Irritation and Impatience Self Support - Day 339

Here I have been walking irritation and impatience for most of my process, and I have realized that within participating in such outflows of my behavior towards others, it's based on an accumulated amount of backchat thoughts or thought patterns that are in the form of blame and self victimization to stand as an artillery type defense to in the end justify the behavior I lived out in becoming irritated and impatient towards another. Usually this comes in the form of speaking loudly, yelling, and being battle like in my words, trying to win and defeat the other, but this I have found only defeats myself as I lose self trust and self integrity within who I really am as life one and equal with all others here and thus my opportunity to change the life of another as well as myself in a growth and expansion that will be beneficial and support a better outcome. 

Now, I had a chat with a fellow destonian and she suggested to use the point of irritation as a point to cross-reference where I am at in terms of my walking this point of stopping it and becoming the directive principle in these moments to do what is best for all. So I have been looking at this and practicing it, and I am seeing that I have made progress, but I still go into irritation often. I find the backchat is usually based on an accumulation of pictures in my mind where I blame the other from past moments I judged them for, and made me right. So it's a point of self interest, desiring to be able to get my own way and have others bend at my whim so I can have the desired experience I was going for using the mind as assuming and only certain moments considered to thus be only advantageous to me being right and me getting my way. 

A dimension of self forgiveness and self correction I will walk is this point of going into the past and making past moments part of my decision making in the here moment, and thus replaying the past over and over again in this here moment causing conflict, separation, and more conflict.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bring the past in moments of memory as pictures I have stored in my mind where I judge another as wrong and me as right, and held this assumption/particular moments only as absolute truth and then bring it here to be used by myself in self interest to justify my action of irritation and impatiences toward this other, and so accentuate conflict and separation rather then seeing the other as my equal, letting go of the past as it's not here and thus not reality, and walking as a point of solution in directive will in what is best for all as I would want to have done for me, and so be a living example to all that I touch throughout my day and life as this is all that really matters.

When and as I see that I am going into a point of justification through memories and pictures from my past of another in only certain moments or considerations to make me right and the other wrong, I stop and breath, and realize that this will only cause more conflict with the other and thus create more conflict within me and my living, and so more abuse and separation to be sorted which is not necessary and unacceptable.

I commit myself to walk the point of breathing through the reaction to go into my mind and bring up the past the moment I see the energy activating as irritation and the mind go to view the artillery I will need to justify my abuse, and do not participate within these pictures as I bring myself back here in the physical body as breath and release this energy through breathing and earthing it back to it's source through my feet into the earth. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that who I am is more 'right' then other people, and so live from this starting point in separation with the physical reality and the physical facts of the matter in the realization that we are all here and we are all equal as life, and so I forgive myself that I haven't yet accepted and allowed myself to direct myself in self will as the directive principle of equality and oneness of all life as self to walk solutions with others in moments where I am seeing that there is a point of potential conflict, through my own words and living actions and support the other as I would myself to come to solutions in what ever would be best to resolve the situation and so stop conflict from manifesting and thus stopping encouraging it.

When and as I see that I am going into a point of self righteousness and not considering the other in equality and oneness, I stop and breath, and realize that I am compromising the opportunity for self growth and expansion with another that could/may develop within sharing myself in integrity and support and supporting the situation to come to a solution that will be best through me becoming stable and not reacting, and so bringing forth life and not separation in the moment that opened up to bring this forth.

I commit myself to when I see that I am going into a point of self righteousness, realize and immediately stop and see what it is I am doing so I can stop the line of thought that will trigger the desire to win and direct myself in the outcome that will be best through self honest practical considerations. 

I commit myself to walk the point of bringing myself back to my physical through breathing and dedicating myself to my decision and commitment to walk with others in equality, finding solutions, and supporting others in the best way I am able to as I would want for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become more interested in my own self desires/wants/needs then that of considering the other I am in the moment living with, who they are or where they are in their life, but only desire to have my interests met and me win and me be right, and thus create an immediate conflict with the other due to not living the equality principle and disregarding them through become reactive as impatient and irritated and thus creating abuse as my starting point and living out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in such a way where I deliberately abuse others for my own self interest and to have my desires met, and so not consider the other equal to myself but make my considerations, desires, wants, and needs more important when I realize that they are not in fact real what is real is the life I am here with and considering them as how I would want to be consider always.

When and as I go into a point of desire, want, need, and not consider the other as my equal, I stop and breath, and realize this will lead to abuse and self compromise, which I no longer accept and allow of myself. I realize that these desires, wants, and needs come from my mind as made up scenarios not based on facts, but based on pictures and memories and judgments I have made and accumulated within me to use to get what I want and make the other less then me to get this want or desire met for myself. I also realize that I must stop these mind illusions and bring myself back to what is real, my physical body, my breath, and what is physically happening in fact in my world always considering all parts equal and one to how I would consider myself.

