Day 85- 'I am the Victim' Character

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into the victim character to not have to face my actions/consequences to who I have become in the moment where the victim character was activated, thus when this is activated I realize that this is a point to take note of and change as this is an excuse to not have to face myself and walk the change that is necessary to be walked to take responsibility and honor life as myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to use the victim character to deflect the responsibility and consequence off of me and onto another by believing the lie within myself that it is not my fault and I had nothing to do with it as I realize within myself I am only looking out for my own interest and actually in fear of being caught and confronted so thus I use the victim character to hide essentially from myself and pin the blame on another.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become the victim character because I fear facing the consequences that I have created thus realizing that this cycle will continue were I will cause abuse and thus create consequence of conflict in my world based on me not considering others and within this will always cycle back and forth because I am missing the key point that this consequence of cycling from conflict to victim is showing me, which is me within in it not taking responsibility for myself and who I am being within the conflict situations thus I will not be able to change myself if I don't see me as the cause and continue to stay as the victim character.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to hide from myself within using this victim character to essentially become like a fake face where I can go into blame and confuse the point to a 'he said - she said' and thus accept and allow the point to continue and allow the consequences for myself and another as abuse to continue when I realize now within the moment I see I start to move into the victim character to stop and breath, and find the point of responsibility I need to stand within and as and walk the solution that is necessary to be walked to create equilibrium with the other honoring ourselves as life in each one and doing what is best for all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to within myself believe that I am not in the wrong and it is always the other persons wrong doing because within myself I want an easy time at life and not have to push myself to walk the change because I see this as difficult and taking a lot of effort and consistency to do and thus I see that using and going into the victim character is an easy way out. Within this I realize that it may be easy for a moment, but it is the cause to my own self enslavement where I am resisting and limiting myself to an 'easy feeling', where I could walk through the feeling, take responsibility and stop abusing the life that I am and live equal and one. I realize the equality and oneness of life here is through taking responsibility and standing within this point in all facets of our life to thus establish oneness and equality with all, which is the freedom of life here for real and who we are as the substance that create all life here and is within all that exist.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into polarities within this victim character where I will create up dishonest points within the other as they are 'wrong' and I am 'right' and thus create this idea that this is so and this is fact when only I am being considered and in fact I am not walking the shoes of another so no point of absolution such as I am 'right' and another is 'wrong' can be claimed as I am the other and thus I realize that this polarity play-out of absolution as I claim is not in fact real because I am not considering the other who I realize is me and I am just using it to create myself more into a state of victimization so I can gain sympathy from others and get my actions validated.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into false statements within a polarity play-out of I am right and they are wrong within the 'hope' that others will validate me and thus I can gain a sort of energy boost within myself were I will become elated because I got attention and others are 'agreeing' with me. But within this agreement I realize and see that this is based on the dishonesties of ourselves as another is walking in separation as well going into an agreement with one who is in seperation and they themselves are equally trying to gain validation for their dishonest actions and thus it becomes a game of 'losers' where we are losing the chance at real life by taking responsibility for self and all as self and changing to consider the other equal to yourself and correct that within yourself that is not best for all, which would be to stop playing victim and stop abusing life in self interest.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to live into energy as good feelings by abusing others based on my desire to not have to face who I have become here.

I forgive myself myself for allowing and accepting myself to give my power away to ego and fear and thus accept abuse as me and separate me from who I am here as life diminishing myself and abusing life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow fear to direct me into self diminishment and thus instead accept and allow self interest as survival instead of the survival of all in care for all through living the principles of oneness and equality with all life. I realize and see within and as me that I must stop the fear, stop the self interest, stop my ego from trying to gain over others, and walk the responsibility of my consequences that I have created. Walk the writing and self forgiveness and thus change myself in my living to honor life and myself by living and creating a world that is best for all life through and within my own self living towards myself as all life. This is who we are life not abuse, so I must stop the abuse of others and myself here by stopping my fear and hiding in playing the victim character.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into my mind and validate this victim character by participating in the thoughts and accept them that I am right and others are to blame when I realize and see that I am not in consideration of the other but only attempting to validate my own self interest by using my thoughts as justification for the actions I am taking as victim when I realize thoughts are not to be trusted and are a point of enslavement of the human as the mind consciousness system is designed as. Thus I realize I must stop the thoughts of justification and validation of the victim character, and walk the physical process to be physical and not be directed by my mind.

