The Energy Within Creates the Actions Without – Day 355

So today, I had a reaction at work and this is based on me giving into the energy I accepted as myself as anger and blame due to a point not being fulfilled that I expected to be done. Now within this, I already know where my responsibility is, I already see what I COULD HAVE DONE DIFFERENTLY, but didn’t, and I see now that it is done and in the past. I sit here in breath and walk the self forgiveness and self corrections to establish a point of direction for myself and clarity so I can do what is best in the next breaths that are here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into an energy reaction at work for an expectation I had created within my mind that specific tasks should be done on time and completely, and react in blame and anger when my expectation wasn’t met.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within this reaction approach another and create a conflict with them as well as continue to fuel this energy that is now building within me to yell and get my energy out on this other because I am in anger and creating a justification within myself why I can do this through the blame I have accepted as myself and projected onto others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify and project the blame within me and anger as it’s another’s fault cause they didn’t do what they were suppose, when I realize I am doing the same thing, by not completing my fulfillments as a point of responsibility I hold within myself to find solutions and do what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into blame and anger and desire to give this out to others while not once checking myself and seeing where I was at in terms of my responsibility and what the reality actually was in that moment with all involved through communication and fact cross-referencing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to approach my day at work within expectations of what should be done, and thus not focus on my responsibilities within what I have to do, but focus on others jobs that they are not doing.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to slow down and find a solution to these issues that are not working within the tasks that are needed to be done, and come to a point of solution for these points so there is steps in place to compensate for these tasks not being done, and thus this will alleviate me from having to keep a belief of myself that I have to monitor this when in reality I am not doing this in fact, but pointing fingers and creating conflict.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be blinded within what I am doing and what needs to be done in actual physical reality based on the preconceived ideas that the specific points are disorganized and they will never be fixed because they haven’t yet been fixed and this has been a point ongoing, and so have the belief within myself that I am the only one that cares to fix them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I care more then others about the success of the this point and the tasks at hand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse of blame onto others based on my beliefs of what should be while missing the reality of what in fact is by communicating with others and finding what is the cause of them not having tasks done on time or that something was misaligned.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the starting point to when I sit at my desk and open my computer that I am going to be irritated because the jobs are not going to be done properly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in energy as my starting point when I sit at my desk and open my computer because I accept the thought within me that ‘things are going to be disorganized’ and then I look for this to be so, and when I find it I validate my thought and so go into the energy of irritation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow and participate in the thought of ‘things are going to be disorganized’ when I sit at my desk and turn on my computer instead of stopping the thought and being unconditional within each moment, and so work from what is here in each moment, breath by breath and stop the illusion within my mind as this thought that ‘things are going to be disorganized’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the past and thus create a point of the past as my guide for what is to come, continuing within the cycle of the past repeating itself because I am creating it that way by continually existing in the same points each time they are triggered when I sit at my desk.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into reaction rather then move myself through the reaction into breath and stabilize myself to be clear and not be in reaction any longer and thus stop the abuse I am causing by stopping myself as the abuse within my mind as the thoughts which create and activate the energy that I use to fuel my ego in self interest rather then doing what is best for all by considering all and this can only be done in breath here in stability and clarity through correction and stopping the mind in each moment until it no longer has influence over my directive will but I direct myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue in the thoughts of ‘he is so rude and irresponsible’ and continue cycling in this thought refueling the energy until it was released at another time where I talked to others about it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the conversation in a point of preplanned desires to expose this person and so not for what is best for all, but for my own personal pleasure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expose another in my own pleasure as to be ‘right’ and so another ‘wrong’ and thus boost my ego and make myself feel better.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see what I was doing and still decide to go into the energy and create a point of competition about the situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to chose my ego as gaining good feelings, thus pleasure energy to win rather then breathing, becoming stable, and finding the solutions that will support the point to be best for all in the end and so put myself in the shoes of the other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my self interest to exist in the mind only and gain something for myself and not consider the abuse I was causing within the outflows of my words/actions that I lived.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to be an ego in illusion that abuse life rather then be an example for others/self as how I would like to be treated and do what is best for all to create more balance within life and so stop the abuse as the win/lose polarity game for energy/ego.

When and as I see I am going into a starting point through the thoughts in my head of blame or projection into the future or past, I stop and breath, and I realize that this will cause conflict and abuse because I am not in physical reality in breath, but in my mind the whole time as I cycle within the thoughts throughout the day as I am not stopping my participation within them. I realize by staying within and fueling thoughts they will eventually accumulate to an outburst, where self interest and conflict is the consequence and this cause abuse.

I commit myself to not move myself until I am clear within myself where I have stopped participation in the cycle of thoughts through clearing it through self forgiveness and self commitments.

I commit myself to live my commitments of stopping participation in thoughts through stopping participation in the energy as well.

I commit myself to breath when I see energy is being generated, and clear it until I am stable.

I commit myself to not react when in energy, but wait a day or two until I am clear to speak on a point.

I commit myself to get up and physically remove myself from the environment when I see I am reacting in energy until I am cleared and stable and no longer reacting in through writing and self introspection and self correction.

