Day 16 - Commitment Phobia

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I realized recently that one of my major self sabotage point has been fearing commitments, whenever I get into a commitment with someone or something I do not last long, I get to a point where i put myself in a dire decision, and in the extreme nature of the decision that i have to make - go left or go right, I find i have been doing it in haste, in fear, within my mind, causing lots of regret later on in life and shame, and more fear. I am in a way feel delinquent in making a decision that is practical and can be best for all, so more a self judgment of not being good enough or capable, This I am seeing based on the manner in which i make decisions, where i can do it in the moment, spontaneous, but it is not my real spontaneous decision as everything in this reality is preprogrammed not for what is best but for enslavement. 

The moments one is real to direct self is when one self investigate, walk self honesty and self forgiveness, commit to living change of self that is of living substance that supports life growth, and in this walk what is best for all as in living the commitment of change for oneself until it's done. The decision being one that was self investigated in self honesyt, self forgiven to understand the flaws, and researched and understood in the fact checking, pros and cons, and living the understanding that is best. 

So it's a point of self change and self discipline, principled standing within the physical actions it takes to actually walk such a deep dive into self and a decision for instance that has to be made. This will require dedication and perseverance cause the mind/reality is not easy, it takes a point of grit but it's here as self responsibility and must be done. 

Self Forgiveness

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear i am gong to make the wrong decision, i see, realize, and understand there is no wrong decision and what is here is what one create as ones thoughts, words, and deeds, thus i see, and I commit to standing in my shoes and all others and creating a decision for myself that is best for all the best i can understand by living the process to understand all facets and facts of the decision I am about to make. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to go into a form of self harm where i feel as if i do not have the ability or understanding to make a decision in my life that is best for all and will support life in it's fullest expression based on carrying my past here and seeing on all the rotten decisions i have made in specific moments in my life. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and not forgive myself fully for the past mistakes as actions done in the physical where i did not chose a path of best for all living, and in this create a point of self abuse and harm to see myself less then others and inferior and i can never stand as an equal.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as not equal and a lesser version of life who doesn't have any real worth and doesn't really need to exist/be here cause i will just continue to make the wrong decision and harm abuse life/myself. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand the decisions made where based on not slowing down and walking the timelines within self investigation and self commitment to understand the ins and outs and fine tune the information so i can gather the facts and make an informed decision, but based on impatience i move in a way of self compromise which causes my life to be compromised and chaotic as it's not stable nor predictable but done in the moment. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to decide that i am going to live impatience and not actually walk the step by step it takes which creates my life to be stable, but continue this, which is self abdication of responsibility to make a decision in a patient manner best one can as this is best for all and common sense.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed laziness within decision making where i don't slow down, but rush cause i allow the energy of it's too much pressure, it's too much to understand, i don't know, and the energy built up of these thoughts as pressure and tightness in my chest and into my head, where i feel like i have to just do it, not seeing, realizing, and understanding that i can breathe through the energy, releasing it, and finding the solutions within the slowing down and self investigation, writing/sounding self forgiveness, and change. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become lazy and complacent in my responsibility to be my highest potential this life, and in this expect too much and so built up energy.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become robotic and just have my mind blurt out the decision in the moment and live with the consequences of the chaos that'll ensue as i did not walk the self responsibility to under-stand what it is i am deciding on and will direct my life with.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give into the mind in the hast decisions and so not care in the outcome but me getting a fix of energy as a release of the pressure i allowed within the thinking thoughts, and in desire relaxing instead of walking the decision properly.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire a release rather then breathing through the energy and walking self forgiveness until i release the energy and direct it myself back to the earth, substance, my physical.

I see, realize, and understand i am responsible for myself and my actions and decisions.

I commit myself to as best i am able to take some time and space to write out a decision i am going to make, research ways to walk such a decision, and put it into writing and myself into it where i find the facts, and make an informed decision best i am able to when and as the moments arise and come up to do such a point.

I commit myself to stop judging myself for not living the best decision that i could have made. 

I commit myself to live the word patience which is to pay attention to my life and the life of all involved, and what is in fact best for all.

