Day 25 - to give is to ensure all get, and then one receive - life here = who we really are

 

I was listening to 'Revenge of the Ego' by Bernard Poolman today, he is discussing on the many ways were ego as the personification of self within self interest is actually an awareness as consciousness, an entity derived from the mind consciousness system which humanity is interdimensionally controlled and enslaved by, this is seen without as the current war and abuse happening all over our planet. These things do not just manifest out of the blue and it is not 'god's will, as any being that is omnipresent and omni potent such as 'god' which i see as life would never accept and allow war/abuse. Though within ego as self interest personified by self, where only self in one's bubble world is considered can this 'will' of self be lived out where self in one's thoughts think 'ah, i wish they would just go and die' or 'i hate that person, they are so annoying' believing that those thoughts have no consequence, when in fact these thoughts are creating self and intensifying and giving life to the ego of self and the enslavement of all beings through the mind consciousness system. 

The desteni process at lite.desteniiprocess.com ( free beginner course) to start one on this process of self honesty and self forgiveness, as the method and means to let go of the mind and reconnect with self here, the part of life that is and always has been one and equal with all things. Self is able to walk self forgiveness giving back to self the ability to respond differently to these looping patterns of mind thinking/memories that will cycle, self can correct the living to be of ego, of separation, back to life, in the self directive will that self have the capability and empowerment to bring self to walk this process and change. I am currently walking this process, its a process where self will fall, and fall, and fall, but the point is not about judgment of self or anyone for that matter, but to forgive oneself and get back up, always get back up and continue the process until self is here, breathing, and always in all ways walking self responsibility as self forgiveness lived doing and receiving what is best for all always. These are through living words, where technotutor is a supportive tool to purify words and rebuild self in one's natural learning ability to become empowered through understanding the words one speak and in this being able to direct one's world extremely effective as one is living what one is learning, embodying.

The process of aligning oneself to self forgiveness, we dismantle the ego, understand and forgive self for participating in harm to self and others, and recreate self in a way that is best for all in the principles of life, of creation, which is oneness and equality of all beings/all life here. This is the directive of life, and in this this is where the giving of everything until everyone gets is fact, within equality and oneness, it is not fulfilled until all are getting/being supported by what is here in the best way possible for all as self would like. Its a paradigm shift from the mind but what in fact is actually real, the ego has run rampant in our world and reality, though it is not the only way of life, it's actually a very limited form of life, the mind consciousness as we see how limited the human being has become, but we are capable of much much more. Life shares that self will only have access to life through amalgamating with and living these principles as living words, and this is awesome as this is the solution to our world hardships and current fears. There is solutions always, one must not ever give up on what is here, life, and self as life, please join the links below and ask for support if needed. 

Also, the equal money system is a system brought through by desteni and is a solution for the current money system of capitalism which is a limited and destructive system as many die and suffer due to the limited availability to have and keep money as it's controlled at the top. Though this will fall and so will our way of life as the mind fall, equal money system is a system worth researching and sharing about as we see the struggle and nature of the way in which the ego as self creates, war, famine, poverty, suffering, equal money will solve all of these and make each being a millionaire. This is a fact and this is fulfilling the proverb and age old truth, one Bernard shared many times in his talks and words, to give so all get and then self receive, being humble and patient until life is one and equal and all life is cared for. The more who stand for solutions that is best for all, the stronger we will be and the critical mass will be reached to tip the scales, it's up to self, there is always solutions and never give up even when it's tough, the tools will support so suggest practice them through self study and application. Enjoy.

Self forgiveness on my ego:

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to stay in the mind as ego because it feels good when i win and get to be on top.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to go into a form of self praise where i only see my wants, needs and desires as i have separated myself from life through believing that there is some who are more and some who are less as a judgment of beliefs and ideas that only is formed and exist in the ego of self as the mind consciousness system creates, as i see, realize, and understand equality and oneness of all life includes all that is here and leaves no one out standing on the physical of what makes all exist, life is what is here, the mind as ego is a parasite that requires the physical as the physical body to exist as it sucks the physical dry through thinking and the subsequent processes of mind layers as emotions, feelings and energy generation through and as substance as the source. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to choice the mind as ego as my own self interest as wants, needs, and desires over the life that is here in all forms ensure in this that all life is treated and sustained in equality and oneness as the principles of give as i'd like to receive as the law of the universe as life, and thus become greedy, selfish and a destroyer of life wasting the gift i was given as my physical self and body to create here in this wonder as this world as earth.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become ungrateful and full of emotions and feelings as i cycle in the endless trap of beliefs, justifications, desires, ideas, and thoughts as memories of what is real, when i see i am not ever in reality as what is here as self in the physical as the breathe, as i see, realize, and understand that the past doesn't exist nor the future, but only as an illusion as i live within and suck my resources away as my physical body substance as the mind sucks out the substance of life in my physical as i think and so equal and one without as i suck out the resources of the earth to survive. I see, realize, and understand i do not have to think, i can remain here in breath, and receive as i'd like to have if i was any being here as i give this as the principles i live and that live here one and equal for and as all life as i give and all get, i will then receive.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that some beings deserve more then others, as i exist in my imagination in my mind thinking in the past and in the future about things when i see, realize, and understand this is not reality, this is not real as i am not here, i am not existing in the physical and thus my assessment of others can not be trusted.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself ot base my entire existence on the idea that some are more then others and in this try and win, be more, compete, when i see, realize, and understand this is not the way of life, but of ego as the mind consciousness system a parasite to life which suck life from the host as the physical substance which is here unconditionally as life in what is best for all equal and one. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fall into the trap of judgments of myself and others believing my opposite polarities of this and not that or that and not this, when in fact i see, realize, and understand i am everything, i have not yet taken responsibility of myself as everything, and this i see, realize, and understand in gratefulness i can receive this life as self within self forgiveness and self correction where i can give back to myself in all forms that what i once took for myself and in this harmed.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to harm life in any way what so ever with the desire/want/need of separation in any form or manifestation as thought, emotions, feelings, and memories, where i let go of this separation through gratefulness and live the correcting by ensuring all get and when all are given fully and equally as one as life as myself, then i can receive in kind and be in kind as the human kind as a race that give freely what the earth as life here manifest gives freely for all to enjoy equal and one as self would like to enjoy, its here though self have to live it i realize. 

I commit myself to become humble letting go of any and all separation of myself into dimensions of the mind and in this i bring myself back here to my breathing, direct myself in living words that support what is best for all.

I commit myself to not give up or give in to the ego ever and thus give until all get and life is one and equal.

I commit myself to share and communicate these solutions as life here in the principles of oneness nad equality until life remains and self is here as breathe as an equal money system. 

I commit myself to release myself through self forgiveness and walking the living correction as my self through living my words that manifest equality and oneness of all life as what is here as what is real, the physical and ensuring all life live in dignity. 

I commit myself to not give up until all life is here one and equal.

I commit myself to stop my mind through writing and speaking self forgiveness and living this as i align myself back to life.

I commit myself to remain humble and face my ego when it arises and i see it activate as i see it is no way to live and is not best for all.

I commit myself to share the tools of life that will birth life from the physical always pushing my mind limits and challenge the minds of humanity as this is what i'd want if i was in the other shoes. 

