Day 249 – The Vengeful Character – Ownership

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For Further Perspective on the Vengeful Character, check out these Blogs:
Day 244 - How is Vengefulness Created within me? –Vengeful Character
Day 245 - I am An Addict - Opening Up More on Vengefulness
Day 246 - The Family Unit and the Vengeful Character
Day 247 - The Vengeful Character – “Believing I Require Possessing” Self Forgiveness
Day 248 – The Vengeful Character – “Believing I Require Possessing” Self Commitments to Live

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that what I bought or was given by another is mine, and no other person has the right to touch it, take it, use it, or have it without my permission.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take it personal when someone takes what is mine in ownership of something I bought or was given to me without my permission, and accept emotions of anger and annoyance for them just taking without asking me first.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume that those who take my stuff without permission are doing it to be spiteful as I accept the backchat thought of ‘they are so inconsiderate and rude’ and then from this thought react in anger towards them and live this out by becoming short and harsh with them without giving them a chance to explain the facts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that what I have in my possession is mine not realizing that this ownership is also giving the object or possession ownership of me, where I have defined myself as ok or not if I have the possession or not, and thus am moved by the absence of this object and becoming emotional about it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become emotional attached to an object within a point of fear of loss because I have defined myself in and through a feeling experience of completeness when having it, and thus when it is gone am not stable within myself and react in energy outburst because I believe I will not get it back.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put more value on objects that I have paid for or been given based on the money that was spent over the life that it is I am harming and becoming angry towards them based on believing I have lost something that is more valuable then the value of the life that I am abusing without even hereing the facts of the other persons side of the story.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place more value and care on my possessions based on making money more valuable then life within this example here that I abuse those when I think I am being put at a lose rather then being equal with them and giving them equal value as life as myself and allowing them to speak and share there story, and not judging them and becoming emotional for what they say.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek revenge on another for taking my possessions based on accepting the backchat thought that they are inconsiderate and rude and then allow the anger to accumulate in my mind without me directing the point with the other, but become vengeful and nasty to them without any chance of reconciliation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make money more valuable then life itself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with what is in my possession based on becoming addicted to the feeling experiences I get from them as completion for a moment and thus missing the reality that I am living within and harming as I am being blinded by these feelings and following my experiences of fear of lose rather then life here in reality in equal value among all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss reality due to being addicted to feelings and then becoming addicted to objects based on attaching these feelings to the object that has triggered these fears of lose when someone takes the object without asking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept these nice feelings to direct me when having something I like and overtake me into a possession of becoming vengeful to others if I lose this feeling and they were the reason for that, being in blame rather then bringing it back to myself and seeing where I missed or jumped to conclusions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with objects as more or less then other life rather then seeing all here in equality and give as how I would like to receive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take my objects that are here in my world personal and believe these objects define me and how I will live.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be define by external things rather then seeing all as an extension of myself and living from a point of giving rather then taking from others, were the giving will result in me always getting as well as you receive what you give eventually.

I forgive myself that I have accepted a need and desire for things in my world to define me through the feelings they give me as excitement and entertainment rather then defining myself by what is real through the way I live and treat others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take others actions personal and blame them for my own abdication in not sticking to breath and going about in equality and common sense the reasons for what occurred and coming to solutions that will be best for all.

For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to Life
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki

Day 248 – The Vengeful Character – “Believing I Require Possessing” Self Commitments to Live

Photo Source

For Further Perspective on the Vengeful Character, check out these Blogs:
Day 244 - How is Vengefulness Created within me? –Vengeful Character
Day 245 - I am An Addict - Opening Up More on Vengefulness
Day 246 - The Family Unit and the Vengeful Character
Day 247 - The Vengeful Character – “Believing I Require Possessing” Self Forgiveness

When and as I go into a desire or a need of something within my external world through my mind, I stop and breath, and realize that this need or desire is there based on something within myself that I am not giving to myself or accepting about myself, and so within this I am seeking outside myself what I realize is already here within me, I just have to accept it as me and correct it into equality and oneness with life.

