Impatiences: Enough is Enough, Steps to Change - Day 464

When I first wake up in the morning, this is a exceptional time to direct myself within the day I will live moving forward, I tend to go into my mind in these times and judge myself, especially when I am in the mirror getting ready. I find this will then lead into my day where I will go into my mind and create scenarios about others and how they are treating me, distracting myself from how I am in fact creating what I am experiencing and so then not taking responsibility for myself to change, which causes this scenario to continue to occur over and over again.

One of the outflow consequences of this I am experiencing within myself and within my world is impatience’s. I am quite astonished at how repetitive my world is and how much I go into blame and distraction toward others, when I have not once until recently looked within myself, taken responsibility for myself, and so change and correct that which does not work. I also find that this impatience towards others creates a lot of strain within the relationships I am involved in which causes stress and anxiety, so allowing this to continue and perpetuate is causing unnecessary strain within myself and so within those I am causing consequence with.

I am going to write out the self forgiveness and self correction here to let go of the scenario I wrote out about, and correct this point to be best for myself and so best for those whom I interact with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in the mornings when I wake up go into my mind and criticize the way I look and compare myself to pictures in my mind of what I should look like.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself in a way that separates me from the existence that is here where we all exist in a form of individuality through our physical though exist as life one and equal within all as the physical that exists within all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow my mind within the belief that I am not attractive and that I have no purpose if I am not perfect within the way I look toward others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as unattractive because I have judged my eyes and my face based on memories of boys judging my eyes and face specifically as less then.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself based on memories in my mind through a time within my life where it is not certain what were the specific events and what the boys where going through within themselves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself by external factors where I see myself in a specific way according to what is being done onto me or said onto me, when in reality I am not clear in what is behind what is being said and why as well as can’t really know directly why it is being done to me, and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself by others and who they are at that time as I see, realize, and understand that others are also walking their process as a mind and don’t consider me as an equal and so can harm me or speak to me in ways that are not best for all and I realize this is not who they are nor myself, and with this awareness I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall into the energy of emotions and not stand as a support for others to show as an example what it means to stand through emotion and stand as a life support through not accepting what others say or do and so direct self within how one see is best for all and will create a solution for what is happening.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into emotion rather then stand within the principle of what is best and walking what is here as self support and self honesty, correcting that which is not best, and standing within the resistance to continue as it is comfortable to stay in and as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall into emotion and not breath and move through this find solutions for these moments where I stand in the face of challenges and find solutions as I see, realize, and understand I am capable as I am able to walk common sense through stopping the mind from moving fast and falling into the energy that will create distractions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for when I see, realize, and understand I am not standing within my utmost potential and push myself beyond my perceived limitations to walk what is necessary to be walked in the time to come.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take full responsibility for what I have created here and so blame others and become emotional with others to distract from the fact that I am not standing and moving myself in the way I realize I am able to.

When and as I see I am moving in the morning within a suppression and an energy of self abuse, I stop and breath, and let go of these thoughts by doing self forgiveness and self commitments as I realize these will only create a heaviness within me and a point of self compromise as I accept these thoughts as real and so direct myself from my mind rather then my self living here in self acceptance and self direction in self honesty and common sense.

When and as I see I am going into a point where I am blaming another for something that I am experiencing within myself, I stop and breath, and realize that I am not taking responsibility in that moment to stop what I am creating as separation and abuse, and find the correction process to move into a point of self stability as well as self change that brings about solutions that is best for all.

I commit myself to in the mornings when I wake up, breath and breath until I am here and walk self forgiveness for any points that are cycling.

I commit myself to accept myself in the mirror and do any self forgiveness to any memories or pictures that come up to distract me and take me away from here.

I commit myself to move into self acceptance as well as accepting others for how they are and find solutions that are best in the moment to solve issues rather then reacting and creating emotional issues with others.

I commit myself to apply myself in real time self change to become stable in moments that I see I have a choice to go into the mind or be stable, I commit and move into stability in these moments through pushing myself to be stable and using the tools of self change to remain here, present, and creating solutions for what is here to do what is best for all.

Interview to check out on the topic of impatience:
Impatience - Reptilians - Part 225

Check Out these Awesome supportive sites:
Desteni I Process Lite - Free Course to Start your Journey to Life
Journey to Life Group - On Facebook
Desteni Wiki - For All Things Desteni Related
Desteni Forum - Share your Self with Other Destonians
Destonian Social Network
Self and Living Store
Eqafe - Self Perfection Support
Equal Life Foundation - Site

Impatience: How does Self Abuse Relate? Day 463

Impatience for me has been something that has been with me for a long time, I have always been frustrated with this point within myself and with my life because it seems that there is something off about why I am experiencing myself in such a way and why my reality is also experiencing themselves in this way. Obviously now, I realize it is based on the mind generating energy, though when I was young, I expressed the frustration usually in yelling or violence. I did not realize that stopping my thoughts about something willingly also support with stopping the emotions like impatience, and so makes me more stable and able to solve problems productively rather then creating more and more conflict. This understanding certainly supports with the process of changing this point from controlling me to directing me within it.

I listened to Anu tonight in regards to this point, so I do have some greater perspective on what impatience means within the mind/physical/beingness relationship inside self, so that is a cool foundation point, which I will continue to utilize as I continue to walk this point with more depth and specificity. This a side note : )

So in terms of this interview, what was discussed is how impatience is a form of automation within us that was preprogrammed into the mind to create a separation from self and the physical. So within myself what am I doing in my day to day living that is causing this separation between what I am living here and when I go into impatient? One point I was looking at was the trigger points of some of this impatient reactions I go into with my partner or with people at work, and I see initially there is a thought that comes up that I judge myself, such as I look ugly today or I am not feeling pretty, because in the morning I had a thought that I was looking tired. From here, I came into work with this thought and so when someone would create a movement that I perceived that they were judging me I would go into my mind and react, and then create an impatience with that person not because of anything they did, but because I wanted to distract myself from the fact that I am feeling uncomfortable around them based on my perception of feeling like I am being judged.