Equal Life self support links to check out if you are interested:

http://www.desteni.org
http://www.lite.desteniiprocess.com
Bernard Poolman - What the FAQ - Equal Money System « EQAFE
(5) Self-Perfected | Facebook
http://www.techno-tutor.com
Equal Money Wiki - YouTube

Day 24 - The Common Sense Dilemma, a new system that is best for all life

Equal Money System Book link - Vol 1

In this day and age, we are currently facing the extreme suffering of so many beings on this planet, we as human beings have not realized the understanding of the equality and oneness of all life, the equal right of all to live in dignity to the resources that is here equally given by earth for all, and in this we claim that we have common sense, we are good, and we know what we are doing. But there has to be some common sense applied, I myself am seeing the dilemma within myself that the obviousness of the suffering and terrible conditions for so many in this world is extreme, we see it every day, is it that we ourselves, each being have to touch it to finally stop, I myself unfortunately at times see it sometimes has to ge to this point. Due to aloofness, laziness, or arrogance. It also can be points of greed and desire that actually self don't really care about what is happening to our neighbors, to nature and the animal kingdoms. We have believed that it always has existed like this? It'll always be here, Really? 

We live on a finite planet where the resources are not able to sustain the greed we are consuming within ourselves and the human race. We don't realize that we are in fact equal and one, and are creating ourselves within the way we act, think, and speak, the creation of consuming as we see in our world is because we are actually consuming our physical bodies. (for more check out eqafe.com - reptilians 32) But we do have the capacity for common sense and correcting our lives to live one and equal, that is why desteni.org was created to support the human as the one who is not yet aligned to life here one and equal with getting here through breathe awareness, self forgiveness and living words. 

Picture source - Gaza: Hundreds of thousands are starving as famine arrives at ‘incredible speed,’ UN aid chief warns | CNN

There is some who do in fact want to keep things separate cause they profit and its easier, though in the long run consequence is here to be faced and growing, these beings (such as some elite) are in a delusion based on their dishonesties, we all have these alignments within us though make no mistake, so no one being or any being can be blamed. I myself am responsible for myself and all my dishonesties, and one can only forgive oneself and stand as the solution. But I am seeing and expressing here that we don't have to create mass amounts of suffering in this world to see that we can in deed change the world through changing ourselves, we can as a group come together - the equal money system is the solution for this money system we are currently facing and enslaved by, capitalism. 

Capitalism is based on competition and winner take all, this is actually a barbaric way of existing, we do not have to live in such a way, the majority needs to realize these points of all is one and equal and agree to a new system that'll support all life, this is why equal money system was created, to fulfill this need. Where all are taken care of from birth to death and real freedom is realized through individual and collective responsibility to ensure love thy neighbor as thyself is lived and create in the world we all live in, given to us as the support unconditionally through this earth, nature, the animal kingdom as examples of life realized here. 

The mind creates complexity but common sense is not complex, it is simple, just like who we are we are not complex, but breathe living beings in what is best for all, it is the facts of the reality of what is here, such as:

-there is 8 billion people on the planet, that require housing, money, electricity, sustainable resources to live within, an income to buy goods, a way to create and support the community/self, and a way to express themselves in their passions and joy.

-so this requires mathematics, say a family unit is 4 people as a reference example, so that is 2 billion houses are required, a basic income of dignity, say 8 thousand a month per person, the wealth accumulated through the labor system we implement where each one work specific alignments to their skill to support the community for 4-6 years. Similar to the military setup, except it is for the upkeep and best alignment for all in the community and all communities around the world never for harm. This is fundamental and is seen within and throughout the principles of the equal money system and the desteni i process, the inner and outer correction of life alignment here as human nature. This is seen within the foundational principles of Life as well that we are all equal and one as life and we in this understanding live what is best for all allways as who we are. Those that fall, require self responsibility, self honesty, and immediate correction within and as the self process of correction to align back to life and stop any and all harm.  

- This is all aligned in the equal money system layout by Desteni.org and Bernard Poolman from which I share links below for further research for the you the reader, so the layout in common sense has been walked in this material. Though it is also suggested to support with community connection and your own expression to help be a plus one and support those who are interested and want to see a better world for all. This self can practically apply in our day to day life, working with the power of 10, where each being support 10 beings at least in your sphere of influence getting them on their path of self forgiveness and living words that are one and equal as life in what is best for all. 

Also, tools such as technotutor will be a foundational support to help speed up the learning process by purifying words and correcting misplaced words in the physical body, the natural learning ability is engage and supports the child/adult with direct memory access to reprogram the physical body to be more purified and direct with understanding ones world through the words one learns and integrates.  

-We don't require leaders and governments to dictate these things to us, where we align our lives to what people say to us as presidents as a master/slave dynamic, based on the way the current capitalistic money is set up, some win and many loss, and that is seen as normal and ok as a byproduct of the world we live in. This is how it is? really, it does not have to be, we can change it, though understand its not a easy or quick process as the desteni material exemplifies, but it is doable and structured to support all who dare to care and walk their process. 

-We can come together as self leaders as equals and realize that through all as standing in self responsibility and self-forgiveness, as a one group as the human race, we can change the world. We do it with products such as the apple iphone, we can indeed do it with the way our world is currently existing, it takes an understanding and realization that its not an overnight quick fix, but it is a individual and collective journey of agreement to get this done. To eventually as we change, bring through a world and money system that supports all life equally. We will eventually be forced to it by life through hardship and struggle if we don't actively start changing and making this world a place where all can live. I found its from realizing that we can in fact expand, grow, and be a being that supports a new way of living, equal money system is the structure and guideline to support this change throughout time and into the new world order of equality and oneness and what is best for all. 

It is all here, the earth provides for us unconditionally - as i have realized through the throws of the process of self forgiveness and facing my demons as we all will, it is worth it, we as a humanity and life here are worth it, it is possible, we must stand together and find the will of self forgive and create a new system that is best for all. Mistakes and falls will happen, though that is what self forgiveness is for, only self can forgive self, and the material at desteni specifically supports with understanding the mind consciousness system, a interdimensional system within our physical controlling and surviving off of us like a parasite, this has actually become self. So self is rebirthing to and as life, who we have always been in our essence, life is always here, it's in our breath in the physical. 

 

Some numbers of what it'll take to support all, not much, as an example the USA military budget is 1 trillion per year as budgetted in 2025, we can support all life with that for sure in one year, and that is just one countries military budget.Its not about the money or enough resources, its about who is self, we create here, we decide as self decide. 

Self Forgiveness on the need for more/self interest to support myself in self honesty and self responsibility: 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe i am not able to see common sense. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i am not able to calculate what is simple and basic within the one plus one equation to ensure all are supported in this world and reality in the best way possible as i would like to be supported, the one plus one equation.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that each man on this planet is equal and one in the way of life, who i am within myself, we require the same substance and come from the same substance, we are equals and i as self am everything that exist, the others are simply different forms.  