I commit myself to investigate this desire and/or need that arise within me to go and search for something outside myself, and find the origin to what it is I am searching for and why through my own self investigation so I can give it back to myself and stand as it to correct it into alignment with what is best for all and essentially what is best for me as all through me living this change in my self realizations in these points through writing and corrective change.

I commit myself to walk the necessary process it will take to let go of all desires and needs outside myself and live within and as my own self direction giving to myself what I desire or need within a practical sense, and investigating and correcting everything that comes from an energy movement.

I commit myself to let go of the desire to not want to see myself and what it is I don’t want to accept by breathing through this and embracing all of myself in the realization that this is needed for real change, all is here in equality and thus I am all that is here, so there is no need for any energy, but only understanding of myself in what is here in the moment and walking the corrections in the moments to come until I have corrected this point and I stable in not being directed by desires.

When and as I go into a possession of fear of loss or lack within me, I stop and breath, and I realize this is purely a mind possession as I am not taking responsibility for what it is that is creating this fear. I realize that I am creating everything that is going on within my world and my mind, and thus I am denying this point of myself in something that is not real as fear and so I realize I have to let go of the fear to therefore be able to investigate it and see it as myself in all it's facets and dimensions to a correction within a stability as myself is reached.

I commit myself to stop what I am doing within a possession of the mind in fear of loss or lack and cross reference with another what I am seeing/doing to get support.

I commit myself to let go of my desires for a certain outcome and thus create a fear that this will not pan out by embracing what is here and working with what is here in each moment rather then resisting it and going into fear as restriction.

I commit myself to embrace what is here as myself and find ways to solution with what it is I am facing through becoming self honest, open, and vulnerable with others, and using common sense to sort things out rather then go into a point of competition mentality and restriction in mind creations of taking tings personal.

When and as I see I am going into a point of desire to take from others what I believe I have lost or was taken from me, I stop and breath, and realize that if anything has gone missing or taken by another, it is not to go into a state of reaction in emotion and create an abuse towards this person in a form of revenge, but breath and let it go, look at the point in common sense and practical terms and direct it into a solution that is stable and able to be looked at by both parties equally in communication and understanding walking the talk of putting myself in the others shoes as I would want for myself.

I commit myself to not take personal anything that was taken or goes missing in my world realizing that I am not defined by these items and that if and as a solution open up, I must direct myself within it free of energy but in stability as a communication with the other considering them as equal and walking to an understanding in an agreement, if not able to in this moment, let it go and walk common sense to see a solution in replacing it or finding other means of getting it again if really necessary.

I commit to walk in stability with another as my equal as I am seeing this as a point of misunderstanding that needs feedback and solution through common sense and consideration in communication, letting go of the desire to abuse this through letting go of the personal attachment to what it is that is now not with me.

I commit to stop the desire to get even as I see this cause abuse and that the other is myself in a different moment in their living where they have not yet realized the point of give as you would like to receive.

I commit to give to all what I would like to receive until all here have what is necessary to live and all share what is necessary for enjoyment and thus all benefit equally in a stable and peaceful environment as what I am currently creating within self as this is what is best for all and will be best for me.

For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to Life
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki

Day 247 – The Vengeful Character – “Believing I Require Possessing” Self Forgiveness

Photo Source

For Further Persepctive on the Vengeful Character, check out these Blogs:
Day 244 – How is Vengefulness Created within me? –Vengeful Character
Day 245- I am An Addict - Opening Up More on Vengefulness

