A Lady's Journey to Life: March 2014

Thursday, March 20, 2014

Walking the Path of No Return – Day 407

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For a while now I have been walking multiple dimensions of the point of self judgment where in reality it manifest as me sabotaging myself in many different ways in my everyday life. I have looked at it from many different angles and seen where the trigger points are, where the mind takes over, what occurs and how I feel when I’m shifted in a moment into the mind energy feeling of suppression and dread, and so I have now examined and walked through enough of this system to finally face it and stop it from taking over and possessing me. So I am at the point currently in making an absolute decision and standing within this decision in reality to stop participating in self abuse and direct myself into self change as self stability.

I see what has caused me to delay such a stopping and absolute stand of – ‘no more, this is enough’, has been the fear of becoming vulnerable and opening myself up to others. I have created such a belief that I am less then and inferior, that I have accepted and allowed so much of my actions to be compromised by this belief, and so allow fears to direct me when with others in my world.

Though within this I realize that fear is just energy and it can be stopped in a moment, in a breath as it's finite and not substantiated in it's existence and so me as life substituted here in reality can stop that which is not real. I also realize that I am not inferior nor superior to any being in this physical reality and that we are all existing and experiencing ourselves in the same or similar ways, that it’s not personal, it’s how we have created and designed our minds up until now. And also, I have already proven that I can stop fears and change in my process through utilizing writing, breath awareness, sound, and self will to stop myself from continuing to go ‘there’. I see that I am capable and so ready to make this next step to stop this program and direct this self abuse to self care once and for all, absolutely until it's done. Self care being where I care about who I am and how I am existing within the acceptance that this is my responsibility and I deserve to give this to myself as I would and do give it to others, I am an equal as well within this reality and accepting and so allowing myself to express in who I really am will be a gift as I walk this into a living application.

I haven’t ever allowed or accepted myself to really create and express myself in absolute vulnerability and openness, I have always been in fear of others and fear of myself, and so this will be a great opportunity within such an encompassing point of self judgment to push through and go beyond my accepted limitations I set for myself. In this process, I am grateful I have given myself and been given through the support of others the opportunity to face this point and let it go, and move on to the creation process of myself in self acceptance and self care that awaits. Also, realizing that this self care and self acceptance will only exist when I give these self directive points to myself and so give this also to all who I meet, giving as I would like to receive as this is the true sense of the word self care and self acceptance. This to ensure that all are included within this equation to create a world that is best for all and so care and accept all within the principle that all is self/one and all are equal.

So I have made the decision long ago that I will walk whatever it takes to be self directive and align my mind and beingness with life here as the physical, and so walk the process this will take. I realize consistency is key and necessary to ensure that I continue on this path and walk whatever it takes to support myself to stop, change, and direct myself in what is best. I will continue sharing on this point of consistency as my partner and I are set to redefine this word shortly for ourselves and so will share what we come up with as a living word. Thanks for reading.

Here are some blogs for some reference on how I walked through and supported myself to stop Self Judgment and Change:
Day 283 – Self Judgment – Judging My Physical – The ‘Flawed’ Eye
Day 284 – Self Judgment – Judging My Physical – The ‘Flawed’ Eye – Self Commitments to Live – Part 1

Day 285 – Self Judgment – The ‘Flawed’ Eye – Self Corrections to Live Part 2

Eqafe interview support I recommend:

The Metaphysical Secrets of Imagination – Where does Self-Judgment come from? - Part 11
The Metaphysical Secrets of Imagination - Omnipresence of Self Judgement - Part 12
The Metaphysical Secrets of Imagination - Self Judgement: Waging a War against yourself - Part 13
The Metaphysical Secrets of Imagination - Self Judgment as Punishment - Part 14
The Metaphysical Secrets of Imagination – Self Judgment: The Bully in your Mind - Part 15
The Metaphysical Secrets of Imagination – Self Judgement support - Part 16
The Metaphysical Secrets of Imagination – Transforming Self Judgement into self Acceptance- Part 17

Join Us:
Desteni I Process Lite - Free Course to Start your Journey to Life
Journey to Life Group - On Facebook
Desteni Wiki - For All Things Desteni Related
Desteni Forum - Share your Self with Other Destonians
Destonian Social Network
Eqafe - Self Perfection Support
Equal Life Foundation - Site