I commit myself to walk the point of bring myself back to the physical through breath whenever I see a movement within me to react to another in self interest and not in consideration of the other equal to myself.

I commit myself to stop my point of self interest wants, needs, and desires and walk the equality equation finding the solution that will benefit both or all involved respecting and honoring all parts of this reality equal and one to how I would like to be treated myself.

I commit myself to stop all mind reactions through letting them go through self forgiveness and self corrective living and use the living of patience as myself through walking what is best for all no matter how long it takes and what I have to give to receive this outcome because I realize that what is best for all is best for me and so it's common sense to do so.

I commit myself to live common sense and live words as me in the directive purpose of what the words mean in physical reality through walking the process of redefining each and every word I would like to live with myself and with others until I am here and live direct with myself as this physical reality, aligned to life one and equal in what is best in all ways through the words I speak equal and one to how I live them, so it's clear and always understood by all.

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Day 76- "I Don't Care' Character

Here walking through the character I play when I don't want to face others in my world or don't want to face my responsibilities or consequences of my actions, I will go into this act of acting like I don't care and just whatever to the whole situation, dismissing all the points that I will have to face and escaping through this nonchalant attitude and uncooperative behavior towards others.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into character with others as this attitude that 'i don't care' about what they say or do as I just want to escape and not have to face them and the consequences that I have made for myself and thus I use this 'i don't care' character to not have to face this point for a moment. I realize and see within acting within this character that it creates more consequence for me and causes abuse towards others as usually they will react and it will become more of a problem for me then if I just faced the point and dealt with the consequences as they are here. I realize that to stop this consequence from accumulating to more then it has to be, I must stop hiding behind this character play as the 'i don't care' about anything and stand up and face and correct what needs to be fixed in my living so thus I can create a relative peace and equilibrium in my world and stop the abuse.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be in self interest and selfish with others when I go into this 'i don't care' character and dismiss others sayings or doings towards me and thus diminish them within us standing here where they will react and go into a defense mode and thus a fight will usually ensue. I realize and understand the unnecessary outcome this is and doesn't have to go in this way, if I would instead of diminishing others and creating a conflict situation, stop my selfishness and this character of 'i don't care' and face the other in equality, find what the issue is and create a solution best for all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into fear when realizing the consequences I will eventually face due to not considering others or not considering the reality of my situation or deliberately being nasty and spiteful towards someone, and thus use this character as myself as 'i don't care' and thus escape or hide for a moment within this character to block/ignore/deflect others through this character and so I can have time to figure out what I am going to do or how I am going to get out of it based on fearing facing the consequences of my action but in reality just making things worse for me. I realize and see that when I go into this point of fear I immediately should stop it and not participate in the fear and face myself, face who I had created myself to be, and face the faulty living I had existed as, so I once and for all can face myself and change myself to not act in such a way again as spitefulness and seperation. I realize that I have to stop the fear as well as the ignorance/spiteful behavior/escapism nature of myself through using characters such as this 'i don't care' to hide for a moment, but face myself then and there and make things correct within my world in practical common sense and consideration of all involved equal and one to how I would like to be considered.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be spiteful/ignorant/nasty towards another based on following thoughts or desires of trying to escape the consequences I am to face and using this character of 'I don't care' towards others to thus give myself a pathway to escape as this is able to be used in a way where I can skate through what is being done/said to me and just say 'whatever' 'I don't give a shit' 'just go away' and phrases such as these, thus I stop and realize that this is causing me to be more abusive and separating myself from myself as life within the others and thus deliberately abusing self here as others to not have to face who I am and what I created based on accepting and allowing myself to act out in such a way as the 'i don't care' character. I realize and understand that being spiteful/ignorant/nasty towards others is unacceptable and manipulating others through this character act of 'i don't care' to escape responsibility is unacceptable and separating me from myself as the solution to stop, breath, and let go of the desires to escape and stopping the emotions to be spiteful and seek revenge. I realize within this that this 'i don't care' act is really an act of attention and trying to get sympathy from others, so thus I stop this here and walk within and as breath in correcting this behavior to stand within equality towards all, face myself with others, and walk the corrections so thus I can direct myself as the expression of myself in self trust and self equality and oneness to solutions.

I commit myself to walk this character of 'i don't care' to equalization of myself where I integrate and change this character to be here and breathing and facing what is necessary to be faced so I can correct what my reality is showing me as I realize this is where I will find support to see where I am faulty and thus give myself the opportunity to change and be the change I would like to see.