I commit myself to understand what is best for all within the actions and decisions i make and ultimately what is best for all life and will birth life within who i am as my life which will support in my outer life/world as well. 

Next blog on - relationship commitment fears.

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www.creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com

Self Help course to start the journey to life:
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Best for all life until it's done.

Day 15 - Self Harm as self abuse

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From since I can remember I have always had a point of seeing myself inferior to others specifically that i am not able to handle myself well with other people, I can never to me in my mind get to a point where i can actually just be stable, be humble, be here, though this a form of an idea/belief, equaling not real, cause i see i can breathe, i can be humble, i can be here in the here moment of myself, i can be present, I can stop my thoughts, my emotions, my feelings, so it is possible. I am in a point of again walking through resistances of, its the living of it, so when i don't walk the points of self support through walking through the resistance, walking the self forgiveness, and changing myself, this creates self judgment and in this self abuse where i believe and start to spiral into self defeat. 

This just causing more consequence, so it's in a way useless and harmful to all as self as it just takes longer to get through what is here as self's process of self change to align with what is best for all. We all will walk this process, its a matter of the process each one individually will go through based on one's self honesty and sticking to the life principles in one's living, which is common sense. Obviously the longer one takes, the more harm, and in this all have to wait and this creates more pain. Why? I ask myself this a lot, why am i doing this? why can't i stop here now? why can't i see the solutions when it's so obvious? what cause me to fall so much and so often? And I keep moving back to the basics, the application and self will, the more one stick to the basics and continue to change and do what is best for all, the stronger and so stable one will become in the face of what is here and what needs to be walked by self, and in this this is best for all, suffering ends/pain is released.

This is  a test this earth, and life is here, the innocence that exist within and as everything, it's here, yet also is our cross to bear and face our maker which is ourselves, not a pretty sight for myself but there is no point in getting emotional about it, best is to self forgive and keep walking the change that is best for all life. 

Self Forgiveness

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for mistakes and failures in my process where i have deliberately abused life and gone into reaction as anger where i did not consider the outflow of my actions and thus created myself in a de-maned state where life as myself and those around me became of pain and suffering and in this i take responsibility.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to the ills of life where i accept myself to go into nonsense where my life becomes about possessions and falling and failing instead of stopping this and letting go of the addictions to energy highs as if this is what life is.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for falling and failing in addictions in my life when i was to stop and stand, causing consequences i could not for see and were of harm to life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe i am weak as an emotional point of inferiority, instead of seeing that weakness in the body as physical is real, though it can always be adjusted and aligned based on what is practical for life and one's environment. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hate myself for the harm i have cause by not stopping when i was able to and thus avoid consequences that are were more then i could foresee and thus cause more consequence and harm then was necessary.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hold myself in contempt in the past and not truly forgive myself and let go, and thus never allow and accept such consequences ever again.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for the reach of harm that my actions specifically have caused to life in many and all forms through the self interest and deception that my actions participated in and as.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself for my judgment on myself for causing life as innocence to be corrupted and enslaved due to self interest and addictions.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to energy.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for being addicted to energy and wanting to harm myself for such abuse that i can see and understand that is going on in this world where the innocence of life is harmed and corrupted because of my ignorance.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become ignorant within and as my life and the life that is here, and not care about what was happening but be narrow minded on what i desired and what i believed and thus didn't do the proper self investigation within self honesty and thus allowed innocence to fall as i allowed myself to fall. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fall and the innocence of life to fall because i believe i am weak and inferior and thus allowed myself to live this out, where it's i understand and realize not about being strong or weak, but standing in principle and having no morality within the point of doing what is best for all life where life is understood in the degree where no harm is ever allowed and it stops as i stop myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for not stopping. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to betray others within my world where i judged them based on ideas and thoughts and in this lost my integrity and innocence within this life as i allowed myself to become de-monic and harmful through addictions and not being self honest. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for betraying myself and life within my actions of addiction and being self dishonest.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire the addiction of the energy i was generating and in this become possessed by it through ideas of love and caring when in reality it was about my addictions.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge those who were involved instead of letting go of the judgment, stand in the shoes, and realize i am part of that and thus i must forgive myself for these points and direct it in a way that is best for all.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as superior and part of something more, when in reality, again it was a desire and hope. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be special and more then, and so i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire a hope that things would be better. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe in hope.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to follow hope. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to follow my desires.

