A Lady's Journey to Life: Pompous Me – The Elite Within – Part 1

Recently a point has come up of reacting to another in rudeness. I want to investigate what triggered the point of going into a change within myself of being fine one moment and the next being rude and deliberate towards another. I was checking out at the counter and the store clerk recognized me, I had a broken card that he told me the last time I should get fixed and then this time I gave him the card, he looked at me and laughed. In the moment we met eyes, I was possessed with the energy of anger and irritation. I see here the trigger point was a thought as I was giving him the card that ‘he is going to say the same thing about the card’ and the energy that came with that thought was the same energy that I had the first time he spoke to me to get a new card, and it was for him to mind his own business and I will get a new card if I want to. So anger and turning into a rage because I was offended that this guy was trying to tell me how to do things, getting involved in my life when he doesn’t belong, and another belief I held within that moment is that he should just shut up and do his job, and within this belief there was an energy of superiority, like I am buying from him so he has to respect me, I have the power, I have the money.

Within this scenario, this is a pattern I have lived often times in my life, superiority through intimidation and manipulation to get what I want and to make myself feel better about myself. When I am told what to do or how to do thing I react extensively because I have prided myself in knowing and being able to do many things very well. I have this belief about myself that I am indeed superior to others in skill and so I, if I see it appropriate, can demand respect from others because I deserve it. And with this attitude of superiority with my beliefs that I am more skilled then others and so this garners me a certain respect, I treat others as if they should know this and adhere to these unknown knows about ME – Special ME. So I will then treat others rudely or not in consideration of who they as equal and one to me, and so abuse them in ways as in this case with rudeness and a pompous attitude and believe myself to be justified.

But I am fooling myself as I am really making all of this up in my mind, I am creating a whole point of justification for me to gain some good feelings about myself because I was able to make faces and become nasty towards another, intimidate them, to gain a point of self interest for myself because he has no right to say anything to me. In the moment before I handed the card to the clerk, I already decided within myself that I was going to react nasty to him if he said anything about the broken card, he was going to get it so to speak because I am better then him, I am the buyer and he is the seller, I have money and he doesn’t, and this is the elitist personality I have allowed and accepted for most of my life, defining myself by money, what I have, and so believing that who I am is defined by this and this makes me better, more skilled, smarter, and more deserving of life here then others who don’t have this. I am the money maker, the superior one and the clerk is the lower, he has to make the money and make me happy cause I am paying him to.

And so I abused and intimated this person, well I tried at least, through my face and through my body language to make it clear what I thought of him, and that he has no say in who I am and what I do because plain and simple, I am more powerful then him because in my mind I have a lot of money (which I don’t!) and he is just a store clerk, I make assumptions that he has no money and so he is a loser, and he will not tell me, the winner, the superior one, the one with the ability to buy life, what to do.

Man, I mean this mentality is what cause the slavery in this world, this elitist pompous attitude I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within is creating the way of life of death and suffering on this earth. Because I want to be special, I want to be more then another, and really I want to have power over others to make me feel worthy, in control, and have an idea of myself that I am special because I gain a sense of self worth, an energy movement of power and specialness, but none of it is real, none of it is worthwhile, and it's perpetuating the state of man as barbaric malicious beings on this planet. And so all this is showing me is my own chains, what I am tied to as beliefs, energy, emotions, and abuse, and so who I am within this life, an abuser of life not worthy to have the life that is given to me unconditionally. And so with this continuing within my living, the elitist-pompous personality, I am rejecting those showing me to myself through the belief that I don’t have to listen, I am too great, too special, and to important to have to listen to reality, to life, to my self here everywhere I look and so rejecting my opportunity to really live life, be life, and create peace through equality and oneness in this world, which is the greatest shame of self as the human race.

More to come with self application, thanks for reading.