Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Day 10- The Cycle of Desire/Need and Jealousy - Part 2

Self Forgiveness on Defining Myself as Another through and as Ego-

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to define myself by another being in the relationship of seeing myself in comparision to who they are and thus creating a value judgment about the relationship between us within a positive/negative polarity playout.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to exist within polarities as positive/negative playouts to any being within my world as a relationship definition to thus be able to have an expectation where I can gain energy due to the relationship definition I have created to the other being and thus going into the polarity playout of being able to gain energy if they live up to my expectation or not, either way I will be able to have an experience that which I am seeking to define myself by.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to seek out experience to thus define myself by and create more upgraded ideas and beliefs about myself to thus be able to create myself in a more refined way to be better then others and be able to gain good feelings thru my ego being exalted by others as I play the game of the system as win/lose scenario survival relationships.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to seek out these relationships where I am able to have my ego exalted and validated thus trapping another in my ego games as the cycle of positive and negative is lived until it has run it's course and the relationship die or the ego die as the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to create a form of a 'need' in relationship to another being in my world as I have created this relationship definition and thus to know who I am I now need this other as a comparison point in my world so I can create myself from this, this based on the desire to be on the top of the polarity to gain the 'good' or  'positive' feelings and ignoring the balancing act and thus not using common sense that I will thus live out the negative feelings as well which i don't enjoy.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to exist only in the point of ego to gain energy from others in my world as I compete and compare myself through creating relationships of polarities and thus creating a race against myself to keep these feeling flowing as I sabotage myself with another to keep these relationships of energy continuing even though I realize it's sabotaging me and creating outflows of abuse and self diminishment.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to use my ego as my god to thus be able to go through my life and find the specific points as other beings who will be 'good' candidates to feed this desire I have to be seen by others as special and gain these feelings this create, but within this I am only using life for my own desires to be more then the other life here so I can exalt my ego and feel 'good' about myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to believe that what life is about is competing and having fun and being 'happy' not realizing and being aware that I am creating these fleeting feelings of fun and happiness through my own ideas of what this entails, and thus is always in the starting point of me being the best which is not real as life is not in separation as polarities but here within oneness. I realize and see that being the best within and as my world will cause me to be last as I don't consider the other equal and one to me thus I will lose myself within this cycle as energy runs out and illusion will die when I as the physical die. I realize I can only live as life if I am of life which is physically here within equality and oneness no mind, no ego, no competition.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to use others in my world to get energy and thus abuse them to gain feelings for myself based on me not accept myself as the other and thus living within inferiority so thus I balanced out the cycle by existing within superiority, trying to be special, more, better then the other in relation to me because from the starting point I did not accept mysel fas one with life as who I really am anyway.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to compare myself with the others in my world and judge others based on the physical look, based on their intelligence, based on their abilities within physical movements or in any skill we engage in, and thus base my conclusion of the being in relation to me, I will not see the equality, but only see and live out how I can be better or exalt myself when I have seen that I am more within my idea of what is better within the points I just listed or take notes of where I can upgrade to be better.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to hold ideas of what is 'good' and 'bad' in relation to the beings I meet and thus size them up and compare myself and always look for a competition so I can see where i need to upgrade and refine my ego so I can be the winner and stay on top.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to exist within survival and believing that I have to stay on top and be the winner to be liked and seen as acceptable as I hold this on to others and defined them and accepted them based on these terms of living up to my idea of what is acceptable and what is not.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to hold onto a definition of life here in separation as a polarity play out of good/bad to be able to define myself here and survive due to the limits I placed on myself by creating ideas and definitions of life on what is acceptable and what is not instead of realizing and understanding that there is no need to put limitations on our expressions as life and there is no need to be acceptable if one accept themselves equal and one to all life as all here is this in fact so it is recognizing and living the truth of who we are here as one and equal with eachother, that is everything that exists.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to miss the truth of who I am as life by being within the mind as illusions and definitions of ego personality play outs as pictures, ideas, beliefs, and thoughts that I had limited myself to by defining myself by this, so thus I realize to stop this polarity playout I must accept all here as myself and stop separating myself into ideas, beliefs, pictures, and thoughts that come from the mind which I realize is illusion and not real, and live here in breath and just stop participating in these limitations.

When and as this point of defining life and separating myself into good/bad polarity playouts within comparison and competition in my world arises, I stop breath, and push myself to stay within breath, letting go of all forms of mind energy and the energy addiction to gain from the life I am living with, but continue to breath, live in and as the physical, and walk one and equal with the other as me until this is a stable point of understanding in living as I see and realize that competing and comparing myself to other life forms to try and be better is not real as I see and understand as who I am is all that is here, there is no need to compete as I am only competing with myself, and thus be able to build self from this expression in equality to all that exist to thus create a world that is best for all.

I commit myself to stop judging and comparing myself to other beings in my world and forming relationships with them within the starting point of feeding my ego as energy polarity play outs.

I commit to stop separating myself into polarities and walk one and equal by accepting myself for who I am and seeing myself within and as each one I come in contact with and thus I commit to walk this until I am here equal and one as the physical.

I commit to stop comparing myself to others and stop the thoughts, ideas, and beliefs that there is a goal I have to reach, but remain here in the physical in the within practical solution of walking as equals so we can stop the separation of ourselves as I stop this within myself.

