Friday, January 18, 2013

Day 207 – Exploring Self-Acceptance within Me

Here looking at this point of self-acceptance and within my life how much I lacked this very seemingly natural relationship with myself. But this relationship with myself, actually accepting myself within who I am in and as my body, is something that I have found very difficult. I mean for real here in the physical it’s not really difficult as it is simply a decision to walk and live self honest and put this self honesty into my living action, but there is this resistance, this cloud around my head that I am still stuck in, still participating within, still engaging in and activating within my world, which is self judgment of the ‘who I am’ that is the position of my direction that tends to dominate. This being no direction because it’s done based in fear and fear is separation. Fearing others perception’s of me, others thoughts of me, and thus fearing expressing myself due to the judgments I hold.

I am realizing though within walking this process that these judgments are simply points within myself that I don’t want to accept or don’t want to face, they are like the ‘tough’ moments in life one eventually will have to face, but really fear it because it’s unknown. Like getting on that roller coaster the first time, the anticipation is there, but the fear also looms of what will it be like, will I be ok, and always after I have sat and walked through the fear, sat down and stayed on the ride, I am grateful I did because it was fun. So pushing through fears, always shows to me I am stronger and more stable within myself because I have proven to myself that I can do it, I can live, and thus realize that I am capable, I can do this, understanding who I am. Self-acceptance goes hand and hand with understanding who I am within what I do. Once this is understood, you have the ability to see compromising points and then prevent them because I understand were it will take me. Accepting who I am within what I do, to get understanding, and thus this lead to real strength as self-change in the principles of life always in equality in what is best for all.

Another point of self acceptance is one have to let go of the mind, have to stop the thoughts of self sabotage, have to stop the pictures in the head of looking like a monster from outer space that I have created through imagination and past memories of pain and anger. And with the mind beginning to be let go of, one start to realize that the emotions have to be let go of as well that will come with this self sabotage and self judgment personalities that don’t allow for self acceptance, so all reactions of separation within not taking responsibility for who I am and causing others to be abused such as within blame I am reacting within or resentfulness, has to be stopped to ever get to a point of self acceptance, because if I don’t accept myself I will never be able to accept others and all reactions are deflection of self not acceptance.

So letting go of these points I have been torturing myself with, the anger of holding onto memories of being hurt by others, the jealousy of comparisons within what I wish I could have or be, the hate towards those that really hurt my feelings and made me feel low, and as well the opposite as feelings, the feelings I get when a boy says I am beautiful, the love I feel towards my sisters when we all are having fun together, the comfort I feel in my bed in the morning, as these emotions and feelings keep me limited within this point of living to achieve the positive to make the negative bearable, not realizing or allowing myself to accept, that I can live here, stable, with nothing but myself here breathing and walking what is best for all with no mind, it’s possible

The past and the future have as well got to be let go of, these are what enslave me into this character of self abuse, self sabotage, self manipulation, where self acceptance is seemingly impossible based on the streaming of memories good/bad that I attach to who I am and believe is me, and thus bring this to the future in my mind, in what to expect and what to live based on believing who I am is what happen and what shaped me in my past as a loser and not worthy of really much. Living within self sabotage instead of facing myself andchanging myself to self acceptance so thus real self change can be achieved. Only in self acceptance can self change really be achieved because if you don’t accept yourself, I find I am stuck in my mind in an endless time loop of replaying the past of how shitty it was, into the present as fear and self loathing, and into the future as a depression outlook of who I will be with and be like, all shitty and all illusions. I always decide, I am life and I am here, this is a fact that I can accept if I just stop myself from separating myself from it.

But I realized that self acceptance has all to do with how I live it because I realize for now it is a process to be walked through self forgiveness, self honesty, self investigation and self correction, in each moment accepting who I am step by step, each breath allowing me to live and breath, and find out who I will be without thought, without memory, without reaction, without energies, but just expressing as me, as what comes, and allowing this to be. Allowing myself to live without fear, without shame, without hurt or pain, and within the acceptance of all that is me, all life, so each one can live this as well, so we can become real life living in the moment of reality that is always here, seeing ourselves, correcting ourselves, and then changing into the living statement of that correction into what is best for all. This creating no more separation between self and the ‘other’, but we are all here living and we all just accept what is here as the living as equals. Equal life for all is self-acceptance in fact within and through this physical human body and thus this physical existence as a whole, and with self acceptance in it’s full bloom of life here through and as self, heaven will be on earth.

Recommended Interviews for further Support on Self Acceptance:

Life Review - Acceptance and Allowance vs. The Decision

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