Thursday, April 19, 2012

Day 5- Resentful Based on Blaming Life

I find I am resentful when I do not accept myself fully here and take responsibility for all the points that need to be looked after and kept up, when I fall behind and allow tasks to pile up, I will go into blame towards any point within my world, and then be resentful to those that are on the ball or rather smoothly walking through their day. Missing myself within this point of equality  with others, and thus going into a tantrum because I am not having an easy time and want my life to be easy and enjoyable all the time, and when I don't get this I blame and resent that I see have this and thus justify the abuse of myself like a little kid throwing a tantrum when I dont get what I want and kicking and screaming because I wanted to have it my way.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to react to the responsibilities I have within my life as a choir and as something that is a drag everyday where I would be rather having an enjoyable time and not have so much stuff to do. I see and realize that within myself I am walking at a reasonable pace, I allow myself to fall behind due to laziness and procrastination so I see and realize that this is not due to any fault of being over loading me, but that I am not managing my time well and stalling when I could be walking effectively through pushing through all resistances.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing to go into blame towards others in my world due to the belief that they are the cause to whatever it is that I am reacting to at the moment, and thus going into ego as mind to relieve energy that has been built up of frustration and irritation by myself for not being able to be relaxed and have an easy time during my day. I see and realize that within this I am in complete abdication within my responsibility to myself and all life to walk diligence and specificity to thus be able to get all my tasks done and use the tools available to me like budging time and others to help with the work load so that I can get all done and all is well.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to go into thoughts of blame towards others because I do not want to face myself and the obviousness that I am being lazy and procrastinating because I do not want to push myself thru the resistances which is not an easy thing but well worth it and get the work done that has to be done to keep myself going and life flowing. I realize and see that within this point of blame towards another it gives me a momentary way out of facing myself but this will always come back around where I will go into the same behaviors that created this outflow in the first place and lose the opportunity to change by stopping these patterns of laziness and procrastination and directing myself effectively to be effective and get my tasks done as I know I am capable to get done.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting laziness and procrastination to direct me within and as my world when I face resistances to get the manual labor done or get projects done that take effort, and thus go into these mind energies that sabotage my opportunity to change and expand within my living here. I see and realize that allowing these mind energies of procrastinating and laziness only limits me and diminishes me as this is what I am existing as limitation and self diminishment as I am not expanding myself be retracting into myself. I understand and see that I am more then my mind resistances and limitations and thus I push myself to walk through all resistances and mind reactions to thus walk in stability and do whatever it is that needs to be done to get life here one and equal as myself. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to react in resentfulness towards other I am blaming due to my desire to take out my anger, irritation, and anxious energies on to others so I don't have to face them and deal with the responsibilities that I have abdicated to know because its has accumulated to such an extent I can't blame any longer as it's obvious the issue is me. I realize and see that resentfulness is a form of spitefulness due to my own lack of self movement and consideration for others and just abusing others because I will not control myself and face myself within what I have created and change to correct this.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to abdicate myself responsibility to life here and abuse it to gain my own self high through energy build up and release and accepting myself to be spiteful and abusive towards others that are innocent within these situations because I do not want to face myself and push myself, sabotaging myself to live among others in peace and create myself as life here. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to spite life and really I see spiting myself within blaming and resentfulness as I am abdicating my chance to really live as I will not give this to another, but abuse and hurt others because I accept and allow energy to direct me as I have accepted my ego as polarity to play out in my world. I realize and see that allowing energies as mind to direct me through existing within polarity play outs of happy times/hard times, I am creating myself into a vacuum of cycles that only cause abuse to others as I act on this without any self direction and I then diminis myself as I separate myself from life.

My Self Correction:

When and as I go into points of laziness and procrastination, I breath and push through the task I am doing to thus show to myself I don't limit myself nor bound to the energies of the mind. I stop these energies as resistances from directing me and thus I realize I will stop the blame and resentfulness towards others in my world as an outflow of this procrastination and laziness behavior. When and as I stop accepting myself to live into resistances I will build my self will and self trust and thus be able to walk through all my responsibilities and manage my time effective to be the most effective being I can be. Here I breath and allow these energies to pass as I stop myself from reacting and direct myself in oneness and equality with all life as me in what ever comes my way, I stand and walk in common sense for what is best for all.

I commit myself to stop blame and resentfulness towards others in my life as I will take responsibility for myself, and push myself to become effective in my living and do what I can do to help bring equality here.

I commit myself to push through all resistances as they arise always within the direction and discipline of my own self equality and oneness with life as I see and realize what is real is who I am as a living being walking and breathing with and as the equality and oneness of all life.

I commit myself to always consider the other within any point that comes up as blame or resentfulness as I stop these points of self abdication onto another, and I walk the re-alignment with myself with all life to thus be able to solve issues in stability and self responsibility rather then go into the mind and create separation unnecessarily as I realize and see all here is me. 

blaming, resentful, tantrum, life's a drag, lazy people, blame game, labor, mind, energies, reactions, desteni, journey to life, 2012

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