Day 206 – Impatience and Laziness

I am finding within this point of typing especially in chats, which I do quite often during the week on skype, I have this experience of impatience’s writing back and forth with another as well as a form of laziness, where I will not stop for a moment and re-read what I wrote and make necessary corrections in my spelling, but send it off quickly because I don't want to take the time to look at it and make the effort to correct it. I have learned to type very fast and really have become dependent on the spellchecker to fix my mistakes, so in a way I have relied on other sources instead of myself to fix my mistakes.

This is essentially making me crazy because I judging myself for not correcting my mistakes in conversation with others, like what is my deal, their going to think I just don't care about what I am doing or am not smart. I find that it’s this point of laziness as I realize I have the ability, but I really just don’t want to take the time to stop and read what I have written over and make the necessary corrections  I see this impatience is fueled by this desire to hear or see what the other person will respond. Like I have this constant anticipation within me to to fast and get what is written sent, so I can be entertained with what the other will say back. I am fine with this point of interest within conversing with another and getting a point of enjoyment out of it because it is something I do enjoy talking or type talking with others, but this point of impatience’s and laziness to not correct my mistakes is something that I need to write out in self forgiveness and self correction. Here it goes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue to participate and accept laziness within me when typing with another and not talking the time to look back and make sure that the message is legible and able to be understood. I realize that being lazy is a point that is not necessary and cause abuse as I am not giving my all and the other could at some point misunderstand something or not understanding something I said based on me just not want to do correct the spellings or add/delete words when I am certainly capable of doing this and sending the message in more clarity.

I commit myself to when and as I go into this point of laziness to not re-check my typing and make the necessary correction for the best opportunity for understanding by all parties who will read it, I stop and breath, and go into the act of re-checking and correcting my spelling, stopping the thoughts that it doesn’t matter, and simply re-check and correct before I send it off.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush through what I am typing to find out what the other is going to say, and thus miss myself within the act of typing and not become more specific, aware, and detailed in the words I am typing. I realize that I am able to become more aware within my physical body, I am able to slow down, I am able to become more specific and detailed within my typing, and I am able to stop and recheck my typing before I send it because it just takes an effort to do, a physical movement to stop and do and thus I walk this physical movement for what is best for all.

So I commit myself to when and as I have the urge to rush and get it done, I stop and breath, and push myself to slow down in that movement and become aware of my physical body, become aware with each finger as I type, and thus become aware of my physical body as I complete the typing, so not to automatically hit enter, but become diligent within making sure the message is clear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for typing in such messy ways of misspellings and missing complete words, I realize that I am learning and thus adapting to a change that is now in the process of being implemented so it will take time and space to will myself to change and correct this point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what the other will think of me when they see how sloppy I am within my typing towards them and so fear that I don’t care about myself and am stupid. I realize that this fear is not real and thus is not relevant as it only cause degeneration within myself, I realize also all people make mistakes and thus have a learning curve of correction to walk to create a solution within it. I realize that I will make mistakes, but it's to push the point of correction to solutions and stopping the mind from festering and creating illusions.

I commit myself to when and as I go into judgment of messing up, I stop and breath, and immediately stop the judgment and either correct the point or practice letting it go as it does not define me.

I commit myself to stop all fear of what others think of me, and focus on the breathing so I can become aware of the mistakes within the moment it is done, and make the corrections as I type.

I commit myself to push my effort within my typing ability to move slower, become more perfected within my finger dexterity and the typing action, and push to stop and breath and correct the mistakes that are done when I see it is necessary.

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Day 19- I Don't Make Sense

I have noticed lately that I am making a lot of spelling mistakes and am missing words that I am putting in sentence that don't make sense or leaving out words to miss the point of what I am trying to say. This showing that I am not here in breath, and dimensionally shifting by being in my mind in trying to rush and get it done instead of living here with each and every word so it is clear and makes sense.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to move quicker within a mind rush within and as my world and words instead of remaining here, breathing, and walking within physical reality, which is step by step, breath by breath.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to miss myself here within the words I write and speak and thus allow mistakes and missing words because I want to rush and get it over with rather then remaining here and walking what needs to be done so it is complete and done to the best of my ability.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to rush within and as what I do and what I write in a haste to get things done so I can move on and do things that I enjoy doing.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist within and as a reward system to get to the points that I enjoy and savor that as it makes me feel good, and thus rush points that I don't enjoy and allow myself to compromise what I am doing by not being specific and rushing it so I can just get it done. I realize that I must walk the solution of being stable and doing it to the best of my ability to be the most effective I can be within whatever it is I am doing so it makes sense and the point of the project is not lost by me being in a rush to just get it done.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself through rushing the words make mistakes that compromise what I am saying due to the fact that the point could potentially be lost with me not making sure all the words are in place and the spelling is correct so thus it is legible and able to be understood.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into laziness so I don't have to take the time and effort to make sure all is in place and makes sense within what I am writing and saying and thus going into hope that 'it'll be ok and people will get it', when and as this is a point of self diminishment as hope is not fact and thus potential for mess ups is high. Here I see and realize that I lose validity in what I am saying as it can easily be misunderstood if it does not make sense and thus lose the opportunity to help another possibly in understanding or learning.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to go into a polarity play out of wanting to feel good and not wanting to put in effort, so thus compromising my self through compromising my work by not taking responsibility of myself to make sure all is clear and all is making sense and thus accepting desire to rush and get it over with so I can have a good feeling again by being relaxed.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting desire as feelings direct me and thus lose my stability by compromising my self application in making sure all is clear and I am making sense to laziness and getting a good feeling which is not real as it is in the mind, reality takes effort and consistency as it is moved through living and thus is able to remain as stability when perfected, this I walk perfection in living as self here in the physical in what is real and stopping the mind as good feelings in what is not real through thinking about something but not for real actually living it.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to miss me here as breath and walking within and as diligence and stability to have the best opportunity to walk as self clarity and self direction to be able make sense so I can expand myself and expand the message of equality. I stop missing me here within breath, and slow myself down to thus be clear and be here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into emotion as anger towards reading words back that I wrote that don't make sense and go into self judgement that I am stupid for missing this.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge myself as stupid based on what I am doing based on my fear of what others are thinking of me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to judge myself as stupid for missing spellings mistakes and bad word placement based on the fear of what others are thinking of me instead of breathing here, stopping judgment and separation, and walking the correction so thus I am able to catch the words I miss or make a mistake and thus live as correction in reality here as I walk and breath.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow emotions and feelings direct me instead of directing myself and walking the correction as breath within physical application to self perfected living.

When and as this point comes up to rush and just get things done to have a good feeling again, I stop, breath, and slow myself down within the breathing of my human physical body, bring myself back here, and walk with each and every word as I type or read back so I am clear on what I am saying and thus am able to direct myself in full responsibility breath by breath. I remain as breath and thus correct what I have missed or done faulty to thus have the opportunity for change as I slow myself down and walk it here. I realize for clarity I must be here and be stable and thus this is only possible by walking breath by breath, step by step.

I commit to slow myself down and practicing living here, breath by breath within correcting my living in all facets of self as I walk.

I commit to walk the correction within stability and thus stop shifting into the mind but remain here and read each word so it is clear and make sense for all as me.



mind shift, spelling, spellcheck, spelling mistakes, cant read, cant write, don't make sense, writing a journal, journey to life, proofreading, equality, equal money, desteni, 2012, eqafe,