Day 246 –The Family Unit and the Vengeful Character


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a need and desire for something/someone outside of myself and a belief of need of possession and ownership of that something or someone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see lack within me where I created this need and desire for fulfillment within myself of gaining back what I don’t think I have within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe who I am is lacking in anyway whatsoever.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from others in where I have created this belief that I lack and thus require to attain from another this lack that needs now fulfillment within self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that to fulfill myself I have to attain all the beliefs within my mind that I think I lack such as something or someone in my world that is now gone or been taken away.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself then to create a belief that through this lack I ammissing something and thus create an idea that someone else has what I need.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to then create the desire to take from others what is I have now believed is mine and they have with no care of the what the truth is just a fulfillment of my need to have this lack now filled within me with what it is I think am not getting from others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create anger towards others if I am not given what it is I believe is mine upon request.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into ego in taking it personally that what is not given to me by another that I feel is mine is done by insult.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take others act of not giving in to me personal and not realize that they are just reflecting me back to myself in showing who I am being within this idea that I/We lack and we need things from external forces (this excluding the physical needs required to live in this world like air, food, water, ect.)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to then abuse the other within thought, word, and/or deed, and create a consequence within the other’s life as well as my life that is harmful.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed abuse onto others for my idea that what’s mine is mine and that those who what give me what I want/believe I lack is a personal attack on me and thus I must fight back to get what I believe I must get and need to live.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see others taking things from me as a personal attack onto myself and thus I must defend myself and my stuff.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself when taken things personal and go into defensive mode, go into a form of hardening within myself where I will not consider the other in anyway whats so ever but only look at making myself right.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire my own self righteousness over the care and honor of all life that I am interacting with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider the other or others as seeing from their shoes so to speak, and thus only defend my own self interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to choose the mind as ego in self interest over the life of others here and the abuse I am causing onto others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed taking things personal instead of seeing what is here and creating solutions where all benefit using the equality equation 1+1=2.

Self Commitments to follow.

For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to LIfe
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki

Day 10- The Cycle of Desire/Need and Jealousy - Part 2

Self Forgiveness on Defining Myself as Another through and as Ego-

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to define myself by another being in the relationship of seeing myself in comparision to who they are and thus creating a value judgment about the relationship between us within a positive/negative polarity playout.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to exist within polarities as positive/negative playouts to any being within my world as a relationship definition to thus be able to have an expectation where I can gain energy due to the relationship definition I have created to the other being and thus going into the polarity playout of being able to gain energy if they live up to my expectation or not, either way I will be able to have an experience that which I am seeking to define myself by.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to seek out experience to thus define myself by and create more upgraded ideas and beliefs about myself to thus be able to create myself in a more refined way to be better then others and be able to gain good feelings thru my ego being exalted by others as I play the game of the system as win/lose scenario survival relationships.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to seek out these relationships where I am able to have my ego exalted and validated thus trapping another in my ego games as the cycle of positive and negative is lived until it has run it's course and the relationship die or the ego die as the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to create a form of a 'need' in relationship to another being in my world as I have created this relationship definition and thus to know who I am I now need this other as a comparison point in my world so I can create myself from this, this based on the desire to be on the top of the polarity to gain the 'good' or  'positive' feelings and ignoring the balancing act and thus not using common sense that I will thus live out the negative feelings as well which i don't enjoy.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to exist only in the point of ego to gain energy from others in my world as I compete and compare myself through creating relationships of polarities and thus creating a race against myself to keep these feeling flowing as I sabotage myself with another to keep these relationships of energy continuing even though I realize it's sabotaging me and creating outflows of abuse and self diminishment.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to use my ego as my god to thus be able to go through my life and find the specific points as other beings who will be 'good' candidates to feed this desire I have to be seen by others as special and gain these feelings this create, but within this I am only using life for my own desires to be more then the other life here so I can exalt my ego and feel 'good' about myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to believe that what life is about is competing and having fun and being 'happy' not realizing and being aware that I am creating these fleeting feelings of fun and happiness through my own ideas of what this entails, and thus is always in the starting point of me being the best which is not real as life is not in separation as polarities but here within oneness. I realize and see that being the best within and as my world will cause me to be last as I don't consider the other equal and one to me thus I will lose myself within this cycle as energy runs out and illusion will die when I as the physical die. I realize I can only live as life if I am of life which is physically here within equality and oneness no mind, no ego, no competition.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to use others in my world to get energy and thus abuse them to gain feelings for myself based on me not accept myself as the other and thus living within inferiority so thus I balanced out the cycle by existing within superiority, trying to be special, more, better then the other in relation to me because from the starting point I did not accept mysel fas one with life as who I really am anyway.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to compare myself with the others in my world and judge others based on the physical look, based on their intelligence, based on their abilities within physical movements or in any skill we engage in, and thus base my conclusion of the being in relation to me, I will not see the equality, but only see and live out how I can be better or exalt myself when I have seen that I am more within my idea of what is better within the points I just listed or take notes of where I can upgrade to be better.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to hold ideas of what is 'good' and 'bad' in relation to the beings I meet and thus size them up and compare myself and always look for a competition so I can see where i need to upgrade and refine my ego so I can be the winner and stay on top.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to exist within survival and believing that I have to stay on top and be the winner to be liked and seen as acceptable as I hold this on to others and defined them and accepted them based on these terms of living up to my idea of what is acceptable and what is not.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to hold onto a definition of life here in separation as a polarity play out of good/bad to be able to define myself here and survive due to the limits I placed on myself by creating ideas and definitions of life on what is acceptable and what is not instead of realizing and understanding that there is no need to put limitations on our expressions as life and there is no need to be acceptable if one accept themselves equal and one to all life as all here is this in fact so it is recognizing and living the truth of who we are here as one and equal with eachother, that is everything that exists.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to miss the truth of who I am as life by being within the mind as illusions and definitions of ego personality play outs as pictures, ideas, beliefs, and thoughts that I had limited myself to by defining myself by this, so thus I realize to stop this polarity playout I must accept all here as myself and stop separating myself into ideas, beliefs, pictures, and thoughts that come from the mind which I realize is illusion and not real, and live here in breath and just stop participating in these limitations.