I commit myself to take responsibility for my actions within and as a point where I desire to go into a victim character scenario, but stop and walk the change. I stop, breath, and do not accept and allow myself to use the victim point to point fingers and for a moment get out of facing my responsibility.

I commit to stop the backchat thoughts and diminishment of others within my mind and stand in equality and oneness here with all others in physical reality as breath and slow myself down and do not participate in the mind in self interest, but walk the correction by considering all as myself in physical common sense practical living.

I commit myself to stop my ego and self interest in only considering myself and my own feelings and thus I must stop living for feelings over the best for all life.

I commit to stop abusing life by only considering myself and walk the correction to consider and walk the consideration of all I come into contact with especially when I see that I am about to go into the victim character.
I commit myself to let go of the desire to have others like me and validate me by agreeing with me when I go into this victim character as this is an easy way to make 'friends' as I realize this is self diminishment and not real, only based on characters and self interest to be 'validated' as I am not accepting myself.

I commit myself to accept myself and all life here and walk the correction of acceptance of all and self responsibility for all as myself and walk the walk to a new world where all are honored and all characters cease to exist except the character of life that is here as physical as a breath that I am one and equal with all that exist.


victim, I am a victim, head games, blame game, characters, actors in life, life is a stage, he did it, equality, equal life, eqafe, desteni, 2012, journey to life, garbrielle gabrielle goodrow

Day 84- F'ck off Character

Today was getting something in the store, and Henri was in the car, it was 90 degrees out, but I let him sit in there cause I knew I was going to be quick and I knew his threshold in terms of what is too much (assumption). I got accosted at the front door of the store as someone was upset that I left him in the car and it's so hot out.

The reactions came immediately, and I went into my f'ck off character towards him, where I diminished him and saw him as a 'jerk' for coming after me as if I don't know my own dog and how to take care of him. I see that I took his calling me out personally and went into embarrassment which fueled this f'ck off character.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to when confronted by another being in a forceful way equally go into a character of force through a 'f"ck' off type stance towards this person not considering what he is saying to me, but only seeing him as a 'jerk'.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into a forceful character based on my reaction of anger because I was being confronted and called out in front of people.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into embarrassment within myself when being called out by another and being in front of others.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into backchat thoughts that 'this man can go f'ck off accusing me that I don't know what is up with my dog and I would put my dog in harms way'.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow this back chat thought of 'he can go f'ck off accusing me that I don't know what is up with my dog and I would put him in harms way' where I make him the problem/diminish him without standing in equality with him and the words he is speaking because I desire to have my ego validated and this is done by me accepting my back chat and living it out by going into this character as 'f'ck' off towards him and seeing me as the victim.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into a 'f'ck' off character towards this man and with my face create a look of disgust and irrelevance towards the man to show that I am seeing him as irrelevant to me and that I am not taking what he says seriously.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to diminish him based on taking his words personally that I didn't know how to take care of henri as within myself this made me feel bad and unfairly read because I have an idea that I am a good mother to henri and I take absolute care of him.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to take this mans words personally and have it define who I am as if I am defined by how this man sees me realizing that he knows nothing about me nor how I care for henri and is just making a general assessment of the physical considerations that were happening in  that moment.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to miss the practical advice and consideration the man was giving to me to alert me that a dog can not defend themselves against the heat and thus can not help themselves if they are feeling sick and that it was not the best point to leave him in the car in this heat when I could take him to the house and go to store later.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to diminish another in my mind and then within my physical playout with him because I allowed the embarrassment and anger take over as I felt vulnerable and a victim.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel vulnerable and as a victim because I didn't want to be seen as a person that isn't considering the dogs well being and within this took his words personally and thus went into a defense mechanism as the 'f'ck off' character so I could become on top again as I felt that I was weakened based on his point being strong.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to take the words being spoken to me by the man personally and thus compare and compete with him in a way to become on top again as an ego point where I felt I was being beat by this man and I had to defend myself to survive and become on top again within myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I have to survive within another confronting me and thus I immediately have to go into a character where I can defend myself instead of walking here within breath and HEREing what is being said to me and take what is being said back to myself and change if it is able to be aligned with what is best for all, in this case understanding that indeed Henri could be in danger and I could take the extra time to make sure he is cool by dropping him off at the house and then going to store.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself as self righteous to not want to be wrong or seen as bad within others eyes so I will go into self righteousness as I did within this 'f'ck off' character and diminish them to make me right and them wrong.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate myself from others here and go into ego as polarity play outs of being right and others wrong.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to diminish another based on desire to be right and fear of being seen in a bad light.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist within this idea that I have to be right instead of living here in equality with all and doing what is best for all in each moment.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist within and as the idea that I can be seen in a bad light and thus take others words/actions towards me personally instead of realizing that they are seeing a problem and them directing it towards me it has relevance and thus gain what is being said and consider the other as myself so I can learn from it without going into ego and align myself with what is best for all within what is being said to me.

