A Lady's Journey to Life: October 2013

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

The Energy Within Creates the Actions Without – Day 355

So today, I had a reaction at work and this is based on me giving into the energy I accepted as myself as anger and blame due to a point not being fulfilled that I expected to be done. Now within this, I already know where my responsibility is, I already see what I COULD HAVE DONE DIFFERENTLY, but didn’t, and I see now that it is done and in the past. I sit here in breath and walk the self forgiveness and self corrections to establish a point of direction for myself and clarity so I can do what is best in the next breaths that are here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into an energy reaction at work for an expectation I had created within my mind that specific tasks should be done on time and completely, and react in blame and anger when my expectation wasn’t met.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within this reaction approach another and create a conflict with them as well as continue to fuel this energy that is now building within me to yell and get my energy out on this other because I am in anger and creating a justification within myself why I can do this through the blame I have accepted as myself and projected onto others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify and project the blame within me and anger as it’s another’s fault cause they didn’t do what they were suppose, when I realize I am doing the same thing, by not completing my fulfillments as a point of responsibility I hold within myself to find solutions and do what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into blame and anger and desire to give this out to others while not once checking myself and seeing where I was at in terms of my responsibility and what the reality actually was in that moment with all involved through communication and fact cross-referencing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to approach my day at work within expectations of what should be done, and thus not focus on my responsibilities within what I have to do, but focus on others jobs that they are not doing.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to slow down and find a solution to these issues that are not working within the tasks that are needed to be done, and come to a point of solution for these points so there is steps in place to compensate for these tasks not being done, and thus this will alleviate me from having to keep a belief of myself that I have to monitor this when in reality I am not doing this in fact, but pointing fingers and creating conflict.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be blinded within what I am doing and what needs to be done in actual physical reality based on the preconceived ideas that the specific points are disorganized and they will never be fixed because they haven’t yet been fixed and this has been a point ongoing, and so have the belief within myself that I am the only one that cares to fix them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I care more then others about the success of the this point and the tasks at hand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse of blame onto others based on my beliefs of what should be while missing the reality of what in fact is by communicating with others and finding what is the cause of them not having tasks done on time or that something was misaligned.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the starting point to when I sit at my desk and open my computer that I am going to be irritated because the jobs are not going to be done properly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in energy as my starting point when I sit at my desk and open my computer because I accept the thought within me that ‘things are going to be disorganized’ and then I look for this to be so, and when I find it I validate my thought and so go into the energy of irritation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow and participate in the thought of ‘things are going to be disorganized’ when I sit at my desk and turn on my computer instead of stopping the thought and being unconditional within each moment, and so work from what is here in each moment, breath by breath and stop the illusion within my mind as this thought that ‘things are going to be disorganized’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the past and thus create a point of the past as my guide for what is to come, continuing within the cycle of the past repeating itself because I am creating it that way by continually existing in the same points each time they are triggered when I sit at my desk.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into reaction rather then move myself through the reaction into breath and stabilize myself to be clear and not be in reaction any longer and thus stop the abuse I am causing by stopping myself as the abuse within my mind as the thoughts which create and activate the energy that I use to fuel my ego in self interest rather then doing what is best for all by considering all and this can only be done in breath here in stability and clarity through correction and stopping the mind in each moment until it no longer has influence over my directive will but I direct myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue in the thoughts of ‘he is so rude and irresponsible’ and continue cycling in this thought refueling the energy until it was released at another time where I talked to others about it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the conversation in a point of preplanned desires to expose this person and so not for what is best for all, but for my own personal pleasure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expose another in my own pleasure as to be ‘right’ and so another ‘wrong’ and thus boost my ego and make myself feel better.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see what I was doing and still decide to go into the energy and create a point of competition about the situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to chose my ego as gaining good feelings, thus pleasure energy to win rather then breathing, becoming stable, and finding the solutions that will support the point to be best for all in the end and so put myself in the shoes of the other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my self interest to exist in the mind only and gain something for myself and not consider the abuse I was causing within the outflows of my words/actions that I lived.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to be an ego in illusion that abuse life rather then be an example for others/self as how I would like to be treated and do what is best for all to create more balance within life and so stop the abuse as the win/lose polarity game for energy/ego.

