Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Day 4- Me as the Manipulator and the Haste that this Creates

Within others I have found that I have desires to get what I want out of them and whatever the situation may be and thus I create a polarity play-out of fear where I am always in fear of losing whatever the point is that I desire, so thus I create an impatience and a haste within myself to always be moving quick and manipulating what is going on so thus I can gain the best opportunity to get what I want. When I hast and rush tho I mess up and make mistakes because I am missing myself here in breath living, but always I am within my head in desires and future projections to plan and create the pathway for me to get the best outcome possible for me so I can be satisfied, this within the mind as energy.

There is thus a point of manipulation occuring as I go into self compromise to make sure that my desires are met, and so I manipulate the situation or the people to go the way I want, so I can get a certain outcome. As I have lived this play-out I have missed the opportunity to really live here within equality in self honesty with the other as this physical reality as I realize the sense of more and fulfilling desire through manipulation as an ego personality is not who I am and is not real as it cause abuse to the other and to myself. Til here no further I stop all manipulation, impatiences, and desire for more, and with this the play-out of fearing losing what it is I desire, I forgive myself and let go of these mind energies as I am here and I live equal and one to all.

I forgive allowing and accepting fear of lose to direct me into this constant state of rush where I allow and accept myself to go quick and to haste as I believe and see myself missing something if I don't get through tasks as quick as possible. Within this I realize that I am compromising myself within living perfection within what I am doing because when I rush I miss the specificity of perfection within living as living in specificity require patience, diligence, and focus, and when I am in a rush to get something done I am none of these things, but only in future projection to get to the next thing, whatever that thing is, just get whats in front of me done so I can move on.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to have a fear that I will miss something as I have the desire within self interest to gain specific things in my agenda when say I am with another chatting or with another at work, I move quickly through task to thus be able to get what I need out so there is no chance that I will miss my opportunity to get what I want that I desire form the other. I realize and see that through this desire and need to get something from the other I am compromising myself by separating myself and manipulating the situation from the starting point of being with them for more then just being here, and I see and realize that I must stop these desires for an ulterior motive as I am missing myself here as life and thus abusing life within self interest ego to get my desires met.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to be in separation with others I am with within this ulterior motive of a desire to get what I want out of the situation be it information, advice, a possession, sympathy, praise, in an attempt to exalt my ego and satisfy the desire for more over what the person is willing to give and is aware of within communication.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to be deceptive and manipulative with others when I desire to get something from them by not making them aware that I am shaping and shifting my words and actions to thus get what I want out of the situation. I realize and see that separating myself within desire and manipulation in my own self interest is deceptive and compromise my trust as a being of life. I see and stop this point of deception as I see what is valued and what is real is when trust within physical expression as equals here is built and maintained through time. I live self honesty, I live transparency, I live as equal to all life here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to then become embarrassed when I mess up within my living due to this rush and haste I am living as, because I am not here but in my head as figuring out ways to get what I want and thus missing myself here within living. I realize and see that this embarrassment is an indication that I am not in fact real but in my head within judgments of myself and others. Also, missing myself here as the life around me and causing unnecessary accidents or mishaps based on my impatiences and rushing through things, when I realize and see that I could slow down and be patience within myself here focusing and being specific within what I am doing to thus not miss steps and be aware of all that needs to be taken into consideration.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to have ulterior motives when with others and thus be focused on my own self interest desires instead the other as me. I realize and see that I would not want this for myself so I stop this within myself and stop abusing life within manipulation and ego.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to exist within impatiences and thus cause myself to be out of focus and miss points within my world that if I slowed down would see and realize. Also, I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to use impatiences as a backdoor to not have to face myself and thus compromise my process due to the irresponsibility that I accept when I allow myself to rush and loss focus as I allow the impatiences to direct me into a form of chaos within myself and losing the awareness and responsibility to the specificity within detail I am to consider and be aware of in regards to who I am as my mind so I can take responsibility for me and change me which require patiences and diligences.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to compromise my process to life within desiring to get things form others without there knowledge and based on this fear of losing my opportunity to get something from others, I rush and am impatient because I believe that there is not enough time to get all that I want done. I realize and see that to compromise process is to compromise my life and all the life that exist here, so thus I stop manipulation and desires for something more and live here within breath, in specificity, and stop all fears of lose as I have nothing to lose as I realize all that is here is me and thus I can never be lost  or lose anything or anyone because I am always here.
My Self Correction:

When and as this point of urgency and fear of loss arise within myself, I stop and breath, and stop all the thoughts, desires, and backchat motives of trying to get something out of someone that is manipulated and only for my own self interests. I realize and see that I am here as life and thus by definition of who I am I exist within all that is here, there is no limitation so thus no need to rush nor be in fear of lose. I realize and see that these desires are from the mind as ego so I stop my ego from directing me by stopping impatience, fears, and desires and live here for what is best for all which will always be what is best for me. Also, I stop myself as I go into manipulation within abusing life as I am separating myself to have more then myself here, and thus spiting myself within compromise by living in the mind as desire while the reality of the situation I am existing as is abusing life and really diminishing myself as I separate myself from who I am one and equal with all as the physical.

I commit myself to live within and as patience's in the specificity and focus to understand myself as creator and thus take full responsibility for my creation, to thus forgive myself for my faulty living, and recreate myself as life anew to a world were I/we are perfected within living as a system that support life equal and one to what is here as the physical as ourselves.

I commit to stop this point of fear of loss and thus create the polarity of desire for more. I within myself take responsibility for both these creations and thus live within breath here in equilibrium with all and creating solutions for all that all can embrace and be supported with.

I commit myself to live without limitations and thus without motives for any point of desire for more and thus embrace myself as life here as the physical and thus give as I would like to receive and love my neighbor as I would like to be loved until life is here and is in full expression.

manipulator, manipulation, haste, rush, impatience, irresponsible, abusing others, self compromise, equal money, desteni, 7 year journey to life, garbrielle,

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