My Journey to Life: standing alone

Showing posts with label standing alone. Show all posts

Friday, October 31, 2014

Moving Beyond Limitations – Self Forgiveness on an Embarrassing Moment – Day 434

Here writing from my last blog about the moment of physical reaction coming up when speaking to people about the product I am selling, and my face becoming red as if I am uncomfortable within myself and this a sign for all to see.

Excerpt from my last blog:

"I became emotional when I interpreted a person saying something negatively about me to my partner, and that I was then going to be judged by this person as not worthy. So from this moment on, I was in reaction, it was towards the end of the day, though I still had one other moment that I am going to write self forgiveness on and practical corrective application. This was a few moments after I reacted, another vendor came over and I was put on the spot to discuss what our product was about. I was not ready for this because within myself I was trying to get stable after taking that moment before personally."

Here I will start with slowing that moment down when I started to notice my face was going red. I remember speaking and within my mind going into an experience of discomfort and an emotional experience of wanting to give up and feeling alone, like I can never get close to anyone because they will just judge me and see and/or say that I am not good enough. So based on this interpretation me believing I was told by this man I was not a good sales person and allowing this to effect my future interactions, not considering all the factors that were involved within this moment, I then brought this reaction and belief through to the next moment with the vendor asking me about what our product was about causing the interaction not to be my best effort, but tainted with reactions and blame.

These reactions are showing my own self judgment's being projected onto the external reality. Tall tale signs of me wanting to escape facing myself and who I have become in these moments of high energy reactions and the actions that it'll take to change in these moments, which is the road less traveled so to speak as it's not an easy path and something that I resist. But I realize without a doubt that it is absolutely worth it, for more on this I will write in later blogs, but here I will walk self forgiveness on this moments with the cheeks and points that were involved with this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in the belief I have created about myself that others are trying to put me down and harm me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame this belief I have of myself as not being good enough onto others within a state of self victimization where I believe I am powerless to others and there effects on me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to victimize myself and project this inherent blame of the way in which I am experiencing myself as the victim and powerless onto others in my world and reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project blame onto others within my world and in my reality based on me holding onto a belief that others are trying to harm me and abuse me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a belief within myself of me being powerless to others based on the energy experience I have accepted within me of feeling inferior and diminished around others because of something they said or did in my presence that I took as a personal attack or abuse towards me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate responsibility within not seeing, realizing, and understanding that I am the creator of this experience of inferiority and diminishment within me due to judging myself within myself in ways of seeing myself as not doing well within this event and comparing myself to other people around me, and so then believe within me that that is what everyone else is doing and saying about me in their minds and also in my perception I have defined within there actions towards me within their gestures and even words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take other peoples words, gestures, or ideas, beliefs, imaginations within my own mind personal and believe that this is who I am when I see, realize, and understand and have proven to myself that when I move as breath here and align with my body and act, I am able to perform in a manner that I am satisfied with and that is aligned with my expression, and so I see, realize, and understand that I have a decision to make in these moments to either go into a point of diminishment experience of things that are not based on fact and reality, and so can not be trusted or walk what is here, what is stable, what I can trust, myself in action here as I breath, aligned with the physical and who I am here in the moment of speaking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as bad in the moment of believing I was being judged and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my own judgments and comparison of myself as not good enough onto another person and then accept that I am being held down and abused, when I see, realize, and understand that I am doing this to myself, I am abusing myself in my own mind, and not changing in those moments to what is stable, what supports me as life and my expression, and what creates me as life and that is through my living here in the moment as I speakand stopping my participation in these thoughts, energy experiences, and my mind within memories.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in that moment of judgment towards myself in my mind as doing bad when explaining the product to the vendor and thinking he must see me really being pathetic within trying to explain this, and so react within a physical moment of embarrassment accepting and allowing this moment to define me as a point of proof that I am bad through defining and judging myself as not doing good cause my face went red.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for going red in the face when I speak and react, and believe I am less then the other person talking because of me being uncomfortable visibly in front of them and going red, when I realize, see, and understand this is not in fact real, I am making this up, and it does not benefit me in anyway, so I realize I can change in that moment, let the mind go and the beliefs and judgments, and move myself beyond that limitation into immediate correction which is here within myself in awareness in what direction I will walk next as I speak in my expression in the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto that memory of me being seen in the moment of going red in the face and visible being uncomfortable as a reminder that I am less then others and go into that sinking feeling of powerlessness when I remember the moment I go red and what that feeling felt like, when I realize, see, and understand that it is not defining me here, it is an occurrence that I can learn from and realize how to correct the point, but I also realize, see, and understand that it’s just an energy experience of powerlessness, I am not this actually, I can move myself in each moment and change myself in what direction I will to what makes sense in the moment and what will benefit all and so myself, walking common sense and real time application within breathing, correcting, and living.

I will continue with the self correction writing and re-defining some relevant words within these current blogs I am doing, thanks for reading and stay tuned.

