Sunday, December 2, 2012

Day 183 - Introduction to My Anxiety - Fear of Not Making It - Part 3.1




This fear is one of the strongest fears or more intense fears that comes up within me, this being the fear of not making it, within this, it can be seen as a fear of failing and not getting to enjoy life. Not that life is actually really enjoyable as there is so much suffering and hell being faced by so many currently, but still within this there is this inherint fear of not surviving. I feel this fear most with money and bills, I am currently in a transition period were my money situation and my security in the future is not certain or known, meaning I don’t have something definitive to show me where I am going to be and that I will absolutely be able to pay for everything. I really fear being not able to have money and thus this fear of not making it in life, so this showing the enslaved power money has over life as we have chose greed over giving all what is best in equality.

I have to face this fear as all do and realize that this fear is not me, is not real life, we don’t have to exist in fear, it is our choice and thus our creation that we have created such a way of life. This due to the ability of some having enough and others not having enough, and thus creating a platform of fear because the support is not a guarantee for all to have life, some will automatically suffer, and thus fear will ensue. We don't also recognize that those that have enough, will still be in great fear as they fear that they will lose this enough, and end up where they see there fellow human beings are at with nothing and in fear of death. Inherently we all realize that all need to be supported with the necessary conditions to sustain a decent life, but we allow self interest to direct our way of living and thus allow some to go without, creating a world of fear rather then a world of peace where all life is supported equally. We have thus been the creators of our own destiny as we live throughout the ages in this world, it's now time to take responsibility for myself as this fear, face it through writing and my living, and stop it from direct me and so I can come to common sense solutions in full awareness of myself as all life, and be a part of a solution that will support all life.

Within my own process, I am allowing this fear to haunt me into not being able to move myself and becoming in a state of helplessness, where I am going into blame towards everyone else around me not looking at the creator of this fear in my life, which of course is me. I find I tend to immediately go into a panic and always fear the worst is going to happen, and go into my mind and really make myself fear with thoughts of what could happen. This obviously is creating the intensity and anxiety within me, when if I was here and clear, I would be stable as I am creating it. I find usually the point is blown out of proportion and taken out of context, which when I let the mind direct me this will be the result, as the mind works on energy and the fear and my participation in it is generating energy for the mind. Also, I find a big point that I participate in and that increases the intensity of the fear is allowing myself to go into future projection as well as delve in the past happenings and allowing points to re occur and be recreated in my mind, creating illusions and living as if these are real.

Its important to always stay focused in my process that these points are not real, the fear, the energy, the thoughts and emotions, and that I am making them up. And so, the best way to stay stable and in reality is to stop the mind as the thoughts as fears, pictures, projections, and stay in the physical - stay in breath, and don’t allow the mind to wonder. It’s controlling the mind as self and directing it into reality, this takes self discipline and self will and will solve or thus enhance this issue with fear of not making it in my world, I always decide.


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