A Lady's Journey to Life: Day 175- The Denied Demonic Within

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Day 175- The Denied Demonic Within - Mirror, Who am I?

I judged myself when looked in the mirror, and allowed that to direct me for most of the morning.

This above post is from yesterday's blog, Day 173 - The Denied Demonic Within, please reference it if you like for more context to this blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my physical appearance when I look into the mirror and find the points within my face that I see and judge as ugly, always looking within each angle in the mirror to see if any point I find out of place or is looking unacceptable. I realize and understand that each time I accept and allow this point of self judgment of my physical look, I am programming myself more into my mind and reinstating that I am my defining myself by this picture image I have created in my mind, separating myself from my physical body and all it’s equal and one functions to keep me alive, and diminishing myself and abusing myself to become less of a version then I could be if I was here and stable.

I commit myself to when and as I desire to judge myself and start to go into the thought pattern of self judgment when looking in the mirror, I stop and breath, and speak, 'no I don’t accept this any longer, I am equal'. And I continue to do what I am doing in the bathroom, and move about my day, not accepting or allowing the thoughts to influence me by stopping them as they arise.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as ugly and thus create a polarity play out within me of beautiful, where I have created a value in my mind of what is pretty and what is ugly, separating myself from myself, to deny that which I don’t accept and judge as ugly/negative. I realize that I am separating myself from myself when I create value judgments about myself and deny that I am not this which I see as beautiful and am that I am that which I see as ugly. Within this I realize that I will never be stable as I am not directing myself in who I am as life, but being directed as my mind in ideas and beliefs of this picture of what I am not as beauty, when I realize that I am here, I am the physical, I am life, and there is no value judgment in this, no idea or belief that is real, because life is in the physical and the physical is all that is here, thus I am here as I am life, I am physical not beliefs and ideas they are made up in my mind so not real as there not physical.

I commit myself to when and as I go into value judgments about myself, stop and breath, and walk the correction of accepting that which I am denying of myself. Bringing it back to myself, and see what I am not wanting to accept and thus walk the process of accepting it and not being directed by the energy any longer as feeling bad based on a judgement I have created based on my mind idea. Pushing to walk the physical actions, such as washing my hands, so feel the water and my movements in washing them, focus on my living, and stop the thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed throughout the morning of feeling inferiority and self disgust based on believing this feeling is who I am. I realize and understand that feelings and emotions is not who I am, but energy generated in my mind based on my own activation through accepting thoughts that I am ugly and this makes me less then others, and I see and realize that this acceptance of thoughts is allowing the feelings and emotions to be created, and so I live it out because I am creating it within my own participation through my thoughts in my mind.

I commit myself to when and as I go into this point of thoughts of judgment and being directed by it into feelings of disgust of myself, I stop and breath. Stopping all the thoughts and feelings from directing me by not giving them any attention as I realize they are not real, they are not me, thru breathing through the energy and focusing on my living to be more efficient and disciplined in what it is I am physically actually doing.