Reoccurring Nightmare: Being Chased – Self Correction - Day 452

Photo By: Marlen Del Vargas Razo

Link to First part of blog series: 
Reoccurring Nightmare: Being Chased – Day 445

This also has developed into many forms of reactions within myself towards others in my day to day living, so the feeling of being chased is the experience I am doing to myself of not facing myself in my own reality. Allowing these fears and beliefs about who I am chase me around day in and day out, allowing projections to direct me, allowing energy to overtake me, and not standing within these moments and saying no to here no further, and walking the process to face myself and stop. So I have just been allowing myself to torture myself into this cat and mouse game of waiting for the next judgment, waiting for the next energy burst of emotion, and waiting for the next bout of depression because I believe I am being harmed by others and people are out to get me. When all the while I have been harming myself and chasing myself into a circle of self compromise through judging myself. Time to stop this once and for all, and forgive myself and release myself from this nightmare scenario. 

Looking at the above from my previous blog about being chased in a reoccurring nightmare I have been having over the course of my adult life, and within writing the point out, I found that this was inevitably due to the fact that I am not becoming disciplined within my living application to the potential that I know I am able to be. I have allowed this point of fear of others judging me direct me and distract me from the fact that within my own life, I am sitting and walking the same patterns I am accusing others to do. I am not standing in full self honesty within who I am being within my reality and standing within the potential that I know I am capable of living, which is stopping the reactions to what others are living/acting within my reality and taking what I perceive through my mind as a personal attack or harm done onto me to a point where I am not moved by walking the pattern out in self discipline and self change to direct myself in these moments in what is best.

So in essence I did come to the point above that I can not blame or create a fear of others within a point of becoming a victim to my reality because within myself I am seeing how I am creating it, in my mind, in my thoughts, in my backchat, and in the moments where I allow energy possessions and not stand within myself in a way I am satisfied with that is stable and I am able to direct myself and the situation/environment into solutions in common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to take responsibility for myself in all ways in all forms I participate within and as, as I realize that living in a form of blaming others for how I am experiencing myself is not real nor fact as I am doing equal to what others are walking that I am accusing them for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for the experience within myself because within this I then don’t have to face the fact and myself within my own body and realize that this I am equally responsible if not more so to stop what is being created as energy possessions and stand within myself in ways that is self honest and best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create backchat specifically targeting others and their flaws and replay them in my mind so I can use this as a point of distraction for myself in the time that I see where I am able to take responsibility, but not willing to in that moment to stand and walk it into a living application of myself because of not wanting to be disciplined and push myself beyond my accepted limitations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept and allow the limitations of momentary indulgences in points in my reality that is imbalanced and creates a consequence that is not best for all, but in ways is showing who I am within my integrity to not stand as life but stay as a mind system and abuse what is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse life here and not stand within who I realize and see as my potential to be, but continue to exist in limitations and continue to fall in moments that I see I am able to stand within.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse myself in and through my own mind, my own thoughts, and diminish myself into someone who is not able to stand as life in the potential that I have been gifted in this lifetime as the potential that I see I am able to live with what I have been given.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe this desire within me to get what I want and be given energy as highs and feeling good and positive within myself is what is real and what I want for myself when I see, realize, and understand it is the mind moving within a survival mode as myself in my physical body desiring to move to a point of dominance and indulgences that is not best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to chose the mind as energy addictions in feelings and emotions instead of disciplining myself to move through the points as I see I am able to and become a support here for life in all ways.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my self interest to supersede what is best for all and this I realize is the path to hell not heaven on earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed abuse to life as I have accepted abuse to my self in thought, word, and deed and not moved myself as life here walking what is best for all in all ways.

When and as I see I am able to move myself in a point of self honest movement and I indulge in my self interest/mind, I stop and breath, as I realize, see, and understand that this action is creating hell on this earth as abuse to life and I realize, see, and understand that this doesn’t make sense because life can live in the best possible potential we can create as I create this best possible potential within myself as life aligned to what is best for all.

I commit myself to let go of my desires and fears in the moment I see they are here through committing to take a breath, do self forgiveness in real time, and change myself in these moments to not move into the mind but stand as my own self direction as life.