When and as I see I am going into a starting point through the thoughts in my head of blame or projection into the future or past, I stop and breath, and I realize that this will cause conflict and abuse because I am not in physical reality in breath, but in my mind the whole time as I cycle within the thoughts throughout the day as I am not stopping my participation within them. I realize by staying within and fueling thoughts they will eventually accumulate to an outburst, where self interest and conflict is the consequence and this cause abuse.

I commit myself to not move myself until I am clear within myself where I have stopped participation in the cycle of thoughts through clearing it through self forgiveness and self commitments.

I commit myself to live my commitments of stopping participation in thoughts through stopping participation in the energy as well.

I commit myself to breath when I see energy is being generated, and clear it until I am stable.

I commit myself to not react when in energy, but wait a day or two until I am clear to speak on a point.

I commit myself to get up and physically remove myself from the environment when I see I am reacting in energy until I am cleared and stable and no longer reacting in through writing and self introspection and self correction.

I commit myself to do this regardless if I see I am right or justified as I realize this is the mind and this is not valid as being ‘right’ and ‘justified’ is not taking responsibility for myself as the whole, and so coming to the all moments unconditionally to create a platform where solutions that are best for all can be established through common sense and self honesty.

I commit myself to communicate with others when I am clear on the point and no more in reaction, and so being clear to discuss different perspectives and find solutions within myself and with others to walk the necessary steps to clear the point that is needing work or is creating a misalignment in any given situation.

Join Us:

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Sunday, October 27, 2013

Why have we created a scenario in this world where there is not enough? - Day 354

We see this in many actually I would say all areas in our lives, there is simply not enough, not enough funding for our schools, there is not enough homes for the homeless, there is not enough food to feed the hungry, there is not enough information to cure our diseases, there is not enough time to do our responsibilities, there is simply not enough of anything to fulfill anything within this world to function properly. I mean this is what we are saying as we look around at our society and way of living, no? When there is schools that close down, when there are people living on the streets, when there is people going hungry, when there is deaths from diseases, when there is people losing there jobs, people who can’t read and write, people being sold into slavery, people dying to live, people suffering every moment……..we say ‘man there is just not enough’.

I am sorry to say but if we base life from the physical, what is needed and how to give it to all in an equally valued manner within the best outcome for all involved, this equation will create a win - win scenario for all and so start to create a world of peace. Having our starting point within ourselves and so within society of doing what is best for all will end the not enough excuse before it has time to pass through our vocal cords because we realize and see the deception we have lived as this excuse as there is enough, there's enough food, enough resources, enough money, enough homes, we just need to allocate the system to be fair, transparent, and for what is best for everyone here equally.

The people and solutions are here to bring about change, so it's each one's responsibility to change themselves and align with the people that are walking this as well. Obviously, the solutions exclude no one, but you are the one who will exclude yourself through the way you live and how you define yourself and others. There is always a consequence to our actions, and it's not a good or bad thing, it is simply a consequence based on one's actions through time, let's make our time count and all stand together as one in the solutions that will enable and support all life to indeed have a life where there is always enough because we as the human beings created it this way.

Who will walk the solutions that are here will birth as life and thus be life, this the greatest gift one can give oneself and the greatest service one can gift to others, life begets life and this is the only thing in fact that is real. Find out more about equal life and doing what is best for all through solutions such as the Living Income Guarantee by the Equal Life Foundation. We are not powerless and have all the capabilities to change the world, what has not been lived is the equal value of all life that exist on this planet, we honor life we then equally honor ourselves because we are all equally valued as we are all life.

