Showing posts with label fearing self. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fearing self. Show all posts

Monday, January 21, 2013

Day 208 - Exploring Self Acceptance – Why don’t I like Myself?




I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my starting point within the way I see myself within reality as someone who is not desirable to others, someone who is not likable, someone who is really just a loser with nothing to offer anyone, and this whole self defeated depressive state of self sabotage I have been existing within is based on the belief that what my mind tells me of being these things, is true, is who I really am. I realize and understand that within my mind the thoughts that flow through that are patterned within the personality of inferiority and being less then everyone else I meet, is just a pattern and is now programmed within me because I continually feed it’s existance within participating in these thoughts and then living them into my world with not expressing myself, holding back around others I deem superior, and living in this state of depression through the physical ‘dis-ease’ I have created within me of crohns as believing thatwho I am is inferior to other people.

I commit myself to when and as I go into these points of self sabotage in this pattern of thought of inferiority, I stop and breath, and do not accept myself to go into the thoughts through physically moving myself in breath and stopping these thoughts continuously within the breathing exercise. I realize that I am life, I am equal, and thus the mind as thoughts and reactions is not who I am, I have to walk through the correctionprocess of stopping my participation and realign my living to direct myself in the understanding of self acceptance within all life as equals, so I realize and understand this will be a process of living application. I commit myself to stand gentle with myself and others, and breath through the reactions to react in blame or emotions, focusing on my physical application, bringing myself back always to physical application through breathing and understanding of the practical process that is needed to be walked by all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fuel and entertain thoughts within my head based on desiring only certain specific outcomes in my world and when these outcomes were not met, I would create a blame towards myself that it was my fault because I am not good enough, not smart enough, notpretty enough, not considering physical reality for what it really was and what in reality was actually happening, but in most cases brought all points of ‘falls’ or ‘failures’ in my world to blaming myself in what the mind tells me, that I am ugly, I am stupid, no one likes me, I am worthless, and living this out through torturing myself with self hate and self judgments. I realize and see I am still giving my power away to the mind which is systemized within my physical body to enslave me for it’s own survival, feeding me what I am feeding myself in my separation of self defeatism and not accepting who I am here as life, and thus being directed by these thoughts of self sabotage because I am believing they are real. I realize thoughts are not real they are generated within conflictial reaction from the mind system and the physical substance, managed and specified within it’s frequency level to create a feeling or an emotion that is attached with the words in my mind, all created from the substance of the physical through energy reactions, and systematized within the mind system to generate this ‘belief’ I have accepted that I am inferior, useless, and ugly.

I commit myself to when and as I go into a point of self sabotage and belief of believing the thoughts are who I am and living into the emotions and feelings being generated by the mind system according to the thought pattern I am energizing, I stop and breath, and do not participate in the thoughts, feelings/emotions, or beliefs, and walk the physical process it will take to stop them from directing me, becoming physical, breathing, and stopping the participation each time it comes up in my awareness. Get some air, focus on my words, and stop my attention from going to the thoughts and move it into the communication I am participating in.

I commit myself to let go of the energy of depression when I have these thoughts through breathing and moving myself physically until the energy has moved through me, and I have stopped it from directing me.

I commit myself to push myself to accept all here as life by living this in my physical world and reality, stopping judgments in my mind, and live from this physical world as I realize when I am in my mind I am feeding it and participating in it, when I am physically moving and being active, I am in my body, directing myself, and so I focus on what is practical, what is real, what is physical as life in equality here.


Recommended Interviews for further Support on Self Acceptance:
Posted by at 1 comment:
Labels: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Friday, January 18, 2013

Day 207 – Exploring Self-Acceptance within Me




Here looking at this point of self-acceptance and within my life how much I lacked this very seemingly natural relationship with myself. But this relationship with myself, actually accepting myself within who I am in and as my body, is something that I have found very difficult. I mean for real here in the physical it’s not really difficult as it is simply a decision to walk and live self honest and put this self honesty into my living action, but there is this resistance, this cloud around my head that I am still stuck in, still participating within, still engaging in and activating within my world, which is self judgment of the ‘who I am’ that is the position of my direction that tends to dominate. This being no direction because it’s done based in fear and fear is separation. Fearing others perception’s of me, others thoughts of me, and thus fearing expressing myself due to the judgments I hold.