When and as this point of defining life and separating myself into good/bad polarity playouts within comparison and competition in my world arises, I stop breath, and push myself to stay within breath, letting go of all forms of mind energy and the energy addiction to gain from the life I am living with, but continue to breath, live in and as the physical, and walk one and equal with the other as me until this is a stable point of understanding in living as I see and realize that competing and comparing myself to other life forms to try and be better is not real as I see and understand as who I am is all that is here, there is no need to compete as I am only competing with myself, and thus be able to build self from this expression in equality to all that exist to thus create a world that is best for all.

I commit myself to stop judging and comparing myself to other beings in my world and forming relationships with them within the starting point of feeding my ego as energy polarity play outs.

I commit to stop separating myself into polarities and walk one and equal by accepting myself for who I am and seeing myself within and as each one I come in contact with and thus I commit to walk this until I am here equal and one as the physical.

I commit to stop comparing myself to others and stop the thoughts, ideas, and beliefs that there is a goal I have to reach, but remain here in the physical in the within practical solution of walking as equals so we can stop the separation of ourselves as I stop this within myself.

I commit to accept me here with all life and stop all separation until it no longer moves me.

I commit to stop the addiction to energy and live here in physical reality as what is real is here in physical reality and who I am is here as physical as my body is made of the source of life as physical living substance, and I walk to equalize myself and align with the physical substance of life that I realize and am aware I am.


