Day 12- Being Told I look Like a Boy and What this Triggered

I walked into work today, this is my night job, and I had taken a shower and was in comfy clothes like sweats because I have to do an overnight so I make sure I am comfortable. I also had my hair up in a tiny bun and a head band, which I haven't done for some time now because my hair has been too short so this is how these folks are use to seeing me with my hair down. I walked in and they go 'what happen to your hair, you look like a boy'. I reacted to being called a boy as feeling bad and small. I remember moments in my childhood where I would feel this feeling because I would be made fun of by my sisters or whoever about me being a tomboy. So when I was called a boy tonight, this memory of being made fun of for being a tomboy activated, and I went into inferiority and then into resentment and anger, and so my ego tried to diminish the ones who called me a boy. I didn't fully accept this, but I see that I am still being triggered by the word boyish/manly.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be offended when I was called a boy as I hold an idea that to be called a boy makes me less of a women and thus that makes me weak among others here, which I fear as I am desiring to be strong and be on top so my ego can win and I can gain power through being on top.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to desire to be on top to thus have power and control over others so I can get what I want. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into weak/strong polarities and thus activate my ego personality as a point of competition to win and get my self interest met.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have an idea that women who are masculine or men who are feminine are some how weak then women who are feminine and men who are masculine, we are all within and as our expression as human beings and thus to define ourselves within gender differentials is but another limitation that is not necessary nor relevant as I am equal with all as all here is equal with me no matter the gender, color, sexual preference, we are all equal as we are all life so thus we can live best for all life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be offended when I was told I looked like a boy as if these words define me and limit me in anyway, I realize that I am only limiting myself by creating energy within me of feeling less then and sad as I have an idea that being called a boy is not ok.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define myself by words from others in separation to myself as if these words have power over me and create limitation within me, I only am limiting myself by accepting and allowing myself to go into the mind and react to these words being spoken to me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to see the phrase 'you look like a boy' have power over me where I accept myself to go into suppression and anger due to me taking this phrase personally.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to take the phrase 'you look like a boy' personal and define myself by the feelings and memories I am holding onto in relation to the words 'you look like a boy'.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to hold onto the memory of me being made fun of as a kid because I was a tomboy and liked to play sports and do more physical play and take it personally as if there was something wrong with me because I didn't act like the other girls and play with dolls and do normal girl things.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to create the idea that girls had to act a certain way and if they were not in this way then they were seen as not normal and thus I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into inferiority when I was called out as a kid for being a tomboy and made fun of as I allowed this making fun of to re-engage the point that there is something wrong with me and that I was not a normal girl because I didn't act how a normal girl should act.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to see myself as less then other girls based on my preference to be more physical within who I am and what I do and to dress in ways that are comfortable for myself and my physical body and thus diminish this point of common sense and enjoyment for myself within an idea that this is not normal because this is not the way a women should act.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define a women based on what I see on tv as a person who dresses up in nice pretty clothes and wears their hair fancy with makeup, who is petite and flawless looking and exudes elegance within what she does and how she speaks.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to compare myself to other women who are this picture and thus go into inferiority towards them as I see myself opposite then this.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to see women within this way as superior to me and go into resentfulness towards these types of women and jealousy as I believe myself never being able to be this way as I see myself as just not feminine enough.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have an idea of what feminine is within limitation to holding onto this picture in my head and thus limiting my expression within being a women and thus defing myself by a picture that is not real as it is in my mind changing and morphing as my ideas change and morph.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to hold on to an idea of how woman should act and look like and limit me to ideas and pictures.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to limit myself due to pictures and ideas.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into anger and resentment towards women who I see within this picture of perfection because I am jealous based on the idea that I can never be this and I desire this for myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to desire to be this real women as my idea of a perfect women in my head so I can get a real men who would only go with a women who is in this high stature as I created her as being flawlessly elegant, and thus I go into envy towards these women because I see that they will get the men I want and I will have no chance with that stature of man because I am not feminine enough.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into jealousy and envy towards women in my world who is this picture of feminine elegance within my mind, and thus react to these pictures within anger because I have created an idea that they'll be able to get the man I want and I will never have a chance at him because I can't match up to these women, I am just not that way.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to have this dream guy within my mind of a tall, muscularly toned, dark featured, and handsome man and thus compare all men to this picture I have stored for the man of my dreams when I realize and see the limitations and disregard for life within this hope and admiration of a man that doesn't exist and is separating me from all the men in this world as I compare them to this picture in my head that is not real and distorted.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have this idea in my head that the women I see as superior to me as elegantly feminine will attain the man of my dreams and thus go into resentment towards all women I define in this way based on me comparing them to this picture and reacting to my own idea that is not real nor true, but I am creating it by accepting it as real.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to place ideas and pictures of how and what women within this world are going to be with men and then I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to hold onto resentfulness towards these women through comparing them with myself and thus defining them to be more then me where I go and blame them for stealing my dream guy and react to this in anger and frustration towards them.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to hold onto to a picture within my head of the ultimate male and female and thus I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to compare all life I come into contact with to these two pictures and thus go into energy reactions towards them based on my ideas about these pictures that they are superior to me and thus I go into abuse as blame and anger to diminish them so my ego as me has a chance to compete with them within my own mind as in reality I am in fear to compete with them.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to see me less then any other being in this world.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to compare and compete with other women in this world for a man and thus submit myself to ego games of competition and jealousy where I will create myself in a way of cycles of up and down due to the energy that is used of trying to be more then another and thus balancing out the equation with being less then, always cycling because this can and does play out everywhere if I accept and allow it to direct me the polarity playouts of energy as ego.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting this idea that there is a perfect man and women out there as a picture, and thus I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define and limit life to pictures as I see and realize we are not our pictures and thus I see and realize that I am not my picture I am more then pictures and thus I must stop comparing and competing with myself as others based on pictures in my mind trying to make myself acceptable when I know to live peace and stable here I must live it within myself which is through acceptance and living this acceptance with all life.

When and as I go into a point of comparison to pictures and thus go into jealousy toward a female based on the ideas I hold that they will take the guy I desire, I stop, breath, and say 'these thoughts are not real'. I continue to breath and let go of all the energy built up of anger and resentment within me of not being able to live up to these pictures and so I will let go of the pictures as ideas and images in my head and live within acceptance as myself as the physical. I walk within physical practical reality and live life based on practicality and common sense, become principled within my living as a guide to who I am and walk acceptance as equals as all life no matter any point that may arise as mind energy. I stop the energy to react to any point of separation, I let go of memories of being made fun of and reactions of words, and thus stopping the judgment of all life as I stop it within myself.

I commit to stop separating myself into a picture world.

I commit to live words and re define them so they are best for all as I stop reacting to them through energy.

I commit myself to stop judging other women and comparing myself to them as I see and will myself to walk the correction of equality and acceptance of myself as all so I can live here as self within and as who we are as life as physical beings.

I commit to stop judgment and reactions in anger by stopping my participation within memories, ideas, and beliefs about life here and thus I commit to stop defining life from the mind and live within breath in common sense and come to solution that is best for all.

I commit to continue to accept all life equal and one to me and walk the correction of unconditional self expression in oneness and equality so all life can exist in the best possible way we are able to.


women envy, being a women, women secrets, trigger point, anger, resentment, resentful women, manly, tomboy, equals, equality, equal money, eqafe, desteni, 2012