I commit to stop escaping myself by using characters, and become real here through breathing, self investigation, self forgiveness, and self corrective application in always facing myself and stopping the characters that do not support this walk to oneness and equality.

I commit to stand here within the matter that is the physical to walk solutions that will support all life, letting go of my desires to have it my way, and manipulate to get attention and feedback by using negative actions, but stop and breath and support others as I would want to be supported and support myself to walk the change and stop the patterns that don't support this change for/to life here in the physical with all other life.

I commit to stop selfishness and abuse towards others by always considering the other as myself and stopping the separation by stopping the thoughts, ideas, and beliefs of others I hold while stopping my separation with myself so thus I can see what is real here and walk the solutions that will support all equal and one to me.


i dont care attitude, character play, acting out, rebellion, ignoring others cries, attention seeker, abuse of others, equal life, equal money, eqafe, desteni, journey to life, equality, 2012, garbrielle goodrow

Day 63- There is Not Enough Time for Me

Looking at this point where during my day I desire to just have time for me, seeing the responsibilities that I agreed to are too much, and wanting to break free from them so I can enjoy myself. Realizing this mentality and living out is the reason for starvation in this world as we are all searching and desiring for this me time and to live out our own desire for happiness missing the fact that the 'me only' mentality is missing the rest of life as the who I am one and equal with, and within this accept and allowing the suffering and abuse to billions while searching for my happiness in my own bubble world. Life is bigger then just me and my world, I walk to correct this point through self forgiveness. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into this spitefulness towards life and what I am doing within my responsibilities because I feel too busy with points I am working with and desire to have more me time. I realize and understand that whats here to be done is points I have fully accepted to participate in and now are my responsibilities to live them out as I have made a commitment to others and to myself to walk points through to completion as the living word of who I am.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into a feeling of spitefulness towards life and what I am doing due to the desire to have more me time. I realize and understand here that I have more then enough time during my week to relax and get some rest in between the responsibilities I hold.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to desire more time within my day to hide the fact that I desire not to live up to my responsibilities based on the fact that I see that it's too much and I don't get to enjoy myself as much as I did when I didn't hold as many duties. I realize and understand that this desire to have more time for myself is only based on self interest in desiring certain experiences for my own happiness, but within this I realize I do not accept this type of living in desire as this is only considering myself and not life as a whole. I live and walk into and as the oneness and equality of life and push myself to walk the best of my ability for all and to make this world a place that support all life. I realize and see I can be doing more, so I walk this correction as myself and push myself to do more each and every day.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to waste time with points that are irrelevant to who I am as a being walking what is best for all as I am allowing and accepting the mind indulgence of 'i deserve this' or 'it's only an hour' realizing and seeing that this time usually turns into longer then I anticipated and based on these thoughts of 'i deserve it' and 'it's only an hour' I will justify my actions of wasting time simply because I desire to not do it.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to indulge in the thoughts of 'i deserve this' and 'it's only an hour' when I realize and see that when I start participating in these types of thoughts I am justifying my action to accept resistances and not pushing myself to use my time most effectively in walking what is here to be walked in my daily responsibilities. I realize and understand to be a being who walks to her full potential I must walk equal and one to the physical always in what needs to be done and doing it to the best of my ability in self honest as any point of justification for desire is allowing mind to direct me in self interest, which I understand is separation and abusive to others as myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into self interest and accept the resistances to not do what is necessary to be done within my daily responsibilities and accept and allow the mind to direct me into separation as my own self experience to have nice feelings and be relaxed all the time while in another part of the world a being like me has to work hours upon hours for hardly any pay and suffers daily because they have no resources. I realize and understand that it is my duty as a life being to stand up for those who don't have a voice and are not being supported equal and one as the physical and how it should be for all, and thus I always walk and push through my desires and resistances to have a nice feeling and indulge in just doing nothing because I don't want to do it, this is unacceptable and I push myself always to walk the best I can throughout my days in self honesty and push myself to do what needs to be done and complete my daily tasks so I live the statement 'I am doing my best and pushing myself to live the best I can be'.

I commit myself to stop indulging in thoughts that are self indulgent and in self interest and walk what is necessary each day to push myself to walk the best I can be to support a world that will be best for all.

I commit to stop the mind from directing me into resistances and self interest, and walk in self honesty in the best I can to walk through all points in my daily responsibilities and complete what I set out to complete.

I commit myself to not accept and allow myself to indulge in the mind as thoughts of justification and remain here in the physical to walk what is required and what is here to be walked in practical physical reality stopping the desires to live from my mind for my own self interest.