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to want to become better, more, stronger, to gain more money, more fame, more prestige, and in this have more status over others as ego, as the mind that seeks the self interest of me going into indulgence rather then keeping it simple, keeping it balanced, and best for all life which is what is real and what is actually creating this reality. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear taking self responsibility for all of what is here, the good, bad and ugly of the suffering of this world as i fear the pain i have inflicted and caused in my ignorance. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become weak and fearful in the face of my own creations and indulgences as i have desired to be the best and be the winner, get my needs and desires fulfilled as being at the top, instead of realizing that what is best is not me alone, but a world system where all life is cared for and in this all life is safe, secure, and in real joy as life is free from suffering and consequences and this is what i want for myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame my brothers and sisters, not seeing, realizing, and understanding i require not to blame and become emotional, but forgive myself and take self responsibility to correct myself in this that i point fingers at, as i realize i am equally existing in the same system of abuse, and so i correct and stand as the solution as forgiveness and self responsibility to ensure an equal money system is created. I see, realize, and understand that it will require patience and steadfast as myself as we support myself and others to stand and get this living system that is best for all created and so they can support themselves and their plus one as the solution grows and expands as life in what is best for all as the equality of all life lived. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to put my self interest over the interest of all as i see this make no sense and only harms myself and all in the end, and thus i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create and perpetuate harm and abuse instead of forgiving it, standing the correction as myself, and create a system as i create who i am in what is best for all life, equal and one. 

I commit myself to use the common sense equation of one plus one to ensure each one that is here is cared for with all the needs that are required as a dignity life equal and one to how self would like and require in a world that is best for all, through the principles of what is best for all and equality and oneness as self live and prove it real as it then will become physical as an equality system for all. 

I commit myself to push and persevere as i forgive the evil of myself and correct myself as the system i live within as i support myself and others to see the equal and one principles of all life and see this through until it is a living system we all can enjoy and stand within.

I commit myself to forgive myself and stand in the shoes of others and find solutions that is best for all.

I commit myself to support implementing an equal money system so life can stop being abused and harmed and we can all flourish as earth and life give freely and unconditionally as our true nature allows self fulfillment through the fulfillment of what is best for all in purity and real innocence as the sense/source of the beingness of all is understood in equality and oneness and lived and proven in the physical world as the implementation and realization of an equal money system which is one and equal and what is best for all life lived, this a gift of self forgiveness as the human transcend self's mind and become life here as breathe always in what is best for all the true free choice. 

Equal Life self support links to check out if you are interested:

http://www.desteni.org
http://www.lite.desteniiprocess.com
Bernard Poolman - What the FAQ - Equal Money System « EQAFE
(5) Self-Perfected | Facebook
http://www.techno-tutor.com
Equal Money Wiki - YouTube

equal money system,common sense,harm,earth,war,government,elite,money system,gaza,israel,desteni,jesus,bernard poolman, equal life, equal life party, tree of evil, tree of life, desteniiprocess, eqafe, youtube, equality and oneness, what is best, physical reality, freedom

Day 23 - Equal Money System & Desteni I Process - Solutions for a world that is best for all - 1 of 30

 Equal Money System and Desteni I Process - New World Best for All 1 of 30

my video - please click the link above

Starting a new series to support myself to stay consistent and disciplined, as well as supporting with sharing and giving to others insight that have I have realized over my many years of walking self honesty, self forgiveness, and the ups and downs with this. This always to bring it back to the support of what is best for all beings. I want to spread awareness in support of everyone to understand solutions are here, it takes self honesty and common sense, enjoy.

http://www.desteni.org

http://www.lite.desteniiprocess.com

Bernard Poolman - What the FAQ - Equal Money System « EQAFE

(5) Self-Perfected | Facebook

http://www.techno-tutor.com

Equal Money Wiki - YouTube

Day 22 - Sleeping for rest or for mind upgardes - i always decide

 

I have been sleeping more and more lately where i been getting up right when i need to leave, which i would like to get some things done before i leave, i see that when i first wake up, my mind is the most active, making it's way to my awareness and pulling me into itself as my self as i start participating in fears of what if. The discipline and self movement in the morning first waking up will set the day up either in more suppression and struggle or self directive will as an expression of creating myself in what is best for me and so all. Its an act of being productive through self movement, a physical get up and go and moving forward, considering my body and all my cells as myself, and in this the understanding that life is not limited in the expression of what self can do and live, there is many potentials of expression each moment. So start with the small as practically there is a limitation of what i can physically do so common sense is needed every moment, and so i practice and live this as what i can do in my day to day and in this it strengthens and builds over time. 

So after sleeping when i open my eyes, i am seeing that there is these fears of dreading the day, what i will face, and if anything uncertain will happen. I find the fears of worst case scenarios will flood my mind and in this i will become weakened in my breathing and in my letting go, i will fall into emotions and start going into self judgments and points that i myself have no control over and do not have full context. Also i have too many things i want to get done so i become unmotivated to do anything because again the belief that its too much or i don't know where to start, all just distractions really and keep me stuck in the past and in thoughts and literally in myself/my bed/physical reality. 

The understanding is to get out of the mind through breathing and letting go of the thoughts, literally let them go, if they continue without the ability to direct, going to writing is suggested to sort out what ever is repeating in ones thoughts/memories, through self investigation and self forgiveness self can flesh it out and figure out how to correct it. It takes a lot of practice, so don't give up as the mind will push this on self often, its desire is energy and not what is best for all life, so self has to take the directive pricniple back and see how to live it for self. That is the beauty of the writing and speaking self forgiveness to understand how to correct self and where, usually self knows cause it's common sense but it will be worked through as one sticks with these tools. I have not yet applied myself satisfactory in this point of letting go and walking as breath, in and out, feeling the breath feed my physical body as i as my physical embrace it and release it back to myself as the earth to them take it in and give it back for me to take in, but i see the point and i am committed to live this as myself until it is done. In essence i am seeing that it's a giving to myself as all here as i do for me i do for others and vise versa as all is one and equal. I am finding to not hold onto to anything, let it go, purify with self forgiveness and recreate self here alwasy in living principles until they are natural, they are self, who you really are, i have separated myself from life for a bit and now i am walking back to life fully, i never was fully lost, but i am actually a whole being as life, no need for separation, we are all one as the same yet equal as beings in living expression. A fascinating real-i-zation indeed and in sound. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to in the morning wake up with the belief that i am doomed for the rest of the day/my life and i have no control over the destruction of what is going to happen based on the thoughts that are coming up as in the world is scary, people are not trustworthy, the world is going to end, we are going to not make it. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself for the state of the badness of the world.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for the state of this world and go into anger in myself when i wake up about how messed up everything is.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to go into worst case scenarios within and as me where i am seeing the bad only and not the expression and potentials that exist in each moment as we are here and living in this world.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the what ifs of this reality where life could be this way or could be that way, instead of working with what is here as myself and my self honesty where i stand within a point of self introspection and self forgiveness and let go and move forward. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the past recreating preprogrammed moments of memory that exist here in the present moment that is here and so recreate myself as mind as memory instead of living here and creating myself as life in what is best for all as common sense.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to try and figure things out with my mind instead of letting it go and seeing how life plays out and in this direct in the moment in the principles of life in what is best and doing unto another as how i'd like done onto me and in this live this as myself in the physical not in the mind as thought automation. 

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the memories and the past because it feels comfortable and safe as i know what to expect and don't need to really push myself beyond my boundaries.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to push myself beyond my boundaries and not stand within a point of life giving and standing within what is best to the best of my ability.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to sleep past my commitment time and not wake up due to the belief of being tired when i see i have gotten rest and i am only participating in my mind as thoughts and memories and thus allowing the mind as emotions/thoughts and feelings take over instead of self directing me here.