I commit myself to do this regardless if I see I am right or justified as I realize this is the mind and this is not valid as being ‘right’ and ‘justified’ is not taking responsibility for myself as the whole, and so coming to the all moments unconditionally to create a platform where solutions that are best for all can be established through common sense and self honesty.

I commit myself to communicate with others when I am clear on the point and no more in reaction, and so being clear to discuss different perspectives and find solutions within myself and with others to walk the necessary steps to clear the point that is needing work or is creating a misalignment in any given situation.

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Day 111 – Hopeless Character

Looking at the personality I go into that, “it is hopeless”, and thus within accepting this point of separation with myself and my physical reality, I diminish my ability to do anything to change the point that at the moment is causing resistance. So thus, I stop this point of going into this resistance of hopelessness when I realize that hope is just another point of self interest because thus it stop the point of direction I could be walking to a stand, and keep me stuck in a point of non self movement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a point of hopelessness with myself because I see that life is too hard and too much, and thus essentially used hopelessness to not have to move myself and find a way to make it work and stabilize myself so thus I can continue with my process of stopping separation with all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the hopeless character as a backdoor within myself to be able to not push myself through the resistances that is faced within many points in my process as I’ve accepted myself to be weak, and thus allowed myself to essentially give up. I realize and see that within allowing back doors I will essentially allow myself to fall when it is convenient as I am not wiling myself enough to push through all resistances that arise which I understand I must do in all cases if I am to be trusted with and as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into hopelessness when I find points in my process that are challenging and thus I face resistance within it as I realize that to walk the change of myself is to go against all the points that I am use to and always been comfortable with so thus it’s an obvious and understood knowing that these challenges will come, thus I realize I must stop the point of hopelessness and use my common sense and self will to push through the challenges and stand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the memory of me within a state of depression and heaviness where in I could not move myself because I had found that no matter what I did, I would always fail in the task I was doing, and within this give up and give in as I found that this point that was not working seemed impossible. I realize that within the task I from the beginning allowed myself to accept the point of hopelessness as I found the task too big and thus judged it as impossible, instead of realizing and walking that anything can be done in small achievable steps and thus instead of looking at the whole picture look within steps that are achievable and thus will accumulate to success.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept memories within myself of giving up and seeing something as hopeless, influence me here where in I must calculate the task at hand within achievable mathematical steps that will accumulate to a achievable outcome, thus I walk here within physical reality to see the context and parts of what I am walking, and thus take each part day by day until eventually it will be done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe a task that I am doing is impossible because it is too big, when I realize and understand to achieve any point within what is in front of me in terms of using common sense assessment and self will in manageable steps that will eventually accumulate my success.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form a heaviness within my physical body when I go into this point of hopelessness and where it seems that everything is falling apart and I will never be able to get out of what I am trying to do thus I realize to stop this is to don’t accept the heaviness and when I see that I am going into this heaviness, push through it by stopping all thoughts and desires to give up to hopelessness and find small ways to help walk the process that must be walked to complete the tasks I have in front of me that are my responsibilities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into fear and thus fuel the hopeless character where in I go into the illusion of fear, as in that all will be in upheaval and there is no way I will be able to do what I have set out for me to do because I can’t walk through fear it’s too much, and I am too small to be able to walk through something so powerful. Realizing and seeing that fear is part of my illusion of the mind where in I make it powerful by believing that it has more power then me, but I see that all it takes is to stand up to the fear and walk through it unconditionally, allowing myself to see and know that there is no purpose to fear as it is not reality and does not determine who I can be if I will myself to be it in each moment, I decide.

I commit myself to stop all thoughts, ideas, and pictures that come up within the mind of it’s too much and it’s too hard, and thus push through all points that are resistances and essentially seem like it’s hopeless to walk through and achieve.

I commit myself to let go of this hopeless character where in I face resistances and task that are ‘big’ in scale and thus use my breath as stability to walk through the points in common sense and achievable goals working towards the end result.

I commit myself to stop all backdoors with the hopeless character of giving up on my self and thus using this character to do so with, and push through all resistance that come up as this is life and this is what must be done, to stand up no matter what is here.

I commit myself to let go of all memories that come up in relation to the hopelessness character where in I walk through the memory through writing and find the points that are still causing me to fall, and walk through them in living application to not be directed by the mind as memories.

I commit myself to walk all resistances within a step by step breath by breath accumulation effect where in I take on small achievable points and walk the process within parts instead of taking on the whole, and thus giving myself the back door to fall, as obviously that is not going to be possible to do something in one go, so point by point is what I walk and stop the point of too muchness to give into hopelessness and fall in my process, which is not necessary.

I commit myself to stop all points within the physical mind as heaviness for instance in my body when the hopelessness character is activated, thus I breath and push through, and walk the physical resistance to train myself to stop the mind and walk within the physical here in reality in physical movement and action.

I commit myself to stop the fears that are generated within the hopeless character, and thus push through the fears that arise, and focus on the physical, what can I do to help support myself and the situation I am walking and use common sense to get to solutions. 

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