Self Forgiveness on Jealousy

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to exist within the energy as emotion of jealousy accepting and allowing this to be real for me as I have separated myself from life and thus created this emotion as jealousy to compensate for the lack and inferiority I feel of myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting jealousy to direct me in moments where I have accepted and created the idea that I need to diminish and take down life around me as I am only seeing through my minds eyes as ego personality competing and thus defining myself by comparisons.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting me to compare and thus go into competition with the life that is here as I realize that I am only competing with my own mind and thus it will only stop when i stop my mind as separations and bring myself here as breath in the physical reality of where life is in fact.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to thus go into jealousy when I believe I have been treated unfairly and thus am not getting treated within a way I expect from another.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to take what others do/say/act towards me personally and thus define myself within expectations of who and how beings should act and be towards me so I can have control over what is going to happen.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to desire control over what is going to happen with the people I am with and thus when it doesn't work out the way I desired I go into jealousy and blame towards others based on me holding onto an idea that I should always get what I want and then blaming someone and becoming resentful towards them based on idea of only having my own self interest in mind when their is a whole world of considerations and to be in ego is just an illusion I am accepting and allowing to limit me into diminishment.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to abuse life within creating jealousy when I see another is not doing what I expect of them and thus within my backchat go into demonizing them and degrading them so I can be on top and have myself be the winner, even if it is only in my own mind. Here I realize I am only creating myself as the de-man as I devalued myself as life by separating myself from myself and then blaming another for my own creation and consequence of who I had created myself to be, abdicating responsibility and thus I abdicated my chance at being life in equality as I wouldn't give it to another.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to create backchat as ego and jealousy to diminish others in separation because I am not accept myself here and thus not allowing life to live one and equal with what is here as physical. I realize and see to stop this cycle of desire / expectation and jealousy I must breath here and walk within the physical, become physical, and stop my thoughts that manifest the emotions/feelings/ideas/beliefs that separate me from the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to not accept myself here and thus go into ego as wanting control and my desires met and when reality does not match up to this I go into resentfulness and become jealousy towards others, which cause abuse in my thoughts as I desire to take them down and diminish them any way I can.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to be possessed by a certain person and thus go into jealousy when any other point come in and take the energy away from me that I was gaining from that relationship and thus go into sabotage mode to sabotage any chance they have with the other as my desire for this person overrides common sense and equality with all as I am existing in survival to continue the energy I am addicted to of my ego being exalted through becoming the best in my world as I see it through my mind.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to sabotage myself based on not accept life here as is and needing validation and praise form others so I can feel good about myself and see that i am ok.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to desire validation from others as I see myself less then others.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to see life more then me and thus go into the energy playout of desiring to be more and thus allowing jealousy to playout as I am competing with everyone around me and having the energy of good feelings as praise become an addiction and when I don't get it I go into jealousy as envy as I see others get it and I want it so I abuse to thus get them on my level and then be able to compete again and have a chance at the good feelings again, only living from my mind as energy consumption as an ego personality.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to become addicted to energy as good feelings and thus also become addicted to the polarity of that as bad feelings as they both give me a rush and I have accepted this as myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to limit myself within who I am here within energy rushes and so I see I must stop participating in the energies by getting real, stop existing in polarities in separation, and become humble as the physical as who I am.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to abuse life in separation to try and survive as I have not allowed myself to really live as i am not really living but existing within the mind as energy playouts. I realize I am not energy, life is not energy, and thus I must stop the participation in the energy as the mind as I stop the participation in the mind as I see and realize i ma life and life is eternally here, it's always been here, I have missed it as I have not been here but in my mind in illusional alternate realities I created as ego personalities. I don't accept myself to abuse life in self interest, so I walk in humbleness and slowly disengage my ego and stop the separation of myself as life here in the physical by accepting each and all parts as me step by step, breath by breath.

When and as these points of jealousy and desires for control of another come up, I stop and breath, and let go of the energy addiction, allow it to go through me through breathing continually and stopping the thoughts as they come, walking within acceptance of myself as all here. I stop taking things personally as I realize that we are all walking our processes and I can direct myself to walk in the physical which is equal and one, when I become offended by another I stop and do not allow the emotions of jealousy to be activated and lived out. I walk within and as acceptance of all here as myself and live as an example to show who we really are as life and that we are not limited to the mind as energies as I walk this process out of my mind and birth myself as the physical.

I commit to stop jealousy in all its forms, walk and continue to stop the jealousy within backchat and stop the acting out of it into the act of abusing another.

I stop separating myself into ideas and desires as expectations of others and walk as the physical equal and one to all as all here is me as life, this is how I would want to be treated thus I give this to another as I may receive it as myself.

I commit to stopping the abuse of life as myself as ego in competition and so I commit to accept myself as all life and walk in oneness with all as I realize life is a gift and I have to accept it as myself to live it for real.