I commit myself to let go of the judgment and blame of myself and others, i forgive myself and live in a way of breathing and creating my day.

I commit myself to create my morning with walking up at 6am doing some writing and drinking coffee, along with exercise and prepping for the day.

I commit myself to walk up on my alarm and not stay in bed to rest. 

I commit myself to let go of the thoughts of i am tired as i see i am life and life is not tired and doesn't require to sleep but the body as the physical as me requires rest.

I commit myself to let go of fear and take responsibility for myself and share myself to support others as how i'd like to be supported.

When and as i see i want to go into thoughts and become lazy as automation, i stop and breath, i remain in breath and create myself in a way that is best for all in this moment, i will write when i am not clear and do self forgiveness until i am clear. 

I commit myself to live and do my best and bring and give this to others as a gift i can give and would like to receive as the best living potential for us all. 

more at:

desteni.org

lite.desteni.org

Process Support - Lost in automation in day to day life - Day 21

Some support on how i am walking my desteni i process after living some consequential outflows of dishonesty and the importance of not only taking the knowledge in but applying the tools, to not end in a too late ness that i have found myself in the last few years. Realizing this process is serious, not a point to take as a half measure as its relating to everything that exist including self and self is responsible. Hope this helps and prevents moments of potential compromise. Any feedback please share. Thanks for listening. 

More support at - 

lwww.lite.desteniiprocess.com 

wiki.desteni.org 

equal money system- a system to bring heaven here through oneness and equality - link here - https://web.archive.org/web/201102110...

Back chat of winning, spite, and reflection of self dishonesty through Annoyance - Day 20

 Hi, I am working through my mind after a significant 'fall' where i had to face some reality consequences that made me realize the requirement of movement that is needed in the process from birthing from the energy of the mind reality as illusion into and as the living reality as self creation through living/action in words as self forgiveness and self correction - for more on some insight into this point and where it came through check out this chat - 1. Saturday 19th May 2012 - Desteni Forum 

When I am annoyed I see that i have some memories in me, mainly toward my sister whom i work with and spend a lot of time with, we are in a setting that is fast paced and i am her manager, so in this environment there are certain common sense expectations that are required. But for me i see my memories are of backchat of becoming angry that she is not listening to my 'direction' and not following the 'rules'. I have justified this anger/annoyance within a point of self righteousness and believing i am stronger and better at my job then her, which in turn in my mind as backchat make me think that i am thus able to bully her to a point where it makes her move quicker, do what i want, so this point of belief 'i am better at my job, she is so slow', creates in me my self justification to push her outside of proper guidelines and limitations and make it emotional where one is wrong/bad and the other is right/better. 

This cause in her an imbalance in the work day without a clear direction of her environment directives, but she is more on guard and thus more in her mind, self compromise, based on the bi-polar nature of myself becoming annoyed/emotional when a mistake is made or point not understood in its best potential. This stems from my ego, believing that cause i am at this skill of being on task and timely to a degree of efficiency for the office setting, i am thus able to diminish another who can't keep up.

This does not say anything about either one in terms of self definition and self creation, but it does say within me that i am being spiteful and evil in my interactions with another in my environment who is my equal, is me in another life, and thus is what should be valued before anything else, the equality and oneness of each one. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see person x as a being that i can bully and push around cause i am stronger and thus able to as the capabilities are at my advantage and i am more able to stay stable, and thus i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the backchat that this being is weak and thus able to be pushed to extremes due to my desire to be right/get my creation in place thus control the outcome and creating a way where i get what i want.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to go into a point of self righteousness where i allow and accept thoughts as 'i am so much stronger and smarter then her' 'she is so dump' 'she is so slow' 'she is losing us money' 'she doesn't listen to me' 'she is trying to ruin my leadership abilities and direction' and 'i can't stand her, she doesn't obey'. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become annoyed at another for there life and living reality in this moment equal and one to me as this moment.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge the other where in i see the other as my enemy/competition, instead of seeing it as me and that i require to walk in the others shoes to find out where and how can i support them equal to how i would want to be supported and live in a way that is best for all. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i am within and as a point of self defeat when another in my reality doesn't walk my expectation and so i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to control and force another into my will and direction in a way of force and degrading.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe myself to be better/stronger cause within my backchat i am speaking things that are not real, and are harmful which is evil, which is not best for all life my commitment and principle of living this life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to instead of standing as an equal to the other and supporting them to be the best they can be, i stand as a point of harm and degrading where i am gaining superiority over her and feeling more powerful and in control through the feeling of success and victory when in reality i am destroying and diminishing something i would not do to myself and not want done unto me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace the other as myself and understand within the interaction what can we do to support each other within a point of self care and self support where both the environments are made to bring through the best for each other and what make practical common sense to allow both the opportunity to become stable and get the work done that needs done in a timely way.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the backchat of judgment thoughts toward other and self glorifying thoughts toward myself for being strong. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed my ego as self interest be my driving force in the work place towards others instead of sitting in there shoes and finding solutions that will ensure all are cared for and all have the ability to be the best the can for the position they are in where things are clear and understood to the best of my ability to get it lived out into completion.

I commit myself to live the words self discipline within stopping my back chat about winning and being better, breathing, and not allowing thoughts of judgment or any thoughts of harm. 

I commit myself to flag point annoyance when or if it comes up showing to myself that i have fallen in self interest and trying to win.

I commit myself to recognize that i am going into ego as a point of self righteousness self glorification, because i am not in control of myself and feel inferior.

I commit myself to embrace the other as myself with love, care, gentleness, and clear direction of common sense as i would myself. I commit myself to use breathing and releasing the energy through physical activity and breathing to no longer direct myself with energy as mind in thoughts and shooting/harm/self glorification, but real living that is an equal and one support for all as i'd like for myself. 

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Day 20 - Spitefulness - Wanting to be a portal/special

AI Image creator

Here i had a significant and greatly impactful moment where i was told that i was going to be a portal, I understand now that this was a test by life to see who i would be, for so long i believed my self to be good, to be righteous, to have integrity, to be brave, to be courageous, to be special, everything that makes someone feel wholesome and good about oneself. But as reality and the physical world/life dictates, the proof is in the living, the existing, the creating in each moment. I did not realize nor see at the time the significance of a thought and the accumulation power of thinking because in the moment it seems so light, it seems harmless, the small thoughts of 'it would be so cool to have access to the afterlife like the portal does', 'it would be so awesome if i was seen being like the portal/jesus/bernard', it would be so wonderful if i could give to this world solutions and be part of the solution in a grand and big way, in the background desiring this, wanting it, thinking more and more on these types of thoughts where eventually life said ok who are you? I fall. 

Where eventually these thoughts become real, the points manifest where i become obsessed about portal/afterlife and understanding this for myself, where the line of doing what is best for all and getting my wants/needs/desire met are blurred in a most serious way as totting the line with life and the impacts that has been set forth by those that stand the test of time and stand for life through. No judgment of self or another i realize as well all face this and fall, thought the falling causes consequences and is harmful if not fufilling living in the shoes of another and doing what is best for all. This beliefs and ideas of such a big impact having an effect on me greatly where no longer was clear about what was manifesting, losing track of myself within the actual practical tools/support for myself and this happened swiftly without much notice until it was in my face, and where i could no longer contain it, and so my fall manifested physically. Innocence lost, in this while the desires are being chased and yearned for, wanting so much something 'positive' to come out of this, it goes the opposite and the suffering grows. And this is all that occurs when in a fall and not being self honest/getting stable because i no longer am able to create myself as life, one and equal. I am creating from a point of chaos, separate from my reality losing my integrity and sense of self pride in the process. And i ask myself do i have to fall and crash and suffer a lot myself to realize that this was never the point, it is not about self being anything, its about all life, its about being here no matter what and doing what is best for all, its about all and everything and taking self responsibility for it all and finding solutions. The point was never about being something, or becoming something, but being here, breathing, and self living in what is best for all practically so all can live. 