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Saturday, October 19, 2013

What will it take to Co-Exist in this World? – Day 353

I just read an article about the point of party division within America, basically saying that there are two Americas within the America we all know, and they cannot co-exist together. This being expressed through the identification of the ‘red’ states and ‘blue’ states, the republicans and the democrats we so easily conform too especially come election season. But is this actually so? Are we as a country of human beings and for that matter a world of human beings really not able to co-exist? I realize that this saying is said half-heartedly so to speak, but if you have a look at our words specifically here this is indeed what is happening, we are divided and not able to functionally co-exist as many are struggling to survive.

And so here it’s an important point to consider and realize that the words we speak creates our lives, our society, our cultures, our politics, our relationships, and so our reality as the words we speak will eventually become who we are cause our life is created by our words, no? If you observe yourself in this context over time you will see how true this really is. So it is important I have found to be very specific and direct within the words I speak because I want to be the most effective person I can be to help solve problems and so I realize I have to be specific and equally as effective within the words I speak as this will be who I will be and live as. As we can see with this saying, ‘we have two Americas and they cannot co-exist’, we are actually saying, ‘we have this land and we are currently living on it together not effectively, where our system of living creates division and thus suffering for the many rather then an existence of enjoyment for all’, so we can see within this we are not living one of the fundamental truth's and principles of life as to ‘love thy neighbor as ourselves’ as our current words we are speaking is not living this fundamental principle in fact, and so I am asking the question here, why not and so how to change this?

This is not lived based on a key acceptance and that is currently the media is controlled by money and power, and so has an agenda where they only focus on these issues being publicized, which is fueling this division we are seeing in our system as indicated above in the article. What many have not realized is that we are actually being energized through the mind on these issues and fighting for 'our' right, but not realizing that in the end 'our' right will always create a winner and thus many losers in this case. Focusing on issues such as the pro-life or pro-choice debate, big government vs. small government, gay rights, pro-guns vs. against guns, these issues being impossible to create unity within because they are based on what people THINK (mind based) about it rather then actually looking at what it will take to create unity in physical reality (real life conditions based), the practical steps to create this solution of the co-existence of all direct and within physical considerations.

What I want to point out is that what will create an environment for co-existing within this world is grounding ourselves to create the conditions necessary to live in decency through practical and common sense solutions that will be best for all. Putting aside beliefs and how you think people should live, and only solely basing our co-existing on the physical conditions necessary to live in this world. Because yes, there are going to be some things in this world that you may not agree with, but this will have to eventually within yourself as well as the whole be investigated and researched to consider is this a point that will support everyone physically and if not why am I holding on to it and what do I want to gain from this? Also, an important factor that must be taken into consideration is the origin point and core points to why we as humans do certain things that cause a division within life, what is it that makes one look only at self rather then considering the whole, which will in turn support oneself always anyway, and are you willing to give up your beliefs for instance to create a place where all can co-exist in this physical world and thus where we create a world of peace. These will be trying times within this development and growth of us as humanity individually speaking and as a whole because we can't keep existing this way as we are destroying the earth. So we have to literally move ourselves to take responsibility, to change ourselves to unity in the principles that will be best for all or we will end as our time here on earth is not infinite within this physical reality without consideration of this fact of 'we are all physically here' in all its outflows and consequences. It is this critical.

So basically my point here is that if we create our communities and the support for the people within these communities from a foundation of what is physically necessary to live, what physical matters in life, then we can start to build ourselves through our words, communication, and relationship to be a foundation of support, assistance, care, and decency to create a life for all that is indeed best and fulfills the principle of life of 'love thy neighbor as thyself' seeing self and all as equals essentially. So we can really examine and correct these points that create divisions in our lives to re-evaluate what it will take to create an effective human being and so an effective living system in this world. All these considerations of what physically matters in creating a world that is best for all through our living system is overdue, it’s definitely about time as we see the world around us through the human beings living is crumbling slowly, but surely.