I commit myself to stop taking others words/actions towards me personally.

I commit myself to not accept myself to go into a character of self righteousness where I go into a stance of diminishment towards others.

I commit myself to stop taking others words/actions direct at me personally and HERE what is being said to allow myself to expand and correct the points being shown within the words spoken or actions taking towards me in consideration of what is best for all.

I commit to stop diminishing others through going into this character as the 'f'ck' off character and align myself within and as the physical to equal and one communication and understanding so thus a solution can be met that is best for all.

I commit myself to always consider the best possible care for all life here especially those in my direct care and are helpless within themselves to not allow any type of abuse or danger to happen unnecessarily and protect all beings safety as well as my own to the best of my ability.

I commit to stop abusing life through my ego and just live here in what is best for all.

I commit to stop my ego from directing me by stopping my ideas and beliefs about myself of taking things personally and I am the victim and live here and what will be best for all even if it is not something that I desire to do, I push myself to stop the mind directing me and consider all here within equality.

I commit to continue writing myself out, correcting these points of living that is showing themselves in my world, and process them through self forgiveness and self commitment statements to let go of the energy and realize my self responsibility within it and change to align with the physical life here and do the best I can do for all life as myself.

I commit myself to walk as breath by practicing this each and every day til I am here and i am breathing stable able to direct myself as breath.



dog fight, confronted at store, called out, overheating dog, hot day, bad day, anger demon, equality, equal life, destent, journey to life, 2012, eqafe

Day 83- 'I am a Tough Female" Character - Part 1

Here walking through the point of considering myself as a tough female and how I have defined myself in relation to males and females in this world in a point of competition and fear.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define myself as a tough female because within myself I saw myself as weak and thus I overcompensated for the weakness within me with this tough exterior that I would present to others to be seen in a certain way to hide the fear I felt within myself towards others presences. I realize and see within this point of defining myself as weak and thus manifesting myself as strong on the exterior is splitting my expression within who I am thus I will be not able to be stable within it thus shifting back and forth and equality aligned as self here as physical is lost. Within this I realize to stabilize myself I must walk the point of defining myself as weak/strong by letting it go and walking here as breath to align with my physical body and life as one with me through living this within and as physical expression.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define myself as weak within myself based on taking points personally within how I have been treated by others where they would call me names and I would create an idea within this that I am thus weak and not strong because others are being nasty to me thus I must have something wrong with me to be treated in such a way. I realize within and as this point that one I can not take other peoples words personally as I realize all here are walking the process of self realization and thus all beings are on different levels of process and thus 'do not know what they do' so to speak as many are not as aware of process, mind systems, and who they are in relation to it yet, so thus I walk patience and understanding in equality to life and stop myself from taking others worlds personally.