I could cry a million tears, i could scream at the top of my lungs forever, i could rip my body into shreds, these are the feelings and emotions that have come through in realizing the stupidity and abomination of such thoughts and actions lived when I don't do what is best for all and in reality create impact as trauma and group trauma. I look and bring into myself the living purity i can access at times within others and thus within myself, and it pains me that i am no longer equal and one to this, though i am. The grace of life is that it is pure, it never ends, it is always here a a foundation for all. When self harm it will cause you to go to the brink of insanity as the separation of self as an acceptance and allowance as the thoughts indicate and will prove will become real for self. But each one is different, each one face their own cross to bear, and each one must walk the process of self forgiveness and living change to see this world of suffering change, i realized its not about me, its about everyone and there is much more responsibility then i think. It's just that simple, no excuses, i do want to make many, i want to get out of this, i want to be free, but realize i have a responsibility to myself and all life to make it happen, i am the solution, i am the cure. 

There is no forgiveness but self forgiveness, so i have to continue forward, i have to forgive myself, i have to find the innocence that is here, but this has to be proven through living action, that i actually care, that i actually understand the magnitude of shit i as all life is facing, there is solutions, they are in supporting self with self forgiveness and being self honest. Its a process and its best if done through writing/self investigation and forgiveness of self, i found this is the only way to get through, prove to self as life that self care, be self honest, and never give up until its done. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to go into a form of self righteousness where i thought that i was practically equal to the portal as the walk and scope of processing that took place from the being that actually proved and lived it, Bernard and Sunette.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to go into a reaction of judgment cause i desired this seeing myself as a loser, low, inferior, and in a state of being pathetic as i want something that is only actually real if lived and proven/expressed as an actual expression of self with evidence in the physical that'll be undeniable and testable and will stand. And i see, realize, and understand that the fact that i desire this and create reactions toward others, i am not this as this is not life/expression of life as a true representation as what the portal proved and lived along with Bernard.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to in my inferiority become spiteful that i can not be a portal, i can not be special as in have a significant point of support in the mission of bringing solutions to this world, and in this missing myself as the solution as life here in the physical.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become spiteful within the desire to be special, and in this allow and accept jealousy onto the portal and those who have special access believing that this would be so enjoyable and fascinating to have access to, not seeing, and being self honest of the fact of the responsibility that goes with such power, and the magnitude of difficult situations faced without a real clue of what taking on the mind and standing through it all is all about at this time when it has been proven and tested through time.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe i had a great mission this life, and so following points and people rather then trust my inner guidance and self movement in self trust due to not trusting myself not being self honest that then i am not this point of solution but still needing to process myself and prove that i am real/life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become angry toward the portal when they no longer aligned with my thoughts as walking a specific mission of me being a special being on this mission to bring a new way of living into this reality instead of seeing realizing and understanding i was actually the one creating this in my own mind, and the disconnect as my reality in conflict was showing me to myself my own self delusion and self dishonesty. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame the portal for the experience of shame and regret i went through when i finally came to and realized i was not walking what was best for all but creating more consequence in my head and self and world within the belief that i was being directed by them, when all the while i was being direct by my own mind, my own illusions, my own demons as the beliefs and ideas that i was creating the path to being a portal and one day being able to bring this way of living to others. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be special and not stand in to eternity as life and see it through in self forgiveness and living change but letting go of specialness and in humbleness doing what is best for all.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to bring a new way into the world that is special to me making the solution to the world about me rather then actually bringing a solution to the world that will bring about a world that is best that i can see is in dire need of it as so many suffering in silence and needlessness but for greed and selfishness.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become selfish and rotten within where i seek out my own self satisfaction as pleasure within the thoughts of being grandeur or self pleasure indulging in the nectars and sweetness to a point of drunkenness of this earth and so become intoxicated with the spirit of greed, emotion, and harm where not only i suffer but everyone does to some degree or another because i am the other and i am harming myself, but all as one and equal we have to endure this until the solution for real as self is put in place where the weakness will in henrit the earth and much pain will come.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be in such a state of disrespect for life and disgrace of myself when i see, realize, and understand life as a gift was given unconditionally and without want and i destroy it without care until its too much. 

I commit myself to stop the disrespect and disgrace of myself so i can in time stand and give this respect and grace to life as those who are here, not wanting  or have need but give and so i can then receive.

I commit myself to stop all and any thought within and as my physical and breathe, let go, and move into the simple of life, the day to day, moment to moment, allowing the forgiveness of self to be lived out so self change can be en-joyed and thus bring this peace to others as i have done for myself first.

I commit myself to stop all self indulgences in all it's forms and realize selfishness causes harm, and this is deliberate, i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be deliberate in my desires to be special and harm this reality with my greed where babies die and mothers cry.

I commit myself to end my self ego and separation through breath by breath stopping myself as the thoughts that say i can't do it, i am doomed, i have no worth.

I commit myself to in these moments see my worth, see the worth of all life as i realize all in some way or another are innocent and going through this hell, but i see, realize, and understand it must be done until all this stop as suffering as this is not life.

I commit myself to set daily goals to wake up in a point of purpose where i get moving and stop the thinking of harm and dread, moving into self change and physical movement to ensure that i am remaining focused on what is here.

I commit myself to practice the 4 count breath, and keep at it until it flows naturally.

I commit myself to stop anger and blame towards others and take self responsibility for my actions by changing my behavior to be better.

I commit myself to stop comparison and so stop jealousy, accepting myself for who i am and what my potential is and so accepting others as they are living as the solution letting go of needing it from others.

I commit myself to stop following others and live my self trust, checking within before i speak and act. 

I commit myself to stop desires and self indulgences and become more creative to fill up my time with art, reading, or being active.

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Day 19 - Spitefulness - Wanting things for free

Image by Marlen Vargas Del Razo

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I had a significant moment in my process, actually two, where i got something for free and i desired to keep getting that point for free due to the logic that i deserve it because ..... there is not much within the looking at my reason to why i deserve something for free when in fact it cost money to produce, money equal time, labor, blood, sweat, and agony at times for others. SO why should i get something for free when others have to spend time/energy/resources essentially themselves to produce it, input in and input out, so there is a balance that must occur within all points of the physical. When self/some/all take and take and do not give back, there becomes an imbalance and in imbalance there is suffering, what is best is best within a point of equality and the oneness that we are all the same, from the same source, life that which creates what is here. 

So as been said we are creating as we are life, and thus we produce, but what i have been allowing and accepting is the spite, the spite of my mind consciousness desiring more and to have it 'easier' as i don't have to give my time/effort to earn that money to get that product, i can get it for 'free'! But as i have discussed it never is really for free, there is always a price that is paid, one that either supports life or harms it. Each have a consequence and only one supports self in one's and everyone's best potential. Why would self not want to support all life in a way that end suffering? I can't understand at times how i allow such obvious and deliberate spite and abuse, where i make such dumb and quick decisions due to being addicted to the experience, the rush of energy, the thrill, but again not considering the consequence. 

