My Journey to Life

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Fraudulent Behavior – Where Do I Apply? – Day 389

Not being authentic within who I am, where in my life have I existed and why do I exist within such a point of being fake, why would I do such a thing and continue to exist within myself in a ways such as fear and self judgment.

I see this as a more easier way of life, not that it’s a life I prefer, but a life that I have normalized and made comfortable. There are many times when it is not comfortable, but I realize I am the one who is making it uncomfortable. I have used this fake face as a point to insert myself into places where I want to have a specific comfort or point of desire where I feel accepted or feel part of something, but within myself all the time I never feel complete or whole. I feel this way because within myself I feel as if I am missing something or not as able as others I see around me, and so I will seek out this point of acceptance or comfort to escape the within of myself as feeling less then whole.

This not feeling whole or less then the me that exist here in this physical body living, stems into many aspects of my life where I see I am compromising myself such as anger outbursts, being mean towards others, having judgments towards others, being shy, not wanting to face others, not engaging, this all due to the fact that I am not in each moment finding where within myself I am not giving myself to myself and so I am being taken over by it and directed by my mind in separation which is usually within blame or ego.

What I am missing is my self and my self awareness to slow down in the moment and see where it is that I am projecting myself or judging myself or blaming others, and so instead of projecting take responsibility for whatever it is I am reacting to and change to stop it. This will need a point of self discipline to ensure that it in fact occurs based on the feelings one gets of energy when one follow a known behavior or the ‘safe’ way, and so I have to push myself to breath, stop and apply my change that I see is necessary to stop and walk what is best for all in self honesty. There is no excuses, I have the tools and the understanding to walk this, so I will support myself in steps of slowing down, I have started yoga, stretching, and breathing and self introspection sessions to support to slow down and get a change to give some time to myself and my physical. Also supporting with awareness, moving into self awareness is key to self direction, so these are points I will be pushing more in my every day living where I have been falling such as missing myself within the responsibility of how I am participating in my reality.

More to come. Thanks for reading.

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Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Is Self Pity Ever Relevant? - Day 388

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Featured Artist: Andrew Gable

Please reference for context to this blog:

The Starting Point of My Day Will Be the Starting Point of My Way – Day 387

Self pity creates a point of compromise and abdication of responsibility in one's world based on the belief that self is a victim to one's reality, but where the real power lies is taking responsibility for yourself in your world and so giving yourself the point of power by understanding what is real and so changing it in an actual way as you live with and as it to be better for all. A point of relevance as it's not really a point one want to continue in without self responsibility and self direction, is a point of using it as a gift to see where one is falling in one's reality to emotions and thoughts of victimization, and using this experience of self pity as a cross-reference to see when one is allowing this in one's world. It's quite helpful to stop the automated nature of the mind as it exists in these energy addictions that we can exist in, so self pity can be a gift to support to move oneself to self awareness and then eventually to self change. Here I walk some self forgiveness and self commitments to correct this relationship to self pity with and as myself and so my world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to believe that others are causing me harm in my world and I am a victim to this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take out my anger and frustration against myself for not standing up within myself and treating others as I would like to be treated, but instead continue to live in the abuse through the emotions I allow to direct me towards others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wallow in my own self pity and become hopeless within myself and so within this fear blame others for what I see is out of my control.

I forgive myself that I have accepted the external reality of my self to effect me within a negative connotation as hopeless instead of realizing I can direct it the best I can and then allow it to be as I can only do my best.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wallow within a belief that I am out of control within my reality and I feel like I am going to lose the stability that I have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame another being of the way I am experiencing myself within a point of fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed fear to direct me into a self pity and blame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed energy emotions as pity and anger to direct me instead of breathing and remaining physical as a support to find solutions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in conflict with others rather then help and see where I can support them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my fear of loss onto others that I see are ‘weak’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to judge another as weak within a comparison of who I am in my physical environment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as strong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to create a polarity cycle of my reality at work where I try and win and others lose, creating both and accepting both to exist when I realize I can stop this polarity and support solutions that will support all in common sense.