I commit to accept me here with all life and stop all separation until it no longer moves me.

I commit to stop the addiction to energy and live here in physical reality as what is real is here in physical reality and who I am is here as physical as my body is made of the source of life as physical living substance, and I walk to equalize myself and align with the physical substance of life that I realize and am aware I am.

Self Forgiveness on Jealousy

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to exist within the energy as emotion of jealousy accepting and allowing this to be real for me as I have separated myself from life and thus created this emotion as jealousy to compensate for the lack and inferiority I feel of myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting jealousy to direct me in moments where I have accepted and created the idea that I need to diminish and take down life around me as I am only seeing through my minds eyes as ego personality competing and thus defining myself by comparisons.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting me to compare and thus go into competition with the life that is here as I realize that I am only competing with my own mind and thus it will only stop when i stop my mind as separations and bring myself here as breath in the physical reality of where life is in fact.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to thus go into jealousy when I believe I have been treated unfairly and thus am not getting treated within a way I expect from another.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to take what others do/say/act towards me personally and thus define myself within expectations of who and how beings should act and be towards me so I can have control over what is going to happen.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to desire control over what is going to happen with the people I am with and thus when it doesn't work out the way I desired I go into jealousy and blame towards others based on me holding onto an idea that I should always get what I want and then blaming someone and becoming resentful towards them based on idea of only having my own self interest in mind when their is a whole world of considerations and to be in ego is just an illusion I am accepting and allowing to limit me into diminishment.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to abuse life within creating jealousy when I see another is not doing what I expect of them and thus within my backchat go into demonizing them and degrading them so I can be on top and have myself be the winner, even if it is only in my own mind. Here I realize I am only creating myself as the de-man as I devalued myself as life by separating myself from myself and then blaming another for my own creation and consequence of who I had created myself to be, abdicating responsibility and thus I abdicated my chance at being life in equality as I wouldn't give it to another.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to create backchat as ego and jealousy to diminish others in separation because I am not accept myself here and thus not allowing life to live one and equal with what is here as physical. I realize and see to stop this cycle of desire / expectation and jealousy I must breath here and walk within the physical, become physical, and stop my thoughts that manifest the emotions/feelings/ideas/beliefs that separate me from the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to not accept myself here and thus go into ego as wanting control and my desires met and when reality does not match up to this I go into resentfulness and become jealousy towards others, which cause abuse in my thoughts as I desire to take them down and diminish them any way I can.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to be possessed by a certain person and thus go into jealousy when any other point come in and take the energy away from me that I was gaining from that relationship and thus go into sabotage mode to sabotage any chance they have with the other as my desire for this person overrides common sense and equality with all as I am existing in survival to continue the energy I am addicted to of my ego being exalted through becoming the best in my world as I see it through my mind.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to sabotage myself based on not accept life here as is and needing validation and praise form others so I can feel good about myself and see that i am ok.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to desire validation from others as I see myself less then others.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to see life more then me and thus go into the energy playout of desiring to be more and thus allowing jealousy to playout as I am competing with everyone around me and having the energy of good feelings as praise become an addiction and when I don't get it I go into jealousy as envy as I see others get it and I want it so I abuse to thus get them on my level and then be able to compete again and have a chance at the good feelings again, only living from my mind as energy consumption as an ego personality.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to become addicted to energy as good feelings and thus also become addicted to the polarity of that as bad feelings as they both give me a rush and I have accepted this as myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to limit myself within who I am here within energy rushes and so I see I must stop participating in the energies by getting real, stop existing in polarities in separation, and become humble as the physical as who I am.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to abuse life in separation to try and survive as I have not allowed myself to really live as i am not really living but existing within the mind as energy playouts. I realize I am not energy, life is not energy, and thus I must stop the participation in the energy as the mind as I stop the participation in the mind as I see and realize i ma life and life is eternally here, it's always been here, I have missed it as I have not been here but in my mind in illusional alternate realities I created as ego personalities. I don't accept myself to abuse life in self interest, so I walk in humbleness and slowly disengage my ego and stop the separation of myself as life here in the physical by accepting each and all parts as me step by step, breath by breath.

When and as these points of jealousy and desires for control of another come up, I stop and breath, and let go of the energy addiction, allow it to go through me through breathing continually and stopping the thoughts as they come, walking within acceptance of myself as all here. I stop taking things personally as I realize that we are all walking our processes and I can direct myself to walk in the physical which is equal and one, when I become offended by another I stop and do not allow the emotions of jealousy to be activated and lived out. I walk within and as acceptance of all here as myself and live as an example to show who we really are as life and that we are not limited to the mind as energies as I walk this process out of my mind and birth myself as the physical.

I commit to stop jealousy in all its forms, walk and continue to stop the jealousy within backchat and stop the acting out of it into the act of abusing another.

I stop separating myself into ideas and desires as expectations of others and walk as the physical equal and one to all as all here is me as life, this is how I would want to be treated thus I give this to another as I may receive it as myself.

I commit to stopping the abuse of life as myself as ego in competition and so I commit to accept myself as all life and walk in oneness with all as I realize life is a gift and I have to accept it as myself to live it for real.

I stop seeing myself inferior to life and thus I stop and commit to stop the polarity play out of competition through seeing life in this inferior/superior playout in comparison with me. I commit to stop comparing myself with others breathing here, and walking the correction of equality with all life as myself.

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