A Lady's Journey to Life: Day 186 – How to Stop the Fear of Failure

For further perspective, reference the following blogs:

Day 179 – Introduction to My Anxiety – Part 1.1 - Fear of Being Exposed
Day 180 – Introduction to My Anxiety - Fear of Exposure Part 1.2

Day 181 - Introduction to My Anxiety - Fear of Being Seen in a Bad Light - Part 2.1
Day 182 – Introduction to My Anxiety - Fear of Being Seen in a Bad Light Part 2.2
Day 183 - Introduction to My Anxiety - Fear of Not Making It - Part 3.1
Day 184 – Introduction to My Anxiety – Fear of Not Making It – Part 3.2

Looking at this fear today and how it affects me within my living, the fear of failing. I see within this fear, I have created within me a desire to always succeed and always be seen within my world as a winner and able to make it. I mean who would I be and what would people think of me if I failed at something, within myself I made this a definitive point of how I saw myself and how I lived my life, by how others saw me and that I was being seen within the top of what I was doing.

Within points that I was not skilled at or not proficient in, I would suppress and usually not attempt to do based on this fear of being seen by others as a failure, and so never pushed myself to go outside this programming of this potential to fail and really go for things that I wasn’t excelling in naturally. This obviously limits my capabilities and expression in living and stunting myself within who I could be if I stopped this fear, and allowed myself to go full out within what I am expressing in, allowing myself to fail at things if it occurs without fear. As failure is not an end to something or a conclusion of something or someone, but is a reference point for self to see and realize that that particular skill needs more work, dedication, and attention, so not to give up based on this fear, but give it a go and a chance for self to see who one is within it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within myself create a desire to succeed and win based on this desires built up within playing sports of wanting to be the best and be the winner seeing how it is when one lose as how others perceive those people, and fearing being seen this way and thus creating a fear of failing. I realize based on this desire to be a winner, I created this fear within myself of failing because I valued the winner as more worthy then those who have lost, defining them as a loser, and associating people in the future with this tag and memory of seeing them as this person who is less then me because they lost and I won.

I commit myself to when and as a point of desire to win and thus go and judge another as a loser based on this fear within myself to be the loser, to have failed in what I was doing, I stop and breath, and do not accept thethoughts as desires to direct me. Realizing and seeing that I am one and equal to those who have ‘lost’, and so let go of all the predefinitions of superiority I am holding onto related to winning, I commit myself to let go of the energy through breathing and not participating in the thoughts of being better or a winner because I realize this creates the polarity of fearing to fail. I understand and see that all life is equal and one to myself who in living within the process of walking a point to perfection, as I have walked the same process just in different contexts or not perhaps, thus I commit to walk as equals to others and support them in any points or advice I see and can give that is relevant to their process of learning and I can see in self honesty is best for all. I commit to not accept ego to direct me, and push humbleness in realizing that we are all life and all are on the same level of equality no matter what we can do or what we succeed or fail in, it’s a learning process within living and expressing self, this is to be considered always.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define who I am based on if others see me as a failure when I do not complete a task to the best of my ability, and thus go into fear based on fearing them not liking or accepting me because I have judged this point of failing as being not good enough. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define life through what we are good at and what we fail in as this is not a fair assessment nor self honest because it is based on ideas and perceptions of how I perceive others in my mind not based on fact and equal consideration. I realize that life is not defined nor can be compared within those who are good and those who do things bad, and thus create a value judgment of them that sticks within self as a memory to define them by in the future.

I realize within this point that this is purely done in self interest to feed the ego to be seen as more and better then another being to make self look better and thus feel better through another’s expense. I realize that this is self dishonest and not living within equality with all life as equality is here and is constant, there is no good or bad as definition within a value conclusion of a person, but only in reference to who one is within one’s living in their own living assessment to realize themselves within the best they can be, using the good/bad points within self understanding and working towards an end goal of equalizing self with all life so all express completely here in equality in oneness and equality as in self direction and self correction to align always with these principles.

I commit myself to when and as I go into a point of judging another based on abilities and thus judging them from this point, I stop and breath, and do not accept the thoughts as I remain committed to stopping and not fueling these thoughts of separation for my own self-interest. I commit to support life in all ways to realize themselves and their own expression within a self corrective process of self will through writing, self forgiveness, self honesty, and living the change to align with oneness and equality within the physical world, as I do this and continue to push myself to my own self equality within my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto memories of others within my mind of failing or defining them as a loser, and then when I meet them again allow and accept energy as satisfaction to direct me into feeling good about myself because within my mind, I have a point as memory where I can see they have failed and thus judge them for this, and have a ‘memory’ held that I am better then this person. I realize that within this point it is based on self insecurity where I desire and use others failures for my own satisfaction based on the fact that I judge myself as a failure, and use these points of others failing to my advantage to show to myself that I am better then them, so I hold a memory in my mind of them for reference for myself to judge them for in the future so I can continue to fuel this energy as feeling good at another’s failure.

I commit myself to when and as I go into a point of judging another based on them not succeeding in a point or skill, I stop and breath, and do not allow myself to access any memories, allowing them to flow through me and not participating by saying ‘no I do not accept and allow myself to judge another from this memory nor allow this memory to direct me into comparison and competition’. I push myself to breath through the energy movement and remain stable. Not communicating with the being until I am clear and not in reaction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a memory of others within an idea that I have judged of them based on a single event in time, I stop all judgment of others, and treat all equal to how I would like to be treated.

I commit myself to let go of judgments when they arise of others through breathing and stopping participation in the energy as thoughts or memories, until I am here and nothing moves me.