I commit myself to stop my living for myself and walk the equality of all and stand up and live for the best life for all in all moments of my day no matter where I am.


me time, not enough time, relaxing, self indulgences, spa days, I deserve it, justifying abuse, it's all about me, equality, equal life, equal money, desteni, journey to life, 2012, garbrielle goodrow

Day 30 - Getting Lost in Naivety?

Looking at how I have accepted myself to remain in a state of naivety, where I am not totally responsible for myself because I don't know any better, seeing myself as innocent based on being young. Within this I see it as an ignorance is bliss type experience where because of the age I am at, which is not young in terms of responsibilities and work (i am 28 lol) in the matrix, but within myself still desiring to be a kid, not responsible and just free in the ability to fall back into being naive and unaware of the world around me and what is expected of me, and just get lost in myself as mind.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define myself based on the position I have come within my family as one of the younger kids (2nd to youngest) as I was always given an easier time and treated as a kid because everyone was older as I grew up and thus always seeing myself free to explore and be innocent through the desire to not have to take full responsibility of myself and walk the necessary steps that is taken in this world to walk what is best for all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to use the word innocence as a positive charge to revert into a point of irresponsibility through nostalgia where I can go free within myself and totally enjoy myself without consideration of the other nor my own well being, but use it for my own self interest to not have to really push myself instead of realizing the origins of this as ourselves which is what is real as the innocence of us as equal and one within substance to all that is life, in this is where our true innocence reside once this process is done and we have returned to the innocence as our natural state as pure life/source/substance as who we are in.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have a positive charge to the word innocence in a sense of bringing me back to the carelessness of innocence as a child and not have any care in the world or responsibility to do anything about what I see.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to desire to be back in those days where I didn't know or realize the extent of the fuckedness of the human race and not have to do anything with my self and what is here as our process of re-birth but remain in ignorant bliss as this world is being annihilated by this very mind desire.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go within and as desire of the past of 'better' times to thus in essence waste time and not have to push myself and face  myself in what it will take to walk the process to completion as a being who walk in the responsibility of life as self.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to waste time here within desires and wants when I realize this is just stalling and within this stalling I realize the consequence of suffering that is going on each breath as I stall and not push myself to other beings in this equal and one world as this physical existence in waiting for life as self responsibility to get aligned and fix the problems that plague humanity as we infect ourselves within and as our beingnesses as the virus of procrastination and allow the abuse and suffering  continue further and further while I drag my heels.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to indulge within this point of nostalgia of the past as a kid in 'innocence' within and as the realization of the trouble and ills in this world and thus within this realization I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow fear and resistance to direct me and stall the inevitable which is to face myself as my mind and accumulated consequences and walk the correction.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to use the excuse of 'I am just a naive being' to direct me in a point of procrastination to not have to walk what I realize I must walk to in fact become equal and one with myself as my mind and this system as a whole to walk my point in this existence to bring about a world best for all life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow and accept procrastination and resistances as points of indulgence as nostalgia to direct and influence who I am here and what I realize I must walk to get to peace and real freedom and innocence as our true essence which is the oneness and equality of all and living this for real within and as all here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear myself as the mind and that I will fail.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear failing when I realize this very thought is sabotaging myself within and as my walk as the point of who I am is unknown and thus undefined until I  walk it here and thus it is done, I am my own direction and thus I realize I have to take responsibility for myself to in fact get this done, the fear is another excuse to not have to walk and push myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be directed by fear into immobility and stagnation.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting this point of myself to be stagnant when I realize what must be done as an accumulated step by step, point by point process of myself with and as my mind system and eventually I will be here and be stable in myself, I see this is fact as I have proven to myself that this in fact is true and can be done if I will it.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to indulge in any point of excuse or nice feeling as nostalgia, and stop all these points of energy accumulation, walk here in the physical, and correct my living to stand equal and one with all as the physical.

When and as this point as excuse of naivety and feelings of nostalgia come up, I stop, breath, and get back to the physical thru moving my body. Realize that these points are in fact traps to stop myself from walking and pushing myself in process so I will become stagnant and immobile. I push myself and walk thru these points of mind energy as resistances and stagnation to here as breath in self correction.

I commit to stop all nice feelings as nostalgia and ignorance is bliss and walk my process thru breathing and corrective self change in my living step by step until I am here as all as one as equal.

I commit to correct my living, stop all judgment, and move on to solutions within equality and consideration of all here as I would for myself.

I commit to stop all points as excuse as being naive, and take responsibility for myself in all areas and walk the tools and correction til this process is done.


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process, stagnation, getting lost, I am lost, immobile, mind traps, matrix, equality, equal money, eqafe, 7 year journey to life, journey to life, 2012, desteni, garbrielle goodrow