Interview Support on the topic of moving through Embarrassment:
Embarrassment: Embarrassment and Personalities - Atlanteans - Part 106
Embarrassment: Is it Really so Bad? - Atlanteans - Part 107
Embarrassment: Sounding Self Forgiveness - Atlanteans – Part 108

Check Out these Awesome sites:
Desteni I Process Lite - Free Course to Start your Journey to Life
Journey to Life Group - On Facebook
Desteni Wiki - For All Things Desteni Related
Desteni Forum - Share your Self with Other Destonians
Destonian Social Network
Eqafe - Self Perfection Support
Equal Life Foundation - Site

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Day 209 – Exploring Self-Acceptance – I Can’t Stand Alone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into this fear of ‘I can’t stand alone’ within the starting point of fearing looking bad/stupid in front of other people in where I will not have a point of acceptance towards them based on my belief that if I have to stand alone within who I am and go against others, I will be able to be rejected. I realize and see within this point of self compromise due to fear in where I will not push myself to do things that is outside of my comfort zone and stand alone within who I am as an individual, I am limiting my self expression exponentially due to this belief that I need others to accept me to feel normal and ok within myself and thus I will be free of being rejected if I just act like the group even though they don’t stand up for life in equality and oneness, which I realize is really what life is and what is important in this life here.

I commit myself to when and as I go into this belief that I have to act and be a certain way to be accepted and thus go into a suppression of my expression based on fear, I stop and breath, and do not accept myself to limit my expression based on this belief and fear. I stop all the thoughts attached to these beliefs and fear of rejection by breathing through them not accumulating them within me. I commit myself to push my own self expression of being ok with who I am and walking with what I would like to express in and be within myself in enjoyment, and stop this belief that I have to be a certain way for others to like me so I don’t have to stand alone by not accepting it as valid and real through standing alone if this is the correct point to walk to show what is best for all in my own directiveness of life in common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself this belief that I am not able to stand alone within who I am and thus have to at times go against the norm of society, of my friends, of my family, and thus stand up for the principles that I realize are here among all life and how I want life to be in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear this point of standing alone and thus created this belief that I am not worthy if I am alone, I am not ‘cool’ or ‘good enough’ compared to those who are accepted within society, and thus create this suppression within myself that I am not cool and not good enough because I have been defining myself by how many friends I have and defining standing alone or being alone as someone who is not worthy, is not good enough, thus I have created this definition of myself within relation to when in my life I am standing alone through my definition of someone who is a loser and is not as worthy to those in a group and have a lot of friends are thus cool and worthy. This I realize is my reaction in fear within myself of not being cool or seen as cool by others, and thus defining myself as a loser and unworthy because I am now the one alone.

I forgive myself that I have accept and allowed myself to define those that stand alone as losers and not worthy because of this fear within me of being defined this way by others as a loser and unworthy. I realize that those that don’t accept me or don’t agree with me is their own self willed decision, and it doesn’t mean that it has anything to do with me or what I am doing, but is the decision they made within themselves. I realize I must stop defining myself and defining being alone as a negative point, and thus I realize I must stop this judgment of those that stand alone as those who are not cool and not worthy, and walk reality for real, what is actually physically happening and stand within the point of principle in what is best for all in all ways that this will have to be stood within by myself till it is here within life absolute.

I commit myself to when and as I go into this point of definition of defining those who are alone as negative in comparison to those in a group based on a fear of being rejected I have created about standing alone, I stop and breath, and when this rejection fear come up, breath through the reaction of fear and continue to walk the physical points I am walking within myself of committing myself to stand up for life in all ways, and that is either in a group or alone, as it doesn’t matter where I am doing it, what matters is what I am doing and what I am standing for, and how I am living within a way that supports these principles to be lived and manifested within all that is here as me.

So I commit myself to stand alone when I see that it is necessary in standing up for life in what is best for all as well as stand with others who stand up for life and do what is best for all, and thus breath through any and all fear of being rejected and not accepted because I realize I do not need acceptance, I am here and thus those who are here will be here with me, I never am alone so to speak as everyone is here.

I commit myself to walk the path alone or with others in establishing myself into a being who aligns with the physical one and equal and all life in this regard so all are equal in fact in the end of this process I/We are walking to align with the physical, what is real here in breath awareness as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within fear of others rejecting me based on holding onto memories of being rejected and fearing the humiliation of being singled out in front of others and seen as weak. I realize and understand I am only defining myself as weak and rejected based on this memory I am holding, and thus I push my self to live stable within me no matter what the outer present letting go of the memory and living from this moment here, stopping going into the mind of what could be or what will be, but live here in what is and walk practical solutions to what is here to live best for all, no fear or memory is needed, but just me here as breath living in common sense.

Thus I commit myself to walk these principles within and as me, and walk self acceptance with myself as well as all life in being committed to principled living, and supporting life to again walk what is best and thus I commit to walk the correction within myself of stopping all points of separation by stopping the fear and the beliefs of who I am in relation to others, and thus I commit to live who I am as life, here in full acceptance through the self understanding that I am all that is here, living in support of all and stopping the separation by stopping being directed by fear by stopping the fear when it comes up as I realize it is not real, it’s the energy from the mind.

I commit myself to when and as this fear come up of being humiliated and seen as weak if I am standing alone within a group, I stop and breath, and remain in breath focusing on who I am as life and realizing the process of all life that is currently here having to walk the process to align to the physical. I commit myself to walk my process of self purification in being able to stand alone, being my own self strength through proving in my living that I stand absolute in times of ‘toughness’ and in times of calmness, where who I am is always what is best for all, and thus I will become stable here within self as who I am is my own stability because I live this within my world by letting go of all attachments to the external world and creating this fulfillment within myself within how I live and how I treat life within and as the self relationship I have established within my own physical as myself fin who I am as life.