I commit myself to push this application of real time stopping/correction in my process walking moving forward more and more in real time living.

I commit myself to balance who I am in all I do and stand within the self trust this will develop into as a being that is here and able to direct myself in all areas as I have created myself in all areas equally as balance.

I commit myself to stand within self trust through standing in self discipline and moving myself to correction in the moment that I am aware it is here to be walked.

I commit myself to release myself from energy addictions in all it’s forms through breathing and walking the self  correction process in real time and writing process.

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Reoccurring Nightmare: Being Chased – Day 445

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So over my years of being on this planet and especially into my adulthood years I have had a reoccurring themed nightmare of being chased by people, usually like a movie seen, guys with guns or some sort of vengeance out to hurt me, well that is what it feels like anyway. And tonight, I also finished the transcription to the Future of Consciousness recording done on eqafe about Nightmares, and I suggest anyone who wants in in-depth understanding of where nightmares come from and why we have them, to check this one out. So for me, I want to investigate this reoccurring nightmare I have been having, within the dream, I am scared, I am afraid of being caught by these people chasing me and being harmed. So the energy existing within me in the dream is fear and anxiety fueled by people trying to harm me, and me always in a constant state of tension and stress to get away from them. Obviously, these people in my dream want something from me and they'll stop at nothing to get it, and so I have to run and become exhausted to get to a point of safety, though this safety is never permanent because I am always on the look out for these people and always in a state of being ready to run if I need to.

So the energy I am working with is – anxiety, fear, and stress based on being chased and not knowing what will happen in the future. Stress due to the fact of possibly being caught and being harmed, and having beliefs about the people that they will harm me, I am in great danger, and I can not relax in my own space, I am always needing to be on guard and looking out for threats against my life by people out there, the bad people in this world.

I can see this pattern of running from people aligning with the self judgment pattern I have been walking, I have this fear of people that I need to be on the look out, I am always in a state of tension because I believe people are out to harm me, and they will do so at anytime. I am afraid of being harmed by people and so the fear is perpetuated in my external reality because I fear people, I don’t understand them, I don’t really get to know them, I just straight out follow my reaction of fearing them and believing they will harm me. This causes me never really to be able to relax in my own skin because I am always tense and stressed about what others will do to me and this is based on my own self judgments I have created against myself, that I am inferior and people will harm me and take advantage of me due to me not being 100 percent perfect within myself where I judge myself as not as attractive as others and not as intelligent.

This also has developed into many forms of reactions within myself towards others in my day to day living, so the feeling of being chased is the experience I am doing to myself of not facing myself in my own reality. Allowing these fears and beliefs about who I am chase me around day in and day out, allowing projections to direct me, allowing energy to overtake me, and not standing within these moments and saying no to here no further, and walking the process to face myself and stop. So I have just been allowing myself to torture myself into this cat and mouse game of waiting for the next judgment, waiting for the next energy burst of emotion, and waiting for the next bout of depression because I believe I am being harmed by others and people are out to get me. When all the while I have been harming myself and chasing myself into a circle of self compromise through judging myself. Time to stop this once and for all, and forgive myself and release myself from this nightmare scenario. 

More to come in my next blog, thanks for reading.

My Experience Before and After Beginning Process with Animals and Nature – Part 1- Day 361

I want to walk a few blogs on the support I have been given through living and working with animals and nature since I started process. Before walking process, I did live with animals, but did not see animals in the way I see them in this moment, and that is I see all animals and all that live on this planet equal in all ways as myself here as a human being from the great to the small. In my past, I thought animals were less intelligent then humans, they were subordinate, and did not have much going on cause they couldn’t communicate with each other and with me (this so I thought, please hear this series on eqafe as I have gained a whole new insight and understanding to animals and nature and who they are as physical beings on this earth.). As a kid they had there place in the home, they were our pets, I saw them as a toy, a point of play and fun, and when occasionally pushed them or hitting them or was rough with them, I did not ever consider at all that they are aware and are feeling physically everything I am doing same as how I would feel it.