Within this I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to when as a child deliberately abuse and name call others in my world who I defined as weak and thus gave myself the permission to call them out and abuse them because I beLIEved it was ok because I was better then that other based on the definitions I held of being more superior thus I abused life equal and one to how I was abused so thus I could be shown and understand that life is equal in all ways and I will get what I give, so thus here I realize and understand that I must stop abusing others in this world and walk the physical process of understanding and getting to know another through becoming this as myself and stop the abuse as ego to try and be seen as more thus this is to accept myself and see that I am here no need to abuse others in self interest. I realize within this point of showing myself to myself when I diminish another I diminish myself and in return will receive what I give so rather I use my understanding of who I am as all life and live equal and one as how I would want to be treated until this is who I am in every breath. I stop the abuse of life as myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to within this comparison point as a child found that when I demonstrated that I was tough and was able to compete with boys that I gained respect by the males and thus within myself found that I enjoyed this respect as I saw females in fear due to not seeing myself pretty in relation to them so thus I always saw myself inferior to the females as in school it was much set up within groups and I did not see myself fit into the group of girls that I desired to be with that were the popular ones as I saw them all as prettier to me and thus wasn't able to win here, I had no chance within this competition point.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge the children within  my school years as females in particular as unapproachable and in fear based on not seeing myself equal to them within looks and thus judging myself as less then. Within this judgment going into an inFEARior stance towards them and not feeling ok around them, thus I avoided them and went into diminishment within myself when around them. To equalize myself as my ego of desire to be perfect/best/on top, I would within this point of inferior towards them go into the same point I was seeing towards myself towards the other females by seeing then females as weak. I realize within this point that the females as my classmates where no threat to me nor was I inferior to them here as physical beings, but created this in-fear-ior stance towards them based on not accepting myself as who I am as physical life but desiring something more, desiring to be seen as pretty/gain the most attention/be perfect within myself so thus I can within my world be on top, be able to compete with others, and thus be able to survive in my world with others. I realize that I do not need to survive here so I must stop my separation within myself, see myself for who I am, and let go of the judgments and desires to be seen as the best/prettiest/most perfect, and stop the judgment of others and diminishment of others by letting go of my ego and be equal.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to see myself within and as an inferior stance towards the females in my world based on comparing my picture to their picture and thus not seeing myself equal to their picture but either being more or less, and thus separating myself into ideas of my mind which are not real and thus a trap to enslave so I do not equalize but stay separate from  myself because I realize the other being is more then a picture and I am more then a picture were we are actually one and equal here and thus are not defined by any point but the equality that lives as life here as myself and within all.

Forgiveness to continue....

I commit myself to walk and re-align myself with and as the physical human body as my ground point within this world to life here in oneness and equality through letting go of all polarity play outs and judgments of myself as more or less then any being here that exist as I realize and commit to walk the walk of equality and oneness with all life as myself here as I breath.

I commit myself to walk humbleness with other beings here as well as myself to stop taking words, actions, ideas, thoughts, beliefs, gestures, behaviors, characters, personalities and all separated created entities within and as the mind consciousness system as the human being and thus walk myself here first in equalizing myself to all and thus walk as an example for others to see/show the way to self realization that we are not our minds, and thus simply are defined by nothing thus can and if will be free as life within this way of living.

I commit myself to stop the abuse of myself as others and thus stop the judgment by accepting myself and all life through the realization I see that I am all that is here and thus I must walk this as myself through stopping the abuse as myself. I commit to treat all life in ways I would want to be treated and always put myself in the shoes of another to realize that we are one here until this is done.

I commit myself to let go of the beauty point within myself as I realize that it is an abuse to life, defining life by a point that is a commercial as consumerism that I have allowed to define who I am, thus I commit to walk this definition through letting it go and stopping all reactions within myself through self forgiveness and corrective action until no picture move me and I am here.


I commit myself to stop to judgment of others due to desire to be more thus I commit to stop my ego and thus within this stopping I commit to stop the diminishment of others in my mind so thus I can be more again within myself. I commit to stop abuse by letting go of my desire to be more then others and also seeing myself less then others.
I commit to walk my physical process of self forgiveness, self honesty, self investigation, and self correction to let go of my mind from directing me and thus be equal so life is free to live equal and one as who we are as life.



ego, tough female, athlete, strong women, iron women, men vs. women, bullied, beauty, prettiest girl, model competitions, popular kids, equal life, equality, eqafe, desteni, 2012, journey to life, garbrielle goodroe

Day 82- Men are Strong, Women are Weak Part 1- Self Commitment Statements

Walking the Self Commitment statements from the blog called Day 79- Men are Strong, Women are Weak - Part 1 to help support myself to stop the playout of living into a polarity within myself of fighting with myself where I try to be strong as what I desire and thus becoming more like a 'man', but living who I am physically as a 'female' and thus limiting myself within the confines of all these labels within and as what they hold behind it. Here I walk my correction, and thus will continue to open this point up more in later blogs.

