A Lady's Journey to Life: Lingering Thoughts that Create Abuse

Please reference this blog for context:

The Linger Trouble that Won’t Quit – What does this Imply? – Day 349

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to believe that within myself I need a particular outcome to move me rather then moving myself in the direction that is necessary to create a solution in
my reality to create the best outcome possible that will support all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to instead of taking responsibility for myself and changing the pattern that is required to become a person who is self directive, I instead go into a blame pattern towards another and so create a justification for my abuse in reality towards another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accumulate energy within me in my mind of another in blame and allow myself to continue participating within this blame throughout the day by continuing in the thought patterns.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue to loop within a thought pattern of blame and anger energy towards another person because it release pressure within myself and so am
able to release this pressure on another in the anger outburst that I realize will become more of a consequence then necessary and thus I realize I am actually addicted to it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to be addicted to the energy of anger and fighting with others and getting my way, instead of releasing this point through stopping my participation in
these lingering thoughts, moving myself in the physical, and directing myself to solutions in reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify staying in these lingering patterns of abuse through the belief that I have a right to be angry, when this right is not in fact valid or real as I am not looking at the truth of the matter, but only my self interest to be right and to at the end of the day get my way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to get my own way met instead of realizing this creates friction in my world cycling through the same conflict over and over again, and me accepting this because I gain energy through my ego desire to be right and win.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse another based on the fact of me desiring to be right and get my way, and so create energy as anger within me through accepting these lingering thoughts, and cause more of an abusive consequences through my actions and my words that will have ripple effects that I can not conceive in this moment, but all are abusive and cause separation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to only think of myself and my own desires being met to feel good, and so disregard the rest of my environment as well as the all that will be effected through suffering and abuse by me only considering how I feel and not care about the rest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ignorant and defiant within my stand of being right with another, and so not hear what is being said and just fight for my own way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the mind and not consider reality and what will be best suited to create the outcome that will benefit all in this physical real existence not in my illusion made up world as my mind reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow ignorance and so the abuse of all life around me and not follow the life principles of what is real and effecting everyone and that is living one
and equal.

When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing ignorance within linger thought patterns without directing them by stopping them in breath, I stop and breath, and realize the consequence of these actions are
already known, I realize abuse through my own actions will occur and I will fight for my own self interest and thus only exist in survival and separation as this is what I am creating through my living.

I commit myself to breath through these desires to go into thinking patterns and staying in the mind where I don’t have to move.

I commit myself to walk physical reality, move myself when I see the thoughts start to come, and stop participation through becoming physical.

I commit myself to breath and immediately correct myself when I see that I am starting to go in the mind in lingering in imagination and thoughts, by saying no I move here, and get up and move myself.

I commit myself to the four count breath to stop the desire to get my way and fall into the mind as an energy addiction.