When and as I see I go into a fear and self pity and so blame others in a projection to not face myself, I stop and breath, and realize that this will only compromise the way in which I will walk and direct my physical reality and create my reality in a beneficial way where I am stable and so create the point of stability the best I am able to with others.

I commit to let go of emotions of anger and self pity towards the world I live in.

I commit to stop blaming others.

I commit to move myself when I see I am going into comparison, and find a point where I can support the other as I would myself.

I commit to walk equal with my environment and move through desires to create a polarity of winning and losing.

Eqafe Interviews Recommend for Topic Support:

Self Pity: Understanding Self Pity - Atlanteans - Part 142
Self Pity: Starting to Let Go - Atlanteans - Part 143
Self Pity: Nature & Self Forgiveness - Atlanteans - Part 144
Self Pity: The Gift - Atlanteans - Part 145

Monday, January 20, 2014

The Starting Point of My Day Will Be the Starting Point of My Way – Day 387

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Today I had a listen to the Personality Systems - Journeys into the Afterlife - Part 56 and one of the points they spoke about was waking up in the morning and checking yourself in awareness, finding where it is that your mind will try and direct you either through a positive or a negative energy experience or thoughts. For me this morning, I was feeling stressed when I woke up, I have had work become busy so I am in my mind thinking about everything that is going on there. There is one point that stood out today as I looked back on my day, and I saw that I started my work day off within a point of blame towards another.

I am existing within this blame towards this other and treating him where I am trying to inferiorize him to others very subtly and very passively. This I find it’s been within my quantum physical, where I will shrug my shoulders at something I am asked about this specific being resonating a disgust type attitude towards the situation I am looking at in the moment, and I found this was to ensure I am seen in a way I prefer because I have in my mind thought of myself as more because I have been doing more work. So I am using this point of belief that I am more then this other person due to my physical movement, and so have the starting point of trying to sabotage him so I appear more in the right by others I am around.

There is an experience I am following within these moments that I see I go into this blame behavior towards my environment and in these specific moments in relation to this person, and it’s based on a point of my desire for others to pity me and get recognition for the work I feel I am not being recognized for and so I am basically throwing a quantum physical temper tantrum with my physical actions and physical words in moments of my day that are unacceptable. This because I realize I am not only effecting my life, my existence, my environment, but I am also influencing others life, existence, and environment, and directing others either directly in words or actions or indirectly in subtle movements of the quantum physical, but still there is a message I am sending towards others and it’s in it’s starting point within the desire to abuse and make others become lower then myself, so I am the winner and I am the one that benefits.

But this is not benefiting anyone and this is not winning because I am directing others within who I am in each moment in a way of separation and survival, on an unconscious level agree with this separation and survival mentally and behavior we humans exist in as trying to cut people down to get to the top, and through who I am being this is who I am here. A person that abuses others and only looks out for myself and my interest, this is not the way to oneness and equality in my living, this is not the way to taking care of my neighbor as I would myself, this is not the way to be the who I committed myself to be, so I will support myself and walk the self forgiveness and self correction in relation to my starting point and take responsibility for the living I have created in separation written in this blog to change myself to be best for all. Thanks for reading.

Sunday, January 19, 2014

The Importance of Communication with Others – Day 386

I have embarked on an agreement process with my partner where we are now living together for the first time, and we are walking through some structural foundational points to start as a base for our living and working together. This is supportive to start and walk such a point especially among partners or in a group so that there is a clear and open understanding that is known by all involved and all get the ability to discuss and come to an agreement on whatever comes up that needs direction. This agreement process is not only within creating a base foundation for work and living together, but also for many smaller even seemingly insignificant points that may come up. What I have found is that what is constantly occupying us is our patterns of behavior we have become accustomed to and always accepted to direct us, and so when an outside point comes in, the point of agreement is important to realign with the group or your partner. If undirected the habitual pattern of behavior may not be best for all or benefiting yourself or others, and so forms of backchat will occur or judgment of another or self has been made, and so this creates a point of discord and potential for misunderstanding and conflict within the group or in the partnership.