Greed and self interest will have to be transcended as well because there is enough in this world and we are in fact equal as life, we just have to learn to live this, share and care for and with each other, the same as what I tell my three year old niece, 'share and care with everyone'. We have to learn to become like children, back to innocences as they don’t see lines, division, beliefs, or ideas, but the physical world they are aligned within through their physical bodies, like they are one with it and expressing purely as it. Quite magnificent indeed to observe and our living example and truth of who we can be and are in fact if we just live it. These solutions and more of how to live in the physical and co-exist are being developed and proposed within the Living Income Guarantee through the Equal Life Foundation.

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Saturday, October 12, 2013

Constant States of Belief is Not Life - Day 352

Please read this blog for context:
Existing within a Constant Belief – Why? – Day 351

Living in a constant belief about myself that I am inferior to others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a belief which is something not based on facts determine who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to engage in my mind as creating who I am through imaginations that are based in polarities of 'if this then that' scenarios, where in fact what is relevant is the reality in how and from which I am living in and supporting myself and what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to thus through these beliefs I hold of myself as less then others will create an energy of fear as it get's activated through the mind and effects the body in which I will react through anxiety and tension when I am in the presences of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear and anxiety to others based on believing that the energy I am feeling that is creating tension in my body is real and who I am, when I realize that it is being activated through the mind as thoughts that I am participating within such as 'I am so ugly today' or 'man, I am such an idiot for saying that', thus giving the permission or instruction of the mind which has pre-programmed these thoughts to come through and because I have accepted these thoughts as myself by participating in them, I have made them real and thus made the energy activation that is triggered like a machine mechanism through the thought in the system that is the mind, it activates the fear and anxiety energy which I believe is who I am, but it's not who I am, it's actually just different frequencies of energy and energy is not life as it dies or ends.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that energy as fear and anxiety and thoughts such as 'i am so ugly' and 'i am such an idiot for saying that' is who I am, as I realize that I am not defined in a moment of a spoken word or an image in the mirror or the frequency of energy, but am always here within my physical body always existing and thus can not be defined nor limited within these conditions as this is not what life is and because the physical is life as it is where I exist, I realize the physical is the trustworthy point and the mind is the illusion as thoughts, emotions, feelings, and imaginations and so is not trustworthy as it's not fact.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never question these beliefs about myself or thoughts or ideas about myself that come up in my mind, when in reality this is not the case in many cases, that I am not limited to just one definition, but I am everything that exists, and so I realize what determines who I am is how I live my life not what I think in my mind or believe to be true, it is what in fact is true, what in fact I do in my life breath by breath, day after day, what will matter is my accumulation of my living word and action.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within beliefs, ideas, imaginations, and thoughts about myself or about others in this world based on the feelings I get for a moment of rushes and highs and ego boosts, but realizing that these are just a moment and they end, and if I really have a look at what these energies are doing to my physical body, it is quite painful and achy and feeling quite unnatural.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within my mind and not consider my physical body and what it is going through as energies that I am existing within and what these energies are actually doing to the physical body as pains and discomforts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe beliefs, ideas, thoughts, and emotions/feelings within my mind and thus activate it as permission given into my physical body and physical reality and have not stood up and said stop, no more for most of my existence.

When and as I go into a point of belief or idea or imagination about what is here, I stop and breath, and realize that this is the mind taking over and me allowing it, and so I realize I become powerless within this action as my living because I have given my power away to the mind by believing what it is telling me is real, when what is real is reality, life here as my physical body and through my physical word and action, and how I live my life in support of what is best for all.

I commit myself to slow down and get into the physical body through breathing and self awareness and support it in the best way as I would want for myself in common sense.

I commit myself to let go of all beliefs of myself and walk facts, reality, and what is best for all.

I commit myself to identify my self beliefs, and walk the correction through self forgiveness and living the correction.

I commit myself to let go of the desire for energy to feel good as it also creates the opposite and so I am not here but in energy games through the mind.

I commit to accept myself and accept all that is here as me and correct that which is not aligned with reality as facts and living for what is best for all.

