Perfect Others While I Stand Imperfect Within - Day 385

Today I want to do some self forgiveness on my desire to control others in the direction I think they should walk rather then allowing others to walk there way and directing the situation if I see I have faced the point and can support another equal to myself, not in a way that is domineering.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to control another within the thought that ‘they don’t know what they are doing’ and justifying that I have to go and help them how to do something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume that others don’t know what they are doing and so they need my help.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see others as less competent then me and that I need to ensure I direct things with them, so the work can be complete on time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed anger towards others within a backchat that they don’t know what they are doing and are going to screw up my interests.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed anger and irritation to direct me towards others based on a belief that I know more and others don’t know as much as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have others do what I want instead of ensuring I communicate with others to ensure there is an agreement of movement and a point of accountability equal among all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow and participate in the backchat of ‘others are going to screw up’ and so become pushy towards others rather then approach with a point of inquiring rather then being a know it all.

I forgive myself that have accepted and allowed to not see, realize, and understand that I am going into my ego of desiring to be more with others and perfect outside rather then face my inner world where I feel inferior to others and see myself as quite messed up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as an inferior and thus compensate on the outer world and act superior to them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not walk the correction of working on myself within who I am in writing and continue to direct myself in polarity of inferior/superior.

I forgive that I have accepted and allowed to blame others for the inner discord I feel, and so become reactive in my outer world instead of sorting , stopping and not moving myself until I have sorted out the point in self honesty and walked the correction and proven to myself I have change before I direct others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to control others cause within myself I don’t feel in control of who I am.

More to come on this.

When and as I see I am going into any actions of control towards others, I stop and breath, and realize I am not sorting and looking within to see where I am in fact not feeling in control within myself.

I commit myself to stop reacting and directing others in a controlling way.

I commit to find the pattern within myself and sort it out in self writing before I direct towards another.

I commit to put myself in the other shoe and direct others within self trust after I have proven I am stale in the point by walking it over time.

Eqafe Interview Support on Control I recommend:
Reptilians - Thought and Thinking - a Deliberate Creation of Control

Anxiety Support By the Atlanteans (Part 1) - Part 83

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Day 84- F'ck off Character

Today was getting something in the store, and Henri was in the car, it was 90 degrees out, but I let him sit in there cause I knew I was going to be quick and I knew his threshold in terms of what is too much (assumption). I got accosted at the front door of the store as someone was upset that I left him in the car and it's so hot out.

The reactions came immediately, and I went into my f'ck off character towards him, where I diminished him and saw him as a 'jerk' for coming after me as if I don't know my own dog and how to take care of him. I see that I took his calling me out personally and went into embarrassment which fueled this f'ck off character.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to when confronted by another being in a forceful way equally go into a character of force through a 'f"ck' off type stance towards this person not considering what he is saying to me, but only seeing him as a 'jerk'.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into a forceful character based on my reaction of anger because I was being confronted and called out in front of people.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into embarrassment within myself when being called out by another and being in front of others.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into backchat thoughts that 'this man can go f'ck off accusing me that I don't know what is up with my dog and I would put my dog in harms way'.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow this back chat thought of 'he can go f'ck off accusing me that I don't know what is up with my dog and I would put him in harms way' where I make him the problem/diminish him without standing in equality with him and the words he is speaking because I desire to have my ego validated and this is done by me accepting my back chat and living it out by going into this character as 'f'ck' off towards him and seeing me as the victim.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into a 'f'ck' off character towards this man and with my face create a look of disgust and irrelevance towards the man to show that I am seeing him as irrelevant to me and that I am not taking what he says seriously.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to diminish him based on taking his words personally that I didn't know how to take care of henri as within myself this made me feel bad and unfairly read because I have an idea that I am a good mother to henri and I take absolute care of him.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to take this mans words personally and have it define who I am as if I am defined by how this man sees me realizing that he knows nothing about me nor how I care for henri and is just making a general assessment of the physical considerations that were happening in  that moment.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to miss the practical advice and consideration the man was giving to me to alert me that a dog can not defend themselves against the heat and thus can not help themselves if they are feeling sick and that it was not the best point to leave him in the car in this heat when I could take him to the house and go to store later.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to diminish another in my mind and then within my physical playout with him because I allowed the embarrassment and anger take over as I felt vulnerable and a victim.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel vulnerable and as a victim because I didn't want to be seen as a person that isn't considering the dogs well being and within this took his words personally and thus went into a defense mechanism as the 'f'ck off' character so I could become on top again as I felt that I was weakened based on his point being strong.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to take the words being spoken to me by the man personally and thus compare and compete with him in a way to become on top again as an ego point where I felt I was being beat by this man and I had to defend myself to survive and become on top again within myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I have to survive within another confronting me and thus I immediately have to go into a character where I can defend myself instead of walking here within breath and HEREing what is being said to me and take what is being said back to myself and change if it is able to be aligned with what is best for all, in this case understanding that indeed Henri could be in danger and I could take the extra time to make sure he is cool by dropping him off at the house and then going to store.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself as self righteous to not want to be wrong or seen as bad within others eyes so I will go into self righteousness as I did within this 'f'ck off' character and diminish them to make me right and them wrong.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate myself from others here and go into ego as polarity play outs of being right and others wrong.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to diminish another based on desire to be right and fear of being seen in a bad light.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist within this idea that I have to be right instead of living here in equality with all and doing what is best for all in each moment.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist within and as the idea that I can be seen in a bad light and thus take others words/actions towards me personally instead of realizing that they are seeing a problem and them directing it towards me it has relevance and thus gain what is being said and consider the other as myself so I can learn from it without going into ego and align myself with what is best for all within what is being said to me.