This decision in spite, the one i made a long time ago, where i wanted something for free, it cost me a lot as i look back in that moment of seeking the mind/spite, and so i did not buy it which would have help many people/families/children, but due to spite i did not buy it cause i didn't get it for free. Missing an opportunity to live a prosperous and fruitful life for myself and many others that i could see, but what did i decide, what came first, my desires, my wants, my experience, my mind, my mine, my precious, my money, and so what did i miss, life, the physical, the others building and creating WITH me, myself as an equal as life, and i understand this is not the way i would like to live. 

I forgive myself for the misstep i took back in that time, not considering the actual physical that goes into creating life, many parts and many points of physical labor and movement, and when done in a willingness of what is best for all, magic happens/life in its limitless forms is birthed, the best we have to offer, but i understand i must forgive myself for my past/harms and rebirth and breathe and live what is best when i come to this point again in my journey. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have things for free in a spiteful way where i understand it's to only benefit my own pocket and have more then what is actually my equal share as a point of exchange one a product the other the ability to prosper with money. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to move into a point of spitefulness accepting and allowing harm unto another deliberately with the belief that i deserve it, i am saying then i am superior to that other, i am special, when i see, realize, and understand that is an idea do not physical fact as we all are actually here creating as our physical labor in our own capacity and expression, and thus we all deserve life as what is best in equal exchange where all benefit.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see myself as an equal but in separation as specialness and superiority, showing i am not this as i am not standing in what is actual fact that we are all here, all have our own unique expression that is part of what makes us life as the limitless expressions that exist, and that we all require and need what is giving us at this time the ability to live, equal exchange for our services as the ability to live which is at this time money.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define freedom as a way to get out of doing what is best for all, I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to justify harming another through the mind as beliefs as i deserve it and i am thus more special then the other cause i am more experienced or given it freely in the past, when i see realize and understand that circumstances change and what is real here is what matters, i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to exist in the past and define myself by the past as knowledge instead of understanding the principles of what i am living as doing what is best for all and supporting all as i would like to be supported. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that in the society of living beings where all are equally exchange in a way of what is best for all, freedom will emerge as a natural outflow of a world that is best for all life, where suffering ends, and life is in balance and thus freedom will be a living expression the way in which it was meant to be lived.

I commit myself to stop the ideas and beliefs i deserve something that not considers all life one and equal.

I commit myself to not stop and let go of my ego as desires to get something for free so i don't have to work as hard, when i see realize and understand this is harmful and is a miscalculation of the physical reality and what is best for all life.

I commit myself to stand in the shoes of the other and do my best to stand the principle of balance giving as i'd like to receive. 

I commit myself to walk the path of not giving up on myself and all until an equality system in what is best for all is here as the physical reality and freedom is lived as an expression of myself. 

I commit myself to understand that life is not free but is at a cost, where it is being expressed within a physical action of others as me equal and one and the balance of equality in what is best has to be given back, as i'd like if i was in there shoes. 

Support on principled living -

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Anger towards parents Sf - Day 18

 Anger towards my parents 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become angry at my parents for having me and in this I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame my parents for the decisions i have made in my life causing me to have hardship and failure, relieving stress and pain through blame and anger as energy releases through this blame and anger, but i see, realize, and understand it does not stop the anger/blame and thus conflict, but only perpetuates it.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately blame and become angry at my parents because they brought me in this world and so in this i become spiteful toward them because i myself do not want to take responsibility for the messes in my life i have created and so say things like 'i wish you did not have me' to my parents where i want them to suffer as i believe i have for them bringing me into this world. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame and so abdicate my responsibility for the choices and decisions i made to get me into a point of pain where i myself see, realize, and understand brought me to this point, and that i can not blame others outside myself as i understand i am the one walking my own life, i am the one making the decisions and have the self power to do what is self honest in the moment or not.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to praise my parents when it suits me to where i feel empowered based on ego desires that are giving me a sense of accomplishment or pride based on family/parent accomplishments, where in a  desire to be seen in a positive light and o see my parents/family in a positive light as this makes me feel worthy/important and thus i receive the energy of goodness without having to actually create it as myself where i actually live in a way that is worthy of life and prideful in myself for walking the self honest path that is best for all.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to in this anger and blame move into hate where i grow a form of hatred toward my parents for not securing my path in this world and guaranteeing success, when i see, realize, and understand practically my parents did the best they could with what they had and what they new of in the space and time they were in.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see my parents as the reason for my flaws/failures instead of taking responsibility for these failures/flaws and working with changing them, processing them in practical self change to make them become stronger as this is practically what can be done with what is here and that my parents are not able to change anything for me, i realize, see, and understand i can only change these points of weaknesses myself. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge my parents for their flaws/failures and see them as less then others/me based on these points, and i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge my parents where i see them as the root of my failure as i came from them instead of recognize the gift i was given in this life as life and what they did to keep me alive, and secure to have a life and have the ability to walk my process and opportunity to create here.

When and as i see myself going into the desire to think thought patterns about how i am disturbed by my parents, i stop and breath, and go into humbleness and gratefulness for them doing their best with what they had and giving me what they could for me to have a secure platform to live my life from and create with opportunity. I commit myself to stop going into thoughts about my parents, breathe, and live the word self responsibility and self movement where i start moving myself physically to make my flaws such as addictions into self discipline and become stronger in these.

I commit myself to stop judging my parents and stand in their shoes to see where they are at, and support them to be there best self as how i would like if i was in their shoes, i commit myself to see my parents as equals, and walk in oneness as i correct myself first and stop abdicating my responsibility to energy and the mind. I commit myself to live the word humbleness as i see i am also flawed and have weaknesses like all, and so i am an equal as i also am not perfect, thus i work with my own self perfection as one and equal as all life. 

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Day 17 - Illusion is Self

I have for many years not realized the power of illusion, this is not as i write a justification for accepting and allowing myself to be in an illusion, it's more understanding it now from a perspective where I have actually lived many out and realized after the fact of consequences playing out that I did not necessarily want to create, but due to the illusion i was in, I created it. An illusion is something that is seemingly real, but is not. Reality being that which exist and is consistent over time and testing, becomes fact or truth. 

Definitions:

• Illusion: An appearance or perception that is not aligned with objective reality. It is often shaped by misinterpretations, assumptions, or desires, leading to a distorted or imagined understanding of the world. Illusions can arise from internal factors (e.g., beliefs, emotions) or external stimuli that are misleading.

• Reality: The state of things as they objectively exist, independent of perception or interpretation. Reality is governed by facts, physical laws, and truths that are consistent regardless of individual viewpoints.

So for me, I was so embedded in the mind consciousness system which operates from the thinking processes, beliefs, emotions and feelings, I did not consider the reality of what it is I was participating in and creating. This is what i have created as a point of deception within everything that I have accepted myself to be, illusion - something not real, based on self desires/percpetions/thinking, and in this not aligned with actual reality, what is in fact real and going in, this is a big problem cause i am a creator in this reality, I am creating what is here. This is not a judgment or an exaggeration, but for me a realization and fact to be true, everything in an illusion is being created in the physical and becuase it's not based on reality, one is creating fuckedness, not best for all, where many suffer to great extents. This i also found is done in selfishness and also lack of awareness, not fully understanding, but there is a point of innocence and also self honesty when it's being used as an escape and excuse. 