Join Us:
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Journey to Life Group - On Facebook
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Equal Life Foundation - Site
Living Income Guaranteed Proposal - Site
Equal Money System - Site

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Friday, October 11, 2013

Existing within a Constant Belief – Why? – Day 351

Here, I would like to open up the point of being possessed about a belief that I have had within myself of being inferior to others due to the way I look for many, many years now. This belief being validated over and over again by my continuing it in my thoughts, words, and actions, but in reality this belief is not real because all life is in it's essence equal. Why is all life equal in fact, in it's essence, because we are all physical and the physical reality is what gives us life. Now, this belief, that I am inferior, really started to effect me during middle school where I started to desire to be 'pretty' because I saw how now I like boys, and my friends where talking about boys, so there was this awareness and competition starting to develop among the girls towards the guys in my grade.

Before middle school, in elementary and even younger, there was a form of freedom within my expression, I was not aware or considered the point beauty or wanting to look a certain way, I never really considered myself through others peoples eyes either in terms of being beautiful or ugly as the polarity play’s out within this pattern of the beauty system. I was quite wild actually as a child, often wanting to be like the boys in my neighborhood with my shirt off, short hair, climbing trees, playing in the dirt, and just wanting to enjoy myself.

But once I become more aware of myself and others in relation to the relationship between money, popularity, looks, skills, and the underlying competition brewing within me towards other females, I can see now how the human being starts to devolve from this innocence’s as a child, care-free, self accepting, and open to an adult who judges, fears, and becomes quite ruthless through competitive behaviors to survive. So I would say was more of an easy target for the stronger kids around me because I was more shy and reserved, and when I was picked on, I didn't fight back. I found that once you allow someone to abuse you and you don’t take responsibility to stand up and defend yourself, and say ‘No, I don’t allow you to abuse me' and thus stop the abuse through common sense, you are in a way accepting and thus allowing the abuse, and so it’s like an invite for those prone to abuse, to thus abuse.

The abusers as well, they are also being ‘abused’ in a way because they are having no resistance to realizing what they are doing and the effect they are having on others, and so they are just doing what they ‘where taught’ or ‘know how to do’ or 'observed' and so following their minds completely, being lost within ego or superiority, not seeing the harm in reality that they are in fact doing. If you have a look at how your mind thinks, it's based on imaginations, future or past events, and so when in reality, we are never really here, but in our minds in someplace existing within whatever preferenced way of living the person is believing themselves to exist as, and for me it was a belief that I am just not as good as some people.

This pattern of allowing abuse and so being abused, created this belief and so it was actually over and over again within my mind and within the way I lived was being validated that I am weak, I am inferior, I am less then others, I am these things that these kids are saying to me, but in reality none of these things are actually true. I am just ‘BELIEVING’ them to be true, and have a look, a belief is not in fact true because it’s not based on actual facts, it’s based on the perception of your interpretation of the facts that you are viewing and computing through your mind because you are not directing each and every thought in full awareness, but allowing things that pop up into the mind such as a picture or a memory or an thought as real when it's the mind actually creating it in that moment, and if we are not actually creating these mind components in awareness, how can we trust what is going through our mind and follow it so absolutely?

So an important thing that I have noticed is to work with reality and reality can be assessed through seeing things physically, direct, and practically, you can look at words, and find the direct purposes of individual words, and so we can come to universal agreements on the meaning of words that is clear, understood, and practically direct to the physical purpose of what the word represents in reality. So this is a cool and interesting process to start to walk, seeing directly physically, what words actually mean in direct reality through practical assessment bypassing the mind interpretation, and the tools to support with this is found at DIP Lite.

