Day 28 - Allowing Self to Flow - The Hips - Resisting what is here

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So from working through the points with my gut, and working with trusting myself, I am moving on to the hips, where i am finding them to have gained some weight, and also have some pain in the left side. This pain is in the joint area where it feels as if it has been over worked or over used, compensating for the imbalance of my walk where I tend to put more weight on my left side when walking. So some words to work with here is overcompensating, inflexibility, immobile, constriction, and imbalance. 

I am seeing that due to my relationships in the past and my own self relationship with myself, I have allowed myself to become more left side dominant then right side, causing those muscles to be over used and over worked causing pain and discomfort. The weight gain i am seieng due to staying stuck in the past, not moving myself here in the physical through staying stuck in my mistakes i allowed and in this the expressions of self that i didn't live into. This resistance i am seeing of facing my past and what i have allowed in relationships for instance with others and myself, i am over compensating within my day to day activities, pushing beyond my flexibility and capacity where i want to do something, but i have not allowed my body and self discipline to catch up with the potential i am seeing. Not stretching for instance, spending the extra time to warm up before i go into the critical exercise and heavy tax on my body/self, but just move through the pain and discomfort, even though it is causing potential damage. This a lack of self awareness and self discipline, and essentially being lazy, giving up on my best.  

 Within my relationships, this is staying in a relationship or moving out of a relationship due to the thoughts of something is wrong or all is good, not working step by step with the physical and the reality feedback, but wanting it to be the way that suits me best for my interest. Lacking self honesty when in fact i require it to ensure that i am not fucking myself or another, and not allowing or accepting any abuse within my reality/self space. If i am allowing this in my world, then i am allowing it in others worlds as well, maybe not deliberately directly, but subtle it is playing out until eventually it comes to a head and all hell breaks lose and energy outbursts is created.  

Self forgiveness

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to resist the patience and stability as self discipline it'll take to walk the step by step process in the physical to walk the alignment of ensuring the steps are taken i can see that will support myself to be the best i can be and ensure the consideration of all involved is well aligned and understood so all benefit as best possible not matter the effort it'll take as long as what is best and common sense is considered.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to go into a desire to take it easy and work with my desires, where i can give into my wants and perceived needs within the idea that i am good, i can do it another time.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that time is something that i have to use with as i please, when i see, realize, and understand that everything has a consequence and everything is existing within space time and in my desires/ wants/ needs i am truly only considering myself and my small circle as my local environment not considering all life within the principles that i live within as it is in self interest only and not what is best for all. 

 I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be desiring to get my own way and in this not listen to common sense, but only listen to my mind as self interest reasoning that i can do what i want or i can get what i want and in that push beyond the consideration of all, and push to get my needs met above others.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame others within my reality about what has transpired in my world, where i seek out the point of desiring the punishment to go onto them as i believe i was done onto and in this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe i was justified to harm others within my force of self onto others where i got my own way and punished others and in this believed that i won, when i see, realize, and understand no one wins. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be spiteful within and as my reality, where i go into blame and anger toward the injustices of others as i believe, instead of taking self responsibility for what i have created and finding the will to live something new that is aligned to others/all and live this change until it is done.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become lazy and apathetic within and as the movement of self to do what is necessary to be done to ensure a world that is best for all as i start with myself within self discipline and self honesty to forgive myself for my past, and walk a change process that is best for all life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not have compassion within and as others and myself as a point of walking the change process as it takes time and ensuring that application of breathe awareness and constant alignment with what is best as what is best for self is live within my day to day living, letting go of the want desire of self interest and considering in common sense what i can do that is best for all involved. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be spiteful and angry when i do not get my way as i see my life then will be more difficult.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear being and living life more difficult instead of walking my consequence no matter what it is and aligning myself to the solutions that is best for all life. 

I forgive msyelf to be in flexible within and as change when change is necessary to direct and correct myself to what is best and what will ensure i am able to do what is best in my living as this in fact is the only way of life that matters and is truly what i would want for myself and in all shoes if i had to live in them.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to resist my past instead of accepting my past as myself, forgive it as myself, and change myself to align here with what is best for all as living words and living solutions to the best of my ability.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore the signs of imbalance within my body, prioritizing performance or outcomes over presence and care.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to equate pain with progress, instead of seeing that pain is my body’s voice asking for care, realignment, and change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush my process out of fear of not being enough, instead of trusting the timing of my realignment as breath by breath, here.

When and as I see myself wanting to push through pain or discomfort without listening to my body, I stop and I breathe. I remind myself that my body is not a machine to conquer, but a living being I am here to walk with in partnership.

When and as I resist slowing down or preparing properly (emotionally or physically), I realize I am sabotaging my own potential. I choose preparation and structure over rush and self-interest.

When and as I go into guilt or regret about my past mistakes in relationships, I stop. I breathe. I remind myself that I am not defined by the past, but by who I choose to be in this breath forward.

I commit myself to let go of the desire in self interest to get what i want, and align myself in thought word and deed to what is best for all with my money, my awareness, my time, my energy as i see this is truly the world i would like to create and raise children in.