I am realizing though within walking this process that these judgments are simply points within myself that I don’t want to accept or don’t want to face, they are like the ‘tough’ moments in life one eventually will have to face, but really fear it because it’s unknown. Like getting on that roller coaster the first time, the anticipation is there, but the fear also looms of what will it be like, will I be ok, and always after I have sat and walked through the fear, sat down and stayed on the ride, I am grateful I did because it was fun. So pushing through fears, always shows to me I am stronger and more stable within myself because I have proven to myself that I can do it, I can live, and thus realize that I am capable, I can do this, understanding who I am. Self-acceptance goes hand and hand with understanding who I am within what I do. Once this is understood, you have the ability to see compromising points and then prevent them because I understand were it will take me. Accepting who I am within what I do, to get understanding, and thus this lead to real strength as self-change in the principles of life always in equality in what is best for all.

Another point of self acceptance is one have to let go of the mind, have to stop the thoughts of self sabotage, have to stop the pictures in the head of looking like a monster from outer space that I have created through imagination and past memories of pain and anger. And with the mind beginning to be let go of, one start to realize that the emotions have to be let go of as well that will come with this self sabotage and self judgment personalities that don’t allow for self acceptance, so all reactions of separation within not taking responsibility for who I am and causing others to be abused such as within blame I am reacting within or resentfulness, has to be stopped to ever get to a point of self acceptance, because if I don’t accept myself I will never be able to accept others and all reactions are deflection of self not acceptance.

So letting go of these points I have been torturing myself with, the anger of holding onto memories of being hurt by others, the jealousy of comparisons within what I wish I could have or be, the hate towards those that really hurt my feelings and made me feel low, and as well the opposite as feelings, the feelings I get when a boy says I am beautiful, the love I feel towards my sisters when we all are having fun together, the comfort I feel in my bed in the morning, as these emotions and feelings keep me limited within this point of living to achieve the positive to make the negative bearable, not realizing or allowing myself to accept, that I can live here, stable, with nothing but myself here breathing and walking what is best for all with no mind, it’s possible

The past and the future have as well got to be let go of, these are what enslave me into this character of self abuse, self sabotage, self manipulation, where self acceptance is seemingly impossible based on the streaming of memories good/bad that I attach to who I am and believe is me, and thus bring this to the future in my mind, in what to expect and what to live based on believing who I am is what happen and what shaped me in my past as a loser and not worthy of really much. Living within self sabotage instead of facing myself andchanging myself to self acceptance so thus real self change can be achieved. Only in self acceptance can self change really be achieved because if you don’t accept yourself, I find I am stuck in my mind in an endless time loop of replaying the past of how shitty it was, into the present as fear and self loathing, and into the future as a depression outlook of who I will be with and be like, all shitty and all illusions. I always decide, I am life and I am here, this is a fact that I can accept if I just stop myself from separating myself from it.

But I realized that self acceptance has all to do with how I live it because I realize for now it is a process to be walked through self forgiveness, self honesty, self investigation and self correction, in each moment accepting who I am step by step, each breath allowing me to live and breath, and find out who I will be without thought, without memory, without reaction, without energies, but just expressing as me, as what comes, and allowing this to be. Allowing myself to live without fear, without shame, without hurt or pain, and within the acceptance of all that is me, all life, so each one can live this as well, so we can become real life living in the moment of reality that is always here, seeing ourselves, correcting ourselves, and then changing into the living statement of that correction into what is best for all. This creating no more separation between self and the ‘other’, but we are all here living and we all just accept what is here as the living as equals. Equal life for all is self-acceptance in fact within and through this physical human body and thus this physical existence as a whole, and with self acceptance in it’s full bloom of life here through and as self, heaven will be on earth.

Recommended Interviews for further Support on Self Acceptance:

Life Review - Acceptance and Allowance vs. The Decision

Posted by at No comments:
Labels: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)