Existing in this constant belief that I am less then others has created me to compromise my effectiveness in reality to be direct, to live practical, and to live in common sense because I am more in my mind then actually here in physical reality, and it's kind of strange to see it this way because we are in fact here. But if you start to become more aware of your thoughts, your emotions, the images in your mind, and how we follow them without question even in the face of abuse or suffering to another in reality, we still will follow it. I have started my process to live direct, to live physical as this blog shows, and you can to by investigate the links below to see how you really are and the potential that exist with human beings living in reality, direct, and in common sense.

Photo Source- Andrew Gable

Andrew Gable's Facebook

Andrew Gable's Artist YouTube Channel

An Artist's Journey to Li fe- Blog

Join Us:
Desteni I Process Lite - Free Course to Start your Journey to Life
Journey to Life Group - On Facebook
Desteni Forum - Share your Self with Other Destonians
Destonian Social Network
Eqafe - Self Perfection Support
Equal Life Foundation - Site
Living Income Guaranteed Proposal - Site
Equal Money System - Site

Check out FREE Downloads of Supportive Interviews to Help You Walk this Journey to LIfe, Enjoy!
Free Supportive Self Perfection Educational Interview(s) Link

Thursday, October 10, 2013

Lingering Thoughts that Create Abuse – Day 350

Please reference this blog for context:

The Linger Trouble that Won’t Quit – What does this Imply? – Day 349

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to believe that within myself I need a particular outcome to move me rather then moving myself in the direction that is necessary to create a solution in
my reality to create the best outcome possible that will support all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to instead of taking responsibility for myself and changing the pattern that is required to become a person who is self directive, I instead go into a blame pattern towards another and so create a justification for my abuse in reality towards another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accumulate energy within me in my mind of another in blame and allow myself to continue participating within this blame throughout the day by continuing in the thought patterns.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue to loop within a thought pattern of blame and anger energy towards another person because it release pressure within myself and so am
able to release this pressure on another in the anger outburst that I realize will become more of a consequence then necessary and thus I realize I am actually addicted to it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to be addicted to the energy of anger and fighting with others and getting my way, instead of releasing this point through stopping my participation in
these lingering thoughts, moving myself in the physical, and directing myself to solutions in reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify staying in these lingering patterns of abuse through the belief that I have a right to be angry, when this right is not in fact valid or real as I am not looking at the truth of the matter, but only my self interest to be right and to at the end of the day get my way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to get my own way met instead of realizing this creates friction in my world cycling through the same conflict over and over again, and me accepting this because I gain energy through my ego desire to be right and win.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse another based on the fact of me desiring to be right and get my way, and so create energy as anger within me through accepting these lingering thoughts, and cause more of an abusive consequences through my actions and my words that will have ripple effects that I can not conceive in this moment, but all are abusive and cause separation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to only think of myself and my own desires being met to feel good, and so disregard the rest of my environment as well as the all that will be effected through suffering and abuse by me only considering how I feel and not care about the rest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ignorant and defiant within my stand of being right with another, and so not hear what is being said and just fight for my own way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the mind and not consider reality and what will be best suited to create the outcome that will benefit all in this physical real existence not in my illusion made up world as my mind reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow ignorance and so the abuse of all life around me and not follow the life principles of what is real and effecting everyone and that is living one
and equal.

When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing ignorance within linger thought patterns without directing them by stopping them in breath, I stop and breath, and realize the consequence of these actions are
already known, I realize abuse through my own actions will occur and I will fight for my own self interest and thus only exist in survival and separation as this is what I am creating through my living.

I commit myself to breath through these desires to go into thinking patterns and staying in the mind where I don’t have to move.

I commit myself to walk physical reality, move myself when I see the thoughts start to come, and stop participation through becoming physical.

I commit myself to breath and immediately correct myself when I see that I am starting to go in the mind in lingering in imagination and thoughts, by saying no I move here, and get up and move myself.

I commit myself to the four count breath to stop the desire to get my way and fall into the mind as an energy addiction.