The cool thing within the agreement that my partner and I are walking is that we are basing it on principles that each of us have committed and dedicated ourselves to walk for ourselves and so as support for each other, and these principles are self honesty, self writing, self introspection, self forgiveness, and self correction in writing and then in our living. So these are not only principles but tools to help us walk from our mind patterned programs running automatically into the practical reality of our lives with each other and find ways to stop the misunderstandings and create understanding. This happens through communication.

Communication I have found has been one of the key factors to walk through points of conflict or reactions one of us had toward the other, and within the partnership agree to the point of unconditionally opening up the point and discussing it self honestly to find a solution to the conflict, and implement the solution into our lives together. This also sorts out misunderstandings, such as a point that I saw in my partner and assumed a specific thing which created a point of reaction in me towards him, and then once he saw the reaction in me as it was becoming obvious as I was with him, he asked what was up, and then in the moment we discussed the point, aligned it to what in fact is the reality of the situation through understanding each one’s point of view, and then coming to an agreement with how we are going to live it in our lives together or individually depending on the specifics of the point.

So it’s been extremely supportive I have found to not only have the principles of supporting each other as an equal to self, but communicating about all points that come up that cause any kind of reaction meaning assumption, judgment, emotion or feeling within self, and discussing it with the other so it does not accumulate to something bigger then it indeed has to be. It is essentially a point of prevention and efficiency in one’s living to prevent points from brewing out of control in the mind realms, which has been the way in human interactions, but changing to be aligned into physical living where both agree and discuss to a solution, and so enjoy the time we do have together rather then creating assumptions and animosity towards each other. I personally have had enough of the secret mind activity and blame/judgment towards another when that is really unacceptable, where I can take responsibility for myself, investigate the point within writing or with my partner in communication, and find solutions to whatever it is that I/we are facing. Communicating clears the air so to speak and makes life more enjoyable for all once solutions have been made through agreements of everyone involved; using the principle of what is best for all ensures an agreement will indeed be made and so all will benefit equally. If you are interested in more on agreements or the tools of self support, please check out the links below. Thanks for reading.

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Equal Life Foundation - Site
Living Income Guaranteed Proposal - Site

Saturday, January 18, 2014

Perfect Others While I Stand Imperfect Within - Day 385

Today I want to do some self forgiveness on my desire to control others in the direction I think they should walk rather then allowing others to walk there way and directing the situation if I see I have faced the point and can support another equal to myself, not in a way that is domineering.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to control another within the thought that ‘they don’t know what they are doing’ and justifying that I have to go and help them how to do something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume that others don’t know what they are doing and so they need my help.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see others as less competent then me and that I need to ensure I direct things with them, so the work can be complete on time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed anger towards others within a backchat that they don’t know what they are doing and are going to screw up my interests.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed anger and irritation to direct me towards others based on a belief that I know more and others don’t know as much as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have others do what I want instead of ensuring I communicate with others to ensure there is an agreement of movement and a point of accountability equal among all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow and participate in the backchat of ‘others are going to screw up’ and so become pushy towards others rather then approach with a point of inquiring rather then being a know it all.

I forgive myself that have accepted and allowed to not see, realize, and understand that I am going into my ego of desiring to be more with others and perfect outside rather then face my inner world where I feel inferior to others and see myself as quite messed up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as an inferior and thus compensate on the outer world and act superior to them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not walk the correction of working on myself within who I am in writing and continue to direct myself in polarity of inferior/superior.

I forgive that I have accepted and allowed to blame others for the inner discord I feel, and so become reactive in my outer world instead of sorting , stopping and not moving myself until I have sorted out the point in self honesty and walked the correction and proven to myself I have change before I direct others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to control others cause within myself I don’t feel in control of who I am.

More to come on this.

When and as I see I am going into any actions of control towards others, I stop and breath, and realize I am not sorting and looking within to see where I am in fact not feeling in control within myself.

I commit myself to stop reacting and directing others in a controlling way.

I commit to find the pattern within myself and sort it out in self writing before I direct towards another.

I commit to put myself in the other shoe and direct others within self trust after I have proven I am stale in the point by walking it over time.

Eqafe Interview Support on Control I recommend:
Reptilians - Thought and Thinking - a Deliberate Creation of Control