More on Where I stand with Self Trust? Day 527

When looking at my relationship with the words self trust, I have for a long time been doubting myself, this creating a feeling or an experience within me that I am not doing enough, and this belief of not doing enough is causing unneeded stress in my already busy lifestyle. One point that I see here that I can look at is this experience of not doing enough, because in many ways I do do a lot, I work full time and have many extra responsibilities that I am working on. Though within this, I still feel like I could be giving my time to more things, more activities, more projects to push ahead and spearhead my future creation of what my ideals are. In this spearheading, I see I am missing two very important dimensions and this is the time dimension, meaning what it takes to walk something into creation and also the understanding dimension, where I at this stage do not have enough information or still require to walk a process of self creation/living to specify and define who and what I indeed would like to create and so understand how to actually create this within and as myself. So pushing for something in my mind such as doing more, I see is counterproductive to the actual self creation process I could be and have to walk to create that which I would like to live in my highest potential.

So some points I need to consider is why I am not moving on these points that I want to change, and many of the shortcomings are addictions I have in my day to day living. Addictions that I am afraid to let go of, and within this afraid of change. So here I require to make a plan and move within this plan, so I can indeed create. Because if I don't start changing what is created is a resonance or presence of self compromise as I am not moving myself where I know and understand I indeed can. So if one is not creating self, then one will then actually be creating self compromise and thus self diminishment as I are actually accepting and allowing it, I have created all of it through thoughts, reactions, and living in separation as these beliefs, ideas, reactions, ect.

What I have learned over the years of walking the desteni I process is not to judge myself for these types of process points I have to walk, it is not to create any reaction toward self, but to understand the point, why it occurred, and then simple walk the correction path to change it. This is the most efficient way I have found as there is nothing gained by judging self for failing or becoming harsh with self, as this literally only causes diminishment within self, so really it doesn’t make sense. Though if you see you are judging yourself, walk the tools of self forgiveness, self correction, and change self within this to then stabilize, so the tools are incredible, simplistic, and specific to move self in this process in whatever point or process of the mind or self compromise one face. Again, process is a process of self understanding and self creation through self correction, so it will take time, patiences, and lots of mistakes, but overtime and as one persevere change will start to occur.

Here I will write self forgiveness on doubt:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a doubt about who I am and how I am living based on an energetic experience coming up of anxiety through thoughts that I am not doing enough.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to go into an energetic possession of fear based on a belief of if i don’t do enough and I lack and lag behind I will not be able to catch up thus squandering my chances to become life here in the physical and so fearing annihilation in the afterlife.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe the thought that I am going to be annihilated if I stop pushing myself so hard and believe that i within this I will not be able to catch up.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to keep score of who is who within this process and how far i have walked and within this create a polarity of best and worst causing separation and comparison with my environment.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create a separation with my environment due to the belief that I am not going to be able to keep up with others thus comparing myself to others creating this race experience in the first place which I see, realize, and understand is not real.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create the experience that I am in a race and I must finish and do the best because of a fear of survival where I see, realize, and understand this is stemming from childhood where I would compete with my siblings to be seen, heard, and validated by my parents and so always strive to be the best.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to my siblings and believe I am only safe if I am seen as the best and validated by what i have done and could do by my parents in praise or admiration, and within this define who I am based on these words and praises.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create a belief that I have to win and be the best to be able to survive and become somebody in this reality that’ll be safe and survive, and so within this create a belief that this is the only way it is and I only know who I am based on what my environment is saying to me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give my power away to the external world I was living in believing that that is who defines me, when i see, realize, and understand that I miss the fact that who i am is based on my own self creation and within this I am limitless to the potentials that I can create within and through my own self will and self awareness.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become stuck within the words and energies of others in my environment as something or someone that defines me, when I see, realize, and understanding I am giving permission for it to define me as I am accepting and allowing it to define who I am as I am believing it is true.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within not enough based on comparison and beliefs of self diminishment or self validation based on the instability of the outside world and the corruptness of the inner self creation process that this has on who I am actually creating myself into, someone who is separated and not stable within who I am as self here in self honesty.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to take on others beliefs, emotions, energies, and words as who I am instead of investigating these words for myself, and redefining them in words that I understand for me and thus can live for me.

When and as I see myself moving into a point of self diminishment within my self living by accepting and allowing any point outside myself to define who I am, I stop and breath, and i realize that I am able to define who I am through redefining my understanding of the word(s) and so living within this redefinition process so I create me from self understanding and self awareness.

I commit myself to stop and breath when I see I go into a movement of either positive or negative based on an outside influence and correct myself into understanding the word for myself through redefining it and living it for me.