I commit myself to never give up on myself as all life within the acceptance of what is here and taking full self responsibility to walk my talk in common sense to do what i am able in the space i have to align life to what is best for all through equality and oneness and what is best for all.

I commit myself to stand in self discipline and consistency as i change myself to self interest only to what is best for all as would be best for me proven in my living, and tracking it in my day to day operations.

I commit myself to listen to my physical body more, i commit myself to live the word gentleness where i care for myself and my physical that has been pushed beyond limits at time and requires compassion as self here. 

I commit myself to remain stead fast in my principles of life as self forgiveness, accepting myself for who i am and changing myself step by step as i let go of the past through self forgiveness and changing through living words that will ensure i am living the best version of myself within a consistent application and growth. Also i commit myself to get up from each fall, and stand as life until all life is free as i have freed myself here as breathe. 

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--Consequence-- day 12

--Consequence-- 

Consequence, a dread hangs over me, a fear so deep i can not sleep 

Sleep becoming tough as i find my will is shakened

in the face of this beast i have made my bed forsaken

I don't know why i was so foolish and lacked common sense, 

the sense of the (wo)man that have no life friends 

why harm life in such ways to build such an army 

an army of my demons there here and they found me 

the demons is myself as my thoughts, feelings, and emotions 

the mind as the enemy oh no that has always been my homie 

so good and so glad when all was going well, 

but when consequence came a knocking, i knew it was going to be hell 

though this is not the fate of all, oh no, there is courage 

the courage to face self where we are called, oh let's hurry 

called by life itself 

no more games no more playing, time to strap my boots on and build that will 

brick by brick, word by word, step by step 

self forgiveness is here and will be our sure siren 

sirening us to move and take action before it's too late 

consequence is here, sorry death is no escape

Embracing Change - Day 488

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In a very short time my life’s direction has the potential to change and is going to change quite drastically. At work, the person above me unfortunately passed away suddenly where I am as well as many others faced with filling the responsibility this being stood as. So it’s purely based on circumstances and initial positions that each one was in before this event happened, and now as I speak personally, I have to become more effective, more disciplined, more skillful, and embrace this change to operate in the best of my ability. I don’t necessarily want this position I am in though I am grateful as this will challenge me in ways that I haven’t yet had the opportunity to face.

I have in the past faced this point in a smaller scale so I realize I do have the capability to do it, what is different now is that I am more responsible and essentially standing in a leadershipisque role, which brings up fears and anxieties within me. I see these fears activate right as I open my eyes in the morning, a deep experience of dread washes over me and it seems like the world is going to shit and that I am heading for doom as I move into the unknown. So I have been practice waking up in self forgiveness and moving myself through that experience because I see that it’s not real and that it doesn’t in fact determine what and how my day will go, I determine that. I realize if I stay in that energy and allow it to fester by participating in it, it does over take me and possess me, so being self aware in those first moments as I wake up is important to move into a productive day as I direct it rather then a destructive day in energy and thoughts that are compromising.

I am feeling this dread point come up more and more and also within this I am seeing this experience of ego coming up, so there is a seesaw happening where I am moving from absolute fear and dread to wanting to be better then others and be noticed by others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a point of self victimization based on this feeling of dread and fear come up within me when I participate in thoughts such as ‘I am going to die’ or ‘I am going to miss my opportunity to become life’ or ‘I am going to fail at my mission with my business’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the fear energy where I participate in it as it moves from my stomach area up into my chest, filling it up into my head, and then allow the thoughts to overwhelm me where I move away form people and isolate myself as insecure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have this experience of overwhelming dread come over me as I accept and allow myself to participate in the thoughts of dread and fear and death and not move into my physical breath here and move into physical action so I can stand through this energy and move myself with physical deliberateness and live my change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a fear that I will not make it in my business or I will die before I get a chance to do what I want to do here and not see, realize, and understand that I am committed to walking my process and have shown steadfastness within this venture.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to isolate myself as I accept and allow these thoughts to come over me that I am going to experience dread instead of moving into a point of physical movement, self change, and living words that will support me to live action that will be best with life instead of restricting myself and going into the energy possession of fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compensate with this insecurity feeling to become more pushy and aggressive where I am showing my strength as ego and becoming more rude within my behavior so I can show I am strong and in charge when in reality I am isolating myself form the solution and harming others through my words and behavior through and as aggression energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become insecure within myself and so feel like I have to compensate by being superior on the external reality.

I commit myself to in the mornings take a breath, do self forgiveness on the points that are here, and move through it by living the word excitement as a moving with more physical energy and smiling as I move.

I commit myself to say ‘I am going to have a productive day where I check off the tasks on my list with joy’.

I commit myself to live the word joy by being spontaneous with others throughout my day and communicating this with words of support and encouragement to live what’s best for all.

I commit myself to let go of the ego by humbling myself to others and see myself in them as I am them and source what I can learn from them so I can grow and share with them so they can equally benefit.

I commit myself to live the word growth as I learn from others and ask questions to investigate the points at work I will need to understand with a passion and vigor to do the best I can do.


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