Self Correction:

I commit myself stop participating within and as the polarity play out that men are to be strong and are more strong then females, and thus I commit to stop defining women weaker then males based on my memories of childhood of how my parents were and thus defining myself by the playout of the male/female dynamic as the strength of the family backbone by the male and the gentleness/weakness of the mothers care.

I commit myself to stop define strength within ones physical body and how one carries themselves in terms of if they are aggressive or not.

I commit myself to stop defining aggressive and forceful behavior as a strength and I commit to stop defining it as masculine trait.

I commit myself to stand one and equal with each being no matter who one is nor what gender one is and realize that they are not defined by the sex of them or by their expression but simply here to walk and live in what is here to walk and live in oneness and equality in what is best for all.

I commit myself to stop defining men within a superiority point in comparison to women based on the media and my perception of what I see within the outlets of this world as I realize and see that life is equal and thus we as defining ourselves as gender have got to equalize ourselves to walk in fact one with all life.

I commit myself to walk with all life here in oneness and equality and stop my ideas and perception of what men should be as strong based on the points played in society such as men are strong, and stand within myself  as life in real strength which is living equal with all in the ways and means of bringing about a world that is best for all.

I commit to stop define life by our gender roles.

I commit myself to stop defining men by my idea of them as strong and walk as equal as who we are here also in practical solutions.

I commit myself to stop pushing myself to be like a male as I stop my idea that to succeed in this world you have to be strong and thus I stop pushing to be more masculine to try and show that I am strong.

I commit to live my expression in breath as who I am and stop my projections from my ideas of who I am from the illusions that is mind and past.

I commit to stop competing with other life to show I am strong and thus become humble and push to walk in equality.

I commit myself to stop the idea that I must win to be the best and thus push to be strong physically to attain this through sports.

I commit to stop living in to the polarity playout of strong/weak and stop judging men and women by this limitation and stand equal in freedom through stop the thoughts of separation.

I commit to stop judging and having ideas about the physical and thus walk here in oneness with all life as who we are as the physical itself no judgment just acceptance as life.



men, women, stopping fighting, conflict resolution, living equal, family, family dynamics, mother, father, siblings, head of household, nurturer, equality, equal life, journey to life, desteni, 2012

Day 81- Lost and Found - Self Commitment Statements

Here will walk out the self commitment statements to the blog I did yesterday called Day 80 - Lost and Found, where I walked self forgiveness on blame and living into memories.

Here is my self correction:

I commit myself to walk the physical within and as all points that I can and will consider within any point that come up that doesn't necessarily have a solution at the time of notice, thus I walk the path until a solution is seen, made, and/or agreed upon.

I commit myself to stop all points of allowing memories as thoughts of blame towards others direct me as i see and understand these memories and thoughts can not be trusted as they are not here real, but must be let go of and not participated in as they are not who I am as I am life, and thus I see memories are mind as illusion, thus I walk to stop the illusion as mind.

I commit myself to stop all points of anger and blame towards others by stopping all the participation in the thoughts that accumulate, so thus stopping participation in thoughts to stop the accumulation of emotion/feeling.

I commit myself to walk in consideration of all others in equality in my world and all this world so thus I am not in any separation of life and thus go into reaction as emotions or feelings, but am here present, stable, and supporting what is best for all by supporting all one and equal to myself in consideration of all the points that are here to be walked and physically moved to what is best for all life.

I commit myself to stop the accumulation of reactions as feelings and emotions to direct me, but breath through the desire to go into reaction by accepting and allowing myself to become humble and stop the point of trying to be more then others and stand here one and equal with life by supporting all life as myself.

I commit myself to stop accumulating energy as well as releasing onto others and abusing life, I see this is unacceptable, and thus I stop my blame at it's core and walk the solution as myself which is to stand as breath and walk as life one and equal as myself.

I commit myself to stop the acceptance of going into the ego as a polarity game of trying to dominant others by using this point of calling others out and using it against them so I can be more within myself and prove to myself that I matter. So I commit to stop this point of polarity game and stop my ego and accept myself to walk what needs to be walked and stop the trap of ego as 'trying' to be more.

