A Lady's Journey to Life: What My Job Has Shown Me About Myself - Part 2: How I Live Words

In my work environment currently, I am asked and approached many times through out the day to direct situations, and the way I experience myself within this is where I am going to start to investigate myself and who I am within this. I will use some memories that have happened recently to start the process of seeing who I am and how I am standing within these points.

First memory that comes to mind is when I picked up the phone and was greeted by a disgruntled customer who was frustrated at another employee, and he insisted on yelling through the phone at me. When he started to raise his voice at me, I immediately within myself had a reaction of emotion rush up from my solar plexus into my chest and into my throat, I wanted to tell this guy to screw, but knew that I couldn’t due to business and being unprofessional. Though, I was holding myself back because the anger was here and I was very much reacting negatively to this man as I was blaming him for me now being uncomfortable and being angry. In my mind, I had thoughts go through my head such as, “man, I was fine before he called enjoying my morning and having cool conversations, and now look at me, I am angry and annoyed”. Then through lingering in this anger and not clearing the point at that moment, I allowed it to direct me into my day by blaming another person for me having to pick up the phone and holding onto that anger towards her for most of the day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame another person for the state and condition I was in in a moment or a time frame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the point of myself having to do a task outside of what I normally do as justification for blame onto the person that was responsible for that task in usual circumstances to then be able to take out my anger energy even more and allow myself to get release through taking it out on other people and my external reality.

I forgive myself that I did not accept and allow myself to take responsibility in the moment of creating the reaction during the call and when I hung up the phone, but just accepted and allowed myself to exist within allowing the anger to direct me and release it on someone else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take it personal when someone raises his or her voice at me and then judge myself as doing something bad or wrong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge doing something bad or wrong means I am less then another person and they are seeing me in this way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define doing something in a miss take as something that I did that was bad or wrong and so see it in a negative polarity from dong something right or in a positive polarity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within what I do based on if I judge it as right or wrong.

I forgive that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see doing something right or wrong is defining who I am when in reality it is showing a point of how I am living in a moment and thus needs to be redefined within myself to see the direct definition to these words so I then can see myself clearly within doing something either in a right or correct way and in a wrong or incorrect way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to then blame the caller on the phone for me not taking responsibility within myself to redefine these words in a way in which I am clear and see within who I am clearly when living these words as when I doing something ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ and so understand myself within what I do and not be effected or directed by my external reality. As I realize in the moment that the caller’s anger had nothing to do with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame other employees for me not taking responsibility and clearing these words to mean directly who I am in relation to them and thus be clear of any attachments I may have created within existing as this word and so blaming others because I am not clear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist the definition process as I defined myself in relation to it as unclear and not knowing how to walk it effectively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see the redefinition of words as something outside of my frame of reference and judging it as too difficult to live.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the redefinition process of words too difficult and so not move forward on it.

When and as I see I am resisting a process within becoming more effective within my application such as re-defining words, I stop and breath, and realize that I am not living to my utmost potential in this moment and so I am diminishing my capabilities of expanding myself in my world and living and so becoming the person I see I am able to be through walking this process of creating myself into my utmost potential.

I commit myself to move beyond my resistances, by identifying them when I see they are coming up within me and I am not moving within a direction I see will benefit me.

I commit myself to identify what these resistances are and walk the process in writing of how to move forward.

I commit myself to when I see I am creating a polarity within a word or a situation in my world, re-define the words associated with these polarity experiences and live the direct definition of the word after it’s been established and created.

I commit myself to redefine the word right and wrong to be able to move through moments when I react to them within my external reality and so give myself a clear definition and direction to move forward.

I commit myself to take responsibility for who I am in my reality and walk the correction process that is necessary to be clear in moments where I currently react to be able to direct myself in what is best for all and stop being directed by external influences.