I commit myself to let go of the beliefs that I am defined by my past where i believed i had to compete to move into the process of equality and oneness of all life, and creating myself breath by breath through my own self awareness movement.

I commit myself to stop judging and creating separation with what is here, move into understanding, and finding solutions for what is here in the highest potentials possible.

I commit myself to move from self doubt as not enough to slowing down and walking what is here in each moment to the best of my ability.

I commit myself to move from self doubt as diminishing to self creation as expansion.



More links to support:

Soul - School of Ultimate Living - Create yourself through Words!
http://www.schoolofultimateliving.com/

Self Supportive Material -
http://www.Eqafe.com

Desteni-I-Process Lite Beginner course -
http://www.lite.desteniiprocess.com

Forum support:
http://forum.desteni.org

Desteni Wiki:
http://wiki.destonians.com/Main_Page

Eqafe Facebook Page:
https://www.facebook.com/Eqafe-359136...

7 year journey to life Facebook group:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/journ...

DIP Lite on Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/DIPLite

Reoccurring Nightmare: Being Chased – Self Correction - Day 452

Photo By: Marlen Del Vargas Razo

Link to First part of blog series: 
Reoccurring Nightmare: Being Chased – Day 445

This also has developed into many forms of reactions within myself towards others in my day to day living, so the feeling of being chased is the experience I am doing to myself of not facing myself in my own reality. Allowing these fears and beliefs about who I am chase me around day in and day out, allowing projections to direct me, allowing energy to overtake me, and not standing within these moments and saying no to here no further, and walking the process to face myself and stop. So I have just been allowing myself to torture myself into this cat and mouse game of waiting for the next judgment, waiting for the next energy burst of emotion, and waiting for the next bout of depression because I believe I am being harmed by others and people are out to get me. When all the while I have been harming myself and chasing myself into a circle of self compromise through judging myself. Time to stop this once and for all, and forgive myself and release myself from this nightmare scenario. 

Looking at the above from my previous blog about being chased in a reoccurring nightmare I have been having over the course of my adult life, and within writing the point out, I found that this was inevitably due to the fact that I am not becoming disciplined within my living application to the potential that I know I am able to be. I have allowed this point of fear of others judging me direct me and distract me from the fact that within my own life, I am sitting and walking the same patterns I am accusing others to do. I am not standing in full self honesty within who I am being within my reality and standing within the potential that I know I am capable of living, which is stopping the reactions to what others are living/acting within my reality and taking what I perceive through my mind as a personal attack or harm done onto me to a point where I am not moved by walking the pattern out in self discipline and self change to direct myself in these moments in what is best.

So in essence I did come to the point above that I can not blame or create a fear of others within a point of becoming a victim to my reality because within myself I am seeing how I am creating it, in my mind, in my thoughts, in my backchat, and in the moments where I allow energy possessions and not stand within myself in a way I am satisfied with that is stable and I am able to direct myself and the situation/environment into solutions in common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to take responsibility for myself in all ways in all forms I participate within and as, as I realize that living in a form of blaming others for how I am experiencing myself is not real nor fact as I am doing equal to what others are walking that I am accusing them for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for the experience within myself because within this I then don’t have to face the fact and myself within my own body and realize that this I am equally responsible if not more so to stop what is being created as energy possessions and stand within myself in ways that is self honest and best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create backchat specifically targeting others and their flaws and replay them in my mind so I can use this as a point of distraction for myself in the time that I see where I am able to take responsibility, but not willing to in that moment to stand and walk it into a living application of myself because of not wanting to be disciplined and push myself beyond my accepted limitations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept and allow the limitations of momentary indulgences in points in my reality that is imbalanced and creates a consequence that is not best for all, but in ways is showing who I am within my integrity to not stand as life but stay as a mind system and abuse what is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse life here and not stand within who I realize and see as my potential to be, but continue to exist in limitations and continue to fall in moments that I see I am able to stand within.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse myself in and through my own mind, my own thoughts, and diminish myself into someone who is not able to stand as life in the potential that I have been gifted in this lifetime as the potential that I see I am able to live with what I have been given.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe this desire within me to get what I want and be given energy as highs and feeling good and positive within myself is what is real and what I want for myself when I see, realize, and understand it is the mind moving within a survival mode as myself in my physical body desiring to move to a point of dominance and indulgences that is not best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to chose the mind as energy addictions in feelings and emotions instead of disciplining myself to move through the points as I see I am able to and become a support here for life in all ways.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my self interest to supersede what is best for all and this I realize is the path to hell not heaven on earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed abuse to life as I have accepted abuse to my self in thought, word, and deed and not moved myself as life here walking what is best for all in all ways.