I commit myself to stop all secret mind, back chat, secret chamber thoughts about others to diminish them to make myself feel better about myself. I realize and see I have to stop this point of energy gain in secrect and bring it here to be walked, self forgiven, and corrected in the moment so it doesn't direct me through time.

I commit to stop my self interest in all forms and only stand and live what is best for all life in all facets of this world as well as myself.

I commit myself to take responsibility for myself and stop all the points within me as ego to try and prove that I am more, walk the correction as stopping the participation and changing to live with and as all life here as breath.

I commit myself to equalize myself with all life here in the physical as the physical and thus walk the walk as an example to show that life is equal and one and that is who is how we are here as all as one as equal.

I commit myself to stop all points of accepting memories as real and stopping being direct by them, I walk here and direct myself as breath in what is best for all.

I commit myself to always consider others as myself within who I am and correct myself when I see that I am not walking in equality with all, stop my ego as self righteousness and realize the only way to walk a world best for all is if we create ourselves in the best life for all, so thus I walk the walk to create myself in self perfection to thus be able to perfect life here as what it is for real in equality and oneness with all as self so all life is free to be here and live.


changing self, self commitment statements, process, journey to life, desteni, equal life, eqafe, 2012, memories, blame, mothers, my ex,

Day 80- Lost and Found

So am postponing the point I have been walking in regards to Men are strong, Women are Weak as their is a point or a few points that came up today that require some self forgiveness and correction immediately.

I work for my father's business, and so he asked me today to investigate a gadget he is having some issues with. I was in the process of investigating the issue, and had to go in his office to check on some things while on the phone with tech support. As I was sitting in his desk, I had the thought that 'I should look and make sure my passport is in where it's suppose to be'. I checked the spot where they always are, and all the other usual passports were there, but mine. Immediately, I go to blame and the memory of where when I told my mom I was going back to SA and she said kiddingly, she is going to take my passport and hide it. So I assumed that she took it and did something with it, and I within myself allowed the rush of anger and thoughts of blame and diminishment to start to accumulate.

I went to her desk and asked her, 'did you take my passport?', she looked at me and was uncertain. Last time I went, she did take it and put it somewhere and so she couldn't remember if it was the case this go around, so she was uncertain and was worried and upset the whole day because the passport was missing, and I was assuming and essentially blaming my mom that it was her fault that the passport was gone. Later, we figured out it probably was not her because she was 'pretty' certain she didn't take it and my dad thought that she didn't take it as well, so my next victim of blame was my ex-boyfriend! whom I haven't seen or really talked to in months now. So started to accumulate thoughts of blame towards him, and follow them, where I wanted to text him with some attitude and ask him where my passport is because I assumed he stole it somehow as a memory I was holding onto of him.