I see, realize, and understand hope and desires are part of the mind as separation, when life is here as myself and the actions for a better world is within the actions day to day as my self change and walking into the system and changing it in a way that is best for all through changing myself in the moments and living what is best for all.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame others, i see, realize, and understand blaming anyone for my reactions within me is harmful and creates more separation and abuse. 

I commit myself to let go of judgment of myself, leave it in the past, and stand up in myself each moment breathe by breathe, forgiving myself for my reactions, and changing myself in my physical day to day by being self disciplined and doing what is best for all in the moment.

I commit myself to stop my self abuse by stopping all addictions, by actually living the change and stopping and so prove it in reality by specific action plans and testing myself such as being in a room of sweets and not indulging.

I commit myself to stop all blame and take responsibility for myself, direct where and how i can to support a world that is best for all.

I commit myself to be gentle and humble with myself even with the mistakes and falls and failures, so i can continue to correct myself and do what is best for all. 

I commit myself to stop my ignorance and embrace all as myself as self acceptance as i am all that is here, i am the system and thus i accept this and so i can change it by not reacting, i forgive myself when i react and reestablish my stand in what is best for all life. 

I commit myself to never betray others or myself, and stand in vulnerability and self honesty to never again allow the enslavement of life as myself and for this to be done enough is enough.

I commit myself to never give up on myself or what is best for all life until it's here for all as self.

I commit myself to restore my innocence through self forgiveness and self change in living what is best for all and thus i can stand one day in humbleness in the innocence of what is here as life.

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Self Help course to start the journey to life:
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Best for all life until it's done.

Day 14 - Hate and Blame as Anger Manifest

 

I have been dealing with suppressed emotions, the emotions that I don't necessarily want to look at or face/confront as they are shameful and uncomfortable, but they are here and they are starting to accumulate in my most recent point i am facing with these points, and this has been in relation to my parents. I am seeing that all the points within me that I have regretted or fell in, I am subtly blaming them for as I am seeing that it is a way for me to release the built up energy as I have been accepting thoughts of them so I don't have to face myself and so change cause of addiction, addiction to energy, laziness, and not pushing beyond limitations. I see and am aware of within myself though that in fact mechanically I am generate the energy of blame and anger within me by thinking and accepting the thoughts of blame/anger toward my parents in this instance and not stopping, breathing, and forgiving myself. 

So it's not actually really who self is or the function of life here, thinking/generating emotions and feelings, and reacting to others, it's limitation as it's illusion, it's a machine within us as us and all around, I am powering as myself within myself with outflows as energy creations from the thinking and so the body creates the energy as a by product causing abuse and self abuse and lots of suffering which is the horror for real. This is happening, i understand to a degree the process, but it seems like it can't be stopped, this another thought cause i can stop it and i have, it takes self discipline and self will/honesty and many others support points. The 'I can't' is a red flag to question as it also is blame and an excuse, why? because I am seeing in this self is unwilling to do the actual will and effort it takes to stop, so it's a matter again of discipline and self fortitude, I was also looking at how life could easily do this with me, blame and become angry at me as i do with others, yet it doesn't as that is not the principles and directive of life itself, it is here and walks the alignment with what is best for all as best for self. This is in the innocence of what is here as life, who we really are beyond harm/abuse/suffering.

I also see I am fearing and trying to avoid my consequence i can see, the facing of my reality where i can't blame anyone or anything as i walked the walk that i am standing within and also i see that again i am taking it to the worst case scenario, so here i see the solution, to walk out of these alignment points, walk out of the points of what i am working and creating in my reality with self acceptance and acceptance of what is here. Separating myself from what is here is the first point of self illusion, and in this once self accept what is here, work with directing it into a solution that is best for all. 