I commit myself to stop taking others words/actions towards me personally.

I commit myself to not accept myself to go into a character of self righteousness where I go into a stance of diminishment towards others.

I commit myself to stop taking others words/actions direct at me personally and HERE what is being said to allow myself to expand and correct the points being shown within the words spoken or actions taking towards me in consideration of what is best for all.

I commit to stop diminishing others through going into this character as the 'f'ck' off character and align myself within and as the physical to equal and one communication and understanding so thus a solution can be met that is best for all.

I commit myself to always consider the best possible care for all life here especially those in my direct care and are helpless within themselves to not allow any type of abuse or danger to happen unnecessarily and protect all beings safety as well as my own to the best of my ability.

I commit to stop abusing life through my ego and just live here in what is best for all.

I commit to stop my ego from directing me by stopping my ideas and beliefs about myself of taking things personally and I am the victim and live here and what will be best for all even if it is not something that I desire to do, I push myself to stop the mind directing me and consider all here within equality.

I commit to continue writing myself out, correcting these points of living that is showing themselves in my world, and process them through self forgiveness and self commitment statements to let go of the energy and realize my self responsibility within it and change to align with the physical life here and do the best I can do for all life as myself.

I commit myself to walk as breath by practicing this each and every day til I am here and i am breathing stable able to direct myself as breath.



dog fight, confronted at store, called out, overheating dog, hot day, bad day, anger demon, equality, equal life, destent, journey to life, 2012, eqafe

Day 6 - I am an Anger De-Man

I exert my anger where I find that I am believing that I am more then another or where I blame and see myself as a victim, both I see are not real as they are abdicating my self responsibility to life as I am the creator of who I am and how I experience myself, thus I stop this through self forgiveness, and walking the change to stand equal with life in a way that is best for all.