I was not always able to see at times the obvious reality of what i was participating in, but often through the addiction i snap out of it and realize of shit, I am in reality and this is not what is actually happening, this illusion is a fake. In the illusion, thoughts come such as 'oh, it's not that bad', 'i am not harming anyone, it's just for a moment to feel good' (red flag!), 'everyone is doing it', 'i have no effect' and the thoughts continue. They don't start off intense or intrusive, but as i participate in such thoughts, it grows and expands, and the mind consciousness system multiplies within self is a being and alive and aware, and thus is expanding itself for survival, just as we as humans are doing, trying to survive and in this cope. 

Coping is not living, so the point of illusion is an important point to take notice of I have found, where is it that one is allowing the points of thinking, building on stories in one's mind, and not cross-referencing it, not investigating it due to justification (also part of self as mind consciousness), justifications of 'this is what i am seeing as best', 'this is how it is', 'this person said it was ok', but these are thoughts one is thinking, not cross-referencing it in reality if it is actually true and best for all life. I found I was abdicating responsibility, which i do like spreading butter, so easily, it comes so naturally, but the implications and consequences of this sort of illusionary living in my individual realities and realities as a whole is dire. 

We see these dire circumstances in our realities where most of the world is living in undignified living conditions, every 5 minutes a child is raped, animals are being slaughtered and abused extensively to extinction, I mean, the understanding for myself that I am actually directly responsible and participating in such atrocities that no being ever would like to live in nor create, is unfathomable, but true, self is part of this creation. This is a daunting task to realize as it requires self will to keep moving forward after the realization of such pain and horror being inflicted on life beings equal and one to myself, and the only difference between us in this world is that i have money to secure my point in this world, where many don't. 

An @equalmoneysystem will end such abuse overnight, this based on reality, not illusion, what is needed and what is best for all through the currents and medium as money in this world, money being our god, but doesn't have to be, it can be a vehicle for life, where all life is cared for and equalized for love to be lived for real and for all. So I am not blaming or pointing fingers, but making a note on the reality of what i within myself have been facing these last few years specifically and the reality of what we are seeing in our world, not peace, not love for all, and not safety for all, where it's getting more uncertain, dire, and intense for so many. 

Identifying and using self forgiveness to release the illusion and come to the senses of what is best for all life is a step forward in ending the suffering for life, and birthing through self as individuals each walk their point to a 'new' world where life is available for all and exemplifies within all's living, a great world for all and one i would enjoy equally. 

Self Forgiveness

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be blinded by my desire to stay in an illusion because it is easier for the moment then facing the reality of myself as what i have created as fucked up circumstances through my direct participation in this world and the equal and one connection to the all on this earth by my thoughts, words, and actions.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to seek my own self satisfaction in my world as my self when i see, realize, and understand in great degree that what i was participating in was not best and thus in that accepting and allowing the suffering and ills of this world to proliferate.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be selfish in the face of suffering in this world and reality by going into my illusions as fantasies and not considering the reality i was missing right here cause i was not able to see, blinded by the light/love of my desires fulfilled in the illusion i was playing within in my mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to escape my life and circumstances within illusion instead of working with the moment and standing up within the moment, taking self responsibility, and stopping, using self forgiveness and living change so life can emerge within and as this world.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fall time and time again to fear as illusion where i see that i am actually resisting facing myself and the points of self deception i myself have participated in and allowed to continue.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe illusion is too hard to stop, when i see, realize, and understand its within working with common sense and what is factually happening in this reality through time and testing to see if it stands stable.

I commit myself to stop illusions by investigating them as they come up in sound or writing with self forgiveness and finding the reality based solutions that can be implemented in my reality to help build my life in truth and fact rather then lies and falseness as the illusions i am making up.

I commit myself to stop using illusion as thinking to define my world, and work with simple math and what is here in the moment as breath, working moment to moment in common sense and what factually will build a world that is best for all.

I commit myself to stop self interest introspection and push my self to look at what is best for all as life one and equal and live this in the moments that illusion wants to pop up and direct me. 

Illusion is a distraction that is deadly and cause much suffering, self does not need illusions to live, the mind does. Self is the mind and also self is the illusion, self is also the solution always, I am working to be more reality based here in the moment as breath and do what is best for all life as best i can assess through my own illusions and working with the life tools, breathe, self forgiveness, and self change, stopping fear to be here and do what is best for all. 

Thanks for reading. 

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Day 16 - Commitment Phobia

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I realized recently that one of my major self sabotage point has been fearing commitments, whenever I get into a commitment with someone or something I do not last long, I get to a point where i put myself in a dire decision, and in the extreme nature of the decision that i have to make - go left or go right, I find i have been doing it in haste, in fear, within my mind, causing lots of regret later on in life and shame, and more fear. I am in a way feel delinquent in making a decision that is practical and can be best for all, so more a self judgment of not being good enough or capable, This I am seeing based on the manner in which i make decisions, where i can do it in the moment, spontaneous, but it is not my real spontaneous decision as everything in this reality is preprogrammed not for what is best but for enslavement. 

The moments one is real to direct self is when one self investigate, walk self honesty and self forgiveness, commit to living change of self that is of living substance that supports life growth, and in this walk what is best for all as in living the commitment of change for oneself until it's done. The decision being one that was self investigated in self honesyt, self forgiven to understand the flaws, and researched and understood in the fact checking, pros and cons, and living the understanding that is best. 

So it's a point of self change and self discipline, principled standing within the physical actions it takes to actually walk such a deep dive into self and a decision for instance that has to be made. This will require dedication and perseverance cause the mind/reality is not easy, it takes a point of grit but it's here as self responsibility and must be done. 

Self Forgiveness

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear i am gong to make the wrong decision, i see, realize, and understand there is no wrong decision and what is here is what one create as ones thoughts, words, and deeds, thus i see, and I commit to standing in my shoes and all others and creating a decision for myself that is best for all the best i can understand by living the process to understand all facets and facts of the decision I am about to make. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to go into a form of self harm where i feel as if i do not have the ability or understanding to make a decision in my life that is best for all and will support life in it's fullest expression based on carrying my past here and seeing on all the rotten decisions i have made in specific moments in my life. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and not forgive myself fully for the past mistakes as actions done in the physical where i did not chose a path of best for all living, and in this create a point of self abuse and harm to see myself less then others and inferior and i can never stand as an equal.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as not equal and a lesser version of life who doesn't have any real worth and doesn't really need to exist/be here cause i will just continue to make the wrong decision and harm abuse life/myself. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand the decisions made where based on not slowing down and walking the timelines within self investigation and self commitment to understand the ins and outs and fine tune the information so i can gather the facts and make an informed decision, but based on impatience i move in a way of self compromise which causes my life to be compromised and chaotic as it's not stable nor predictable but done in the moment. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to decide that i am going to live impatience and not actually walk the step by step it takes which creates my life to be stable, but continue this, which is self abdication of responsibility to make a decision in a patient manner best one can as this is best for all and common sense.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed laziness within decision making where i don't slow down, but rush cause i allow the energy of it's too much pressure, it's too much to understand, i don't know, and the energy built up of these thoughts as pressure and tightness in my chest and into my head, where i feel like i have to just do it, not seeing, realizing, and understanding that i can breathe through the energy, releasing it, and finding the solutions within the slowing down and self investigation, writing/sounding self forgiveness, and change. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become lazy and complacent in my responsibility to be my highest potential this life, and in this expect too much and so built up energy.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become robotic and just have my mind blurt out the decision in the moment and live with the consequences of the chaos that'll ensue as i did not walk the self responsibility to under-stand what it is i am deciding on and will direct my life with.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give into the mind in the hast decisions and so not care in the outcome but me getting a fix of energy as a release of the pressure i allowed within the thinking thoughts, and in desire relaxing instead of walking the decision properly.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire a release rather then breathing through the energy and walking self forgiveness until i release the energy and direct it myself back to the earth, substance, my physical.

