My Journey to Life: abusive world

Showing posts with label abusive world. Show all posts

Saturday, October 12, 2013

Constant States of Belief is Not Life - Day 352

Please read this blog for context:
Existing within a Constant Belief – Why? – Day 351

Living in a constant belief about myself that I am inferior to others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a belief which is something not based on facts determine who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to engage in my mind as creating who I am through imaginations that are based in polarities of 'if this then that' scenarios, where in fact what is relevant is the reality in how and from which I am living in and supporting myself and what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to thus through these beliefs I hold of myself as less then others will create an energy of fear as it get's activated through the mind and effects the body in which I will react through anxiety and tension when I am in the presences of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear and anxiety to others based on believing that the energy I am feeling that is creating tension in my body is real and who I am, when I realize that it is being activated through the mind as thoughts that I am participating within such as 'I am so ugly today' or 'man, I am such an idiot for saying that', thus giving the permission or instruction of the mind which has pre-programmed these thoughts to come through and because I have accepted these thoughts as myself by participating in them, I have made them real and thus made the energy activation that is triggered like a machine mechanism through the thought in the system that is the mind, it activates the fear and anxiety energy which I believe is who I am, but it's not who I am, it's actually just different frequencies of energy and energy is not life as it dies or ends.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that energy as fear and anxiety and thoughts such as 'i am so ugly' and 'i am such an idiot for saying that' is who I am, as I realize that I am not defined in a moment of a spoken word or an image in the mirror or the frequency of energy, but am always here within my physical body always existing and thus can not be defined nor limited within these conditions as this is not what life is and because the physical is life as it is where I exist, I realize the physical is the trustworthy point and the mind is the illusion as thoughts, emotions, feelings, and imaginations and so is not trustworthy as it's not fact.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never question these beliefs about myself or thoughts or ideas about myself that come up in my mind, when in reality this is not the case in many cases, that I am not limited to just one definition, but I am everything that exists, and so I realize what determines who I am is how I live my life not what I think in my mind or believe to be true, it is what in fact is true, what in fact I do in my life breath by breath, day after day, what will matter is my accumulation of my living word and action.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within beliefs, ideas, imaginations, and thoughts about myself or about others in this world based on the feelings I get for a moment of rushes and highs and ego boosts, but realizing that these are just a moment and they end, and if I really have a look at what these energies are doing to my physical body, it is quite painful and achy and feeling quite unnatural.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within my mind and not consider my physical body and what it is going through as energies that I am existing within and what these energies are actually doing to the physical body as pains and discomforts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe beliefs, ideas, thoughts, and emotions/feelings within my mind and thus activate it as permission given into my physical body and physical reality and have not stood up and said stop, no more for most of my existence.

When and as I go into a point of belief or idea or imagination about what is here, I stop and breath, and realize that this is the mind taking over and me allowing it, and so I realize I become powerless within this action as my living because I have given my power away to the mind by believing what it is telling me is real, when what is real is reality, life here as my physical body and through my physical word and action, and how I live my life in support of what is best for all.

I commit myself to slow down and get into the physical body through breathing and self awareness and support it in the best way as I would want for myself in common sense.

I commit myself to let go of all beliefs of myself and walk facts, reality, and what is best for all.

I commit myself to identify my self beliefs, and walk the correction through self forgiveness and living the correction.

I commit myself to let go of the desire for energy to feel good as it also creates the opposite and so I am not here but in energy games through the mind.

I commit to accept myself and accept all that is here as me and correct that which is not aligned with reality as facts and living for what is best for all.

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Friday, October 11, 2013

Existing within a Constant Belief – Why? – Day 351

Here, I would like to open up the point of being possessed about a belief that I have had within myself of being inferior to others due to the way I look for many, many years now. This belief being validated over and over again by my continuing it in my thoughts, words, and actions, but in reality this belief is not real because all life is in it's essence equal. Why is all life equal in fact, in it's essence, because we are all physical and the physical reality is what gives us life. Now, this belief, that I am inferior, really started to effect me during middle school where I started to desire to be 'pretty' because I saw how now I like boys, and my friends where talking about boys, so there was this awareness and competition starting to develop among the girls towards the guys in my grade.

Before middle school, in elementary and even younger, there was a form of freedom within my expression, I was not aware or considered the point beauty or wanting to look a certain way, I never really considered myself through others peoples eyes either in terms of being beautiful or ugly as the polarity play’s out within this pattern of the beauty system. I was quite wild actually as a child, often wanting to be like the boys in my neighborhood with my shirt off, short hair, climbing trees, playing in the dirt, and just wanting to enjoy myself.

But once I become more aware of myself and others in relation to the relationship between money, popularity, looks, skills, and the underlying competition brewing within me towards other females, I can see now how the human being starts to devolve from this innocence’s as a child, care-free, self accepting, and open to an adult who judges, fears, and becomes quite ruthless through competitive behaviors to survive. So I would say was more of an easy target for the stronger kids around me because I was more shy and reserved, and when I was picked on, I didn't fight back. I found that once you allow someone to abuse you and you don’t take responsibility to stand up and defend yourself, and say ‘No, I don’t allow you to abuse me' and thus stop the abuse through common sense, you are in a way accepting and thus allowing the abuse, and so it’s like an invite for those prone to abuse, to thus abuse.

The abusers as well, they are also being ‘abused’ in a way because they are having no resistance to realizing what they are doing and the effect they are having on others, and so they are just doing what they ‘where taught’ or ‘know how to do’ or 'observed' and so following their minds completely, being lost within ego or superiority, not seeing the harm in reality that they are in fact doing. If you have a look at how your mind thinks, it's based on imaginations, future or past events, and so when in reality, we are never really here, but in our minds in someplace existing within whatever preferenced way of living the person is believing themselves to exist as, and for me it was a belief that I am just not as good as some people.

This pattern of allowing abuse and so being abused, created this belief and so it was actually over and over again within my mind and within the way I lived was being validated that I am weak, I am inferior, I am less then others, I am these things that these kids are saying to me, but in reality none of these things are actually true. I am just ‘BELIEVING’ them to be true, and have a look, a belief is not in fact true because it’s not based on actual facts, it’s based on the perception of your interpretation of the facts that you are viewing and computing through your mind because you are not directing each and every thought in full awareness, but allowing things that pop up into the mind such as a picture or a memory or an thought as real when it's the mind actually creating it in that moment, and if we are not actually creating these mind components in awareness, how can we trust what is going through our mind and follow it so absolutely?

So an important thing that I have noticed is to work with reality and reality can be assessed through seeing things physically, direct, and practically, you can look at words, and find the direct purposes of individual words, and so we can come to universal agreements on the meaning of words that is clear, understood, and practically direct to the physical purpose of what the word represents in reality. So this is a cool and interesting process to start to walk, seeing directly physically, what words actually mean in direct reality through practical assessment bypassing the mind interpretation, and the tools to support with this is found at DIP Lite.

Existing in this constant belief that I am less then others has created me to compromise my effectiveness in reality to be direct, to live practical, and to live in common sense because I am more in my mind then actually here in physical reality, and it's kind of strange to see it this way because we are in fact here. But if you start to become more aware of your thoughts, your emotions, the images in your mind, and how we follow them without question even in the face of abuse or suffering to another in reality, we still will follow it. I have started my process to live direct, to live physical as this blog shows, and you can to by investigate the links below to see how you really are and the potential that exist with human beings living in reality, direct, and in common sense.

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