Monday, March 17, 2014

Motherly Care – Becoming Unconditional – Day 406

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a relationship in my mind with henri within a desire to fulfill my role as a mother taking care of her child.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a relationship with henri where I desire to take care of him within the anticipation that he will give me admiration and affection for the care I give him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create conditions within our expression in reality based on my self interest and not considering henri as an equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a judgment towards the way in which I see my relationship with my dog as too attached.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for my behavior towards henri instead of realizing that it does not define me as I can see, understand, and realize the change that is necessary to align the relationship with henri as equals is within my will to direct myself in self honesty and common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when I care for henri he will give me an energetic high of appreciation and affection within his expression of unconditional giving.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use herni’s unconditional giving of himself in his expression as a means for me to gain an energetic high through the creation of the idea I have superimposed onto him that he loves me and see’s me as his favorite.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to superimpose my mind onto reality as my expression towards henri and so create a limited verion of who I am with him based on a need/dependency on him to fulfill this need.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a possessive relationship towards henri based on this desire for the energetic high of affection and so create a dependency within our living in reality together where I am living from a mind reality of the past as an expectation instead of being here with him in self expression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an expectation of how reality should be with henri and so limit our expressions within who we can be in each moment to an energetic experience I am desiring and trying to reach and so not being here within what can be created.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become jealous when henri gives his unconditional expression to others and I do not achieve the desired expectation of his affection and admiration.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a relationship of dependency to henri based on accepting and allowing my mind to create expectations of how henri should be towards me and desire a certain outcome limiting the moment of creation that is indeed here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my mind to direct me into possession and dependency towards henri based on my addiction to the energetic high of admiration and affection and so limit the creation process of expression that exist in each here moment as we live together.

When and as I see I am living in a way with henri that is based on an expectation and desire and so become possessive based with how henri should behave towards me, I stop and breath, and realize that this will compromise my expression in physical reality with henri and compromise our relationship together as equals and so realize that the creation process will open up through being truly unconditional in our expressions in breath.

I commit myself to let go of the desire and need how how henri should behave and act towards me.

I commit to see henri within a stand as an equal being in my reality with equal respect and honor as I would want for myself.

I commit myself to unconditional express myself with henri within a common sense assessment of reality and what is needed for our practical living and well being as well as enjoyment.

I commit to put myself in the shoes of others in my physical reality and assess in breath who I would like to be as an equal and so express this an unconditional living.

Eqafe interview support I recommend:
Parenting - Perfecting the Human Race
How to Give Unconditionally in Your Relationship - The Metaphysical Secrets of Imagination - Part 25
Give and Receive - The Soul of Money

Saturday, March 15, 2014

Is My Love for Real? - Day 405

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I am going to start some writing and self investigation within relationships in my world and who I am within it. Now, I have gotten some cool support with regards to how to go about finding what it is that I am looking for or desiring within the relationships that I am in because as I have realized I am not able to yet direct myself within each one in a point of self stability and self trust where I am moved only within a self decision and direction of common sense assessment of reality, but am more moved within energy polarities that are quite limiting through thought patterns created in my mind.

I am going to open up my relationship with my dog, Henri. I can see already that I am quite attached to him where I think about him often when I am not with him and I gain an energetic high of excitement when I then again see him. One cool point that I was given was to hold the relationship within myself and find one word that describes it and what the energetic experiences are within it. I did do this with the relationship with Henri, and what came up was the word ‘childcare’.

First, the word child, where I see that the relationships of mother and child is being fulfilled within me where I do desire to be a mother and care for a child. The child that Henri portrays is more my idea of him as my child because he is child-like within his expression, so I see that as he needs my care and support like a child would need from his/her parents. Where within herni, he is an animal who to a certain extent is stable and able to care for himself to maintain this stability he ihas. He does need my care for things he can’t do on his own, but in terms of a need, Henri is not in need of a ‘mothers’ care and love. This motherly way is what I would like to investigate further within the desire to care for another such as a mother cares for her children.