Self Forgiveness

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to think thoughts such as 'she is the reason i am so dumb, she doesn't do anything to help herself' 'he doesn't care about anything but work, he didn't take care of me properly' 'she is a robot that just wants to be lazy' 'he is a so nasty, i inherited this hate and anger for others because of him'.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed thoughts of rage anger and spite and hate onto others within myself because i am in pain due to failing to walk my consequence of my actions to a satisfactory degree and in this blame others because i don't want to face the pain and shame of what i have done which is not walked the path of self honesty in the moments where i was given direct and opportunity to walk it. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to live in the opposite polarity with the beings that i am thinking and reacting to in negative emotions (in this instance) such as blame and hate, to when they support me and my life works out and things are good, see that i am in a positive stand seeing them as great and lovely beings due to the energy addiction i am seesawing in my mind within the ever flowing ride of the mind and the polarities that exist. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to think about and allow the thoughts and in this react in the physical toward one of these beings in anger, shouting and telling her to not do something for me when she was giving me something she thought i would want/need. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to take out my anger onto others and in this create a demonic disposition within me where i am not standing in self acceptance of what is here, and in this direct in the principles of patience, self honesty, and what is best for all life. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to get angry within myself at others when i see its actually self anger for not standing in a way that is of life and giving into temptation as addictions and mind energy as good feelings/experiences.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that all i can do is exist in this energy, when in reality, it will dissipate through breathe and i can direct myself through self forgiveness in the moment and so stop perpetuating the outflow of harm and separation that is flowed out when i live into the thoughts and act them out.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe the pressure that builds up through accepting and allowing thoughts and living into the energy creation is who i am, when in reality it is not, i realize i am of substance as life and that the mind is a separate entity taking but not giving back and thus I see when i live into this i am taking of life and not giving back.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for the thoughts i have accepted and live out as anger toward others in my world and reality as reaction when this is unacceptable as i am creating the actual reaction within me and i am the one allowing it to be lived out as i am generating the energy as i think and accept it as real by speaking and living it out as yelling/being harsh to the other.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become harsh and hateful toward others due to my own self dishonesty and lack of self will to live what is best for all life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my reality wanting to make it about others, when i see, realize, and understand it is actually about self here as life here as myself and what i am going to do with what i see and what i create as what is here.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe the thoughts as lies that i am accepting and allowing about the others when in reality i am creating and accepting these thoughts without at all standing and physically being able to be/understand from the others perspective and thus it is not logical nor factual with how the thoughts originate from as mind distortion based on memories/pictures/ideas/beliefs, all here say/lies and not fact as reality as reality is one and equal as life in what is best for all. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame others and not faced the fear of shame and self humiliation i may experience when i go deeper into the pains and misstakes i have made in my past and in this accept them, forgive them, correct them, and change to live in a way that is best for all. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to instant gratification instead of standing in gratitude for life here and the breathes i am giving in this time to be able to engage in my process of self change to life so i can support myself and my reality in a way that works and will help build a way where life can come through and find the will to live, as i walk this in my day to day.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not breathe through the points of life here, but stand in a way that is best through forgiving the thoughts, deleting them, breathing through the energy, and standing strong until it's done and the energy release here. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself or others as dumb and smart, i see, realize, and understand that learning is a part of self creation as expression and is done within breath as a unique process of self realization in the moment here, and thus it's not a separate point to judge react to but part of self creation here as life as self. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed judgment of any being instead of realizing the others is me and i must forgive my reaction/judgment and correct and direct life as myself in a way that allows all to express freely without causing any harm.

I commit myself to let go of the thoughts in the moment with breathe and not allow myself to react.

I commit myself to write out the memories or speak self forgiveness on the memories that i am still reacting to to release them and stop the harm/abuse in my reality to others and myself.

I commit myself to live gentleness and self acceptance as i move through the pain of the falls/misstakes and walk the commitments to change myself and not allow this again.

I commit myself stop blaming others and see that i am one and equal to them as i am them as we are of the same substance and direct myself and so eventually i can direct reality to be best for all.

I commit myself to live in gratitude for life and this physical reality that gives me opportunity to be here and continue to have the opportunity to create myself in a way that is best for all. 

www.desteni.org
www.equalmoney.org
www.creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com


Self Help course to start the journey to life:
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Best for all life until it's done.