More on Where I stand with Self Trust? Day 527

When looking at my relationship with the words self trust, I have for a long time been doubting myself, this creating a feeling or an experience within me that I am not doing enough, and this belief of not doing enough is causing unneeded stress in my already busy lifestyle. One point that I see here that I can look at is this experience of not doing enough, because in many ways I do do a lot, I work full time and have many extra responsibilities that I am working on. Though within this, I still feel like I could be giving my time to more things, more activities, more projects to push ahead and spearhead my future creation of what my ideals are. In this spearheading, I see I am missing two very important dimensions and this is the time dimension, meaning what it takes to walk something into creation and also the understanding dimension, where I at this stage do not have enough information or still require to walk a process of self creation/living to specify and define who and what I indeed would like to create and so understand how to actually create this within and as myself. So pushing for something in my mind such as doing more, I see is counterproductive to the actual self creation process I could be and have to walk to create that which I would like to live in my highest potential.

So some points I need to consider is why I am not moving on these points that I want to change, and many of the shortcomings are addictions I have in my day to day living. Addictions that I am afraid to let go of, and within this afraid of change. So here I require to make a plan and move within this plan, so I can indeed create. Because if I don't start changing what is created is a resonance or presence of self compromise as I am not moving myself where I know and understand I indeed can. So if one is not creating self, then one will then actually be creating self compromise and thus self diminishment as I are actually accepting and allowing it, I have created all of it through thoughts, reactions, and living in separation as these beliefs, ideas, reactions, ect.

What I have learned over the years of walking the desteni I process is not to judge myself for these types of process points I have to walk, it is not to create any reaction toward self, but to understand the point, why it occurred, and then simple walk the correction path to change it. This is the most efficient way I have found as there is nothing gained by judging self for failing or becoming harsh with self, as this literally only causes diminishment within self, so really it doesn’t make sense. Though if you see you are judging yourself, walk the tools of self forgiveness, self correction, and change self within this to then stabilize, so the tools are incredible, simplistic, and specific to move self in this process in whatever point or process of the mind or self compromise one face. Again, process is a process of self understanding and self creation through self correction, so it will take time, patiences, and lots of mistakes, but overtime and as one persevere change will start to occur.

Here I will write self forgiveness on doubt:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a doubt about who I am and how I am living based on an energetic experience coming up of anxiety through thoughts that I am not doing enough.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to go into an energetic possession of fear based on a belief of if i don’t do enough and I lack and lag behind I will not be able to catch up thus squandering my chances to become life here in the physical and so fearing annihilation in the afterlife.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe the thought that I am going to be annihilated if I stop pushing myself so hard and believe that i within this I will not be able to catch up.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to keep score of who is who within this process and how far i have walked and within this create a polarity of best and worst causing separation and comparison with my environment.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create a separation with my environment due to the belief that I am not going to be able to keep up with others thus comparing myself to others creating this race experience in the first place which I see, realize, and understand is not real.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create the experience that I am in a race and I must finish and do the best because of a fear of survival where I see, realize, and understand this is stemming from childhood where I would compete with my siblings to be seen, heard, and validated by my parents and so always strive to be the best.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to my siblings and believe I am only safe if I am seen as the best and validated by what i have done and could do by my parents in praise or admiration, and within this define who I am based on these words and praises.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create a belief that I have to win and be the best to be able to survive and become somebody in this reality that’ll be safe and survive, and so within this create a belief that this is the only way it is and I only know who I am based on what my environment is saying to me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give my power away to the external world I was living in believing that that is who defines me, when i see, realize, and understand that I miss the fact that who i am is based on my own self creation and within this I am limitless to the potentials that I can create within and through my own self will and self awareness.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become stuck within the words and energies of others in my environment as something or someone that defines me, when I see, realize, and understanding I am giving permission for it to define me as I am accepting and allowing it to define who I am as I am believing it is true.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within not enough based on comparison and beliefs of self diminishment or self validation based on the instability of the outside world and the corruptness of the inner self creation process that this has on who I am actually creating myself into, someone who is separated and not stable within who I am as self here in self honesty.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to take on others beliefs, emotions, energies, and words as who I am instead of investigating these words for myself, and redefining them in words that I understand for me and thus can live for me.

When and as I see myself moving into a point of self diminishment within my self living by accepting and allowing any point outside myself to define who I am, I stop and breath, and i realize that I am able to define who I am through redefining my understanding of the word(s) and so living within this redefinition process so I create me from self understanding and self awareness.

