Friday, November 16, 2012

Day 173 – The Denied Demonic Within

Today, I had to take a class for getting three speeding tickets within two years time, so this from the start was a class I resisted and was annoyed at based on the fact that I believed it to be boring and pointless. I found when I got into the class this irritation and resistance carried with me, and I was going into this point of judgment with all the people there, seeing them as losers and judging them as less then. I saw that I go into this point of elitism when I am feeling bad about myself, I judged myself when looked in the mirror, and allowed that to direct me for most of the morning. So to compensate for this bad feeling that I am existing as,  I go and comparing myself to other people through quickly analyzing them based on their picture and how they act.  Coming to the conclusion after assessing the group I was with that these people were misfits and I did not belong in this class, I saw how I quickly scan the people and based on brands and overall look as well as if they irritate me or not, I will like them or not. Showing my brainwashing of brands and 5 second conclusions based on feelings and emotions reactions.

There are massive amounts of judgments I am still existing within and living from that are created within nanoseconds. In the quantum mind series on eqafe, I have learned about how we program ourselves within our physical body in quantum time through many layers of energy within the actual physical flesh through holding on to memories and allowing them to direct us. So as I observed myself go into to this demonic possession of judging and becoming superior within myself, I had to breath and speak and focus on stopping the thoughts, stopping the judgments as it’s automated now, it is happening automatically in the background as my backchat in my head.

While looking at this disgust of others and irritation that is in my backchat, I found that this was actually being derived and motivated by my own spite and fear that I am hiding and suppressing within myself, and really denying this to myself, the abuse and de-manned behavior I act and live out towards others that I realize is harmful and not ok, and is really unacceptable in all ways. But due to fear of being rejected by these people and being judged as well as being in spite that I feel this way about myself and can’t be free and comfortable as I perceive others are being, I allow the mind to take over and go into spirals of abuse towards others and myself.

This separation has created this demonic force within me, where I create this wall and do not allow anyone to come in or I accept the fear and possession of these thoughts, and will not communicate with others. In this state of separation and demonic possession, I go into this point of blame and disgust on how others are acting, how others are looking, and how others are talking, and just allowing emotions of irritation and frustration direct me into being abusive in thought and word sometimes towards others. This really reflecting what I am mirroring to myself, being disgusted and angry at myself for not moving and allowing this demonized behavior of abuse towards others become me. This has been my starting point for a long while, disgust at myself and at the world due to self interest and a laziness to really walk the change. I will walk more in blogs to come and the correction for myself to stop.

Demons are actually real and have a story to tell, hear the interview series here, where a demon from the afterlife speaks.

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