When in reality, I judged myself initially in the beginning of the day and created the experience that others are judging me, and then go into a reaction of impatience and create abuse as my outflow with people, when what really happened is that I reacted to my own judgment in the morning, which trigger my experience for the day that I followed of ‘feeling tired, and so ugly’. I am creating this whole scenario myself and blaming/projecting on others something that they are not doing and further, I have no reference to where they are at within themselves. And so creating this scernerio of becoming impatient, annoyed, and the outflow usually quick, frustrated, or rude to others is deliberate and unacceptable as I creating it this way when it doesn’t have to be.

So I am noticing that my outflows of impatience in one dimension is based on self judgments I hold of myself such as ‘I am ugly today’ as a backchat thought, and then any sign of being dismissed or any negative perception I accept within myself of what others are doing/insinuating/saying to me, I use impatience as a defense and protection mechanism to push people away and become the authority of the situation. Here I have power and I squash others before they have the chance to judge me as how I have judge myself, I am afraid of being judged as how I have judged myself. It’s a self perpetuating cycle of self abuse I am creating and so abusing others around me because I am judging myself initially, blaming others for the way I am experiencing myself around them, and then abusing them because I am afraid to face the fact that I am doing this to myself, and so ultimately resisting the change process this will take to stop and live as an equal with others, let go of my self judgments, and stop allowing this cycle of energy addiction to continue.

Well not any longer will I accept and allow this playout to continue, I am going to next write the self forgiveness and correction process to be lived in my next blog and then further open up more dimensions to this point of impatience in later blogs, thanks for reading.

Interview to check out on the topic of impatience:

Impatience - Reptilians - Part 225

Check Out these Awesome supportive sites:
Desteni I Process Lite - Free Course to Start your Journey to Life
Journey to Life Group - On Facebook
Desteni Wiki - For All Things Desteni Related
Desteni Forum - Share your Self with Other Destonians
Destonian Social Network
Self and Living Store
Eqafe - Self Perfection Support
Equal Life Foundation - Site

Day 100 – Fear of Abuse

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear abuse, which I allow to direct me into points of submission where I will give up and give in based on this fear that exists within me towards others and allow abuse towards me without standing up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow a fear that does not exist within this physical reality, but only exist within the corridors of my mind where in I accept the fear completely as a point that takes over and thus I go into submission to this fear due to an emotion that is generated as a nausea feeling that physically generate where in I will submit as I don’t believe I can walk and stand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use a point of fear of abuse to not go into situations that I find cusp on the edge of this fear where in I don’t know the outcome and thus am out of control within what will happen to me and how I will be effected thus I will submit to the fear and accept myself to go into hiding or escapism where in I will not stand up for myself, but allow abuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into the physical indications of this fear that have been generated due to the acceptance of this fear within my mind and thus created the feeling of nausea that I believe is me and that this feeling and fear has more power then me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live into this fear as who I am by accepting and allowing myself to search and look for love in my world, as I realize that if love exist then the opposite of fear exist thus I am not in fact walking the path as courage where in I take on the fear and walk through it, but seek to replace it with another feeling of love which is just recycling the same pattern and thus the fear will continue.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use fear as a means to not have to face myself in what it will take as actual physical self movement, because I am accepting and allowing resistances as it’s too much and I don’t want to do this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not within each breath do what is necessary to be done as a breath and thus stop the point of overwhelmingness that in turn will turn into fear of I am going to fail.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse of overwhelmingness to not have to move myself and stay within this fear of abuse by allowing myself to give into the fear through manipulatingmyself with these thoughts that ‘it’s too much’ and ‘I don’t want to do face this fear of abuse’, to thus sabotage my opportunity to create change and live change for myself and stop the fear by walking the point out through facing the fear and walking what needs to be walked always.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage my opportunity to live here in the physical by accepting the thoughts of ‘it’s too much’ and ‘I don’t want to do face this fear of abuse’ and thus create the sabotage of myself by following the thoughts and not facing the fear with others, and thus allow the fear to have power over me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have fear direct me within my standing here and thus allow the diminishment of me through not facing myself with others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have thoughts of ‘It’s too much’ and ‘I don’t want to face this fear’ direct me into submission and self diminishment.

I commit to stop my submission to fear realizing that it is me who is creating the fear and thus I walk the memories through mind constructs to walk the path of deleting the memories that direct me within this fear.

I commit myself to let go of the fear and walk the physical by practicing daily my awareness of my breathing and stopping my thoughts that generate the fear.

I commit myself to accept myself within who I am as this moment, and release myself from this fear of abuse as I realize I can only be abused if I allow it thus I stand up and walk the point of self trust to stop allowing fear to take control.

I commit myself to stop the thoughts of manipulation within thoughts of diminishment as I realize this is me sabotaging myself and thus I can complete anything as long as I stay here and commit to do it, thus I walk this correction within walking to the solution.

I commit myself to walk the change and stop sabotaging myself through fears and realize they are not in fact real, I realize the physical is what is real, thus I walk through practice and patience’s of learning the physical as directive will until I am here and I stand.

I commit myself to stand here within and as my breath and allow the energy to flow through me and be earth back to the earth through my breathing as I am here.

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fear of abuse, abused, physically, mental abuse, bullied, direction, human robot, breath, living with abuse, self help, desteni, equality, journey to life, 2012, eqafe, stop abuse