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I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to exist within anger in my world towards any point that comes up in the statement that I see another at fault and thus am reacting in blame and creating unnecessary abuse as I exert my anger onto another. I see and realize that anger is but a manifestation outflow of not taking responsibility for myself and seeing self as a victim, I am here though and see that I am the cause of all that is here as me, and thus I walk the correction of stopping this anger from directing me through slowing myself down and seeing that I am the source, core, origin of why I am behaving in such a way as anger towards another.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to go into a point of victimization towards my world and what has occurred with others and thus go into blame and energize my back chat of thoughts that I am the victim, I am the one who gets the short end of the stick, and I should not be treated this way it's not fair. Within this backchat I allow it to accumulate to such a degree where eventually I will go into an energy outburst towards others as anger and ruin any trust or equality built by accepting myself to demonize and diminish others thru exerting my force over them through shouting and calling them names. I realize and see within this that I am the cause, source, and origin of this deliberate abuse towards another by not controlling my emotions and existing in spite and blame towards another.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to exist within spite and blame towards another being because I don't want to give up this energy as anger based on the sensation I get when I exert it and it releases the built up of frustration and irritation I have within myself, this feeling of release I have become addicted to and exhilarated by as it gives me a form of a high when I unleash it on others, allowing me for that moment to gain a release and feel 'good'. But I realize and see within this feeling of 'good' it will always come down to the reality of what I have done and created within my mania of anger towards others, which is regret and the living out of 'what have I done'. I see and understand that I am the cause of this and that I need to stop the accumulation of emotions and blame to not get to a point where I unleash and exert anger onto undeserving beings, I am the source thus I must stop this within myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to be addicted to the energy accumulation and release of anger and in moments enjoy releasing it onto others as I feel within this moment more powerful and in control as a sense of dominance over another, and within this I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to separate myself into the belief that power and control is through dominating another and causing them to 'pay' for what I see is their fault. Within this point of 'payback' I see and realize this is a complete abdication to my own self creation of allowing this pattern to continue as I continue to participate in thoughts of 'I hate this person' 'this person is such an asshole, look how they just cut me off' 'aw will she just get the fuck into reality, and stop taking shit' and accepting these thoughts to direct me to separate me from the being where I have the false pretense that I am more deserving or more then this being because I have created these thoughts within myself as justification for the abuse and anger I exert on to them as accepting these thoughts as valid and true.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the thoughts 'I hate this person' to direct me in moments where I have the ability to stand up within myself stop the separation within  self interest, and walk one and equal within the persons shoes to get to know who they are, where they come from, and why they have created themselves in such a way to thus give myself understanding and assistance to stand with in finding solutions rather then going into ego and creating abuse within personality play outs of I am better then her/him.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the thought 'this person is such an asshole, look at them just cut me off' as I see I am only going into ego to see myself exalted as the righteous one to thus see myself more then another to gain acceptance for myself within myself as myself within the polarity of inferior/superior as competition in my world. Within this I see and realize that this justification of being better towards another due to the fact that I am existing in competition so I can be the winner is unacceptable as it causes separation and harm, this is unacceptable due to it be a self indulgence to go the easy way out and not have to face myself as the creator of this experience, I am the one reacting and allowing anger and competition with another when I see I can simply let them go, stop, and direct in a way of self responsibility to a solution best for all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the thought 'aw will she just get the fuck into reality, and stop talking shit' this again I see and realize is a point of exalting my ego so I can be seen as more then another being, and thus going into self righteousness where I believe I can call her out or inflict some sort of harshness onto her as I believe that she is just 'talking shit'. Where instead I realize I could stand one and equal with the other in an attempt to come to some common ground and see where she is coming from based on her whole perpective on things, where there is more understanding who she is as a being, and then from there direct myself within given perspective of my own, within common sense and working towards solutions rather then causing conflict.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to exalt my ego in attempts of trying to be more then others and thus within this exhalation of my ego from and sourced within the thoughts i have created of being self righteous, instead of fully understanding and standing equal to that being, I am only creating conflict within my world and diminishing myself as I am being an abuser and causing harm to the life here that where I see I am harming me. I will always get what I create, thus I am the creator of  myself, I am responsible for my creation. I see and realize that the ego as self righteousness is just me not accepting myself and the anger is me accepting and allowing dishonesty to grow as I go into abuse rather then in self honest introspection to stand equal and find solutions to what is showing within my world as resistances.

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My Self Correction:

When and as I go into this point of thinking about others in ways that are self righteous and diminishing them, I stop and say 'No' breath through the thoughts as I stop giving them energy, and thus I see that the accumulation of anger will diminish as I am no longer fueling with thoughts and emotions. When I see and realize that anger is accumulated, I stop and breath, and apply self forgiveness for this accumulation point, seeing and realizing that the being I am taking out my anger on or am directing it towards is me, and thus I stop abusing me as life.

I commit to stand within thoughts of accumulation and energy build up by disengaging them through stopping the participation with this back chat of blame and victimization, and remain here thru letting the energy go through breathing.

I commit myself to walk with beings as we walk our processes to become stable here, sharing myself in humbleness of what I have walked to give assistance if I see the need, and create the best way for all to stop conflict and stop anger by pushing and walking this stopping within myself.


anger, demonize, anger demon, human hell, i am a victim, self righteous, abuse, self abuse, hate, responsibility, stop anger, living solutions, peace, journey to life, 2012, process, desteni