Saturday, October 5, 2013

The Linger Trouble that Won’t Quit – What does this Imply? – Day 349

Digging deeper within the point of my relationship to myself of stopping myself from going into compromising actions or compromising words that will cause an unnecessary abusive consequence is something I am slowly, but surely realizing I must do and have been accumulating my resolve to live in this way throughout the years that I have been walking this process at desteni. I am finding now that I have to find the origin points of these consistent patterns that keep emerging, and it’s like a cyclical point of going into an energy experience, one day being ok, normal, and fine, and then next day or two or three going into a possession of something that has been milling about in my mind over and over again, like lingering not going away. One of the main points recently of this lingering thought pattern has been towards a specific person and though after self forgiveness and self commitments where put in place by myself and I start to integrate the self correction in my living, I still react to this person when I see them. To put it in other words the self correction action was just not working and it's like a lingering experience I am feeling within myself that just will not go away towards this specific person.

The point that this has currently happened was based on a point of someone owing me money, and this money was overdue. So I have in the past done self forgiveness on this person as well as did self forgiveness on this pattern of thinking and the points that I could see that where relevant as well as I applied myself in stopping the patterns, but again the energies would not go away and the thoughts just kept coming. So this energy through allowing the thoughts to continue without any resolution, the energy got to a point where when I saw the person in real life, I would react to her and cause an outburst to get my energy that had now accumulated of anger and irritation towards her released as it was quite built up.

This is the cycle of the mind happening here, where the mind will keep thoughts cycling like a lingering sensation, it’s not particularly strong, but the thoughts are there in the background, hovering, floating through, and every once and a while a few thoughts will pop through to the forefront and I react to them, and then as this same pattern keeps happening throughout my day, I eventually will have an outburst towards her because I had been being annoyed all day with these thoughts about how she owes me this and she is so irresponsible and she is so selfish. The mind is good at using our own weaknesses against us as here where I accepted myself to go into this accumulation of thought patterns about this person that was not in fact real by allowing them to continue. So the point I had missed through help of another I have found is the point of not looking behind the lingering thoughts, behind the hovering energy experiences, and seeing what was the original reaction point that is causing these thoughts and energies to be here, and did I forgive them yet? And the answer is no, I haven’t yet, and I did indeed see an original reaction point before to the point I am looking at here.

So the original point was a phone agreement that I had with this specific person, and I didn’t want her to join it because of this specific person is notoriously known for not paying people on time, but I felt bad for her because it would be cheaper for her, and so I allowed her to come on to the plan. But within this allowance, I reacted extensively in blame towards her and did not go into the agreement unconditionally allowing it to be what it was. I already in my mind went into anger towards her and created a resistance towards her for not in the future going to pay me back on time. This accumulating to this point now where the mind just took this and create all sorts of thoughts, ideas, emotions, and I allowed it to direct me, and so now when I see her I have extensive resistance towards her because I am not here clear with her in the physical, but reacting in my mind to points that have not been sorted within myself from the past that are replaying without proper self direction.

So I am finding it’s important to not only look at the moment of reaction when it happens, but to look beyond that moment, and find the origin point of when in fact this whole reaction of this person took place. When did these reactions start because I not only have to forgive what is coming up in this moment that I am reacting to, but all of the points within the timeline of events that I reacted to. This to clear the energy that I have created in such moments and obviously not directing this energy, it will go it's own way in what it was programmed to do through and by the mind as consciousness.

So the point I missed that would have avoided this whole play out of reaction and abuse towards this person is if I in the moment of the agreement of the phone plan was to stick to what the common sense of the moment was showing me, and that was to not allow her on the plan due to her record of not paying her bills on time. This is the point that I have been reacting to the whole time, and if the reality shows that it's not a practical point to pursue, then it's best to heed the reality of the situation rather then allow your mind to tell you how to go about it because the mind is made from illusion as thoughts, ideas, and beliefs, and you can't trust that. Trusting the reality of things is the best course of action I have found, and living self honest and in common sense is the best direction I can give myself to support me and others in the best way possible.

More to follow with self forgiveness and self correction on these points, thanks.