When and as I see I am able to move myself in a point of self honest movement and I indulge in my self interest/mind, I stop and breath, as I realize, see, and understand that this action is creating hell on this earth as abuse to life and I realize, see, and understand that this doesn’t make sense because life can live in the best possible potential we can create as I create this best possible potential within myself as life aligned to what is best for all.

I commit myself to let go of my desires and fears in the moment I see they are here through committing to take a breath, do self forgiveness in real time, and change myself in these moments to not move into the mind but stand as my own self direction as life.

I commit myself to push this application of real time stopping/correction in my process walking moving forward more and more in real time living.

I commit myself to balance who I am in all I do and stand within the self trust this will develop into as a being that is here and able to direct myself in all areas as I have created myself in all areas equally as balance.

I commit myself to stand within self trust through standing in self discipline and moving myself to correction in the moment that I am aware it is here to be walked.

I commit myself to release myself from energy addictions in all it’s forms through breathing and walking the self  correction process in real time and writing process.

Check Out these Awesome and Life Supporting sites:
Desteni I Process Lite - Free Course to Start your Journey to Life
Journey to Life Group - On Facebook
Desteni Wiki - For All Things Desteni Related
Desteni Forum - Share your Self with Other Destonians
Destonian Social Network
Self and Living Store
Eqafe - Self Perfection Support
Equal Life Foundation - Site

Reoccurring Nightmare: Being Chased – Day 445

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So over my years of being on this planet and especially into my adulthood years I have had a reoccurring themed nightmare of being chased by people, usually like a movie seen, guys with guns or some sort of vengeance out to hurt me, well that is what it feels like anyway. And tonight, I also finished the transcription to the Future of Consciousness recording done on eqafe about Nightmares, and I suggest anyone who wants in in-depth understanding of where nightmares come from and why we have them, to check this one out. So for me, I want to investigate this reoccurring nightmare I have been having, within the dream, I am scared, I am afraid of being caught by these people chasing me and being harmed. So the energy existing within me in the dream is fear and anxiety fueled by people trying to harm me, and me always in a constant state of tension and stress to get away from them. Obviously, these people in my dream want something from me and they'll stop at nothing to get it, and so I have to run and become exhausted to get to a point of safety, though this safety is never permanent because I am always on the look out for these people and always in a state of being ready to run if I need to.

So the energy I am working with is – anxiety, fear, and stress based on being chased and not knowing what will happen in the future. Stress due to the fact of possibly being caught and being harmed, and having beliefs about the people that they will harm me, I am in great danger, and I can not relax in my own space, I am always needing to be on guard and looking out for threats against my life by people out there, the bad people in this world.

I can see this pattern of running from people aligning with the self judgment pattern I have been walking, I have this fear of people that I need to be on the look out, I am always in a state of tension because I believe people are out to harm me, and they will do so at anytime. I am afraid of being harmed by people and so the fear is perpetuated in my external reality because I fear people, I don’t understand them, I don’t really get to know them, I just straight out follow my reaction of fearing them and believing they will harm me. This causes me never really to be able to relax in my own skin because I am always tense and stressed about what others will do to me and this is based on my own self judgments I have created against myself, that I am inferior and people will harm me and take advantage of me due to me not being 100 percent perfect within myself where I judge myself as not as attractive as others and not as intelligent.

This also has developed into many forms of reactions within myself towards others in my day to day living, so the feeling of being chased is the experience I am doing to myself of not facing myself in my own reality. Allowing these fears and beliefs about who I am chase me around day in and day out, allowing projections to direct me, allowing energy to overtake me, and not standing within these moments and saying no to here no further, and walking the process to face myself and stop. So I have just been allowing myself to torture myself into this cat and mouse game of waiting for the next judgment, waiting for the next energy burst of emotion, and waiting for the next bout of depression because I believe I am being harmed by others and people are out to get me. When all the while I have been harming myself and chasing myself into a circle of self compromise through judging myself. Time to stop this once and for all, and forgive myself and release myself from this nightmare scenario. 

More to come in my next blog, thanks for reading.

Moving Beyond Limitations – Self Forgiveness on an Embarrassing Moment – Day 434

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Here writing from my last blog about the moment of physical reaction coming up when speaking to people about the product I am selling, and my face becoming red as if I am uncomfortable within myself and this a sign for all to see.

Excerpt from my last blog:

 "I became emotional when I interpreted a person saying something negatively about me to my partner, and that I was then going to be judged by this person as not worthy. So from this moment on, I was in reaction, it was towards the end of the day, though I still had one other moment that I am going to write self forgiveness on and practical corrective application. This was a few moments after I reacted, another vendor came over and I was put on the spot to discuss what our product was about. I was not ready for this because within myself I was trying to get stable after taking that moment before personally."