With Henri, I see how he fulfills this desire within me to care for another, I enjoy doing this for him and for others, but within and behind this care it is generated and driven within an energy experience I am gaining of fulfillment and need that I see of wanting to give care to then receive the appreciation of the care in the form of ‘love’ or ‘affection’. Henri is quite affectionate and gentle in his expression, where he responds to my care giving in a manner of showing certain gestures and ways where I get an energy reaction within me of ‘oh he really loves me’ or ‘he knows I will always be there for him’. Where otherwise, I believe if I don’t give this care then I am not worthy of the affection from him or that he will not in fact act the same way, where these energetic experience of ‘feeling loved’ and ‘admired’ will not be fulfilled, which I fear.

So it’s interesting that within the seemingly innocent and quite natural way of care giving I give to Henri, I am within this desiring to be loved and admired, and so this being a conditional relationships within a need starting point, rather then an unconditional giving of myself where we are both free to express as is here and not be moved by energy experiences within to define the relationships and who I will be within it.

So will start with self forgiveness and self correction within the next blog, thanks for reading.

Eqafe interview support I recommend:
Parenting - Perfecting the Human Race

Join Us:
Desteni I Process Lite - Free Course to Start your Journey to Life
Journey to Life Group - On Facebook
Desteni Wiki - For All Things Desteni Related
Desteni Forum - Share your Self with Other Destonians
Destonian Social Network
Eqafe - Self Perfection Support
Equal Life Foundation - Site

Monday, March 10, 2014

Just Take Me Away..... – Day 404

Desiring to escape reality into imagination of an upcoming trip and so use this as a way to cope with reality and just get through to enjoy time in the future that is coming instead of being here within myself living and breathing as the physical being and create what it is that is necessary in physical reality here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to escape the reality I am living in now and so create an imagination of the future that is going to play out so I can escape what I am doing and have good feelings for a moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that who I am is someone who can not live mundanely and in a routine type of living and that I have to use my mind to escape and make myself feel good because I am existing within an experience of boredom which I have defined as bad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that what I am doing and where I am is determining who I will be instead of living within and as my physical equal and one as the environment as well within a self direction to support that which is best and support what can be done to live a life that has integrity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that within my breath by breath living that I need to experience an energy of emotion or feeling to be alive and to feel normal and so desire the experience of fun or excitement as a positive experience within my mind I can create and then within reality see my day to day living as boring and not fun and so create a negative emotion of boredom towards it where I have accepted and allowed myself to create a resistance to living here within each moment in physical reality and instead opt for the instant experience of the mind as excitement energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that what I have to live for is the experience of excitement through going into imagination and fantasy of going away and having a good time in the future on vacation and so create a desire to go somewhere, when I realize that I am always here and will always be here in my physical body and to desire to go else where in my mind is self compromise as I am separating myself from reality, what is real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that within myself that I am needing an escape from this reality and so believe that who I am in this moment is in a lesser degree then who I can be within the next moments of when I will be relaxed and more at ease through projecting in the future when I will have more excitement or fun instead of creating here as me as self enjoyment if it is relevant.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and so become addicted to the desire to have an experience of being relaxed and at ease because within myself I create the experience of stress through the accumulation of backchat of blaming others for my reality and experience and so then creating a point of resistance to my environment but I realize that this is only creating the resistance and experience of escape from myself and who and how I am living within and as my reality and so create a point of desired escape because I in fact want to escape the responsibilities I have to face and have committed to ensure that what is necessary to be done is in fact done.

I forgive myself that I heave accepted and allowed myself to create an escape within my mind as going into the future in projections of what I am going to do in another time and so create another loop of resistance that I will have to move through and so create my process and everyone elses process much longer then if I just stopped the future projections of escape and walked through what it is my reality is showing to me and correct it within and as my process of self direction in my physical body within my physical reality in each moment here.

When and as I see I am going into my mind into a point of escape, I stop and breath, and realize that within this action I need to flag this as I am escaping what it is I have to do in physical reality of responsibilities and commitments I made and also facing myself to change my living in what is best for all.

I commit myself to flag these moments when I go into my mind into imagination or fantasy and create an energy of excitement and fun to escape reality here.

I commit to breath through this energy and bring myself back to my body and what it is I am doing in reality and continue to breath and walk my responsibilities.