The Experience of Being Hurt - My Realizations and Forgiveness - Day 563

Who I am as being hurt by others?

When I am not considered within the point of conversation or interaction, and I take it personal that others are brush with me, quick, overlook what I say or don’t listen at all and go into a reaction, I see the experience of hurt come up within me. Like I have been disregarded, I am not respected, and thus I am alone in my reality. I feel rejected in these times which brings up the experience that I am not able to thrive in the way of my reality that I’d like to, wherein I am able to interact with others, take in what is expressed, and within that be at peace and calm within myself, and express back in a manner that shows a point of maturity that supports and creates life rather then disturbs and destroys.

So I am looking at this experience of acceptance from my reality where if I am not received in a way of getting some sort of positive feedback, I take it personal and become emotional within the experience of hurt. Hurt being the energy experience that feels like a pit opens in my stomach area and my being drops in there feeling lost, my body goes into a slouch and sinking experience, and I become quiet and reserved with others in these states. Tending to go within and shut down not allowing any communication or people to come in until I have recovered and in some area have been uplifted through a positive experience. Leaping from one area to another within myself of being hurt and being happy again through an external stimulus that I have used as addiction to distract me from what I am facing with this hurt experience.

So what I am facing within being hurt by others is the fact that I am seeking acceptance and comfort from them, which is where I get positive feedback and when I don’t receive it I become hurt and end up becoming reactive back. I will go into more detail with the words I live out because there are more. Though focusing on the hurt experience I am having, this will be for example when someone comes at me in a bad mood because something happens in there life and they are not super pleasant, I say something to them and they snap at me. I will experience this hurt experience at this moment and believe that they are being mean, and through this take it personal where my mood will change into being moodier, angered, and resentful. This causing many consequences that are not best for all.

So here I will walk self-forgiveness on this experience of being hurt, and let go of the belief that I need people to give me positive feedback to feel accepted in my environment.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience the people in my environment as hurtful when they express their own emotions in a time of weakness, and I take it personal believing that I am to blame or I am being rejected.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as feeling rejected and left out if I am not received within the people in my environment in a positive way where they express themselves in a way that shows that they like me and I am good in there presence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the experience of feeling hurt because I have taken it personal in the sense that I have defined myself within the output of others and if someone does not show me pleasantly I believe it’s because they don’t like me and there is something wrong with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not accept myself fully with the flaws and the points I have changed into the best, where I realize I am in a process of growth and rebirth changing myself daily to the best of my ability and pushing my will to give it my all this life, and thus this is something that I have created within me and so within this I have proven that I am for real and that I can be proud of that fact.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek acceptance outside myself instead of living this word within me as I create a home as my temple within and as myself as my physical body, giving myself care, positive feedback, and acceptance for who I am and releasing the idea that I am not enough, I am not good, and I need to do something to be accepted by others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need words of encouragement by others to feel fulfilled.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the thought that I am not enough, when I see, realize, and understand that everything is here, I am enough as I am life fully, and I am able to walk the process as I see is here to become aligned to life one and equal.

I commit myself to create the moments in my day where I give myself care, self-care within myself of words of encouragement, gratefulness for who I have become, and recognizing the perseverance I have consistently shown to myself through difficult times and challenges to pull through and find solutions that support not only myself but others as well.

I commit myself to redefine the word home where I create a space within of comfort, safety, and relaxation as harmony in the understanding that this is a place of warmth to be at ease and know it’ll always be here as I am always here, it is within me thus home is here as me always I just have to breathe and create the space for myself.

I commit myself to give this care and warmth I will commit to live to myself to others unconditionally where I don’t seek anything in return, but practice my self fulfillment through living different ways and words that support me to take care and be self supported.

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Change Is Happening - Day 491

I am writing on my phone so Im going to make this post shorter then usual. I was in church today for a funeral and realized two distinct things. The first one is the action of being here, I have not been in church and particpated with emotions such as when someone close to you has died in quite some time. 

So i was in the pew and the people around me were crying, i haven't ever been in such a position were i was so close to the person who died. So i did experience saddness though when it came up within me i experienced myself being able to stop it from effecting me. I realized i can stop this, i dont have to be in this experience of the emotional toll that comes kn when i fully go into the saddness experience, experiencing the drop in comfortability, the spiral motion of crying,the pressure on the physicsl, i didnt have to play out the whole playout. 

Though, i was sad in the sense of understanding the loss, but i could direct myself to realize that the whole saddness energy is not necessary for me to mourn his death. I felt much more stable and grounded like i was in control, and this i found very enpowering as i could support others more clearly and directly then if i myself was in the energy of saddness and only prepccupied with how sad it is and how horrible i feel about it. There is a strength in stability and its not to disrespect any part of life, but to realize we are more powerful then meets the eye. We have so much potential as beings that live, lets make the new year one of growth for self and all in doing what is best.

The next point ill speak in my next blog. Thanks. 

Hearing ‘Bad’ News – Day 377

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Yesterday I heard some news that was consider within my mind, bad. I wished that this news would be different, that I didn’t have to face this news and I could go back in time and change the scenario to be happy news, news that is not so emotional, news I can live with, but it was what in fact in reality happen so it’s news that is here. I don’t really know how I will walk and open up this process of hearing bad news, this news is based on a personal issue that is related to me indirectly. The fear I see coming up is more in the line of loss and despair, such as there is nothing I can do about it. But I realize giving into these fears will only make the whole situation worse and create more consequences for myself then necessary.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear getting bad news about things that will personally effect me because I fear the loss of things/people in my world and this creates a feeling of despair.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the loss of others and things in my world and not in fact move beyond this fear and look at what it is in fact in the physical I can do to support and assist the situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and follow the feeling of despair in my world and so believe that within this feeling I will loss myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create more fear within the point of looking at things through the energy of despair and seeing that there is no outcome that will be created that is desired because I am only looking through this point of the news through this energy of a loss of hope.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at the news within a hope of everything working out and being ok.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see the news within a point of polarity of hoping for good results and becoming disappointed within it’s the opposite of these desired results.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope for good results with the news that I was given, and within this hope I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope in my mind for the results to be good as I realize that this is only based on my mind reality and so will create a point of dependency of desires and becoming disappointed if they are not reached rather then sticking to the physical and working with what is here and the physical steps needed to practically move and direct the point as best I am able to.

When and as I see I am going into the polarity of desiring good news and so becoming disappointed if the news is not good and falling into despair, I stop and breath, and realize that these energetic reactions I engage in within my living is creating the experiences within me of feeling overwhelmed and run down and not able to move, when in reality I am still here and I realize I can use what is here in support and assist the situation to an outcome that is in fact the best it can be.

I commit myself to move beyond the fear of getting bad news and so let go of the desire for good news.

I commit to breath through the desire to go into the positive energy as getting good news and so dissipate the energy of becoming disappointed and so I commit to live here in stability in what is here to walk through and direct in self honesty and common sense.

I commit to find practical solutions in the physical that can assist with the situation and become a stable support if and when I am needed.

I commit to remain practical and reality based in my living within the situation and let go of the energies to become emotional.

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