My Journey to Life: this is pointless

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Day 175- The Denied Demonic Within - Mirror, Who am I?

I judged myself when looked in the mirror, and allowed that to direct me for most of the morning.

This above post is from yesterday's blog, Day 173 - The Denied Demonic Within, please reference it if you like for more context to this blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my physical appearance when I look into the mirror and find the points within my face that I see and judge as ugly, always looking within each angle in the mirror to see if any point I find out of place or is looking unacceptable. I realize and understand that each time I accept and allow this point of self judgment of my physical look, I am programming myself more into my mind and reinstating that I am my defining myself by this picture image I have created in my mind, separating myself from my physical body and all it’s equal and one functions to keep me alive, and diminishing myself and abusing myself to become less of a version then I could be if I was here and stable.

I commit myself to when and as I desire to judge myself and start to go into the thought pattern of self judgment when looking in the mirror, I stop and breath, and speak, 'no I don’t accept this any longer, I am equal'. And I continue to do what I am doing in the bathroom, and move about my day, not accepting or allowing the thoughts to influence me by stopping them as they arise.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as ugly and thus create a polarity play out within me of beautiful, where I have created a value in my mind of what is pretty and what is ugly, separating myself from myself, to deny that which I don’t accept and judge as ugly/negative. I realize that I am separating myself from myself when I create value judgments about myself and deny that I am not this which I see as beautiful and am that I am that which I see as ugly. Within this I realize that I will never be stable as I am not directing myself in who I am as life, but being directed as my mind in ideas and beliefs of this picture of what I am not as beauty, when I realize that I am here, I am the physical, I am life, and there is no value judgment in this, no idea or belief that is real, because life is in the physical and the physical is all that is here, thus I am here as I am life, I am physical not beliefs and ideas they are made up in my mind so not real as there not physical.

I commit myself to when and as I go into value judgments about myself, stop and breath, and walk the correction of accepting that which I am denying of myself. Bringing it back to myself, and see what I am not wanting to accept and thus walk the process of accepting it and not being directed by the energy any longer as feeling bad based on a judgement I have created based on my mind idea. Pushing to walk the physical actions, such as washing my hands, so feel the water and my movements in washing them, focus on my living, and stop the thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed throughout the morning of feeling inferiority and self disgust based on believing this feeling is who I am. I realize and understand that feelings and emotions is not who I am, but energy generated in my mind based on my own activation through accepting thoughts that I am ugly and this makes me less then others, and I see and realize that this acceptance of thoughts is allowing the feelings and emotions to be created, and so I live it out because I am creating it within my own participation through my thoughts in my mind.

I commit myself to when and as I go into this point of thoughts of judgment and being directed by it into feelings of disgust of myself, I stop and breath. Stopping all the thoughts and feelings from directing me by not giving them any attention as I realize they are not real, they are not me, thru breathing through the energy and focusing on my living to be more efficient and disciplined in what it is I am physically actually doing.

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Saturday, November 17, 2012

Day 174- The Denied Demonic Within - The "Pointless" Excuse

Today, I had to take a class for getting three speeding tickets within two years time, so this from the start was a class I resisted and was annoyed at based on the fact that I believed it to be boring and pointless.

This above post is from yesterday's blog, Day 173 - The Denied Demonic Within, please reference it if you like for more context to this blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see the class that I was required to take as pointless due to my desire to not have to attend this class based on judging it as boring content and something I am not going to care about anyway. I realize that within this desire to not attend the class I am not considering the fact of why I am in the class in the first place as my irresponsibility to slow down when I drive and stop the rush of moving from place to place. This rush putting in harms way others as well as myself as I am more out of control within going fast then I would be at a slower speed.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am going into a desire to not do something based on a negative judgment I have placed on it as pointless, I stop and breath, and find the point where I am abdicating my responsibility throughwriting out and applying self forgiveness to see for myself the change needed to do what is best for all and take self responsibility to care for life and stop my self interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to escape the fact of this point of rushing around and being reckless within the way I am driving to blame on the class that I was required to take due to my irresponsibility within driving a car, seeing the class as the problem and judging it as useless, when I realize that I am in the class by my own volition, and I could make the best of it and learn something and gain connections with others. Seeing and understanding that this blame of the class is a red flag for myself to see that I am only being within self interest to get out of my responsibilities and the consequence I will face of my actions.

I commit myself to when and as I go into this point of blame and judgment of something, I stop and breath, and do not accept myself to go into the mind as these points of distractions as blame, bringing it back to myself as the truth of the matter, so I can change myself to realize the consequence of my actions, and stop the action of consequence before it occurs again, through considering what I am doing in as many ways as I can and consider all those I will be effecting to make a decision that will be best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge driving class as boring and dumb when I realize that within and as me, I can learn and grow in my understanding of rules of the road, and be reminded of the consequences that are out there that is not necessary to occur if I take responsibility for my actions and walk practically considering what I am doing and how I will effect others in my world, to thus walk the correction of slowing down and changing my schedule so I have more time to get to where I need to go.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am judging something as dumb and pointless, to stop and breath, and stop this judgment as this is separating myself from my own responsibility of consequence of why I am there in the first place. Stopping the desire for a certain outcome and making the most of what I am doing to grow and expand my understanding. Also, I commit myself to when and as I consider my day, I discipline myself to take the steps to organize my time schedule to have enough time to get to and from my work with enough time to get everything done and accounted for without putting anyone in harms way and giving myself the best and safest way to move about and direct myself to have the most optimum chance of being in control of what I am doing and do what best for all in my living.

driving school, how to get out of class, speeding, ticket, police, fight a charge, face the music, facing consequence, this is pointless, desteni, eqafe, #teamlife #changetheworld, #journeytolife