that task in usual circumstances to then be able to take out my anger energy even more and allow myself to get release through taking it out on other people and my external reality.

I forgive myself that I did not accept and allow myself to take responsibility in the moment of creating the reaction during the call and when I hung up the phone, but just accepted and allowed myself to exist within allowing the anger to direct me and release it on someone else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take it personal when someone raises his or her voice at me and then judge myself as doing something bad or wrong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge doing something bad or wrong means I am less then another person and they are seeing me in this way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define doing something in a miss take as something that I did that was bad or wrong and so see it in a negative polarity from dong something right or in a positive polarity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within what I do based on if I judge it as right or wrong.

I forgive that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see doing something right or wrong is defining who I am when in reality it is showing a point of how I am living in a moment and thus needs to be redefined within myself to see the direct definition to these words so I then can see myself clearly within doing something either in a right or correct way and in a wrong or incorrect way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to then blame the caller on the phone for me not taking responsibility within myself to redefine these words in a way in which I am clear and see within who I am clearly when living these words as when I doing something ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ and so understand myself within what I do and not be effected or directed by my external reality. As I realize in the moment that the caller’s anger had nothing to do with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame other employees for me not taking responsibility and clearing these words to mean directly who I am in relation to them and thus be clear of any attachments I may have created within existing as this word and so blaming others because I am not clear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist the definition process as I defined myself in relation to it as unclear and not knowing how to walk it effectively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see the redefinition of words as something outside of my frame of reference and judging it as too difficult to live.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the redefinition process of words too difficult and so not move forward on it.

When and as I see I am resisting a process within becoming more effective within my application such as re-defining words, I stop and breath, and realize that I am not living to my utmost potential in this moment and so I am diminishing my capabilities of expanding myself in my world and living and so becoming the person I see I am able to be through walking this process of creating myself into my utmost potential.

I commit myself to move beyond my resistances, by identifying them when I see they are coming up within me and I am not moving within a direction I see will benefit me.

I commit myself to identify what these resistances are and walk the process in writing of how to move forward.

I commit myself to when I see I am creating a polarity within a word or a situation in my world, re-define the words associated with these polarity experiences and live the direct definition of the word after it’s been established and created.

I commit myself to redefine the word right and wrong to be able to move through moments when I react to them within my external reality and so give myself a clear definition and direction to move forward.

I commit myself to take responsibility for who I am in my reality and walk the correction process that is necessary to be clear in moments where I currently react to be able to direct myself in what is best for all and stop being directed by external influences.

Will continue with the redefining word's process in my next blog, thanks for reading.

Interview Support on the topic of Work Politics and Not Being Enough:
Life Review - I'm not Good Enough
Behind the Scenes of Office Politics - Life Review
Nothing is Good Enough - Life Review
Always Feeling like 'I'm not doing Enough' - Life Review
Why Do I Feel Like I Can't Connect With My Partner?
Stop Your Thoughts, Change Yourself - Reptilians - Part 284
Self-Interest in Self-Honesty: How does that work? - Reptilians' Supp…

Check Out these Awesome sites:
Desteni I Process Lite - Free Course to Start your Journey to Life
Journey to Life Group - On Facebook
Desteni Wiki - For All Things Desteni Related
Desteni Forum - Share your Self with Other Destonians
Destonian Social Network
Eqafe - Self Perfection Support
Equal Life Foundation - Site

Sunday, November 23, 2014

EQAFE: A Place to Develop Self Perfection - Day 437

Eqafe- A place to develop self perfection.

You maybe asking yourself what is Eqafe? For those who are wondering, I will share a bit about what Eqafe is. Eqafe is a website of a great wealth of information related to life on earth, the mind, human behavior, human origin, sex, relationships, interdimensional perspective, animal insight, nature insight, out of this world discoveries, support for self creation, ability to transform self to a new way of living, ghostly insights, after death research, connection to what lies beyond, and many more topics I could list if I continue this, but I will assume for time sack you are starting to see the educational and in depth knowledge that lies within this site.