I stop seeing myself inferior to life and thus I stop and commit to stop the polarity play out of competition through seeing life in this inferior/superior playout in comparison with me. I commit to stop comparing myself with others breathing here, and walking the correction of equality with all life as myself.

Day 9- The Cycle of Desire/Need and Jealousy - Part 1

Within growing up I have always played into this play out of desiring a person in my world to hang with, be around, and thus give me feedback in terms of who I am and what I am doing. Within this the starting point was always ego as it wasn't about me growing and expanding within my equality and oneness with the other in living expression, but it was to see how they make me feel, if they can see how 'special' I am, and so I can compare myself to these people and give myself a gauge to where I am in terms of creating myself as the best. So I look for points such as, do I match up to this person? Am I better skilled? am I better looking? am I smarter? Within this relationship play out over my whole life basically it has been about me in comparison and competition, to fulfill my self interest desires to be seen as special and the best to thus be able to exalt my ego as my mind in stimulation for these 'good' feelings.  This causing not an enjoyable stable life, but a life of turmoil and uncertainty as these relationships are always fleeting and no real trust is ever built as their is no trust ever built with self and nurtured into maturity due to the constant living into the mind dimensions of want, need, and getting 'good' feelings.

This then within being with other beings I created a need within me that I had to always have to have this being see me as the best, to be seen as special, to be seen as better, as I have now become addicted to the elixir of 'good' feelings that this generate when I am being exalted by another as my ego just eats this right up. So I built up this need for relationships with every point and person in my world, every being I meet it was in the starting point of gaining some 'good' feelings for myself as these feelings had become my reason for being, to be the best and to find those that will play into this game, so I can live in this great feeling forever. Just like a parasitic organism, which is not pretty as it sucks the life out of other living beings, but when I look in self honesty at the relationships we live in this world, it's nothing to do with 'love', 'union', joy with another, but about ego and who we can gain our energy fixes as we live on this energy to define and know who we are at all costs even if it's the harm and enslavement of other beings.

Within this play out of energy as good feelings we get with another in a relationship, we all know, what goes up must come down, all those who have played into the point of energy as good/bad feelings, and living out the chase to get the good feelings more and more, this we know will never last, the good feelings always run out, leaving us feeling empty and unfulfilled. The interesting thing about relationships is it can be played both ways, where each get there dose of good feelings, but always it will be brought with the oppositie polarity of bad feelings as you look within competition and comparison for your time to shine, missing self here within the other and thus fights' and jealousy games get fed. This is the game where we exist in fighting, then making 'love', then fighting, then love, and it goes back and forth, back and forth, but never being stable within ourselves with the other, because I as the being is on a roller coaster ride in my mind as I ride the energy of desires for more good feelings while coping with the 'bad' feelings that will follow as this cycle plays out.

Also, another point that plays out that I have found within relationships is the need to have someone always with me, here I realize this is so the energy can be continuously fed through having someone in my world who will play the game with me and give me the necessary energy I require as 'good' feelings to hold my belief that I am the best, special, and beautiful, all desires I have from a ego perspective to be better then others. Also, I see a point of fearing being alone as when I am alone I am forced to face myself and see that I have only been existing in my mind through desires and feelings, being miserable as this never lasts, and being all over the place as it literally is like a ride I am on that is too addictively pleasurable to get off, but I realize sooner or later it's going to die out and I am going to fall off the tracks, but not caring because for now, I am good. This the reasoning of the mind as it always stays alive as we continue to feed it as it contiues to feed off our life force using/abusing our human physical bodies as we lived day in and day out. (Suggest you go to Desteni or Eqafe and gain some understanding through videos/articles for more on this perspective of mind/physical relationship and who we are within it as life source/substance.)