I always had a deep love for animals though in the sense that I loved being around my dogs, I felt comfort and enthralled by their expressions of play and looks of beauty in the seemingly normal moments of there every day life. I really was moved when my dog would come over to me and put his head on me when I was crying after a fight with my sister or a fight with my parents, and he would just give me comfort unconditionally even with all the rough and crazy things we would do with him, like dress him up in clothes or spread peanut butter all over his coat (this as a kid). I am extremely grateful for this process at desteni being opened up to me as it was where I was introduced to the actual reality of the real sameness and equality that exist not only between my dog and myself, but all the life that is on this planet, the animals, the insects, the plants, the sky, the ocean, the trees, the humans, the planet itself, it all is part of what is here and we all exist here together, that was empowering because I had never conceived of such an intimate way of how in fact we are all in this together, we all are brothers and sisters here in the family that is life on earth and our survival depends on the living of this simple truth if we only live it into reality.

Once I started walking process, man, I really had an appreciation for everything, I would talk to trees on walks, I would interact with insects when I had a moment in my day and they had settled somewhere where to interact with, I took care of my plants and expressed within myself towards them the appreciation that I had for it as it grew new leaves each and every few months or so as I gave it water to live. I felt at ease and at home within the paths in the woods I would run and it was summer and everything was in full bloom like running through the jungle, I would take deep breaths and run fast and jump on rocks and jump over big fallen trees, and was in awe at the diversity of life that exist in just a simple scan of my eyes. It was so beautiful, I could not think or imagine anything better then this, living in the heart of what is real as nature, so I enjoyed all of what nature had to offer. This because of the understanding that we are all one and we are supporting each other to exist, nature has taught me so much and we can learn so much of how to live for real and co exist with all the beings on this planet, if we but let go of our egos, our desires, our needs and wants, our excess for more and new, and live simply so all can simply live. We are able to co-exist and create balance in this world and existence, but I have realized it starts within the relationship within myself and my own living, and nature as the animals especially can mirror self quite starkly.

Nature is not all beautiful and serene as they also have to survive and the habitats in which they live have been extremely compromised by humans desire for resources and there extreme need for survival through the creation of excessive consumption we have lived and made ‘normal’, but it is certainly not normal if you see nature as the testament of what life on earth is suppose to exist as. The black rhino for instance, I just read in south Africa is just about extinct and that is due to the fact that a few countries in Asia see it as a miracle cure for hangovers and the believe it can cure cancer, when the rhino horn is in fact made of the same organic material as the human fingernail and has no medicinal value whatsoever. So the solution for this is for one to get out of these beliefs that are not realistic and do not hold any benefit to doing what is best for all on earth, and so stop the death of innocent beings on this planet that have the same right to life as anyone else, and come to a change where our education system and money system is changed to support the expansion and growth of life into a value that is equal within all.

There is ways you can learn more and support a solution that embodies these set of principles of life being equally valued within all and it has been proposed within the living income guarantee proposal, where life will be invested within the value of each one’s right to exist and so given the support that is necessary to exist within a decent and dignified way. Why? Because it’s possible and we can by changing our way of living to support life rather then destroy it. This proposal is also introducing change for the start of the reform of our current destructive systems to be of life support systems like I mentioned above from education to grow to all our necessary systems that make life on this planet possible, but the most important value I have learned is this value that life is equal within all no matter what it looks like, it has an awareness unto itself and exist unto itself, and so by birth and virtue of it’s existence should have the right to exist in freedom.

I was going to write about my experience with the horses to start when I lived on a farm in south africa and also with my dog and some other cool animals I have and am living with cause I read a cool series by GianRobberts on the Death of His Horse Titan and found some really cool insights and support he shared with walking with a horse for many years as he did until he died late last year. He explained his experience of finding the physical as breath through walking with a another physical being such as a horse demonstrates quite distinctly, and the gifts and the struggles he faced while doing this. I also wanted to share some feedback as well about working with a horse specifically because I also gained much insight and realizations about myself in relation to my daily interaction with the horses those five months I stayed there, but I will leave that for tomorrow night. Thanks for reading and please support the best for life through the links below.  

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