I have listened to a great amount of exclusive recordings on this site, and there are over 3000. I have even seen these recordings being recorded live on more then one visit across the sea, I changed my life, my way of living, my behavior in accordance to my application of what is being shared on this site. This I do not because I have nothing else to do or have some hidden obsession with this site or information, no I do have a life outside of this site though this site has become an integral part of myself as well as the actions I take in my day to day living. I do this because I have seen and proven within myself and to others in my world, that this information is valuable, it has value and has added value to my life, who I have become, and who I will continue to become within continuing to apply what these recordings share amid the thousands that have been released is someone who I wouldn't have imagined 2-3 years ago.

I am an advocate for this site and the people who are involved within the desteni group because they are living a message within each one’s own individual life of changing ourselves to be beings that are able to support the coming a of new world. We are changing ourselves in such a way that we as a group will be able to have the capability to direct what is here into a new way of living, a new humanity that is not based on self interest, but doing what is best for all. We, who listen and apply the Eqafe recording message are walking a process of self purification that takes self will and determination to see it through. And this message is to all those that can hear, all those willing to move themselves and change themselves through the support that is given, and there is support beyond these recordings. There are forums and courses and articles and videos a bound from many different perspectives of people who have endeavored on this process that is being explained and walked through within the eqafe site.

The Eqafe recordings are a source for those who are on the path of becoming self perfected in their living and their world, as those who understand this phrase where the old must go for the new to emerge, we must let go of who we have become as ourselves and create ourselves in a new way to see a new world where we have peace and harmony and actual indeed live in perfection as self inside and out. There are principles that are applied and used as a foundation within all the Eqafe recordings that are placed and these are based on the equality of all life, life is all one as the life source within all, and doing what is best for all. These principles are applied to all that exist in this reality as when you start your journey with the Eqafe site, you will soon become aware of what this means and then can be part of the solution that we all can see is desperately needed.

There is great emphasis and understanding on the mind, consciousness, and how our living reality at this time and in our past has been designed and programmed in such a way to benefit only some, and so leave others to suffer. This suffering and harm and abuse we see in this world is equally within oneself if you dare yourself to see how you think, see how you chat in your secret mind about others, and behave in ways that can be debilitating and regrettable, though this is who we are, and as been realized it will take time, many steps, many up and downs for self to change this behavior into something that is balanced, harmonious, and considers others equally as oneself and does then what is best for all. These changes within humanity are overdue, they have seemed like an impossible feat based on the way in which our world has evolved and existed. Though I can stand here and say these recordings as well as the sites associated with the Eqafe site stand to support everybody willing to have access and the ability to change oneself to do the extraordinary, change ourselves to be free and self directive in ways that will benefit all.

Obviously, when one look at this process from the outskirts or just starting out it seems like a daunting path, treating others as your equal, doing what is best for all, looking within myself and changing, stopping my behavior, it seems very difficult and at times it is difficult. Though the reward is something that when I first started on this process to change myself, I couldn’t have conceived where I stand in this moment, I have had many opportunities and experiences open up to me that I couldn’t have imagined four years ago. So I want to emphasize that this is not a stop and go type of site, it can be, though for the serious student it becomes one’s source of understanding and continues to source oneself in the journey to life that is waiting for each one.

So I suggest to check out the site and the sites associated with Eqafe, open yourself up to a new way of looking at the world and ourselves, do not judge what you will hear, understand it, investigate, and persevere forward to see life, the universe, existence, reality, self in a new way and so open the way to see this world and humanity as a whole, in a new way. Life is what really exist here, life is here and very much aware, life is speaking through this site in many different forms and voices, have a listen and see for yourself. Enjoy and I am here to assist if needed in anyway.

Thanks for reading.

Eqafe - Official Site

Eqafe Free Recordings