When this relationship's energy starts to die out, I will have a new emotion and physical experience come up where I am jealous of any and all beings that get to that postion as equal to me with that specific being that I was gaining good feelings from, and I have been 'replaced' in my mind where I perceive as an idea  that I am no longer 'good' and 'special' within this relationship play out otherwise why would I be 'replaced', so the jealousy grows and gets fed through my anger and rage of losing that source of good feelings to another one who was in my mind is 'better', thus I allow anger and fuel my jealousy because I am not seen as good anymore feeding the ego as energy polarities going from good/bad as it plays out as we chase feelings as experiences in our world, a primary point this is played in is the relationship scenario as sex is an ultimate point of this good feeling generation.

So in this jealousy, I start the attack on the being that I perceive to have 'replaced' me or I perceive is gaining more energy from the being that I desire to have for myself. So also a point of possession comes in where I am possessed/obsessed with this being and exalt them as the 'best' because to be with me as in a relationship, to be my friend, you have to be the best because I only seek out the best within my idea of perfection I am seeking for and trying to live out within my world, so I seek for those that fit that picture to again feed my ego and make me feel special, good, because I am with my perceived perfection as a comparison to a picture in my head that I can then live up to and use as a gauge for myself as my mind. I go into this possessive point to try and hold onto the being, so within my backchat and within my physical actions I will diminish the other being who is now in the process of taking my 'place' where I perceive I will lose my energy source. Within these perceptions it then fuels my jealousy of this 'other' person who is gaining energy from my 'special' relationship and here I will go into manipulation to make them seem less then/inferior to me, I will diminish them at any chance I get as I see them as the enemy, we are at war and I am going to win. Jealousy fuels wars as it is in it's very nature has a potency to divide and conquer, this is what one want to do when you allow jealousy to direct you, it makes you nasty and it is an abuse to life as we seek to destroy that we see is in our way to source of ourselves as 'good' energy so thus we will abuse as we be'lie've this is the only way of life.

So points I realize within observing myself within this behavior and pattern personality play out is that it is a 'nasty' cycle as the relationship will never be real physical communication and intimacy with another because I am not here with the being, I am in my mind scheming, looking, pushing, forcing myself onto the other to gain energy as 'good' feelings as the being feeds them to me to get what they desire or want out of the relationship and I do the same to get my needs/desires met, so it's an addiction to energy game we play within relationships with the beings in this world fueled and continued to re-generate and exist through the jealousy polarity pole, to seek for a new source of relationship energy feeding or destroy the being who stand in my way.

These types of scenarios as relationships are not real and will never be real as I am not living within equality and oneness as life here within physical reality, I am in my mind in separation trying to live up to ideas, beliefs, and pictures to thus validate myself as I don't accept who I am as I am continuously in comparison with others and competing to be the best, which is impossible to be sustained as it's only energy that by definition will never last, it can't, as it is generated, where it's generated in our physical as the mind. In this play out as relationship I have written here, we see it is only for the mind as ego to gain energy as good feelings. It's an addiction to good feelings, believing that this limited feeling of good/bad play outs within competition and comparison is the only thing that exist for me here as I only exist within the mind reality, which is very limited compared to who we are for real, as one and equal with all of existence.

All the while missing myself as life, as life is here like in breathing, I am not here as I have no awareness of even the very breathes I am breathing when I am running around in all these scenarios in my mind beliefs, ideas, comparisons, competition that goes with relationships. I have realized the mind (link is perspective on the mind consciousness system which is inter-dimensionally placed system by the beings who created us) it is very limited, as it was never real, it was all an illusion, now when one realize this, what does that say about humanity/me? It says that we have been lost for a long while, but here is a process we are walking to realize ourselves as the mind and again walk ourselves into life, one and equal with the physical, it's cool to write this out and see the play out that is created within my participation as the mind, and thus from here I can write out the correction to thus be able to correct myself when I face these points again. This to create a world best for all life.

To be continued - Part 2 will include Self forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements..thanks for reading!



jealousy, relationships, competition, fighting, making love, boyfriend trouble, girlfriend, desire, need, obsession with another, possessed, demons, inner demon, mind reality, equality, self solution, cycles, desteni, wiki, eqafe, equal money, 2012