Here I will start with slowing that moment down when I started to notice my face was going red. I remember speaking and within my mind going into an experience of discomfort and an emotional experience of wanting to give up and feeling alone, like I can never get close to anyone because they will just judge me and see and/or say that I am not good enough. So based on this interpretation me believing I was told by this man I was not a good sales person and allowing this to effect my future interactions, not considering all the factors that were involved within this moment, I then brought this reaction and belief through to the next moment with the vendor asking me about what our product was about causing the interaction not to be my best effort, but tainted with reactions and blame.

These reactions are showing my own self judgment's being projected onto the external reality. Tall tale signs of me wanting to escape facing myself and who I have become in these moments of high energy reactions and the actions that it'll take to change in these moments, which is the road less traveled so to speak as it's not an easy path and something that I resist. But I realize without a doubt that it is absolutely worth it, for more on this I will write in later blogs, but here I will walk self forgiveness on this moments with the cheeks and points that were involved with this. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in the belief I have created about myself that others are trying to put me down and harm me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame this belief I have of myself as not being good enough onto others within a state of self victimization where I believe I am powerless to others and there effects on me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to victimize myself and project this inherent blame of the way in which I am experiencing myself as the victim and powerless onto others in my world and reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project blame onto others within my world and in my reality based on me holding onto a belief that others are trying to harm me and abuse me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a belief within myself of me being powerless to others based on the energy experience I have accepted within me of feeling inferior and diminished around others because of something they said or did in my presence that I took as a personal attack or abuse towards me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate responsibility within not seeing, realizing, and understanding that I am the creator of this experience of inferiority and diminishment within me due to judging myself within myself in ways of seeing myself as not doing well within this event and comparing myself to other people around me, and so then believe within me that that is what everyone else is doing and saying about me in their minds and also in my perception I have defined within there actions towards me within their gestures and even words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take other peoples words, gestures, or ideas, beliefs, imaginations within my own mind personal and believe that this is who I am when I see, realize, and understand and have proven to myself that when I move as breath here and align with my body and act, I am able to perform in a manner that I am satisfied with and that is aligned with my expression, and so I see, realize, and understand that I have a decision to make in these moments to either go into a point of diminishment experience of things that are not based on fact and reality, and so can not be trusted or walk what is here, what is stable, what I can trust, myself in action here as I breath, aligned with the physical and who I am here in the moment of speaking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as bad in the moment of believing I was being judged and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my own judgments and comparison of myself as not good enough onto another person and then accept that I am being held down and abused, when I see, realize, and understand that I am doing this to myself, I am abusing myself in my own mind, and not changing in those moments to what is stable, what supports me as life and my expression, and what creates me as life and that is through my living here in the moment as I speakand stopping my participation in these thoughts, energy experiences, and my mind within memories.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in that moment of judgment towards myself in my mind as doing bad when explaining the product to the vendor and thinking he must see me really being pathetic within trying to explain this, and so react within a physical moment of embarrassment accepting and allowing this moment to define me as a point of proof that I am bad through defining and judging myself as not doing good cause my face went red.

I forgive  myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for going red in the face when I speak and react, and believe I am less then the other person talking because of me being uncomfortable visibly in front of them and going red, when I realize, see, and understand this is not in fact real, I am making this up, and it does not benefit me in anyway, so I realize I can change in that moment, let the mind go and the beliefs and judgments, and move myself beyond that limitation into immediate correction which is here within myself in awareness in what direction I will walk next as I speak in my expression in the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto that memory of me being seen in the moment of going red in the face and visible being uncomfortable as a reminder that I am less then others and go into that sinking feeling of powerlessness when I remember the moment I go red and what that feeling felt like, when I realize, see, and understand that it is not defining me here, it is an occurrence that I can learn from and realize how to correct the point, but I also realize, see, and understand that it’s just an energy experience of powerlessness, I am not this actually, I can move myself in each moment and change myself in what direction I will to what makes sense in the moment and what will benefit all and so myself, walking common sense and real time application within breathing, correcting, and living.

I will continue with the self correction writing and re-defining some relevant words within these current blogs I am doing, thanks for reading and stay tuned.

Interview Support on the topic of moving through Embarrassment:
Embarrassment: Embarrassment and Personalities - Atlanteans - Part 106
Embarrassment: Is it Really so Bad? - Atlanteans - Part 107
Embarrassment: Sounding Self Forgiveness - Atlanteans – Part 108

Check Out these Awesome sites:
Desteni I Process Lite - Free Course to Start your Journey to Life
Journey to Life Group - On Facebook
Desteni Wiki - For All Things Desteni Related
Desteni Forum - Share your Self with Other Destonians
Destonian Social Network
Eqafe - Self Perfection Support
Equal Life Foundation - Site