I commit myself to stop and breath when I see I go into a movement of either positive or negative based on an outside influence and correct myself into understanding the word for myself through redefining it and living it for me.

I commit myself to let go of the beliefs that I am defined by my past where i believed i had to compete to move into the process of equality and oneness of all life, and creating myself breath by breath through my own self awareness movement.

I commit myself to stop judging and creating separation with what is here, move into understanding, and finding solutions for what is here in the highest potentials possible.

I commit myself to move from self doubt as not enough to slowing down and walking what is here in each moment to the best of my ability.

I commit myself to move from self doubt as diminishing to self creation as expansion.



More links to support:

Soul - School of Ultimate Living - Create yourself through Words!
http://www.schoolofultimateliving.com/

Self Supportive Material -
http://www.Eqafe.com

Desteni-I-Process Lite Beginner course -
http://www.lite.desteniiprocess.com

Forum support:
http://forum.desteni.org

Desteni Wiki:
http://wiki.destonians.com/Main_Page

Eqafe Facebook Page:
https://www.facebook.com/Eqafe-359136...

7 year journey to life Facebook group:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/journ...

DIP Lite on Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/DIPLite

What My Job has Shown Me about Myself? – Part 1 – Day 436

Photo Source

Going to a job everyday in the same location, seeing the same people, it get’s to be a place where you can really see who you are as the environment never changes and things repeat more often then not. The environment meaning in close proximity to many different people pretty much all day long. And everyday or every cycle shall I call it I see myself going into the same types of thoughts, the same types of ‘moods’, and acting in the same or very similar ways in my behavior and speech. It becomes very repetitive the day in and day out at the same location and again with the same faces as well as the same self that I walk around with everyday.

Obviously as can be seen with the title of my blog, I am on a journey to birth myself as life, so I am now more and more becoming aware of my behaviors, my thoughts in relation to others and myself, the nature of these thoughts, the energy involved within these thoughts, the personalities I go into in when different environmental changes or stimulus coming in to play or leave. There is a lot going on within me, though again it is very cyclical in it’s nature meaning I see the same types of thoughts, energies, reactions coming up, and overall it is not to the benefit of myself nor others. So having said this, I am finding that there is this urge that has started to emerge within me after I have been walking this process for more then 5 years now. Although, I indeed have proven to myself I am able to change and that I have the capacity to change, I am finding at this stage I am now within walking the mind layers I am at, I am becoming more and more reactive at myself and my environment around me (which is mirroring me, so still seeing self) that I am not moving fast enough, I am not showing enough progress, I am not changing quick enough, my environment is not moving in the direction that I see it should, I am not who I think I am as a person that is leading my own process, self directed, and able to do any and all things.

Of course this is a idea of myself I have created and projected onto my reality and myself, and the frustration I am sensing and starting to more and more react within is due to this idea I have created about myself and my reality in moving a specific way and within that creating the experience within myself as lacking something, where I am not quick enough, I am not doing enough, and my environment is not stable enough. This causing blame and anger within me which I am pushing onto my outer world, this is causing more and more consequences as it continues to be done without direction or a solution.

I have realized that within walking this process there is no right or wrong way to do it as well as there is no specific idea or belief of how it should be or how I should be moving within it, I also see that what is stemming from this frustration and anger is the fear of not making it in this process, not changing myself in such a way that I will be satisfied with myself as well as stable in reality, I am afraid that I will waste my opportunity I have been given and miss out on the life that is to come. So within my self now, I am in this constant state of anxiety and imaginations that I need to be doing this and that, I need to have progressed in this sort of way, I need to prove this about who I am, ect. This showing that I was not really progressing or excelling in the way in which I created about myself otherwise I would not be reacting, I would be stable. I realize I have been in self interest, out to make myself look like I am excelling, look like I am progressing, but was I being self honest within this? I would have to say within this aspect, no, I was doing it for others, I was doing it for attention, I was doing it for self acceptance, I was doing it to experience myself as worthy, and so I have created this experience within me now that I am in a survival situation and this is not what walking this process is about.

So here further, I will walk the tools of self forgiveness and self correction on these points I have brought up here of how I have experienced myself lately in my process and how I will walk the correction process to find solutions for myself, and so help others who may see support in this sharing as well.

Thanks for reading.   

