I am going to start some
writing and self investigation within
relationships in my world and
who I am within it. Now, I have gotten some cool support with regards to how to go about finding what it is that I am looking for or desiring within the relationships that I am in because as I have realized I am not able to yet direct myself within each one in a point of self
stability and
self trust where I am
moved only within a self
decision and direction of common sense
assessment of reality, but am more moved within
energy polarities that are quite limiting through
thought patterns created in my
mind.
I am going to open up
my relationship with my
dog, Henri. I can
see already that I am quite attached to him where I
think about him often when I am not with him and I gain an
energetic high of
excitement when I then again see him. One cool point that I was given was to hold the relationship within myself and find
one word that describes it and what the energetic
experiences are within it. I did do this with the relationship with Henri, and what came up was
the word ‘childcare’.
First, the word
child, where I see that the
relationships of
mother and child is
being fulfilled within me where I do
desire to be a mother and
care for a child. The child that Henri portrays is more my
idea of him as my child because he is child-like within his
expression, so I see that as he needs my care and support like a child would need from his/her parents. Where within herni, he is an animal who to a certain extent is stable and able to care for himself to maintain this stability he ihas.
He does need my care for things he can’t do on his own, but in terms of a need, Henri is not in need of a ‘mothers’ care and love. This motherly way is what I would like to investigate further within the desire to care for another such as a mother cares for her children.
With Henri, I see how he fulfills this desire within me to care for another, I enjoy doing this for him and for others, but within and behind this care it is generated and driven within an
energy experience I am gaining of
fulfillment and need that I see of wanting to give care to then receive the
appreciation of the care in the form of ‘love’ or ‘affection’. Henri is quite affectionate and gentle in his expression, where he responds to my care
giving in a manner of showing certain gestures and ways where I get an
energy reaction within me of ‘oh he really
loves me’ or ‘he
knows I will always be there for him’. Where otherwise, I believe if I don’t give this care then I am not worthy of the affection from him or that he will not in fact act the same way, where these energetic experience of ‘feeling loved’ and ‘admired’ will not be
fulfilled, which I
fear.
So it’s interesting that within the seemingly innocent and quite natural way of care giving I give to Henri, I am within this desiring to be loved and admired, and so this being a conditional
relationships within a need starting point, rather then an unconditional giving of myself where we are both free to express as is
here and not be moved by
energy experiences within to define the
relationships and who I will be within it.
So will start with
self forgiveness and self correction within the next blog, thanks for reading.
Eqafe interview support I recommend:
Parenting - Perfecting the Human Race
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