Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Day 206 – Impatience and Laziness

I am finding within this point of typing especially in chats, which I do quite often during the week on skype, I have this experience of impatience’s writing back and forth with another as well as a form of laziness, where I will not stop for a moment and re-read what I wrote and make necessary corrections in my spelling, but send it off quickly because I don't want to take the time to look at it and make the effort to correct it. I have learned to type very fast and really have become dependent on the spellchecker to fix my mistakes, so in a way I have relied on other sources instead of myself to fix my mistakes.

This is essentially making me crazy because I judging myself for not correcting my mistakes in conversation with others, like what is my deal, their going to think I just don't care about what I am doing or am not smart. I find that it’s this point of laziness as I realize I have the ability, but I really just don’t want to take the time to stop and read what I have written over and make the necessary corrections  I see this impatience is fueled by this desire to hear or see what the other person will respond. Like I have this constant anticipation within me to to fast and get what is written sent, so I can be entertained with what the other will say back. I am fine with this point of interest within conversing with another and getting a point of enjoyment out of it because it is something I do enjoy talking or type talking with others, but this point of impatience’s and laziness to not correct my mistakes is something that I need to write out in self forgiveness and self correction. Here it goes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue to participate and accept laziness within me when typing with another and not talking the time to look back and make sure that the message is legible and able to be understood. I realize that being lazy is a point that is not necessary and cause abuse as I am not giving my all and the other could at some point misunderstand something or not understanding something I said based on me just not want to do correct the spellings or add/delete words when I am certainly capable of doing this and sending the message in more clarity.

I commit myself to when and as I go into this point of laziness to not re-check my typing and make the necessary correction for the best opportunity for understanding by all parties who will read it, I stop and breath, and go into the act of re-checking and correcting my spelling, stopping the thoughts that it doesn’t matter, and simply re-check and correct before I send it off.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush through what I am typing to find out what the other is going to say, and thus miss myself within the act of typing and not become more specific, aware, and detailed in the words I am typing. I realize that I am able to become more aware within my physical body, I am able to slow down, I am able to become more specific and detailed within my typing, and I am able to stop and recheck my typing before I send it because it just takes an effort to do, a physical movement to stop and do and thus I walk this physical movement for what is best for all.

So I commit myself to when and as I have the urge to rush and get it done, I stop and breath, and push myself to slow down in that movement and become aware of my physical body, become aware with each finger as I type, and thus become aware of my physical body as I complete the typing, so not to automatically hit enter, but become diligent within making sure the message is clear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for typing in such messy ways of misspellings and missing complete words, I realize that I am learning and thus adapting to a change that is now in the process of being implemented so it will take time and space to will myself to change and correct this point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what the other will think of me when they see how sloppy I am within my typing towards them and so fear that I don’t care about myself and am stupid. I realize that this fear is not real and thus is not relevant as it only cause degeneration within myself, I realize also all people make mistakes and thus have a learning curve of correction to walk to create a solution within it. I realize that I will make mistakes, but it's to push the point of correction to solutions and stopping the mind from festering and creating illusions.

I commit myself to when and as I go into judgment of messing up, I stop and breath, and immediately stop the judgment and either correct the point or practice letting it go as it does not define me.

I commit myself to stop all fear of what others think of me, and focus on the breathing so I can become aware of the mistakes within the moment it is done, and make the corrections as I type.

I commit myself to push my effort within my typing ability to move slower, become more perfected within my finger dexterity and the typing action, and push to stop and breath and correct the mistakes that are done when I see it is necessary.

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