Interview Support on the topic of Work Politics and Not Being Enough:
Life Review - I'm not Good Enough
Behind the Scenes of Office Politics - Life Review
Nothing is Good Enough - Life Review
Always Feeling like 'I'm not doing Enough' - Life Review
Why Do I Feel Like I Can't Connect With My Partner?
Stop Your Thoughts, Change Yourself - Reptilians - Part 284
Self-Interest in Self-Honesty: How does that work? - Reptilians' Supp…

Check Out these Awesome sites:
Desteni I Process Lite - Free Course to Start your Journey to Life
Journey to Life Group - On Facebook
Desteni Wiki - For All Things Desteni Related
Desteni Forum - Share your Self with Other Destonians
Destonian Social Network
Eqafe - Self Perfection Support
Equal Life Foundation - Site

Confidence to Self Confidence – A Self Creation Process – Day 375

Visit more cool art here: Desteni Artists

This is a Series, here are the others for reference:
My Experience Before and After Beginning Process with Animals and Nature – Part 1- Day 361
Horses and People– Before/After Starting Process with Animals and Nature Part 2 – Day 362
Horses and People – Before/After Starting Process with Animals and Nature – Part 3 - Day 363
Opening Up Confidence In the Mind – Before/After Starting to Walk Process – Part 4 – Day 364My Experience with Confidence In Appearance - Part 5 - Day 365
Opening Up Confidence within the Mind – Money – Part 6 – Day 366
Confidence in the Mind – In a Group/Alone – Part 7.1 – Day 367
Confidence in Group Dynamics – Part 7.2 – Day 368

So I am going today to look at redefining the word of confidence to self confidence. Within this I see that there is a point of self responsibility to ensure I walk this word into a living reality for myself and not make it a point of self interest where again I am allowing the mind to direct me as the awareness as life into the polarity that will be created through using confidence as an experience of living rather then living confidence as myself for real which would be lived as self not an experience.

A point that I have learned through eqafe interviews, such as the one’s I will list below is a more broader perspective on how to in fact live confidence, what does that actually mean, and within myself I have looked at it and through writing through the series I reference above that living confidence is through my actions of consistency within an awareness of creating myself in a better way and also working towards a path to create my environment in a better way. I use the things I realize will support myself and these ventures in a way to build self confidence. For example, setting a goal and reaching it, the act of actually walking the steps to reach a goal one sets for oneself and uses one’s resources in a way that will bring one to their goal is a feature of self confidence that will allow someone to build this within themselves. The point has to be walked in self honesty of course, which is a way in which one is walking principled within what is best for all and correcting oneself when they see they have acted in a way that is self dishonest. So it’s like a built in correcting system as no one will correct you, but yourself, and allows the highest potential of self to be lived, which is what life is in fact, the act of self perfection in self creation.

So self confidence is a point of expansion I see within the who I am as self honest and self corrected living, as I expand myself in these principled ways of living, such as being self disciplined, doing something to the best of my ability in perfecting this practice, and within this ensuring one keeps progressing and expanding within these ways of living, the self confidence within whatever goal you take on will follow.

This is based on the fact that your not creating the confidence within your mind and this where you can make all sorts of scenarios and falsifications about yourself and actually go into the point of believing it to be true and then act on it, but in fact it’s not real or true cause it wasn’t walked in fact in the physical. But through being self confident and building this within your living, you have walked the actual physical steps in reality, learned the ways in which to live a point 'better', understood the mistakes, corrected those mistakes, and essentially walked the path to bettering yourself and so you within the living of the ‘better’ version of you you have in reality lived and created, is a confidence you can in fact live as yourself because it is you. So it’s absolutely a worthwhile process to walk because it’s creating a better version of self, and as I said earlier this can only be done by each one for themselves, so it indeed is a point of self creation because it is in fact you creating a point to so build the self confidence of that point as you walk it and perfect it. Self confidence is, I would suggest, the result of the self creation process within any given point one engage in in there life within the process of self perfection.

Eqafe Interview Support that I Recommend:
Insecurity: Introduction - Atlanteans - Part 148
Insecurity: Self Forgiveness - Atlanteans - Part 149
Insecurity: Insecurity-Confidence Polarity - Atlanteans - Part 150
Confidence: Self Forgiveness - Atlanteans - Part 151
Confidence: Practical Support - Atlanteans - Part 152
Confidence: The End - Atlanteans - Part 153

Join Us:
Desteni I Process Lite - Free Course to Start your Journey to Life
Journey to Life Group - On Facebook
Desteni Wiki - For All Things Desteni Related
Desteni Forum - Share your Self with Other Destonians
Destonian Social Network
Eqafe - Self Perfection Support
Equal Life Foundation - Site
Living Income Guaranteed Proposal - Site