This call didn't occur because I looked in the spot I was figuring it was, and I found the passport, the same place I put it few days after I returned from the farm about a year ago. So to correct this point, I see I have to walk the point out in self forgiveness in blaming others in an attempt to prove myself right and that it has to be someone else's fault because I don't make mistakes, and trusting memories as real life when they are essentially made up with an origin I don't know nor can't remember myself. So being self righteous and abusing others in an attempt to prove this point to myself, and using others as collateral to make me as ego more within the attempt to be seen by others as the best and right.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to assume that another is to blame before I physically investigated all the scenarios that are here to be investigated and find the solution to the issue that was at hand, in this case where my passport had gone. I realize and understand that when I go into an assumption it is based on my mind ideas and beliefs based on memories that are not here but from the past where it is distorted and not accurate as it is not real, but coming up within illusions of pictures and thoughts that I am not certain of as they are coming from a place within me that I can not tangible investigate and find it's origin/source immediately thus I realize I can not trust it as I am not absolute as here. Thus I realize and see it is always best to walk the physical, stop the thoughts of assumptions as memories and find the solutions to the problems at hand as that is what is the matter, when I go into the assumptions, I am going into the mind thus deliberately abusing life for my own self interest as I see that this point of going into the mind is me trying to prove I am right, and thus abusing life within the name of self interest as memories as illusions coming from the mind which is not absolute but uncertainty.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into the mind and abuse life within my assumptions about the matter at hand and thus immediately go into ego and find fault in another because within myself I am 'believing' that I am right. I realize and see that when I go into assumptions as belief that I am not actually here in reality and thus I will compromise myself more times then not as I am not on solid ground and can easily be misled as I can't see what is here as memories and thoughts aren't here, but in other dimensions which aren't tangible nor substancial, so easily I am able to get misled and lost within it, thus I am not here and lost. So I realize when I walk within and as the physical in the points where I assessed the passport could be without projecting blame and stopping memories and thought accumulation, I would have walked the steps to the solution as the point that I found the passport in was my initial assessment and was able to be physically walked and resolved if I but made the decision to stick to the physical and walk what is here in equality and consideration of all as me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into blame towards my mom and my ex boyfriend based on this desire within myself to be right and others wrong, so I can prove to myself like tallies on a wall that I am a winner and that others are loser because I am still desiring to have power over others where I want to be seen as the best and gain that acceptance of this from others. I realize and see when I allow the thoughts to accumulate of blame towards others I will use this to gain power for myself and thus use this energy as the thinking generates to fuel the ego and cause the abuse that will be the outflow to the emotion and feeling reactions that I participate in when I go into blame and separation towards another. I realize and see when I miss reality as I am stuck now within the thoughts and the accumulation only grows as I am fueling the energy as these thoughts and thus I act out this accumulation of thought energy that I have fueled now by thinking about it where I yelled and got angry at my mom and was about to call my ex boyfriend and give him some attitude to show that he is in the wrong and I am the one who is going to be right so thus fueling my ego, separating myself from life and abusing life, which is accepting the mind and my own enslavement as I realize I am not my mind as accumulated energy, but life one and equal to all and thus have the opportunity to live this if I but will it.

Within this I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into blame and anger towards my mom and ex boyfriend based on the fact of this desire to prove to myself that I am right because I desire to be seen as the best among others and thus when I prove that I am right within such instances where I call another out and then was correct I will use this against others to make myself look better and diminish the other so thus I can grow in my ego presence and show that I am dominant, I am the best, and thus I am very smart because I can see that others are doing stuff 'wrong' and I was 'right'. I realize and see that this whole play-out of blame and being 'right' is a game I am playing with myself because I am not accepting myself and thus using others to show myself that I am smart, I am right, I am better, because within I am not seeing myself as such, so abusing others for my ego to feel good and thus abusing life for my own limited happiness as acceptance through energy accumulation as separation which will never last and very limiting to how I realize I am as life one and equal as this physical existence as I am life and I am physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into backchat blame towards my mom and diminish her within seeing her as dumb because I was judging her that she can't remember anything instead of standing here one and equal as her as myself and seeing that I didn't know if I took it and put it somewhere or not thus seeing I am doing the same thing I am blaming her for and using backchat as a secret point so I can feel good about myself while another is compromised but I realize I am only compromising myself as I am showing life who I am as an abuser as I chose energy over what is best for all thus I will lose in the end as I as energy will end.

Thus I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to abdicate my self responsibility to stop the blame and projection onto others and investigate for myself what is here to be investigated, stop the blame in an attempt to not have to face myself as 'wrong', and stand as the solution where I accept all as me and understand that all points must be considered before I rush to judgment.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to live within the polarity of right/wrong towards life and what is here within my world and instead walk with life in equality and realize that all here is me and that life here is not trying to harm or do me wrong, but walking for now in 'imperfections' until we are here as one in perfection, so it's to understand I am the other and that I am the 'fault' thus I myself have to walk the correction and stop the faulty living within and as myself as I am it in the moment it occur anyway as I am the creator of all I am living and experiencing within and without of my world as I am all that is here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to blame my ex boyfriend and thus follow thoughts as memories of him in the past were I blamed him for what he had acted like and thus held it against him and still am not seeing that I accepted and allowed it within my world and thus am participating within and as this point myself, so it's to stop my blame and the memories in relation to my ex and walk here within self correction were I equalize myself with the life here as the physical and walk with those that are here to walk with and thus stop my blame by stopping the memories of the past and support life here one and equal to how I would like to be supported.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to abuse life for my own happiness and thus disregard the physical reality and what is actually happening here and only be a mind as assumptions, blame, and disregard to life. I realize and understand that this is not who I accept myself to be, I am life and thus I am not only a proving point and a desire to be more, but am here with and as life in equality and thus I can in a single breath stop this participation of blame, anger, projection, ego as self righteous, memories as thoughts, and stand in equality in the physical and come to practical solutions where no one is harmed and life is honored. I realize to walk a new world as myself I must stop the blame and ego as self righteousness, and walk in humbleness as the physical reality to solutions that support all and consider all equal and one to myself.