I see, realize, and understand i am responsible for myself and my actions and decisions.

I commit myself to as best i am able to take some time and space to write out a decision i am going to make, research ways to walk such a decision, and put it into writing and myself into it where i find the facts, and make an informed decision best i am able to when and as the moments arise and come up to do such a point.

I commit myself to stop judging myself for not living the best decision that i could have made. 

I commit myself to live the word patience which is to pay attention to my life and the life of all involved, and what is in fact best for all.

I commit myself to understand what is best for all within the actions and decisions i make and ultimately what is best for all life and will birth life within who i am as my life which will support in my outer life/world as well. 

Next blog on - relationship commitment fears.

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Self Help course to start the journey to life:
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Best for all life until it's done.

Day 15 - Self Harm as self abuse

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From since I can remember I have always had a point of seeing myself inferior to others specifically that i am not able to handle myself well with other people, I can never to me in my mind get to a point where i can actually just be stable, be humble, be here, though this a form of an idea/belief, equaling not real, cause i see i can breathe, i can be humble, i can be here in the here moment of myself, i can be present, I can stop my thoughts, my emotions, my feelings, so it is possible. I am in a point of again walking through resistances of, its the living of it, so when i don't walk the points of self support through walking through the resistance, walking the self forgiveness, and changing myself, this creates self judgment and in this self abuse where i believe and start to spiral into self defeat. 

This just causing more consequence, so it's in a way useless and harmful to all as self as it just takes longer to get through what is here as self's process of self change to align with what is best for all. We all will walk this process, its a matter of the process each one individually will go through based on one's self honesty and sticking to the life principles in one's living, which is common sense. Obviously the longer one takes, the more harm, and in this all have to wait and this creates more pain. Why? I ask myself this a lot, why am i doing this? why can't i stop here now? why can't i see the solutions when it's so obvious? what cause me to fall so much and so often? And I keep moving back to the basics, the application and self will, the more one stick to the basics and continue to change and do what is best for all, the stronger and so stable one will become in the face of what is here and what needs to be walked by self, and in this this is best for all, suffering ends/pain is released.

This is  a test this earth, and life is here, the innocence that exist within and as everything, it's here, yet also is our cross to bear and face our maker which is ourselves, not a pretty sight for myself but there is no point in getting emotional about it, best is to self forgive and keep walking the change that is best for all life. 

Self Forgiveness

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for mistakes and failures in my process where i have deliberately abused life and gone into reaction as anger where i did not consider the outflow of my actions and thus created myself in a de-maned state where life as myself and those around me became of pain and suffering and in this i take responsibility.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to the ills of life where i accept myself to go into nonsense where my life becomes about possessions and falling and failing instead of stopping this and letting go of the addictions to energy highs as if this is what life is.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for falling and failing in addictions in my life when i was to stop and stand, causing consequences i could not for see and were of harm to life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe i am weak as an emotional point of inferiority, instead of seeing that weakness in the body as physical is real, though it can always be adjusted and aligned based on what is practical for life and one's environment. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hate myself for the harm i have cause by not stopping when i was able to and thus avoid consequences that are were more then i could foresee and thus cause more consequence and harm then was necessary.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hold myself in contempt in the past and not truly forgive myself and let go, and thus never allow and accept such consequences ever again.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for the reach of harm that my actions specifically have caused to life in many and all forms through the self interest and deception that my actions participated in and as.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself for my judgment on myself for causing life as innocence to be corrupted and enslaved due to self interest and addictions.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to energy.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for being addicted to energy and wanting to harm myself for such abuse that i can see and understand that is going on in this world where the innocence of life is harmed and corrupted because of my ignorance.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become ignorant within and as my life and the life that is here, and not care about what was happening but be narrow minded on what i desired and what i believed and thus didn't do the proper self investigation within self honesty and thus allowed innocence to fall as i allowed myself to fall. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fall and the innocence of life to fall because i believe i am weak and inferior and thus allowed myself to live this out, where it's i understand and realize not about being strong or weak, but standing in principle and having no morality within the point of doing what is best for all life where life is understood in the degree where no harm is ever allowed and it stops as i stop myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for not stopping. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to betray others within my world where i judged them based on ideas and thoughts and in this lost my integrity and innocence within this life as i allowed myself to become de-monic and harmful through addictions and not being self honest. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for betraying myself and life within my actions of addiction and being self dishonest.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire the addiction of the energy i was generating and in this become possessed by it through ideas of love and caring when in reality it was about my addictions.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge those who were involved instead of letting go of the judgment, stand in the shoes, and realize i am part of that and thus i must forgive myself for these points and direct it in a way that is best for all.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as superior and part of something more, when in reality, again it was a desire and hope. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be special and more then, and so i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire a hope that things would be better. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe in hope.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to follow hope. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to follow my desires.

I see, realize, and understand hope and desires are part of the mind as separation, when life is here as myself and the actions for a better world is within the actions day to day as my self change and walking into the system and changing it in a way that is best for all through changing myself in the moments and living what is best for all.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame others, i see, realize, and understand blaming anyone for my reactions within me is harmful and creates more separation and abuse. 

I commit myself to let go of judgment of myself, leave it in the past, and stand up in myself each moment breathe by breathe, forgiving myself for my reactions, and changing myself in my physical day to day by being self disciplined and doing what is best for all in the moment.

I commit myself to stop my self abuse by stopping all addictions, by actually living the change and stopping and so prove it in reality by specific action plans and testing myself such as being in a room of sweets and not indulging.

I commit myself to stop all blame and take responsibility for myself, direct where and how i can to support a world that is best for all.

I commit myself to be gentle and humble with myself even with the mistakes and falls and failures, so i can continue to correct myself and do what is best for all. 

I commit myself to stop my ignorance and embrace all as myself as self acceptance as i am all that is here, i am the system and thus i accept this and so i can change it by not reacting, i forgive myself when i react and reestablish my stand in what is best for all life. 

I commit myself to never betray others or myself, and stand in vulnerability and self honesty to never again allow the enslavement of life as myself and for this to be done enough is enough.

I commit myself to never give up on myself or what is best for all life until it's here for all as self.

I commit myself to restore my innocence through self forgiveness and self change in living what is best for all and thus i can stand one day in humbleness in the innocence of what is here as life.

www.desteni.org
www.equalmoney.org
www.creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com

Self Help course to start the journey to life:
lite.desteniiprocess.com


Best for all life until it's done.