Self Commitment Statements to follow.




blame mom, lost passport, blame your ex, my ex did it, its not my fault, he did it, lost and found, memories, living in the past, equality, equal life, equal money, eqafe, desteni, journey to life, passport, travel

Day 79-Men are Strong, Women are Weak Part 1

Looking at this point that came up within speaking my vlog tonight about the point of me and judging myself as not being feminine enough as a women. I see within myself I have created an idea since childhood that women are weak and men are strong, so thus lived into this point of being more masculine/male because I desired to be strong and seen as strong as I was a competitor and wanted to be seen as the best within all I did thus I had to be the best and thus I saw I had to create myself more as a male. Within myself however, I have an inclination to be more masculine in terms of my expression, so I am this within my natural expression, but will not and do not limit myself by any sort of definition of how man and women should be or define ourselves by, but simply live in how we see that we would like to express and be free to express in this way equal and one to all in what is best for all life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to from my childhood create an idea that men are stronger then women based on the way my parents were within their relationship where I saw my dad was more dominant and was the final say in terms of the decisions of the family, and my mom was more the one who was the care taker and had a say, but not like my dad who was more forceful and dominant then my mom. I realize and see within holding on to this idea of my parents as strong and weak in terms of the layout of their relationship and the dynamics of our family structure that it was based on the structure of the family system in society of how men were seen and pushed to be the strong and heads of the household and thus seen in a more of an authoritative and dominant place within this world/society/family and is not what is real as I realize what is real is that we are equal and have equal responsibility to create whats here in all facets of life to be best for all and not separate ourselves into gender roles as strong/weak based on society standards/traditions.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to hold onto the idea that because of what my dad was like growing up as dominant/strong/a decisive force in my life I assumed and associated this is what all men were and that they within themselves are the ones who are able to take on more of a leadership role and do the points within the physical that take strength and are challenging, were I identified myself and related to my dad within this because within myself I had the desire to be in this way as well, strong physically and capable physically to handle and do what is necessary to be done to get things moving and solve problems. I related to my dad and thus became more infatuated with him were I saw him as a 'god'head and that he is the one that is the best in my family because he is strong and I saw that he can do anything, he was able to always fix things and answer all my questions that I came up with, and thus grew more of an infinity to him and grew a desire to be like him because of the power I saw he held within the role he played in the family. I realize and understand that my desire to be strong and the best within my world placed judgments on points within my world, where I defined others by this strong weak point based on the idea that those who were strong physically, dominant, and decisive where the ones I wanted to be like, and thus I associated the strong with male as the figure in my life who exemplified this was my father. I realize and see that strength is not defined by what one can do physically or who one is within their sex, but is based on who one is within their living and how they are in regards to life, do they live in equal and one to others and respect others and self in this regard.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to hold onto a desire to be like my dad growing up because I desired to be strong and seen as strong by others and thus I push myself to be within this male role and push myself to compete with men so I can be within myself knowing that I am the best because I can beat men and be equal in what I am doing and essentially prove that I am just as strong as men.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself within myself to desire to prove that I am able to compete with me to myself as I held a standard of perfection within myself and I would only see myself as this perfection point if I was able to beat all points within my world and I saw this within beating men as they were the strongest and the competition was always based on sports.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to desire to beat others and define myself as the winner.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to hold onto a standard of perfection and push myself to be this winner so thus I could see myself as perfect.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to see life within strong weak within physical capabilities and thus define life within this way.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to see life within a strong/weak polarity based on dominance within the demeanor of the being and always associate and connect this to being male based on the stature and shape of their physical and their role within society as the head of households.

To be continued....



2012, desteni, eqafe, equality, father figures, head of household, journey to life, men are from mars, men are strong, men vs. women, women from venus, women weak, family make up, family dynamics, family ties, mother, father roles